Akshita
I have always believed in second chances. A person gets a second chance at something at least once in his life. I was given a second chance at life itself. When I was born, I was declared a stillborn but after a few seconds, the doctors resuscitated me. It was my second chance at life but I didn't do justice to it. I should have used this chance wisely and should have proved my worth to everyone, to my parents even though I shouldn't be required to prove my worth. My biggest failure in life is that I couldn't make myself worthy for my parents because there has never been a day that they showed any sort of respect or love to me.
I was never the child my parents wanted to have because I am not a boy. I have been continuously told since childhood that I am the biggest disappointment of my parent's life. My parents always wanted a male child. Even in this modern era, where girls can do anything, my parents didn't find me worthy of their love, support and respect. No matter how hard I tried, I could never be the child they wanted. My birth brought complications to my mother because of which she couldn't conceive again and I was subjected to all the hatred and loathing from them.
I have known these things since childhood, they hated me so much that they couldn't keep these things to themselves. I was told about these things repeatedly. I have always been undesirable - undesirable to my parents, to friends, to family, to everyone around me.
I still remember every intricate detail of the day my parents told me for the first time that I was a kid that made them feel ashamed because I am a girl. The day it all began, the day I realised how undesirable and unloved I am. I was just ten years old and I had accidentally broken a very expensive showpiece of my mother. When my parents saw it, they hurled abuses at me, called me things a ten-year-old should never have to listen to. It was not like I never noticed before that how indifferent they were to me but after that day, everything was crystal clear.
What are the most important things in life? Family, friends, love?
I don't have any of these. I am a disgrace for my family, I have zero friends and I don't even know what love is. So what do I have? I have a pity story wherein I have not seen a single happy day in my life.
I liked to consider myself a strong woman, a very strong one. Although some people might disagree because I behaved like a mute and frightened lamb in front of people, especially my parents. I am afraid of my parents, very much so. I have always been, since the age, I knew what fear was, they have instilled it in me badly.
As I was growing up, I realised that my parents' aim in life was to see me suffer. So much so, that now they were going to marry me off to a guy who could make my life as miserable as they did or maybe worse than they did. This was the only way they would have the peace they desired for themselves in life. I had stopped pitying myself a long time ago. I was prepared for everything bad that could happen. Nothing could be as bad as living with my parents because for me it had been the worst experience of my life.
I would be lying if I said that I never cried because of their indifference. I did, so many times that I forgot the count but not in their presence. I couldn't give them the satisfaction that they broke me, never have and never will. They should always think of me as stubborn.
There will never be anyone who could make me break down my walls. No one would ever be able to make me lay down my emotions openly. No one would ever be that special because living with my parents for the past 23 years of my life, I have learnt one thing, that people are extremely selfish and evil and there is no such thing as trust in this world.
I remember that as a child I always had this dream of having a happy family and a loving husband. I was a foolish little girl who was dreaming too big. My younger self was trying to be optimistic about life but my older self has seen so much disappointment that it isn't sure anymore if love even exists.
Daughters are the princesses of their fathers, I think this might be true in some other dimension or some other world. Because in my world I am not a princess, I am a puppet of my parents. I speak when they ask me to, I smile when they want me to, I wear clothes they choose for me, I do everything they ask from me.
My parents are trying to find a suitable man for me which in my mother's words was a very tough job because I am not beautiful. My mother never failed to remind me of that part as well.
I am very awkward with people, I don't know how to talk to them. I have always been an awkward child, the one who don't know how to impress relatives at parties, the one who nobody even gives a second glance to. I never got to know why I was so uncomfortable while talking to people. I have never been to a family function without being embarrassed. My parents rarely took me to family functions anymore or gatherings of any sort. They were kind of ashamed of me because let's face it, I am not a golden child. In their eyes, I'll always be just a girl.
But even without their support, I believe I still have achieved a few things in life. The first and foremost being a degree which I am most proud of because I topped in my college and also in the university to which it was affiliated. I was even offered an extended post-graduate programme at the university which I couldn't do because of my parents. So I got a job as a professor in a local college. As a child, I always dreamt of being a doctor but my father refused to waste his money on my medical education since it was very expensive so I chose to go into the teaching profession. He could easily afford my education but he was not willing to let me become a doctor. I grew to love my job though.
