I stirred, slowly gaining conscious. My eyes peeled open on their own accord and I lifted up my fists to rub away the sleep. I was momentarily disoriented, confused as to why I couldn't feel the wall on my right side, or why this bed felt huge and the pillow smelt like aftershave. It took me a full minute until I remembered again, I was in Jordan's room.
Lying on my stomach, I turned my head to face the window. A single ray of sunlight peeked out from the crack between the curtains. I stretched one arm hanging off the side of the bed, trying to reach the sunbeam with my hand. I played with it, letting it dance across my fingers, enjoying the warmth.
There was a pounding buzz behind my eyes and I knew it could only mean a headache was ready to start in a second. I sighed and rolled over onto my back. The soft sheets brushed my bare legs, sending painful prickles up and down my thighs where the scratches still stung. My tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth when I wanted to lick my chapped lips. I tried to swallow but my throat felt too sore from crying and screaming all night.
I didn't know what time it was. I didn't know if school had already started or not. I didn't know if my brothers planned to keep me home today. I didn't know if Ashton and Jordan had gone to work or if Noah went to school. I didn't know anything but thinking only made my head hurt so I decided to think about nothing.
Instead I focused on the popcorn ceiling, counting the few cracks in the white paint when I suddenly heard something. The muffled voices were coming from downstairs, I could make out Jordan's low baritone and another deep voice I didn't recognize.
I don't know how long I kept staring at the ceiling when I quite abruptly decided to drag myself out of bed. I winced when the scratches pulled at my skin causing some of them to reopen again. I caught tissues on the bedside table and used them to dab at the blood drops. I suddenly envisioned someone else's hand wiping at my legs and I froze. I threw away the bloody tissues and pushed the memory away into a box at the far back of my mind where no one, not even myself, could find it again.
The carpet drowned out the sound of my footsteps as I made my way to my room where I changed my shorts into leggings. I was quiet as I slowly went down the stairs, step by step. The voices were coming from the living room and got more distinctive when I suddenly halted.
"What about the suspects?" I heard Jordan question.
"We arrested the Dillon cousins last night, they're being interrogated this afternoon. Hopefully they'll give us some names," Marcus answered.
"What about the other one - Mooney, Kyle Mooney."
"He's clean, no criminal record, low-profile, our ordinary law abiding citizen."
"Yeah, they're the ones we should keep an eye on, Marcus," Jordan gritted out. "Did you check his computer?"
"Yeah we confiscated pretty much everything we could get our hands on, so far we got nothing. We couldn't keep him in custody so we had to release him this morning, the law states he's innocent until proven guilty."
"Innocent," Jordan scoffed under his breath with a shake of his head. "He may look like average Joe but his name was on that list for a reason. What about the other one, Vinny Whatshisname."
"Vinny Rocha," Marcus nodded with a grimace. "There's a special kind of hell for guys like him. They found hundreds of videos and pictures on his hard drive and phone. Looks like he has a lot of connections too, might help with the investigation." He took a sip from his beer, his knuckles white as he gripped the neck of the bottle. "God, some of these were babies, infants. How fucked up does a person have to be to - to ... What I wouldn't do to bash his face in with my bare hands."
Jordan's Adam's apple rolled as he swallowed hard, his jaw clenched. "Me and you both ..."
My brother was sitting on the couch with his back facing me but Marcus noticed me first. I didn't realize I had made it to the bottom of the stairs until he caught my eye. His back straightened and he pulled his lips into a somewhat forced smile.
"Hey kiddo."
Jordan turned so fast, I startled. He took his time to scrutinize me from head to toe, mentally checking if nothing was out of place. I bet I was a mess - I didn't bother to brush my hair or even wash my face. My bare toes wiggled against the cold floor, making me shiver. Jordan noticed and beckoned me over. I went over to the couch and sat down next to him.
"Sorry if we woke you up," Marcus apologized and I didn't fail to notice how he quickly gathered all the files on the coffee table before I could get a look at it.
"It's alright," I mumbled. I hugged my legs against my chest and tucked my chin between my knees.
Jordan tucked a curl behind my ear, his warm hand lingering on my cheek. "Feel better?"
"Hmm," I hummed, but didn't say anything else.
"Well, I should probably get back to work," Marcus announced. He got up to his feet, clad in his police uniform and tucked the files under his arm. "See you tonight, Moore."
Jordan got up to walk him to the door but Marcus stopped him.
"It's okay, I'll see myself out." He shot me a warm smile. "Take care of yourself," he affectionately pinched my chin before walking to the front door.
Jordan sighed as he threw an arm around me, drawing me to his side. "Did you get some sleep?" he asked as he ran his fingers through my hair, mindful of the knots and tangled mess.
"A little," I barely whispered. I found myself drawn to his warmth and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face against his hard chest.
