Chapter 32
Alex's Point of View
To say the least, I wasn't expecting this day to come so soon, but it has and I'm really not ready to deal with it yet. I don't want to. I'm being punched in the face with my mothers soon to come death, that she not only knows is coming, but has probably has planned it herself. No one should ever have to do that for themselves. Knowing Shane wants to be there for me, but he can't put his life on hold just because I'm going through a family crisis. I never pictured myself caring this much about one of my parents death until now, it's almost like now I'm realizing that even though they were and still are absolutely shitty parents that they did give me a lot in life. Not nearly as much as other children got at young ages, but I appreciated what I got, even though I was abused daily. It's almost like now I realize that I actually never did deserve that no matter how many time I cut myself, my conscience repeating it's self over and over that I deserved every hit I got.
"Alex I really can still come with you, I know you don't want to be alone," Shane whispers in my ear and tears continuously stream down my face. He's completely right. I don't want to do this alone, but I also want to prove to him that I am stronger now that he's been with me. He has taught me to get through things, without hurting myself.
"You know I would love for you to be there with me, but you've helped me through so much, and like I said you're so busy right now," our faces are merely inches away from each other. I connect our lips for a second before pulling away and whispering my love for him.
"I love you so much," he surprises me by sweeping my legs from under me and picking me and walking up the stairs. He places me on the bed while crawling over me I poke his sides making him slightly flinch causing me to giggle. "You're a sneaky one,"
"I have to keep you on your toes," I mumble as I cuddle into his chest. His arms wrapping protectively around my waist with his chin resting on the top of my head. Tilting my head up to look at him, when I make contact with his eyes makes this feeling in my stomach go crazy. "I'm going to miss you so much,"
"We'll talk every day, right?" I nod my head answering his question, his small smile gives me a feeling of reassurance. Although I have a feeling that this week isn't going to be the best time of my life.
____
Waking up this summer was probably one of the most difficult things I've had to do, just knowing what is to come within the next days is weighing me down. Shane is laying on the bed watching me put clothing into my suitcase that I'm going to be bringing with me to Italy. The flight leaves late tonight to get me there very early morning. Slowly walking back into the closet to gather more clothes, a black dress catches my attention. It's the one that my mother made me buy, or let her buy for me. Tears spring to my eyes with realization. She bought this dress so I could wear it to her funeral. She told me that night as I was dropping her off at the hotel that she had cancer.
Taking the dress off the hanger and carrying it out, Shane's eyes shift from the screen of his phone to my face. "She bought this," my voice stutters, slowly fading at the end of my words. "She bought me this because she knew she was going to die," what surprises me when I'm finished saying that sentence is that my voice comes out stronger than it did before.
"Alex," Shane uneasily gets up walking towards me, he already knows what is going to happen in a matter of seconds.
"She knew she was going to die, she told me on the way home that I could wear this is different occasions. She wants me to wear this to her fucking funeral," tears are now falling, which isn't a surprise. My boyfriend takes the dress from my hands and throws it somewhere out of my vision and wraps his strong arms around me. "My mom is dying," I sob. I don't hold anything back anymore. "Shane everything hurts," I don't realize he was carrying me until I am set down and pulled into his chest. His arms tightly pull my arms to my chest holding me tightly.
"Alex, breath. Don't take sharp breaths like that, you're going to get lightheaded and faint again," it was true, I was already pretty lightheaded not to mention that I'm still crying. "You're having a panic attack Alex, breath," my arms seem to have their own minds because as I can't catch my breath my cries are getting louder, my arms are attempting to escape Shane's tight grip. Knowing that I want my arms don't stop, the pain in my chest seems to keep growing.
I have stage four liver cancer.
Her voice repeats over and over in my head. I just want to scream. Everything seems to stop in this moment, my arms stop moving, I feel like I stopped breathing, my loud cries have stopped though tears still freely flow down my already stained cheeks. My head slowly turns to Shane, his eyes are wide and almost looked surprised. His arms are still embracing me, "I'm sorry," I mumble as I let my head fall on to his chest.
