Christian's POV
"I'm sorry." I mumble before I pull away. I knew how wrong the whole the situation was, but I didn't stop when I was aware of it. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore but it seemed that was the only path I was going down. I hurt Mitchel. I just cheated on my girlfriend. I knew I couldn't keep it to myself but at the same time if I told her I had no idea how she would react. For right now, I had to keep it to myself which meant lying to her but I wasn't going to make things worse for Mitchel.
"T-that was a mistake. I'm sorry. I-I was worried you'd never talk to me again if I didn't do something." I stutter. Saying those words hurt which only meant they hurt him even more. I remove his hands and finally work the nerve to look my best friend in the eyes.
"Get out." his voice was shaky but this time I nodded my head and did as told. I wanted to find another way to fix what I had just done but I managed to make it worse.
"Wow." I hear. "You kissed him." Clinton says in disbelief as Jesse and him move away from the wall they were hiding behind. I roll my eyes and head towards my room. The last thing I wanted was a lecture from Clinton about how I needed to fix this before it got worse.
"It was a mistake." I shrug and continue walking towards my room, ignoring whatever Clinton had to say.
"You can't lead him on like this. It'll only hurt him more." He was right and the last thing I wanted to do was be the reason our band fell apart. Or worse, the reason my friendship fell apart.
"Do you not understand that I just cheated on Alexa for him?! What am I supposed to do? I got myself tied in a complete knot over him. How did I go from having nothing wrong in my life to have cheated on my girlfriend, hurt my best friend, created drama between all of us, and on top of that I'm trying to figure out who this Matthew guy is and why Mitchel is being so damn secretive about him."
My frustration was getting worse, and as much as I wanted to talk about it, I always felt like I was in the wrong. And everyone was going to be on Mitchel's side and not hear me out.
"Matthew?" Jesse questions as he comes up behind us. I give him a "duh" look and he puts his hands up in surrender.
"Sorry man. I was just making sure I heard you correctly." He was avoiding eye contact with me. I raise my eyebrow but decide to keep my thoughts to myself. Whoever this guy was, everyone seemed to know who he was expect me. It made me feel even angrier and more frustrated.
"Forget about Matthew, Christian. He isn't worth your time or even Mitchel's. He's an...old friend of Mitchel's."
He looked like he was making all of it up.
"They haven't talked in months. They're being friendly."
I nod my head, but I still had a feeling that something was off and I knew me, and I knew I wasn't going to let go of it thateasily.
"I've been friends with this idiot for seven years, you think I wouldn't know about some Matthew guy?"
I wanted to get as much information about him as possible without being too noticeable. I wasn't sure why I was so intrigued by him, but everyone acting so weird about him it only made me more curious.
"They were friends. Friends come and go. You know how it is." He shrugs and I let the conversation drop, focusing my attention back on Alexa.
"What should I do about Alexa?" I look over at Jesse. He was busy staring off into space. I knew they were mad at me for ruining our first rehearsal but on the bright side we had another one next Tuesday. It was longer than the first one, so hopefully we'll have enough time to get things in order. Even if things with Mitchel weren't the best. At the end of the day we still cared about our fans and the music.
I was really hoping this wouldn't ruin all of it.
"She's not my girlfriend man, I would be honest and tell her that you kissed a dude or....made out with a dude and deal with whatever comes your way." I scoff at Clinton's response and cross my arms.
"This is what happens when you don't get into a relationship. You give shitty advice and become a loser." I pat his back and grab my keys before making my way to my car. I hear him mutter some profanity under his breath which made me laugh in response.
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"Alright. What do you wanna eat for dinner?" Alexa asks as she jumps onto her bed. I shrug and continue to scroll through fan edits I intrigued myself with on Instagram.
"Babe. You've been on your phone since you got here. Would you mind helping me out with what you wanna eat?"
I felt bad for ignoring her, but every time I looked at her face all I could see was keeping a huge secret from her and it was more painful.
"Pizza. Let's order pizza" I reply as I scoot closer to her.
She nods her head and I lean my head on her shoulder as I watch her search for the Dominos app on her phone. She smelled like apples and cinnamon. It was the scent I had fallen in love with when I met her. Her beautiful black hair always mesmerized me and her smile lit up my whole entire world.
Alexa had pulled me out of a place I didn't think anyone could. I quit drinking as much, and weed only became a substance I used when my anxiety got too bad. I was beyond thankful for that. There was never a way I could thank her enough. This is why it pained me so much to lie. Even if she didn't like Mitchel, and vise versa, she was a top priority in my life and he got in the way.
"So, what did you do today?" That was another thing I loved about her. She always made an effort to hear about my day. Good or bad. I think for a moment as she waits for someone to pick up the phone so we could order. I swallow hard, using this as my time to be honest and get it out of the way.
"I hung out with the boys. Although, Pat's been kinda MIA lately which is a bit weird." I reply honestly. She smiles and grabs my hand before someone finally picks up. She holds up her finger, signaling for me to wait a minute and I quickly think of a way to break the news of what I had done.
"They put me on hold for a second. How's Mitchel?" I look up at her, attempting to not let my face look completely scared of how I was going to say this.
"Mitchel? You know him babe. He's great." I smile nervously. She nods her head and takes a sip of the wine I had poured for her earlier.
"I have to tell you something," I could feel my heart rate pick up. I wasn't sure if I was going to have the guts to be open and honest with her. I could feel my body tense. I was beginning to get overheated as my anxiety began to pick up. My thoughts were becoming one huge blur. Alexa gives me a weird look and I ignore it. I needed to focus on what I wanted to say.
"What is it babe?" She asks concerned. She gently brushes the hair away from my face, but the feeling of her touch made me feel worse and I could only look away. A look of concern, and slight pain from the rejection she received flashes across her face but she pushes it away.
"Give me a minute." I nod my head and get up to use the bathroom. I needed to calm down before I worked myself into a tizzy. I glance at my phone. I had two missed calls and one text from Mitchel.
We have a wardrobe fitting next Thursday with Mike. Make sure you're there. Also, have fun with Alexa.
I wanted to throw my phone from here to Antartica. I could feel my cheeks get hot with frustration. My eyes were beginning to burn, but I didn't let myself feel what I knew I wanted to feel. It wasn't fair that I felt hurt when I hurt the two people I cared about more than anything. I rub my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Baby? You okay?" Alexa asks behind the door. I quickly clear my throat and open the door.
"I'm fine. Let's sit?" She nods her head and I grab her hand, leading us to the bed. I felt comfort with our hands intertwined.
"What'd you wanna tell me?" She asks, sitting Indian style. I take her hands into mine. I look straight into her beautiful brown eyes.
It was now or never.
I take another deep breath and look down. I shake my head in disappointment. I couldn't.
"I just wanted to tell you I love you and you mean the world to me. We have a wardrobe fitting next Thursday. You should come."
She smiles widely and I let go of her hands.