I think I was destined to be a teacher because the confidence teaching gives me is unmatched. I don't think I have ever been so grateful to have something other than my education. The only people who respected me or even loved me were my students, they were the best part of me. The hours I spent in college, teaching, were the best hours of my day because back home, all I did was playing dress-up. My mother dressed me in "appropriate clothes" and taught me to be a good daughter-in-law and wife. Even though my mother herself needed lessons on how to be a mother. I am not saying, good mother, because for being a good mother she needed to learn to be a mother first which was a tough thing to learn for her.
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I was sitting alone in the staff room of my college department because I had a free lecture and all the thoughts about my life were running in my mind.
"Akshita mam?" Someone called my name. I looked up from my book to see an office boy standing there.
"Yes?"
"Head sir is calling you, mam."
"Okay. I'll be there." I told him and packed my stuff. I wondered, why was head sir calling me. I chucked my thoughts aside and went to his office.
"May I come in, sir?" I knocked before entering.
"Yes, Akshita. You may." He politely smiled at me.
"I was told that you were calling me, sir," I asked with a polite smile.
"Yes. Please have a seat." I sat opposite him before he continued.
"Miss Akshita, I have received your resignation letter. May I inquire why are you resigning from your post all of a sudden?" I looked at him confused. I didn't file for any resignation letter.
"Your father emailed it to me just an hour ago. I was confused as to why you didn't deliver it yourself and what happened that you have to resign from the job." He asked and waited for my answer. The missing pieces of the puzzle got completed. Of course, my father! Who else could take such a big decision of my life without even asking me?
"Actually, sir we have some family emergency due to which I might have to shift someplace else. That is why I'll have to resign from my job. And I asked my father to email it because I was..." I stopped mid-sentence because I couldn't come up with an excuse.
"Umm... actually... Uh. Yeah. Actually, I couldn't write my resignation letter. It was emotional for me so I asked my father to write it and send it to you." I sighed at my believable response to him. All my life, I have cleaned up the mess my parents created for me. I was tired of making excuses for them.
"Oh! Okay. Since you have been an excellent professor and colleague, I will accept your resignation. You can resign after serving your one month notice. I hope your family emergency is not very serious. Here." He handed me the final papers smiling politely at me. I was having a hard time controlling my emotions. The only good thing about my life was also going to be over.
"Yes, sir. Thank you." I shook hands with my department head and took a leave from his office. I went back to the staff room and after serving my last lecture for the day, I left for home.
Was it even my home? I questioned myself. It never felt like home.
After reaching the house, I went straight back to my room. My room was designed as per my mother's choice. It was painted in a baby pink shade, which I absolutely hated, with a wardrobe on the right corner filled with clothes and footwear of my mother's choice as well. In the centre, there was a dressing table which contained a lot of makeup products and accessories which was not suited to my face. I didn't even change my clothes, I just sat there dazed, staring at the wall for some time. No tears came from my eyes, I waited for them but my eyes were blank just like my life.
I needed answers from my parents so after sitting alone in the dark room for some time, I went to the hall to talk to them. They were sipping their evening tea in silence like always.
"Why did you send my resignation to the college without asking me?" I asked my father directly. Even though my voice was merely a whisper but I am sure he heard it.
"Without asking you? Huh? You are not big enough to take your decisions, Akshita. I didn't stop you from doing that useless job in that useless college because you didn't have anything to do at that time but now it is your age for marriage. Moreover, all the boys we have seen for marriage rejected you. At first, I thought it was your looks but now a friend of mine told me that your job is also the reason for it. So after serving your month notice, no job for you. You will stay at home and learn household chores from your mother." He said calmly but there was a hint of irritation on his face from my presence.
"But I..." I stuttered looking down.
"As a father, I know what is good for you and what is not. So just keep your mouth shut and go to your room." He did gritting his teeth to control his anger. I turned around to leave.