Jordan lifted up his other arm and dropped it around me too, enveloping my body in a safe cocoon. "It's almost noon, what do you want for lunch? We still got some leftover chicken soup from Marion."
"Later," I mumbled into his t-shirt.
I sensed that he wanted to fight me on this. "Sweetheart you have to eat something." He softly squeezed me to him and kissed my temple. "How about we eat now and then we can watch some tv and cuddle, huh? We got a deal?"
"M'kay," I relented, knowing that he wouldn't give up until he got his way.
We usually weren't allowed to eat in front of the tv but Jordan would make an exception from time to time, like now. The whole time we ate, I stayed close to him. My heart would rapidly beat against my chest when he left even if it was only for a minute. I was on edge and something akin to fear made me wary and I couldn't shake it off.
We had finished our lunch and I was snuggled up against him, watching some game show when his phone suddenly buzzed with an incoming call. He got out from under the blanket and tucked it around me before standing up.
"Where are you going?" Alarm coated my voice.
"I need to take this, it's a call from work." He briefly stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. "I'll be right back."
My eyes widened a little in panic when he started walking away. "You can answer it here."
"You know it's confidential, baby. I'll be just outside on the porch." He noticed the hesitant look on my face and the ringing of his phone grew incessant. "I'm not going anywhere, Jade, I promise. Just give me a minute."
I nodded dejectedly, following him with my eyes as he walked outside.
"Moore," he answered into the phone before he closed the door.
I slumped back against the couch and asked myself why I was acting like a child. I was never this clingy but something about that nightmare rubbed me the wrong way. It brought up strange emotions that I couldn't quite name. I couldn't put my finger on it but I felt off. It left me disturbed and shaken up and I wanted the feeling to go away but I didn't know how.
Only thing I knew is that the presence of my brother felt like some shield that could protect me. An iron wall that no one could destroy, no one could get past it to reach me or touch me ...
I was spaced-out when a hand suddenly landed on my shoulder and I jumped so hard out of the couch, I nearly tumbled over the coffee table.
"Whoa!" Jordan reached out and steadied me before I ended up making out with the floor. "Hey, it's just me," he reassured me, gently rubbing the back of my neck. "You alright?"
"Y-yeah," I let out a shaky breath, willing myself to still my heart.
He tucked his phone away and sat back down. He had taken off his shoes and reclined against the armrest, stretching his long legs in front of him. He got on his side and pressed his back against the back of the couch before patting the space in front of him.
I picked up the blanket I had dropped and went to lay down with my back against his chest. Jordan helped me wrap the blanket over the two us and secured an arm around my waist as if he was scared someone would snatch me away.
Minutes passed as we continued watching the game show - although to be fair I think none of us was paying attention. Jordan was quiet, his breathing steady and if it weren't for the occasional kiss on the back of my head, I would've thought he was sleeping. I swear he was thinking so hard I could almost hear it.
"He said that it was happening again," I suddenly broke the silence.
I could sense that I interrupted his reveries. "Hmm?"
"Last night. Ash," I clarified. "He said that it was happening again." I was mostly out of it last night but I somehow remembered what my brother had said.
Jordan's chest expanded against my back as he took a deep breath. "You don't remember?"
"Remember what?"
His hand around my stomach found mine and he stroked the back of my fingers. "You used to have nightmares when you were little. Well nightmare is putting it lightly, they were more like night terrors."
"Like last night?"
"Yeah ..." I felt his chin brush my hair when he nodded. "You'd kick and scream and cry. It would take us ages to get you to wake up. And even then, you had a hard time distinguishing your dreams from reality. We had to snap you out of it."
"Was it that bad?"
"Scared me shitless every single time. We even got the police at our door a few times, people thought something was going on."
"Really?" I frowned. "How come I don't remember any of it?"
"You were only six. Young minds have the tendency to shut down painful or scary experiences. Because you were too young to know how to deal with it, you just learned how to suppress it instead."
"I remember I liked sleeping in Noah's bed," I reminisced.
"You never had any nightmares when you slept next to him. We used to call him dreamcatcher 'cause he could chase all the bad dreams away," I could hear him smile fondly.
I bit my chapped lip as I thought about it. "What were the nightmares about?"
Jordan's hold tightened on me to the point it almost hurt.
I winced and put my hand on his arm until he relaxed under my touch. "Jordan?"
"I don't remember."
FADED
I woke up with a large hand rubbing my back and I tensed up. This better not be a dream again, I thought to myself. I pinched my eyes closed, forcing myself to come back to reality. The hand was still on my back and my breathing turned labored. I whimpered, oh god not again ...
"Jade?" the hand started gently shaking my shoulder. "Wake up, sweetheart."
The familiar voice made me relax and I could suddenly breathe easy. I opened my eyes and blinked up at Tristan.
He was crouching next to the couch, his face close to mine. "Hey, sleepyhead."