"It's okay, you just slightly frightened me when you screamed, I thought I hurt you," his voice is soft and full of worry.
Shaking my head, "you could never hurt me," his soft lips kiss my temple lightly. "You know I didn't think I actually screamed,"
"Oh you screamed," he lightly chuckled. "I love you,"
"I love you so much Shane," I look up to kiss just under his jaw.
"I'll help you finish packing so we can go out and do stuff for the day," I nod giving him a tight smile.
Folding articles of clothing was never my favorite thing to do, in this case especially. I'm packing to go see my dying mom. After only about twenty minutes of finishing that up, I closed my suitcase, that contains probably too much. Going to the bathroom and grabbing to traveling bag, I put stuff in that I won't need until tomorrow morning. Being ready in my black leggings and a white t-shirt. Swiping mascara across my eyelashes for my last part of my not-so-normal makeup routine. Although I can already see it coming that I'm going to be wearing this much cover-up to hide the fact that I've been crying nonstop from the world. Shane walks into the washroom looking very cute. He's wearing a blue flannel that is wide open with a white t-shirt under, along with dark blue jeans. "Ready to go?" With the nod of my head his hand grips mine. Grabbing my green jacket, with Shane holding it open for me, I slip it on. While I'm adjusting mine, he's putting his coat on. I grab my brown knee high boots that have an inch heal adding my height. Once I'm done Shane is standing there waiting for our hands to connect. Taking my purse I put it over my head for it to rest on the right side of my body.
"Where are we going exactly?" I ask Shane as he leads me out the side door into the cold air of late October. The smile he shows as we continue to walk down the street tells me that he isn't going to fess up. I actually thought we were driving somewhere when he told me he had an idea of something to do.
"Well, I don't exactly have too much planned but I thought it would be nice to walk around downtown for a bit and when we got hungry we could eat," he explains, swinging our hands back and forth.
"I like that idea," Smiling up at him as we walk through the semi-busy streets of downtown.
Walking through the streets hand-in-hand getting pushed together everyone once and awhile from the streets getting busier. Walking in and out of stores looking through clothing, making each other try it on. Shane so far has gotten more clothing than I have which makes me giggle but he claims that he does need new clothes. When really I think he is just sick of his 'old' ones. Though I did pick out his new ones I have to say he looks very good in them. "Are you hungry yet?" Shane asks again for the third time in the past hour. Pulling out my phone I look at the time to see that it's ten to five. My flight leaves at eleven thirty tonight.
"Yeah I am now, want to put all your bags away at home?" I tease him for what felt like the millionth time.
Rolling his eyes he agrees, but not before telling me that I had bags also. Luckily we were actually close to the apartment, so we only had to walk about two blocks. After quickly freshening up and a quick argument on where to go to eat we decided that a not to fancy restaurant was the way to go. Walking back downtown we make our way to the restaurant that, as we walked up to the Joey restaurant one of the nice workers opened the door and greeted us. Shane lets go of my hand and pulls me to his side as we wait for the group in front of us to get help. "Is this good babe?" Shane kisses me cheek making a grin pop on to my cheeks.
"Anywhere would have been perfect as long as I'm with you," I make a face at my own sappiness. As the group of people moves aside to wait for their table, Shane pulls me up to the small desk with a tall blonde waiting to help us. Her ruby red lips are curled into a wide smile and her blonde hair is shoulder length. "Table for two I'm guessing?" Her high cheekbones and big blue eyes make her gorgeous alone without adding any of the other factors.
"Yeah, thank you," his smile is small and firm which shows his appreciation for her kindness.
"Perfect, right this way you two," Shane's arm leaves from around my waist to give me a nudge with his hand on the small of my back before he connects our hands. Following her closely through the very busy restaurant she shows us a small booth set for two, going to sit down. Placing our menus down in front of us she tells us the wines that are on special. "By the way, you two are the cutest couple I've seen in forever," at her words my cheeks heat up.
