Caius could barely be pried from my side for the rest of his stay. He was set to leave Wednesday morning, and Esme was persuaded to call me in sick on Monday and Tuesday so that I could spend more time with him. After I had consented to allow him physical contact, there was barely a time when we weren't touching. He reminded me a bit of an overgrown cat, a thought which earned a snort from Edward when he heard it.
Still, Wednesday came too soon, and I was back to my normal routine, mourning the loss of my constant companion. Jasper assured me that this was perfectly normal when he felt me getting too troubled about it, especially after the telltale restless, crawl-out-of-my-skin feeling returned with increased intensity.
"Edward," I said, walking into his room Thursday evening without bothering to knock. "I need a favor."
"What's up?" He asked, closing his book as I crawled on to his bed to lay beside him. I knew that him asking was mere politeness, but it helped to put my thoughts into words regardless.
"It's Aro," I started, after some time of staring up at the ceiling.
"You're troubled about his ability," Edward said, though I doubted he needed his mind reading to know that.
"Yeah. I trust him, sort of, but I don't want him to know everything," I said. "At least, not right away."
My thoughts, unspoken, hung in the air. It would hurt him to know.
Edward didn't comment, instead humming in acknowledgement, and I continued. "When we were in Volterra, I was able to block him out, like I can with you when I hide. I was hoping that you could help me figure out how I did it, so I could do it again."
"I can try, if that's what you really want," he agreed, sitting up to lean against the headboard. I nodded and did the same. "Show me the memory of what happened?"
"Sure." I closed my eyes to better concentrate, and let the memories of that day overtake me. It was a bit muddled with all that happened, but other than my first look of the kings that interaction with Aro was what had stuck with me most vividly.
"Come here, mia cara." Aro stretched out his hand for me, wanting a read on my thoughts. He explained why upon sensing my hesitance to grant his request. "I just want to get your thoughts, your reasoning behind wanting to leave us."
I didn't want to, I didn't want him to know, I didn't want him to see. But I didn't have a choice, despite every fiber of my being protesting, balking, reaching for the shadows that lurked in the dimmest crevices of the room. Still, I stepped forward and placed my hand into Aro's cold one. There was a beat of silence. "I see nothing. You never said Rowan was immune to your gifts as well, Edward."
"She's not, usually," Edward said cautiously. "But I can never hear her when she's hiding."
"Interesting," Edward said, when the memory had finished playing through my mind. "It's almost as if your mind and body were divided. Your mind was in shadow while your body remained visible."
"Can you help me?" I asked, hope tinting my tone.
"I make no promises, but I can try. How about we start tomorrow after school? I promised Bella I'd be back to stay with her tonight."
I readily agreed, happy that he was willing to help me. I rolled off of his bed and on to my feet, headed for the door. I paused before I had completely left. "Thanks, Edward."
"Of course. You're my sister." He shot me a smile that I returned and in another blink he was gone.
As promised, he approached me after school the following day. "Ride with me? I figured you would want to practice somewhere other than the house."
"That would be great. Thanks, Edward," I said, climbing into the passenger seat of his Volvo.
He nodded before getting into the car and turning the key. "Yeah. Look, I feel like I should warn you that Rose and Emmett are planning on talking to you when we get back. They're concerned."
"Because of the whole Aro thing." It wasn't a question.
"Yes. Rose overheard our conversation yesterday. They're just worried, that's all," he said. "They want to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons."
I sighed and leaned my head back against the seat. "I hope Rose will understand."
"She will. If not, I'll have a word with her about hypocrisy." The two of us chuckled at this, and the rest of the ride lapsed into a silence only broken by his Debussy CD.
He brought us out to a small campground on the outskirts of Forks. It was empty with the weather - the rain was drumming relentlessly down and rolled off of the leaves on to the forest floor. I pulled my hood over my head before emerging from the car and into the deluge. "I guess the rain will encourage us to make this quick, then."
Edward gave a soft laugh. "What, a little rain bothers you?"
"I don't want to get soaked," I complained. "I may get sick. Not all of us are vampires, you know."
Edward gave an amused scoff. "You'll be fine. Otherwise Alice would have told us not to come."
We picked our way through the muddy campground. "Where should we start?"
"You tell me, you're the one that wanted to do this," he teased before sobering. "How about you go back into the shadows first. We know for certain that I can't read your mind there, among other things, and maybe you'll be able to try and feel the shadows cloaking you. See if you can keep them just focused around your brain when you come back out."