"What time is it?" I asked, my voice a little hoarse.
"A little after two." He dug his fingers in my hair and gently massaged my scalp. "You need to get up or you won't be able to sleep tonight."
I nodded. He was probably right. I groaned as I sat up and held my face in my hands, my head was pounding. I remembered why I never took naps - they always made me feel worse. I kicked the blanket away and yawned.
"Where's Jordan?"
"He needed to run some errands." He grabbed both my hands and pulled me up to my feet. "C'mon, get up and get dressed. You need some fresh air."
"Tristan I'm tired," I started to protest with a moan.
"It'll do you good," he insisted. "You're gonna feel much better. Now let's go, what are you waiting for?"
"Fine," I sighed with a roll of my eyes.
He lightly swatted my butt.
"Don't roll your eyes at me, princess."
I stuck my tongue out and giggled when he lunged at me.
FADED
I pulled the sun visor down and looked at myself in the mirror. I twisted my head from side to side, I couldn't stop admiring the new set of earrings I got from Tristan and Lily. My brother had taken me to get my ears pierced. Who knew that such a small act could change my day, I already felt so much better.
"Do you like it?" Tristan asked, briefly taking his eyes off the road to look at me.
"They're perfect," I smiled. I played with my hair - I let it down, pulled it up in a ponytail, twisted it in a bun before letting it down again. It fascinated me how the earrings changed my entire look, I almost felt like a different person. I was so engrossed with myself that I didn't realize Tristan was watching me. I blushed and let my hair down to cover my pink cheeks. "What?"
"Nothing," he chuckled fondly. "Do you remember when you were like six, and you said that you wanted to marry me one day?"
I snorted out a little laugh. "I even made you a card at school for Valentine's Day."
"Yes you did," he mused, humored. "I think I still got that card lying around somewhere."
I picked at the skin around my nails, reminiscing the good ol' days. "Remember that girl you were dating, Andrea I think it was - god I hated her. She always made me eat my greens."
"Oh Andy," he grinned. "She was nice, she was a medical student, wanted to become a nutritionist or something."
I gasped. "Oh my god, do you remember Cora?"
"How could I forget her," he laughed. "The one with OCD?"
"She was so weird. She never let me pet the dogs at the park. I didn't like her either," I said. "Come to think of it, I never liked any of your girlfriends. They all sucked."
"Oh they suck alright," he smirked.
"Ewww!" I cringed, pulling a face. "You're disgusting."
"Say what you want about my poor choices, but you can't deny they have a good taste," he winked.
I wrinkled my nose. "Yeah sure, whatever floats your boat."
"Hey!" He playfully smacked my thigh. "Did you forget you wanted to marry me? See, even you couldn't resist my charm."
"I was six. I also wanted to go high on the swing because I thought I could poke my feet into the sky."
"And you also thought chocolate milk came from brown cows," he teased.
My lips twitched in a stupid smile. "You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?"
"Nope, you were a funny little thing. You kids grew up way too fast," he sighed wistfully. "I mean look at you, you're a little lady with her ears pierced and all. Time flies."
"I'm gonna have to grow up eventually," I said, finding his calloused hand and intertwining my fingers with his. "I'll have to learn to be my own person and be independent."
"I wish I could keep you young and careless for a bit longer, you know? I don't think I'll ever be ready to let you step into the big, mad world."
"I'm sure it's not that bad."
A small smile tugged at his lips but something like sorrow crossed his eyes. "That's exactly what I'm talking about."
"What?" I frowned.
"You're still naïve and hopeful. You're at a point in your life where you can still be oblivious and gullible. One day you'll look back and you're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast."
I was puzzled. "I don't get it."
"I'm talking about your innocence." He stroked my knuckles with the pad of his thumb. "I'm dreading the day you'll lose it again and see how truly effed up this world is."
... Again?
FADED
As I got ready for bed, I grabbed my phone and realized I had multiple text messages from my friends, asking me if I was okay. I answered all of them and decided to call Lauren.
"Hey you!" she greeted when she picked up. "I missed you today, school was boring without you. How're you feeling?"
"I'm much better, thanks. And don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow."
"I saw Noah this morning, he told me that you didn't feel well. You're not coming down with something are you?"
"No, it's nothing," I reassured her, spinning around on my desk chair. "I just woke up with a massive headache that's all."
"Probably a migraine," she said.
"Yeah, probably." Lauren was my best friend but I didn't feel ready yet to tell her why I really didn't show up at school today. I still wasn't sure what I dreamed of exactly, or even why I suddenly had the most vivid nightmare ever so I wouldn't even know where to start. "Did I miss anything?"
"Not really - oh, we met our new coach today, Quinn Flores. She's not that tall and looks pretty young too, she only graduated a couple of months ago."
"That's good. I hope she won't make us hate PE as much as Penny did," I snorted.
