“This is not a good-bye, my darling, this is a thank-you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.”
-Nicholas Sparks
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Chapter 19-Lies
Victor’s POV
The next few months passed in a haze.
An amazing, wonderful, astounding, breathtaking, Chelsea induced haze. I didn’t make the mistake I did last time, not paying attention to her, not talking to her, not being good enough for her, so Chels actually stuck with me. Not that I would have let her leave me either ways.
Things between us were good. Way better than good actually, they were amazing. I made sure she knew how much I loved her everyday. How beautiful she was. How good and pure she was. She is my world and life, I thought, I don’t think anyone could ever make me feel like her. Ever.
In between then and now though, Chels had suddenly come to the conclusion that she was fat. My ass. That was, safe to say, the hardest part up until now. Convincing her she was perfect. I had to go to great measures everyday to convince her she was fine, and eventually she believed me. Though that took a long long time. I never let her down, being there for her at the bend of every corner, and she in turn made me happier than I had ever been before.
Out of nowhere, I found myself facing graduation. Alongside Harry, Arts, Mels, Jake, Nate and Nats. Graduation. Leaving high school. Gradu-fucking-ation. I was beyond nervous. I was a bag of nerves, all tangled up, just waiting to explode.
Today, it was mid July, 17th, the day graduation took place.
I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to fix my tie so that it was exactly in the middle. So freaking annoying. It never stays! I heard a tinkling laugh and turned to see Chels standing at the doorway looking stunning in a deep maroon dress, giggling at my frustrations.. It reached her knees and complimented her bright red hair. She walked inside, her heels clinking on the floor, and straightened out my tie for me, then smiling brightly at me, looking me straight in the eye.
‘Nervous?’
She asked.
‘No.’
I feigned ignorance.
‘Why would I be nervous? I’m just graduating from high school. A place I’ve been for the past 4 years with the same people I’ve known my entire life. Why would I be nervous?’
She giggled at my blubbering and pecked my lips, carefully biting on my bottom lip.
‘Everything’s going to be fine. Relax Love. You look great by the way.’
I smiled in return to her grin and kissed her cheek.
‘So do you Bubbles. You look beautiful.’
And she did. As always. I guess I’ll always be captivated my her beauty, never getting used to it.
We went to the hotel where the ceremony would be taking place. My parents and Chels’s parents would come in a bit, driving here together. They felt it would be easier, and that they needed to blubber together about their ‘little boys’ growing up.
The hall was full of people dressed in shirt’s and pants and a variety of dresses. On everyones arm ofcourse, was the schools graduation cloak, plain black with striking blue stripes.. And most of us had us black and blue hats already on.
I was graduating today. The thought hit me like a thunderstorm. After today, I’d only ever attend college. College, a big unfamiliar place, with newly met people and no family around for back up.
College, I thought. I was going to all the way to Australia for college. I had made my decision only a few days ago, after a whole month of debating whether to go or not. I wanted to stay close by and be with Chels, I really really did, but this was a massive opportunity. Too big to comprehend. This college does not take just ANYONE, it’s elite and elegant. And I was chosen.
I knew that if in the end I didn’t go to Australia I would end up regretting it and hating Chels. I’d blame her in the end, and I didn’t want that.
I planned to break the news to her in August. Carefully, calmly, explaining everything to her. Holding her, making sure she doesn’t run away. I knew she wouldn’t want me to turn this down, but I also knew that she would be very mad, and very very sad. Mad at me for not telling her sooner I guess. And sad for me leaving.
I was too.
Chels kissed my cheek and left to go settle down with the rest of the students that had siblings or boyfriends or girlfriends or simply friends in my year.
The opening speech by the Principal took place followed by the top student in our year announcing our names and which university we would be going to.
Shit.
Which university we would be going to! They can’t announce mine! Nobody knows where I’m going yet! And I don’t think anyone, most importantly Chelsea, would take to it kindly that I hadn’t told them before.
She had questioned me previously, on which university I was going to, she assumed that I was staying close by, maximum a 3 hour car ride. She could handle that she said, that we’d still be close together, she said.
Boy, she was in for a shock.
I sat rigidly in my seat, waiting for them to announce my name. Finally, after what seemed like, or actually was a few hours, my time came.
‘Victor Leonard. Regency University, Melbourne, Australia.’
Not to sound too dramatic, but there was seriously a round of gasps from the crowd. My eyes automatically landed on my angel, while I simultaneously stood up and made my way towards the stage to collect my diploma.
Her mouth was in a little O of horror, something I would have found incredibly adorable, had it been another situation. Her eyes were wide and quickly filling with unshed tears. Her body was stiffer than cardboard and just as I stepped foot on stage, she ran out.