"Well thank you," Shane genuinely smiles at her, as do I.
She chuckles to herself before telling us that our waiter's name is Riley and walking away. Looking through the menu so many things are catching my eye. While Shane asks me if we want an appetizer a shorter guy with a buzz cut approaches our table.
"Hello, my name is Riley and I'll be your server for tonight," he looks between Shane and I before continuing. "What can I get you to drink?"
"Could I please have a Sprite," I order and his head nods before turning to Shane. While he orders I look through the appetizers and nachos catch my eye. I could definitely go for some of those. Riley walks away telling us he'll be right back with our drinks Shane smiles up at me. "Can we have nachos?"
Shane holds back his laugh before letting it out, not nearly as loud and usual but loud enough for people around us to know we're having a good time. "I was actually going to ask you that before he interrupted me,"
"He didn't interrupt you, he came to get our drink orders so he can get his job done, but perfect nachos it is," I giggle slightly as he raises his eyebrows at my accusation.
Our drinks were set in front of us before we were asked if we would like any starters, Shane orders for that before he asks for our meal. "Can I have the chicken quesadilla with a Ceaser salad instead of fries?"
"Of course," he complies writing it down quickly before turning to my boyfriend who orders a full steak dinner.
Rolling my eyes at him, Riley must have seen me because he burst into a bit of laughter before saying, "guys got to eat."
"He understands me," Shane smiles widely at me while I shake my head.
"All I have to say is that I better get a piece of that steak,"
"Of course, anything for my baby,"
___
"Shane I'm so full I can't eat dessert!" I laugh as he again asks Riley for a dessert menu.
"I'll be back with it," our waiter walks away laughing at our small bickering.
"We'll share it, we don't even have to eat it all," he tries to convince me once again when I finally give in with a sigh. Looking at the time it's already seven thirty and I have to be at the airport in less than two hours to get through customs.
"Okay, so here is the menu. I totally recommend the chocolate pecan cake," Shane's eyes widen and look up at mine.
"You really had to point out the chocolate cake," sighing into my hand, this guy really gets a kick out our relationship and how it works.
"Hey guys got to eat," Shane complies to say which sends Riley off in a fit of laughter telling us that he'll be back. "Can we actually get that it sounds so good! It comes with chocolate sauce on top,"
"Okay, only because I won't be here for a while," Shane's face slightly falls, before making it into a small smile.
"Don't remind me, I'm going to be so lost without you at home," my heart warms at the fact that he now calls the apartment home.
"Don't worry we're going to Skype or Facetime every day," I try and brighten the mood and it seemed it has worked. "So now about this cake, I kind of really want some now,"
After ordering our cake and receiving it minutes later Shane is now attempting to feed me with his fork while I do the same with my own. "Don't newly married couples do this at their wedding?" I asked laughing as he try's to break a better piece off so it rests on the fork.
"Yeah or the wine thing, I'm not sure," I chuckle at him as we attempt this and succeed again.
Riley comes back when we have finished the cake and places the checkbook on the table, at that moment an idea pops into my head. I could totally work here. "Shane!" I whisper-yell at him and his head shoots up as he reaches for the bill. I quickly swipe it away from him. "It's my turn to pay, but another thing-"
I was cut off by Shane, "no it's not give it to me," he reaches over the table easily taking it from my hands. Pouting the idea is still stuck in my head as he proceeds to get his debit card out for the check.
"I want to work here," I tell him straight up. His head shoots up to meet my gaze.
"Alex you really don't need to work," he places the bill back on the table waiting for Riley to come back with an interactions machine.
"I want to though, look everyone is having a good time, plus I would only work part-time," I explain.
Riley the server returns with a machine in hand, handing it over to Shane once it's ready. "Hey, are you guys hiring for any part-time jobs," I ask him and I hear Shane sigh from across.