"No she's really sweet. And by the way, Angela seemed really off today."
I raised an eyebrow in interest. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know, she kept asking why you weren't at school today. I don't know why she even cares."
"Angela was concerned?" That didn't sound like Angela at all.
"Not really concerned but more like curious, I guess. Anyway, you wanna know who did look concerned?"
"Who?"
"Preston."
I grabbed my desk and stopped my chair from spinning around. "He was?"
"Yeah, I told him what Noah had told me and that it was probably nothing. It was kinda sweet ... I mean the way he seemed to worry about you. It looked genuine."
I bit my bottom lip, holding back a smile. Lauren was right, it was sweet. "He probably just wants to know when I'll be back to finish our assignment," I brushed off nonchalantly.
"Yeah maybe," Lauren didn't sound convinced either.
We ended up talking some more until she had to get ready for bed too. We said our goodbyes and hung up. I stretched my arms above my head and let out a heavy sigh. I jumped into action and decided to change my bedsheets first. There were little bloodstains everywhere, mixed with my sweat and tears, it was disgusting.
I was in the process of putting my pillow in a clean pillowcase when my phone buzzed. I grabbed it, thinking it was one of my friends again but I was wrong.
It was a message from someone called ABJ - who the hell was that?
I unlocked my phone and opened the app to see the full conversation.
'Hey.'
That's all it said. I realized it was from someone I wasn't friends with. When I clicked on the person's profile, I couldn't see much because it was on private. Even the profile pic was anonymous. Curiosity got the best of me and I figured that I couldn't do much wrong if I sent a message back.
'Hey, who is this?'
I clicked send and closed my phone, waiting for a reply.
Jordan walked into my room, dropping his duffel bag by the door. "Ready for bed?"
"Yep!" I grabbed the dirty sheets and threw them in my hamper. "You're heading off to work?"
"Yeah, I promised this guy I'd take his night shift if he could replace me today."
"I'm sorry," I couldn't help but apologize. I knew that I was the reason he stayed home today. I didn't like being a burden and I hated when my brother had to adapt to fulfill my own selfish needs.
He tipped my chin up to meet my eyes. "Hey, stop using that face. You know what a legal guardian means?"
I pursed my lips in thought. "It means the court approved you to take us under your wing."
"Yes, and it also means that I have the full responsibility to make sure you kids are safe and protected. It means I take care of you, so don't apologize for me simply doing my job." He cupped the back of my head, pulled me forward and kissed my forehead. "Now, let's get you into bed."
I reluctantly crawled into bed, loving the fresh smell of my clean sheets. Jordan tucked the blanket around me and sat down on the side of the bed. Something caught his attention, he fingered my brand new earring.
"They look cute on you."
I lifted my arms on top of my blanket and folded my hands across my chest. "Tristan said they make me look older."
"He's right, you're turning into a beautiful young lady," he smiled affectionately. "I feel like you're gonna turn a lot of heads in a couple of years. Well I already got a gun and a shovel, I just need an alibi and I'm set."
"Not funny."
"Who said I was joking." He leaned over and planted a big kiss on my cheek. "Try to get some rest, tomorrow you'll feel a lot better." He straightened to his full height and made sure my window was shut and my curtains drawn. "Goodnight, baby. Love you."
I watched as he picked up his bag at the door and my heart suddenly sunk to the pit of my stomach. I could hear the blood rush through my veins and a cold shiver ran up and down my spine.
"J-Jordan?"
He stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"
"U-uhm ..." I started fiddling with my own fingers and swallowed hard.
"Jade?" he put his bag down again and closed the distance between us. He grabbed my shaking hand in his and used the other to stroke my eyebrows. "What's wrong?"
My lips trembled and I couldn't look at him. "I-I don't know."
"You scared?" his voice was soothing and gentle.
"I want you to stay," I whimpered.
"Oh baby," he sighed, palming my cheek and wiping away a lone tear. "You don't have to be afraid, we'll be right here, you're not alone. Noah's downstairs, Ashton will be home in a minute and I'll be here in the morning."
"B-but what if he comes b-back again," I cried softly. "The man in my dream."
"It's just a dream, Jade. I promise you it's just a dream, nothing else." He squeezed my hand with his and used his other hand to stroke my hair. "How about you try to get some sleep and if it doesn't work out and you're still scared, you can ask Noah if you can sleep with him, just like when you were kids. I'm sure he won't mind."
"O-okay," I nodded reluctantly.
"You're safe, Jade. Nothing and no one can hurt you here," he consoled.
I sniffed. "I know."
FADED
I was paranoid.
Every time I closed my eyes, I envisioned the man in my room again. I'd feel invisible hands on me or his breath on my skin. I knew it was my imagination playing tricks on me but I still had a hard time making a difference between what was real and fantasy.