My parents, both who knew nothing of my decision to leave the country, hell leave the freaking continent, were staring at me in shock. Harry, Jake, Nate, Nats, Arts and Mels were all jolted by the blow, and sat stiffly, wide eyed in their seats.
I can explain to them all later, I thought, first, I gotta find Chels. As soon as I got off stage I sprinted out the door. A few teachers were going to stop me, to no avail. I would find Chels, come hell or high water.
Without delay, I rushed to the one place I knew Chels would be. The bleachers next to the soccer court.
She loved it there, said the breeze was amazing. Said she loved remembering how I played, how I moved and she loved the energetic atmosphere one game could create.
As I thought, she was there. Her head in her hands, tears silently streaming down her face. I climbed up with an acute speed and stopped right in front of her.
What I saw in her eyes, that was what drained they life out of me, making my entire body go pale...white. Like a corpse.
It wasn’t the tiny glint of anger in her beautiful eyes that put the fear of God in me, it was the mass amounts of disappointment and hurt in her orbs that had me stopping dead.
‘Chels..please...let me explain.’
I made a motion to move towards her, but her next words stopped me on my feet.
‘Don’t. Vic, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t come any closer to me. Don’t you DARE touch me.’
Her eyes flashed and her voice dropped down an octave. My shoulders slumped down in helplessness as I stood there, listening to what she had to say.
‘So you think you can leave me huh? Think you can just come in and make me fall in love with your gorgeous hazel eyes and your floppy black hair? Think you can pull me in with your pure heart and kindness and desire to help and then JUST LEAVE ME!?! YOU CAN’T DO THAT! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND LEAVE! YOU CAN’T!’
She then calmed down, taking in a few breaths of air. I knew better than to answer, that would just do me more harm than good. The next time she spoke, her voice was soft, tender, like trying to tell a 5 year old child a fairytale. A childhood fairytale.
‘I fell in love with you when I was 7. When I was nothing more than a little girl with the belief that santa was real, that everyone had their prince charming, that our family would live forever and and always help us through tough times, that all people were good and kindhearted and affectionate and...and warm. I fell in love with you then. And I fell hard. All throughout my relationship with Nick, all throughout my dates and flings with good looking guys from the basketball team, all throughout my growing up, I loved you. Truly, I believed it would go away one day, but it didn’t. And to be sincere, I’m glad. Finally I hit puberty, and when I come back from that freaking France trip, your eyeing me up and down and watching my every move. I thought you were just going big brother on me, but then you asked me out. It was the happiest day of my life.’
She had a soft, timid smile on her face as she recalled the contents of that day in Victoria Park.
‘We were happy. For 5 months we were immensely happy. And then of course, you had to go and screw things up. I spent the next 4 months debating whether it was worth being miserable to hold onto something so full and consuming of life and heart. And then I decided it wasn’t. I waited, from the day I broke it off with you, I waited for you to grow some balls and come and fight for me. Then you finally did. You opened your heart to me at that party. We got back together, then the trip and the whole Lexi thing and here we are today. You’ve been a part of my life for 14 years Vic. A part of my heart for 7 of those years. Half of my life, Vic, half of my life. You always said we would end up together and get married, and you know what? You had me fooled. You had me wrapped around your little finger, had me believing that you were telling the truth. Was it all a lie, Vic? Did you just want me till now, till you left this god dammed continent? Tell me Vic, did you?’
‘Oh shut up Chels! Listen to yourself. Does it sound like I’d do that? Does it? I wanted to be with you every single second of every single day! I still do. And then when you went and dumped my sorry ass, I was depressed. I was sad and mad and angry and I just wanted to run away. So I applied to Aussie. Did I think I was going to get in? NO WAY. Did I want to? Who wouldn’t? Did I know before we got back together that I had been accepted? Yes I did Bubbles. I did. But tell me, would you want me to give it up? If you want me to stay, say the word and I’m not leaving ever.’
She glared daggers at me, before seething,
‘You know I dont. I want the best for you! But if you were going to leave anyways, why get me attached to you!? Why make me fall for you further, only to leave me by the end of the year!’
Her words pulled a trigger in my body and I just shouted.
‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. I honest to god, from the bottom of my heart, love you. I knew I was leaving, and I didn’t want to spend my last few months craving my loved. Had the letter not come...had I not been accepted..would I have told you I wanted you back? Of course I would’ve. I was breaking more and more everyday. It was bound to be sooner than later that I completely fell apart and came begging, groveling on my knees to you! Because, Bubbles, I love you. Forever and Always.’
She stared at me for all of 3 seconds before launching herself into my arms. She cried and cried and cried. She let out these heart breaking, gut wrenching sobs.
‘Dont leave me, Bubbles. Please.’
My voice cracked towards the end and Chels’s sobs finally stopped. Her voice was breathless and tired,
‘Never.’
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