"Yeah we actually are, our last meeting our manager told us that we're not low on staff but we could definitely use part-timers, why are you interested?" Shane gives the machine back after he takes his card out and putting it back in his wallet.
"Yeah, I would just want to work like three or four times a week," I explain. Riley tells me that it's a great place to work at and that I should stop by when it's not so busy so I can talk to the manager. "Yeah, I will definitely stop by sometime next week,"
"Great, well I hope everything works out, maybe see you soon. Thanks for keeping me entertained," Shane and I both laugh at that as he walks away. Walking out of the restaurant Shane's walk is slower than usual telling me that he doesn't want to be in any hurry to get me to the airport. I told him that he didn't have to take the day off work today considering it is Monday. But he wouldn't listen to me and kept telling me that he wanted to spend my last day here with me.
After practically pulling Shane through the downtown streets, we finally arrive at home. Falling back on to the bed with a sigh my hands cover my face. I am so not in the mood to be going on this flight, especially for the reason I am. Sitting back up, I go into the bathroom to collect the rest of my necessities. Seeing Shane sitting on the counter with his head in hands makes me drop whatever I was holding and focus my attention on him.
"What's wrong?" I ask him, gently prying his hands off his face. His delicate blue eyes are red, confusion sets in.
"I don't even know, all I know is that I'm going to miss you so much," his voice stutters through some words before he continues. "This is going to be our first time really apart,"
Then it sinks in, ever since we've started dating, we have never been separated for more than a few hours. "I'm going to miss you too Shane, but it's not forever, I promise I'll be back as soon as I can be," which hopefully won't be more than a week.
I stand on my tip toes to connect our lips together softly. "I love you so, so much," his whispers against my lips making get goosebumps all over.
"I love you so much too," I tell him smiling as his eyes light at my words. I brush my teeth one last time before putting it in my traveling bag. Stuffing other stuff in, I go put it in my suitcase and zip it all back up. Pulling it to the top of the stairs Shane carries it down for me. Grabbing my passport and other stuff I need I put it in my purse, making sure I packed my laptop and its charger.
Walking down to his truck, he puts my suitcase in the back seat while I get into my passenger seat. As he gets into the truck, his sad eyes met mine before looking away at the radio, looking for his keys. "I'm going to miss you so freaking much," he mumbles as the loud truck starts. I take my hand in his, squeezing it. I don't think he knew I heard what he said.
"It's not forever Shane, I'll be back soon enough," he nods not letting go of my hand. Whenever we stop at a red light, my hand ends up meeting his lips. While we approach the airport his sighs get progressively louder. Once we park in the over height parking because his truck won't fit into the parking garage, we start walking to escape the chilly air.
"I guess we should have taken your car, we could have parked in here," his hand ignites something explosive in my lower stomach, anything he does gives me butterflies. I just hope he feels the same.
The sliding doors open to reveal a fairly empty airport. We find the line I need to be in, which is a little longer than the others, but that's to be expected considering this is the time they asked us to be here.
__
Standing before security, Shane stops us making me realize that this is where we part and this is where I have to be strong and stand my ground. "I can't go in there," he states the obvious. Rolling my eyes I laugh as he nervously shakes his hair before pulling it to the side. While I'm still slightly giggling, he catches me off guard by embracing me into a really tight hug. "I don't know how I'm going to survive without you," he whispers in my ear bringing tears to my eyes.
"I promise that you're going to be okay," I whisper back to him which causes him to squeeze my torso tighter. "I love you so much, Shane,"
"I love you more Sweet Cheeks," he makes me giggle, it's not until then that I realize that I'm crying. My breath becomes uneven. He pulls back slightly just so he can see my face. "Promise me something," he seriously states, I nod looking into his deep blue eyes that are too irresistible. "Never find someone better,"
Shaking my head, blinking as tears fall, "I could never because you are the best there is." He responds by capturing our lips together. He pulls away all too soon, his thumbs come up to caress my face softly wiping the tears away. "Call me as soon as you get there," I agree immediately.