I grabbed my phone, it was close to midnight and I still hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. Should've known that the nap was a bad idea.
The house was eerily quiet and I wondered if my brothers had already gone to sleep or not. Since I wasn't able to fall asleep, I chose to follow Jordan's advice. I got out of bed, suppressing a shiver when I abandoned the warmth of my blankets. I picked up my pillow and quietly made my way to the boys' room. I knocked first, when I didn't get a reply, I slowly pushed the door open. I blinked several times to adjust to the darkness but soon realized both beds were empty. I tossed my pillow on Noah's unmade bed and decided to check downstairs. I had a feeling they were probably playing on the Xbox or watching tv.
To my surprise they weren't in the living room or in the kitchen. My stomach was tied up in knots when panic started to rise. The feeling of being alone petrified me. I forced myself to calm down and stifled the dread crawling at my skin. I noticed the porch light was on - we could only turn the light on from the inside, the light switch outside hadn't worked in years. Which meant that whoever turned it on, was inside the house ...
I suddenly heard a sound coming from outside and I momentarily froze.
Something in me told me to go back to my room, lock myself in and call one of my brothers. It sounded like a great plan, if only I could get myself to move. Fear was taking over again and I hated how it could render me into a paralyzed and numb idiot.
I heard the sound again but this time it sounded more like laughter.
"You're such a dick, Ash," I heard Noah chuckle.
I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I realized I was shaking and I ran both my hands down my face. What is wrong with me? I felt like such a pathetic, little child. I didn't know what I thought I had heard - a kidnapper, a murderer, the man from my nightmare? The irrational part of me made up this threat that wasn't even there, it was ridiculous.
I went to the kitchen and found something for my headache. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to get a hold of myself. After I splashed some cold water on my face, I gripped the sink tightly, breathing in and out.
This nightmare was messing with my head, I shouldn't let it affect me this much. I wished I knew how to fight it, how to get the upper hand. It had been a few years since I felt this scared and I had no idea how to handle my own emotions. I just needed to get a grip and hopefully it will go away.
Noah's hoodie was on the back of one of the stools in the kitchen. I put it on and shoved my feet in a worn pair of sneakers before I joined them outside.
Noah's eyes briefly widened in surprise when he saw me. He quickly threw away the joint he had been puffing on and waved away the smoke as if that would hide the evidence.
I cocked a single eyebrow, not impressed at all.
"Dude!" Ashton smacked the back of his head. "Why did you do that for? You just wasted a perfect spliff."
Noah gestured at me and Ashton rolled his eyes.
"Jade doesn't care about this shit. She won't snitch, right JJ?"
I tucked my hands inside the front pockets of my hoodie. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."
Ashton fixed Noah with a pointed look. "You owe me one."
"Yeah, yeah," Noah shrugged off. He then looked at me questioningly. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"
"I can ask you the same thing."
He huffed. "Touché."
"C'mere," Ashton patted his lap. There were only two chairs and they were already taken. I leaned against his chest and let one arm loosely hang over his shoulders. "How're you holding up, huh?"
"Okay I guess," I shrugged even though it was a total lie.
"You scared the crap outta me last night," Noah started. "I thought you were being murdered."
"Yeah, sorry about that." I dropped my head in embarrassment, using my nail to pick on a particular cut near my knee.
"Stop that," Ashton tutted, pushing my hand away from my leg.
"What was the dream about anyway?" Noah wanted to know.
"Noah - " Ashton cut in, giving him a warning look.
Noah pulled up his shoulders. "What?"
I put my hand on Ashton's arm. "It's okay." I inhaled deeply through my nose before I addressed Noah again. "It was weird, there was this man in my room and he was just - he was just touching me."
"Touching you?" Noah inched closer to me, his elbows resting on his knees. "Did he hurt you?"
"No, not physically," I said. "He was just ... touching me."
"Was he like - " Noah swiftly licked his lips, a nervous and uncomfortable habit of his. "Did he touch you as in ..."
Knowing what he meant I quickly shook my head. "No, no, no. Not like that. No. Like I said he was just touching me and he wouldn't stop."
"Well that explains why you were screaming bloody murder," he shot me a sympathizing, sad smile.
"Is it okay if I sleep in your room tonight?" I asked timidly.
Noah squeezed my knee. "Just like old times."
Ashton's arms tightened around my waist, holding me closer as he rested his chin on my shoulder. He was strangely quiet and I wondered what was going through his head right now.
"Ash? You okay?"
"Hmm," was all he said.
A silence settled between us, it wasn't the awkward kind of silence but more like the comforting kind. I focused on the sound of the crickets and Ashton's even heartbeat beating against my back. Noah was gazing up at the sky and I wondered if he remembered the game we used to play when we were younger - each day we'd invent a name for a star. He would always come up with boys names because he was convinced that stars were male for some unexplainable reason.