"Okay," I agreed, and in the dim forest it wasn't hard to sink back into the shadow and out of sight. I didn't move away, so Edward was able to keep his gaze focused on my location. I did my best to do as he said, feeling the shadows as they wreathed and wrapped around me like a cloak. I did my best to keep some around me as I stepped out, focusing on my head.
Edward chuckled. "Okay, now I can't see half your body. To be fair, I can't hear your thoughts, either. So we can call that progress, if you want."
I grumbled as I let the rest of the shadow fall away. "Shut up. I think we need to try a different approach. I didn't shield my thoughts from Aro by half-hiding in shadow last time and I certainly can't do it while he's here."
"Okay," he said, tousling a hand through his rust-red hair in obvious thought. "Maybe it's a matter of just thinking that you don't want to share your thoughts with others, and the shadows just... protect you, in a way. Almost like a living force."
"Worth a shot." I nodded and shut my eyes to better concentrate, trying to remember what I was thinking and feeling in the moments before I had taken Aro's hand. Many long moments passed, and then-
"You're doing it," he said. I started, eyes snapping open to look at him. Edward smiled slightly. "Well, not anymore. Try again."
I did as he asked. It was a little easier this time than before, and I could just feel the shadows tinging the edge of my thoughts, as if surrounding them. I looked at Edward. "Am I still doing it?"
"Yeah, you're still doing it," He said with a nod and an encouraging smile. "Do you know how?"
I nodded. "I think so. It's like my thoughts are surrounded by shadow. It's... weird. I can feel it."
"Stop doing it," he said. "If you are set on this, you have to learn to do it on the fly. I don't think Aro will try to use his ability without your permission, it goes completely against his mate bond with you, but he's not immune to accidental touches."
"Right." We practiced for a while longer, until I was sure that I could shield my mind with shadow as easily as I could my body, and it was only then that Edward agreed to drive us back home.
I went immediately to the kitchen upon arrival with the intent of grabbing a snack, but Emmett intercepted me halfway to my destination, wrapping an affectionate arm around my shoulders. "Hey, pipsqueak. Rose and I wanna talk to you."
"Edward already warned me," I said, allowing him to guard me out to the garage where Rose was waiting.
Emmett chuckled. "Of course he did."
"Hey sweetie," Rose greeted me with a gentle smile, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.
"Hey Rose," I said, leaning into her touch. It was Rose that I viewed as a mother over Esme, because it was she and Emmett who had found me in the woods those four years ago. "Edward said you wanted to talk."
"I overheard you talking to Edward yesterday, about getting him to help you conceal your memories from Aro," Rose said, after we had sat down in the chairs Emmett fetched for us.
"We're just worried, Rowan. We don't want you to drive a wall between them - Aro, especially. A big part of his identity revolves around his ability, and he'll be troubled when he finds that you're knowingly blocking him out. They're your mates, and we just want to make sure that you're happy. And you can't be happy if they're not happy, and vice versa. That's just how it works. Do you think Caius would have so easily caved to leave you here otherwise?" Emmett asked gently.
"It's not a permanent thing," I said, glancing at their worried faces. "I just... I'm not ready. You should understand that better than anyone, Rose. How long did it take you to tell Emmett about your past?"
It was a fair point - she hadn't told him any of the details for nearly three months after he was turned, and two of those months had been spent as a couple. She conceded to this. "You're right. But it felt like there was this invisible wall between us during those months, and we don't want that for you. I don't want you to make my mistakes, Rowan."
"I know. Maybe I'm being selfish," I said with a sigh, hugging my knees to my chest.
"We all know that's not true, Rowan. I thought it would hurt Emmett less if I didn't tell him, too, but it just ended up hurting both of us. It's your decision, Rowan, and no one else's. And if you don't feel comfortable showing him, then don't. But make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, and not just because you're scared," Rose said softly.
Emmett reached out to squeeze my shoulder. "We're not going to force you to do anything. But it is better when you're open with each other. It killed me knowing that Rose was hiding something from me, but I loved her too much to force her to tell me anything. If you choose to hide your past, then I understand, and I think Aro will too. If not, I'll pummel him."
I giggled. "Deal."
"How about we get that snack you were aiming for?" Rose asked, standing elegantly. I stood as well and took the hand she offered me. "Emmett can put back the chairs. Can't you, Em?"
We laughed as Emmett grumbled from behind us. "You're lucky I love you two!"
Edited 4/16/2021