"Wait!" He called out and I looked at him in question.
"A family is coming to see you tomorrow. Your mother will get you ready. Don't try and act smart in front of them." I nodded and went back to my room. No matter how many times I tried, I always ended up obeying them like a puppet. I always tried to be a rebel but my father's stern and cold voice was enough to shush me down. I banged the door of my room and angry tears made their way out of my eyes.
I looked at myself in the mirror and more tears came out of my eyes. Self-loathe, that is what I could see.
"I am sorry. I let you down again. I promise I will try to stand for myself one day. I promise." I uttered the empty promises I always made to myself, keeping a hand on my heart.
The next day, my mother woke me up early and applied some face pack on me. My mother is a beautiful woman for her age, with fair skin, long black hair and a good height. Back in her days, I am sure she would have been the centre of attention for so many people. She took pride in beauty. She always carried herself with grace and poise but I wondered how beautiful she would look if she ever wore a genuine smile.
"Your skin will look radiant with this pack. I have kept your clothes on the bed. Wash your face with warm water after ten minutes and then get ready wearing this dress. I will come in ten minutes to do your makeup and hair." Giving me the instructions, my mother left the room. As soon as she left, I locked the door carefully and washed off the terrible face pack she applied on me. When I came back after bathing, I saw the dress she kept on the bed. It was so heavy. She always selected the worst dresses. I have such a terrible wardrobe, not even a single dress is to my taste. I groaned in displeasure.
The dress was in the pale golden shade with heavy embroidery done on it. It was biting at my skin but I had no other choice except to obey my mother. I was in no mood for her drama. When I came back wearing it, there was a knock at the door. I realised that I forgot to unlock the door. I opened it hurriedly and my mother entered inside, adorning an ugly scowl on her beautiful face.
"Who asked you to lock the door?" She asked gritting her teeth.
"Uh, I was changing." She shook her head at me in response.
"Okay, sit here. I will do your make up. I can't trust you to do a single thing right." I sighed in defeat and sat on the chair keeping my mouth shut and eyes closed as she applied various products on my skin. After she was done, she gave me a final look.
"Hmm, you look presentable. Now, when I call you, just come and show yourself, greet them and then stay quiet." I nodded at her familiar words. I didn't understand, in which era were my parents living. After she left, I looked at myself in the mirror. In my opinion, I looked hardly presentable with the layers and layers of makeup on my face.
If had been given a choice, I would have rather met my prospective marriage partner without any makeup. I looked so ugly with it. I grunted at myself in annoyance and waited for my parents to call me outside for another one of their pretend show.
After some time, I was called to greet everyone. Like always I went there, greeted them all, sat like a dummy nodding my head at some things in between, while my parents and the other family did all the talking.
The guy was good looking but if he hadn't opened his mouth for commenting that my degree was of no use, I might just have found him attractive too. He was a complete douchebag. He was getting along with my father quite well since both of them had the same medieval era thinking. From where did my parents find these people, they were always similar kind? Because my parents would definitely not ask for my opinion, I was praying in my heart that the guy rejects me.
"We will take a leave now. We have some other chores to do." The guy's father said and they left after faking smiles and eating snacks.
"See. They also rejected her, I saw it on their faces. They didn't like her at all. She is going to be a burden to us all our life, Asha. When will I ever get peace?" My father yelled in frustration and sat on the sofa massaging his temples. I shuddered at his harsh words like always and my eyes widened in fear.
"Don't worry. I will sort some more meetings for her. Please don't stress about it." My mother consoled him.
"Don't just stand there like a dummy. Go back to your room. Good for nothing, useless idiot." My father shouted at me. I went back to my room afraid of his wrath and closed the door behind me. I took deep breaths to calm myself down.
Will this ever be over? I have doubts.
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Welcome to the story of Ashish and Akshita. How does Akish sound? Familiar ;)
I hope you guys give this story as much love as you have given to my other story, "A miracle that changed my life". This story is a prequel to that one but both the books are stand-alone novels.
I hope you liked this chapter. Hit the star icon at the bottom to give your vote and comment to give your feedback ❤
❤K