"Hey Ash," Noah suddenly broke the silence.
"Yeah."
Noah was tapping his fingers against the armrests of his chair. I instantly recognized that expression on his face - the one he used when he was thinking too hard or when he was trying to put the puzzle pieces together.
"How did you know to look into mom's phone?"
I was taken off guard from the sudden question. Where did that come from?
Ashton snapped out of his own daze and turned to Noah. "What?" He was equally surprised.
"I know I wasn't there when it happened, but from what I gathered, you were the one that told our brothers to check her phone. How did you know?"
Ashton chuckled but he didn't sound humored at all. "You really wanna know?"
Noah and I exchanged a glance.
"Yes," we both said at the same time.
Ashton's blue eyes flickered between mine and Noah's. He seemed torn with himself as if he couldn't decide whether he should tell us or not. He ran his tongue along his front teeth and made a sound at the back of his throat. "Alright then." He caught my eye and I could see the confliction taking place right there. Something about it made me feel sorry for him, I don't know why, but I felt it tug at my heartstrings.
"I knew ... because she did it before."
FADED
I startled when a pair of fingers snapped in front of my face.
"You were zoning out again," Preston commented with a glint of amusement in his eyes.
"Sorry," I smiled sheepishly. I took in my surroundings as if to double check I was at the library and not dwelling in my own thoughts again.
I just couldn't stop thinking about what Jordan had said the other day. It suddenly crossed my mind that he never really asked what happened in my dream. I remembered I gave him a vague description that night in the bathroom, but he didn't ask any questions - he didn't ask about the man, who he was, if I knew him, or what triggered it. Almost as if he already knew ...
Tristan was also being secretive. I recalled our conversation in the car. He sounded like he wanted to warn me about something and it scared me to think that someday I would discover that something. It dawned on me that the reason I hadn't found out already was because of them, my brothers - they were warding off every threat and I didn't even realize it.
And then there was Ashton who had been giving me clues all that time and I was too blind to see. He admitted our mother had used pictures of me before and it suddenly made sense why he had attacked Rhys. I remembered how he totally blew a fuse when he found out that Preston had kissed me at Sophie's birthday party. He said he didn't want people to take advantage of me and my heart broke as I let realization dawn on me.
They were all just trying to protect me.
"Jade?"
I snapped out of my thoughts for the hundredth time that day. "Sorry, what?"
"You were doing it again." Preston looked concerned. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I nodded and tucked some hair behind my ear. "I just got a lot on my mind."
"I can tell. Wanna talk about it?"
A part of me wanted to confide in him because I knew I could trust him, but truth is I was still confused as to what was really going on. Instead I said, "Nah, it's just family stuff." I grabbed my book to change the subject. "Are we nearly done yet?"
"I'm just finishing the presentation," he said as he typed away on his laptop. "What do you think of this font, or do you prefer this one."
"It's too bold." I leaned in closer and pointed at a different one on his screen. "Try that one."
He clicked on it and let out a sound of disgruntlement. "Doesn't match the layout."
"You're right," I agreed. "How about that one?"
"Yeah that's much better."
I continued watching as he put the last finishing touches to the presentation. I was suddenly aware that I was still leaning close to him, our shoulders brushing. He was humming some song under his breath and I suddenly remembered I hadn't listened to his mixtape yet.
He clapped his hands together. "Done! Watcha think - " he suddenly trailed off midsentence.
At first I was confused as to why until I felt his warm breath fanning my face. I forgot that we were huddled so close that when he turned to face me, our noses almost touched. A little voice in my head told me to back off a little but another voice wondered why I should?
I could see in his gaze that he was also conflicted. His eyes darted around my face and I don't think I ever felt so self-conscious before in my life. He was scrutinizing me, taking in every part of me. I caught my bottom lip between my teeth, feeling beyond nervous. This caught his attention and he was suddenly looking at my mouth instead. I could hear him swallow and something in me told me he was holding his breath.
I thought I was slowly leaning away but the distance between us stayed the same. Or maybe he was leaning in ...
It wasn't until we heard someone clear their throat that we practically jumped away from each other. I could feel my heart pound against my chest and I wiped my clammy hands against my thighs. I took a shaky breath, trying to compose myself before facing the intruder.
I looked across our desk to see someone with their arms crossed over their chest. Nostrils flaring in anger and jaw clenched. And then there was the eyes, they were dark but they might as well be red with the blazing flames directed at us.
"Angela," Preston spoke up first, I was still too shocked to find my voice. "What's up?"
"What's up?" she seethed through gritted teeth.
Preston paused. "That's what I said."
I shot him a look, stop provoking her.
"What where you two doing?" she demanded.
"Working on our assignment like I told you this morning," he answered with a nonchalant air.
"Doesn't look like it." Angela stared me down with disgust and a murderous glare, it was a wonder I was still breathing.