Hugging him tightly again, I whisper in his ear, "don't find someone else while I'm gone either,"
"I don't think I could ever do that," he whispers back.
"I love you so much," I tell him breaking the hug, though still holding on to his shoulders my eyes begin to tear even more. As Shane sniffles the slightest bit I realize that he also has water gathering in his eyes.
"I love you more baby," his hands grip my waist tighter in the moment he said those words making a smile pop on to my face. "You better get going," he leans down and he kisses my lips so slowly before pulling away. His hand immediately goes up to under his eye.
"Don't cry, I love you," hugging him tightly.
"I don't think we've said this many 'I love you's in our whole relationship, but I'll say another," he kisses just under my earlobe before whispering the same words again. "Don't forget to give your mom a big hug from me," his words make my heart pound in my chest. This is all actually happening.
"See you soon," we say at the same time. I walk up to the security guard who must have just watched our whole scene there. She gives me a sympathetic look while giving me back my boarding passes. Walking up to the line, it's actually pretty short.
Getting up to the guard who takes the boarding passes to see where we're going and help to put the bags through the scanner, his eyes meet mine before he scans the pass and looking at my passport. "What brings you to go to Italy?" He asks as I wait for the one to move up.
"My mom is in the hospital," I explain to him. He nods quietly while telling me something like hope she gets better.
Finally getting through there, I find my gate and sit down and see that I have forty-five minutes until boarding. Taking my phone from my purse I call up Shane. Because I sadly admit that I really miss his reassuring presence next to me.
"I miss you already," he tells me as soon as he answers the call.
"I was just about to say the same thing to you," his light chuckle warms my heart. "What are you going to do while I'm gone?" I joke, with some seriousness. He better not throw a party in our apartment.
"Nothing, I'll probably just train," I nod, which is quite silly of me considering he can't see me. "It's funny because I know you just nodded,"
"Oh shush you don't know me that well," I scoff at him. Most of the time he acts as if he knows me better than I know myself.
"Oh please, you know I do," rolling my eyes I laugh at him. "I know you just rolled your eyes," this catches my attention.
"Shut up," I blush a little, my boyfriend really does pay attention to me.
"Now your cheeks are turning red,"
"Okay stop doing that,"
"Ask me questions about yourself, let's see if I can answer them,"
"Fine," I pause thinking of a question. "What is my favorite drink at Jugo Juice?"
"Summer Strawberry without the orange juice," my jaw drops at his correct response. "How you didn't reply tells me that you're shocked. What's my favorite?"
"Extreme protein," I remember it from the top of my head, he said it the only one he likes from that section when he asked to taste mine he loved it.
"Good job," he chuckles. This went on and on even while I walked down the hall to get a donut from Tim Hortons.
"Shane, baby I have to go they just called for regular boarding. I'll call you when I get to my dad's place. I love you to death," our goodbyes were quick and easy going. The whole time we were talking he was sitting in the truck in the parking lot of the airport.
Sitting down in my window seat, I settle my stuff in and sit back and relax. The flight is going to be a pretty long journey, but I have to say, it's one that I never wanted to take. Closing my eyes, I wait for everyone to get loaded and ready so we can take off and land in Italy already.
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A/N
Hello people. I don't know if anyone even reads these but OHH WELL. I just wanted to let you all know that I've been loosing hope in this book and I've been thinking about deleting it. Because for one, no one ever votes, like ever. And two because I never get any feed back. I need motivation to write, I had it at the start but now I never get anything. I'll have to see what happens. Feed back is always great. So please do.. Who ever gives me feed back and tells me something about the book I'll dedicate a chapter towards them! Love yas.
If we ever want to talk, or need advice. (Or i might need advice because most of the time I do) kik me @ xxforeverandalways