I didn't realize this book reached 2k already. So this is just a really short chapter of my appreciation for all of the people who read this book.
P.S. Also this is my attempt writing in first person's point of view. So bear with me. :D
P.P.S. Please read the end-note.
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1.
I was 7 when you moved in to our neighborhood. I was ecstatic. Because I would finally have someone to play with. I was bored of playing alone. I needed a friend back then. I believed fate happened. Then you came.
As soon as the moving truck pulled up, I immediately crossed the street where your house was. I was glued to you ever since I saw you came out from your parents' car.
But you didn't like me. You hated my existence. I was annoying so I get you. I would hate me too. I can't imagine myself having someone following me everywhere I go. I creeped you out one way or another.
Not until you found out we were actually classmates that you were doomed to always have me behind your back.
I was persistent. You were friendless.
You had no choice but to confront me one day. I remember I cried so hard because you downright told me you hated me. The next thing I knew, you were saying sorry, consoling me awkwardly. Your pale hands were wiping off the tears on my cheeks.
We became friends after that. I was so happy. You were my first crush. Without you, my childhood would have been so boring. Well...not until you moved out after 2 years. You left me broken. I never saw you again ever since you left.
You were my first heartache.
2.
In 8th grade, you were my super annoying seatmate. I had to put up with your childishness for a whole year. We would always fight since we're polar opposites. You liked to tease me about my dimples. You said it was like someone dug up a hole on my face.
Then I would tease you and your odd smile for revenge. I said you must have slipped when you were born that's why you have a different smile.
I didn't like your attitude. You were troublesome, mischievous, and a pain in the ass. We would bicker routinely everyday. I couldn't deny that I was falling for you little by little, day by day.
Curse you and your weird smile.
One day, I just found myself blushing when you tease me about my dimples. The way you would smile and laugh at me, my heart would beat so fast that I became afraid it would malfunction. I was so confused. Why did I have to fall for you?
Word came out that you had a crush on the prettiest girl in our class. I was devastated. Of course you wouldn't like me back. It's not that I was hoping you would like me back anyway. But it still hurt me regardless.
So I kept my feelings for you.
Until none was left.
3.
High school came. We became lab partners, so naturally you were coerced to talk to me. You looked like you were very athletic and masculine. In other words, you're hot. You looked like you were a player in the quarterback. I was right. And I had a feeling you were really popular. I was right again.
I did most of the work in our projects. You were only there for moral support. You also never failed to copy my homeworks. But yeah I can proudly say we were friends. You were good to me. You invited me to parties that I typically have never been invited to.
You made my high school life bearable. You'd sometimes hang out with me and my other friends. You made me hang out with your group too, though it didn't seem like they liked me. I know they talked about me behind my back, but you fought for me. You stayed friends with me. You were too kind. That made me fall for you.
You were my first love.
But that was a terrible mistake.
One drunken night, in another one of your friend's parties, I...confessed.
We were alone talking while looking at the starry sky that night. I thought it was the perfect moment.
So I confessed in the spur of the moment.
You were taken aback. You...never thought I wasn't straight.
Because you are straight.
I was so embarrassed that I left you there unmoving on the porch.
I avoided your messages and calls. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to just disappear and erase my existence.
It wasn't your fault but you're the one who apologized. Why were you blaming yourself? It was obviously my fault. I loved you more than as a friend.
In those few months without you, I learned to accept and understand myself. Because of you, I realized who I really was. I came out to my parents and everyone accepted me for who I was. They even congratulated me for being brave. I couldn't have done it without you.
After everything that have happened, I came back to you. You happily accepted me with open arms.
You were a great friend. Thank you for being you.
I'm glad I have met you.
4.
Before anything, I would like to thank you for being my first in almost everything. Thank you being the first person to like me, my first boyfriend, my first date, and my first kiss. You cherished me and loved me more than what I deserved. You were always optimistic, happy, cheerful, and so freaking lovable. I don't know why you came to like me. There was nothing to be so proud of to me. I was clumsy and I destroy things. Heck, I was even taller than you, but you treated me like your baby.
You loved me despite my flaws.
You were the perfect boyfriend. I couldn't ask for more.
I fucking hate myself for not doing my part as your boyfriend. I should've taken care of you more. I should have forced myself. I should have forced myself to stay. I should have forced myself to love you.
And I'm so sorry if I can't. I'm sorry I can't return your feelings. I was just so caught up to the thought of someone who finally loved me. It was my first time to be loved. I was so focused on that, that I forgot I had to love you too.
I wasn't in love with you. I was in love with the idea of love.
Please forgive me. I was an asshole. I took you for granted. You didn't deserve someone as low as me. I'm sorry. I hope you're happy with someone else now. The one who could love you for you.
Please forgive me.
5.
I broke up with my first boyfriend when I met you. You mended my broken heart. You were there when I needed someone. You whispered reassurances to my ears. That everyone deserves to love and to be loved. That I did the right thing. That I can't force some things. I believed you.
It didn't take long for me to fall for you. You had this motherly aura in you. You liked to take care of me.
In college, I always tend to forget to eat when I study too hard. So you cooked meals for me. You cheered me up when I felt like giving up in studying. You took care of me so much that I didn't doubt your love for me. I loved you too. So much.
Then karma happened.
It hit me so hard that I fucking lost you.
We were so busy about my own issues that I never realized you had your own too. I was too busy fixing myself when you yourself were the one who really needed saving. Why didn't you tell me?
Why were you so selfless? I thought we're in this together. But you carried your problems on your own. You said everyone needs to love and to be loved. But why do you only focus on me, me, and only me? You could have told me! I could've done something...anything! You needed to be loved too. But you didn't let me.
Wherever you are right now, I hope you're happy now. I loved you so much.
You were my first heartbreak.
6.
Save the best for last, eh?
You.
You're different.
You're different from the past guys that I've liked.
First of all, you're really short.
Like tiny-short!
Sure I've liked and dated guys that were a bit shorter than me for just a few centimeters. But you...you're just downright shorter. To be honest, I don't like guys who are a lot shorter than me.
But you do have your charms. I admit that. You're impossible to not love. You're really sweet and thoughtful. Whenever you smile, your eyes does too. You laugh at almost everything. You laugh when I get clumsy. You laugh when I break something. You laugh when I get frustrated. You practically laugh at my whole being.
I was hurt over and over again. You're the one who put me back together. I lost someone and I lost myself in the process. You came and you brought back the old me. I gained you.
You were smooth, I'll give you that. You always got something under your sleeves. You were unpredictable. You took me to places I've never been to. You were my first time. And it was amazing. I never imagined doing it with anyone but you.
If had to choose from all of the guys that I've liked, I'd choose you. It's true that what I feel for you is different from the others.
The fireworks, cotton candies, the butterflies in my stomach, and the spark...I haven't felt that with you. That's what I felt to the guys before you. But contentedness, longing and comfort were what I felt when I'm with you.
You're not what I wanted. But you're what I needed in my life.
You helped me learn to let go of the past. You were what I've been missing on in my whole life. True, you're far from my ideal guy. But you were the right guy for me.
I loved you and you loved me. And we still do.
You are my true love.
Happy anniversary.
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Wow, this is so short. Did you guess who's who? I don't know if it is too obvious or subtle. But ayyyeee I updated even though I updated yesterday. This was supposed to be angst until the end but meh. I had enough. 😤
ALSO I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT...
I will post my first new stand alone book :'>
AND it's NAMKOOK! CHEERS!
Because it's Christmas, of course it's Christmas themed. Tbh, this chapter is just to promote my new upcoming book. Lol. That's all. :D