"Then what does it look like?" he questioned mockingly, almost daring her to say it.
This was the Preston I used to know, the cocky, self-centered jerk who was a pro at annoying the hell out of anyone.
"You know damn well what it looked like," she spat.
A few students shushed. I was grateful that she found us at the library and not some other public space. I could tell that she wanted to scream, probably rip my hair from my scalp too but she was restricted. But not for long.
"Jesus Angela, calm down," Preston told her. "You're making a fool out of yourself."
"Shut up," she hissed.
"Nothing's going on here. We're just working on our project. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're jealous because - "
"I'm not jealous," she growled, her hands balled up in fists. "I'm pissed, there's a huge difference."
"Oh I know you well enough that you're not pissed right now. A pissed Angela would've already given me a black eye. You're not pissed," he concluded with a dirty smile. "You're scared."
I kicked his leg under the table but it didn't seem to faze him.
"You're just scared that Jade and I will hit it off and that god forbid we become friends," he taunted.
"Preston," I whispered.
"You're scared that one day I'll drop you ... and choose her instead," he continued, a winning smile dancing on his lips. "You're jealous."
Angela put her hands on the desk and got all up in our face. Her eyes twitched in fury. "And you're both dead."
I gulped.
She whirled and stormed out of the library like a bull ready to destroy its culprit.
I rounded on Preston and punched his arm as hard as I could. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"Shhhh!" I heard in the background.
"Do you have any idea what you just started?" I said with a lowered voice.
"She just got on my nerves."
"So you're signing our own death warrants?"
"You're blowing this out of proportion, give her some time and she'll come around," he said.
I scoffed in disbelief. "You don't know her Preston. She cut my hair in third grade because you once commented you liked my braid. She almost broke my nose because she didn't like you giving me any attention. I don't even wanna think about what she's gonna do after she caught us - "
"Caught us doing what?" he pressed. "Jade, we didn't do anything. You're gonna let her dictate your life? You're gonna let her decide who you can be friends with or who you can like? She's not the boss of you, she doesn't have the right to make your life a living hell because she can get away with it."
I twisted my mouth to the side, listening to his words and trying to see reason. Preston was right, Angela was a pain in the ass and a grade A bitch.
I propped my elbow on the desk and rested my head on my fist. "What do you wanna do about it?"
"I don't know yet." He bit the inside of his cheek and shrugged. "But I do know that I'm sick of her bullying us and dominating us. It's time we show her that we will no longer stand by and take her shit."
"What does she have on you?"
"What do you mean?"
I sighed. "I know you're not with her because you like her, Preston. You hate her with every fiber of your body. Why did you even agree to be her boyfriend in the first place?"
He dropped his gaze downcast and mumbled, "It was a mistake."
"Then why did you never break it off? Why did you choose to stay, it doesn't make any sense."
"I was using her," he finally confessed, still not meeting my eye. "I was using her to make you jealous."
I was speechless.
"By the time I realized it wasn't working, Angela found out," he continued. "I wanted to break up with her but she wouldn't have it. She found out some stuff about me and threatened to tell if I leave her."
My jaw slacked in shock. "That's blackmail."
"It's my own fault," he admitted with a somber smile. "I used her and now she's using me." He took a shaky breath and finally mustered up enough courage to look at me. "I probably shouldn't have provoked her but she just really knows how to get under my skin you know? I'm just fed up with it and done. I'm just done with her bullshit."
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "We better prepare to die."
"Well it was nice meeting you," he snorted out a little chuckle.
FADED
That night, I was at a restaurant sitting between Noah and Tristan. They were talking about cars or something but I wasn't listening. I was watching a family of four sitting right next to us.
The young boy and girl looked no older than eight years old, probably nine. They had the same black hair, the same dimples and crooked smile - definitely twins. The father was animatedly talking about something funny, using his hands as he told his story. The kids were both laughing at whatever he was saying. The mother tried not to laugh but her eyes betrayed her. The way she was looking at her husband, with so much love and adoration, it was touching. The man caught her eye and slipped his hand into hers.
The little girl was struggling with her meat and the father reached out to cut it for her in smaller pieces. The gesture was automatic and natural that the daughter didn't even bat an eye. The boy had some sauce smudged on his cheek and the way the mother wet her thumb to wipe it off, almost brought tears to my eyes.
I wondered what it was like to have a family like that. Loving parents who clearly adored each other and their kids. My thoughts went to my own parents and I felt a painful stab in my chest, like a dagger going through my heart. I couldn't remember ever laughing about something my dad had said, I couldn't remember him cutting my steak for me, in fact I couldn't remember anything. And my mom was anything but a mother to me. A mother would never use her own daughter and take advantage of her. A mother would never abandon her kids or trade them for drugs and alcohol.
