Ma 💋- baby I know you hate him but I want you to know
Me- hate who??????
Ma 💋- your father passed away
Me- o
Ma 💋- your heading to Philadelphia???
Me- yeah it's our next stop
Ma 💋- I'm going there his funeral gonna be there
Ma 💋- will you please come?
Ma 💋- for me?
Me- I don't know mom...
Ma 💋- please just for me I don't want to go alone
Me- why not just not go??
Ma 💋- honey he's your dad
Me- *sperm donor
I then powered off my phone pissed as fuck. How is it he still haunts me being dead! It couldn't be was he really dead? Or did he escape and cover up?? I hated him with a passion since forever but my mom, no my mom still loved him.
I then sighed laying back while I let Handro continue sleeping. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to. Would my dad, correction sperm donor want me there?
His family my used to be family will be there I couldn't leave those assholes with my mom alone. I had to go. I hated that I would have to get dressed up for a sorry fuck up. He deserved what he got. He was so wrong in the head to do what he did. He truly is the main reason I never want to make love to anyone.
I felt like having a baby was impossible because of him. Just when I'm close to doing it with Handro I stop myself why? I'm scared. He ruined many things for me. I never told anyone that's my main reason I just don't want them to feel bad for me.
It wasn't important.
I just knew I would have to go. His family is just as fucked up as him. I hated them as well. They blamed my mom and me for everything. I blamed myself but my mom had nothing to do with.
They loved seeing my mom cry and I knew without me they would say he rotted in a cell because of her. Although she loves him, they say it's a act. Love must me crazy if she still loves him.
I then power my phone on already giving in.
Ma 💋- please
Ma 💋- Hen!!
Ma 💋- he would want us too
Ma 💋- not even for me?
Ma 💋- it's bad to not forgive baby
Me- fine I'll go mom
Ma 💋- omygosh thank you
Ma 💋- ily!!
Me- 💚
I felt Handro move a bit and when I look down I find him looking up at me.
"What's wrong mamas you look like something bugging you" He ask getting up.
"I- my dad died" is all I say looking down. I didn't know how I should feel.
I then see the rest rush over to us. Eavesdropping? I guess so.
"But didn't he" he then stopped himself and pulled me in for a hug.
"Handro I don't know how to react" I say grabbing a chunk of his shirt while my eyes begin to pour.
"Bestie I am so sorry" Kato says rubbing my back
"Handro he hurt me and I can't help but still care he died but he raped me but I can't help but wish I killed him" I yell with tears and get up breathing heavily mad.
The rest mouths open wide while they watch me melt down.
"You don't mean that you can still love someone who hurt you" he says grabbing my hands and kissing them.
"No Handro that's the crazy part I wished death upon him since for ever but I wanted to see him torture" I yell sobbing.
"Stop it" he yells
"It's true Handro I don't care think whatever you want anyone can think what they want but I would for sure kill him myself if I could. I wish he was alive so I could've killed him" I yell pulling my hairs.
He then grabs my hands to stop me from pulling my hairs and he kisses my forehead.
"I want. Him. Dead. From my. Mind And forever
He should go to Helllllll" I sob and I look up at Handro who seems like he he isn't sure what to do.
"Let me talk to you" Franky whispers to me helping me up. I don't say anything just look down and follow.
"I was abused never loved until today I still technically have no one who loves me like parents should. I was abused, bullied, and raped too. I almost even got sold once that's how I escaped. My aunt raped me. My dad beat the fuck out of me. My mom tried selling me for some heroin." He says with tears and I listen feeling bad because mine wasn't anything compared.
"I use to think like you but the difference was I did kill them. I got caught up and locked up and met Rob in there. What I'm trying to say it didn't help it made me feel worse. I never forget how they looked at me it makes me feel crazy at times. But just use what he did to make you strong don't let them make you weak" he says sighing drying his tears and I nod.
He then gets up and I nod but can't help but still feel a huge hatred still be a part of my heart. I then get out the room we were in and Handro goes up to me right away.
"I'm sorry baby I freaked because I haven't been honest" Handro says grabbing my head and putting our foreheads together.
"My dad used to force me to sell drugs, make me do drugs, and kill for his profit. I hated myself because I was a bitch and did all he made me do. I hate him and I feel what you feel hate but the thing is I act like I'm fine. He died and I realized I still loved him regardless I wish I could've talked to him to see if he changed but I lost my chance but it just triggered me" but unlike Franky Handro didn't cry he just closed his eyes shut and breathed in and out stopping himself.
"We all broken so trust me we know" Handro says hugging me now. The thing was I felt so safe in his arms and I hug him tight.
"I'm going to the funeral with my mom but I just know his family going to shit talk us as usual knowing he raped me Handro it just gets me mad" I say breathing hard and letting all my tears out.
He doesn't say anything.
He listens.
Doesn't give feedback.
He comforts me.
I felt safe.
He just knew I wanted to talk I talked myself to sleep while he made me feel safe it felt so good letting my negative thoughts out.
Not once did he judge me.