Parents should stay with their kids and take care of them and shower them with love. Parents should teach their kids about morals and hardships and life. My parents never stayed long enough to even forge a bond between us. They had no trouble passing their responsibilities onto the boys and even though I was grateful for my brothers, they couldn't fill that hole inside of me. No matter how much they loved me, no matter how much they did for me, it would forever stay empty and hollow.
"It's about damn time," Tristan's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I realized I did that a lot lately, wishful dreaming and thinking about the what ifs.
"Sorry we're late," Jordan grunted, hanging his jacket over the back of his chair, he was still in his police uniform.
"Wassup losers," Ashton ruffled both mine and Noah's hair before plopping down across the table.
"Asshole," Noah muttered under his breath.
I received a kiss on my cheek from Jordan before he took the empty seat right next to Ashton. This pretty girl came over to us and handed us the menu. She said something about being right back to take our orders but it looked like she only had eyes for Jordan. My brother of course was oblivious to the girl's attempt at getting his attention, and sent her off with a quick thanks.
I caught Ashton typing something on his phone and suddenly remembered something.
"Hey, did you call Claire?" I asked him.
He nodded, not looking up from his phone.
"Is she okay? She was acting strange when I saw her."
"Who's Claire?" Tristan questioned.
"Sophie's sister," I answered. "She wanted Ashton to return her calls. Seemed pretty urgent."
"She's fine," Ashton mumbled, distracted with something on his phone. "She's just pregnant."
"She's what?" Jordan snapped.
"Oh god," I breathed.
Ashton rolled his eyes, he didn't seem affected in the least. "Relax, it's not mine."
Tristan huffed. "And how are you sure it's not yours?"
"Because last time we were together she said she was on birth control."
"Don't tell me you didn't use protection," Jordan's voice was laced with trepidation.
Ashton looked sheepish. " ... I was drunk?"
Noah looked wide-eyed. "Uh-oh."
"You gotta be kidding me." Jordan shook his head in disappointment.
"It's not mine, alright," Ashton insisted.
"How do you know for sure, it's too early to tell," Tristan pointed out.
"I just know," he said. "Listen, you guys don't know Claire. I'm not calling her a slut or anything but if her vagina had a password, it would be 1234. I'm not the only one she fucks and I'm definitely not the last one. That baby cannot be mine. Period."
Jordan rubbed the wrinkles from his forehead. "So what is she gonna do now?"
"I told her to get an abortion." Ashton reached across the table to grab my drink and gulped it down in one go, ignoring my protest. "It's the best thing to do."
"That's not up to you," Tristan commented. "You can't decide whether she keeps it or not. I don't care if it's yours or some other dude's."
"Unplanned pregnancies are a recipe for disaster," Ashton simply said. "I mean just look at us. This isn't about wrong or right, keeping the baby for your own selfish reasons is unfair. Why bring someone to the world if that was never really a choice you made?"
Jordan was about to say something when the waitress came back.
"You guys ready to take your order?" she smiled widely, batting her fake eyelashes.
Her eyes kept flicking back to Jordan who was still ignorant. Noah and I had to stifle our laughter when she purposely leaned over the table to retrieve the menu's. It was a miracle her boobs didn't slip from her tank top. Jordan was not impressed but Ashton was more than happy to enjoy the free show.
Tristan smacked Jordan's chest once she left. "You're missing out on a fine piece of ass, bro."
"Too much fake tan," was all he said.
"I'll gladly take her," Ashton grinned.
"No more sex for you. You got off lightly this time but one day you'll run out of luck," Jordan grumbled. "You're gonna give me grey hairs before I turn thirty."
Ashton grabbed his shoulders and squeezed them hard. "Lighten up Jordy, you're too tense. I'll tell you what you need."
"That waitress' phone number," Noah snickered.
"Exactly. See, even Noah gets it."
While we were waiting for our food, I grabbed my phone to kill time. I was texting Lauren, she asked me if I was free this weekend and if I could come over because she didn't have anything special planned.
"Can I go to Lauren's tomorrow?" I asked my brother, interrupting their conversation about their latest conquests. Boys were disgusting.
"Sure, baby," Jordan smiled.
"I can drop her off." Tristan wrapped his arm around my neck. His fingers tickled my shoulder where he started playing with my hair.
That was settled then. I quickly texted Lauren back to tell her the good news when my phone suddenly buzzed with a new incoming message. I opened the conversation and read the text.
'I'm sorry, I forgot to mention my name. It's me, Adrian.'
Wait ... what? Oh right the anonymous message.
I quickly typed a response.
'Adrian who?'
'Adrian Jacobs ...'
Holy shit.
'Dad?'
'Yes.'
A/N: so this was more of a filler. I dropped some hints here and there, so I'll leave it up to you to connect the dots. More action and drama in the upcoming chapters :D
Don't forget to vote and follow, I'll be forever grateful! Thank you xxx