EDEN-JADE THURLOW
I looked upwards to see the familiar blonde haired girl whom I had punched in the face only days prior, looking into my teary eyes with a frown. She placed her arm around my waist and walked at my side, the silence amongst us being disturbed by my sniffling.
" Are you okay? " Mackenzie asked me as sincerely as possible, making me roll my eyes in annoyance.
" Do I look fucking okay, to you? " I snapped, instantly feeling guilty for doing so.
All differences aside, Mackenzie was trying to help me. And in a way, I was grateful for it. I felt so alone yet so claustrophobic at the same time, and she was just trying to make sure I was ok.
" Sorry, I-I just- " I tried to apologise, my voice low and extremely quiet, as if I couldn't bear to speak up.
That was when the girl cut me off, rubbing my back soothingly as she walked at my side.
" It's okay, don't apologise " She smiled as well as she could, my eyes looking into her blue ones, that had a small glimmer of hope twinkling inside.
I couldn't help but smile at her kindness, despite my tear stained cheeks. My skin was most likely red and blotchy, with my makeup smudging all over. I didn't care, though. My appearance was the last thing on my mind, right now.
" Was it Ethan? " She asked me as we walked, the girl removing her jacket, resting it on my shoulders.
I nodded hesitantly, looking at the dark road ahead. I was only a couple of minutes away from home now, but Mackenzie didn't dare leave.
" What did he do? " The girl questioned, staring at me so sadly, as if she hated seeing me cry.
The truth was, I never cried. Mackenzie knew this, in fact, she knew almost everything about my past. So, she must have known that whatever had happened, Ethan obviously meant something to me.
" He thinks I had sex with Grayson " I announced, sniffling again, whilst wiping my tears with the sleeve of her jacket.
I didn't mean to, almost forgetting that this was her item of clothing. But she didn't scold me for it, she just let me continue.
I tried to bring myself to tell her what he had said, but the thought of his cruel and insensitive words made me feel as if the flood gates were opening again, tears ready to fall from my eyes all over. I didn't want to be seen so weak, and so I took a deep breath and shook my head.
" I don't want to talk about it " I mumbled, seeing Mackenzie nod slightly from beside me.
That was when we reached my home, my footsteps stopping completely as I turned to face my ex-best friend, hoping to thank her. I appreciated her walking me home, making sure I got home safely in the state that I was in. Maybe she was trying to change, maybe she was truly sorry, for everything.
" Thanks, Mackenzie. I needed that " I told her, a smile forming on her lips as I did so.
I really did need her presence. Having her by my side in a moment where I needed someone the most reminded me of the times she would do this on the daily, curing my broken heart with the snap of her fingers. Except, this time, she hadn't cured it at all. She'd just kept me company. However, when I said this, Mackenzie linked her arm with mine, leading me up the path of my own house. I didn't know why she was being so sweet, so comforting towards me, but I didn't question it. It made me miss us.
" Don't thank me. Now, let's get you to bed " She told me, waiting for me to unlock the front door to my own house.
I instantly filled with panic, though. My mother was most likely asleep, alcohol and liquor bottles resting at her body. I didn't want anyone to see that, it made me feel so embarrassed and so worthless. I needed to get out of this house, Alex, too.
Mackenzie noticed my humiliation, and we weren't even inside yet. But before I could reason with her to let me check, or even for her to let me be, she had spoken up with a soft voice.
" Don't worry, Jade. I promise you, I don't care about that " She sighed, settling me somehow.
Mackenzie had seen it all before. She'd seen my mom drunkenly argue with me, hit me, tear me down with words and she's even seen her lay asleep, having passed out from the drink. If anyone had seen it almost as much as my brother and I, it was her.
I nodded, unlocking the door quietly. I almost expected my mother to suddenly shoot up and shout, but nobody did. She wasn't there. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as Mackenzie and I walked through my house, locking the front door behind us.
When we reached my bedroom I let her inside, shutting it as quietly as possible. My brother, Alex, was most likely sleeping, and waking him would have caused a scene. The last thing I wanted to happen was have him rush into my bedroom, question why I was home so late, why I was with Mackenzie, and then ask why I was crying. Everyone knows that when Alex thinks somebody is hurting his little sister, he doesn't let them get away without a broken bone or two. Family meant everything to him, especially me, because all we had was eachother.
I didn't think twice before I took off Mackenzie's jacket, sliding my fingers under the straps of my black dress. I pulled it down my body, kicking it off of my feet when it hit the floor. I felt Mackenzie's eyes linger on me for a little while before she quickly looked away, forcing herself to turn towards the door. We were both girls, I didn't mind getting changed in front of her.
And to be honest, I couldn't wait to get out of that damn dress. I wanted nothing more than to get into a comfy t shirt and get into bed, even though I knew that I'd most likely get no sleep tonight. Ethan was the only thing on my mind, on repeat. I had no clue that I cared this much about him, not at all. I guess it's true when people say that being apart or cutting it off with the person you like, makes everything become clear.
I quickly grabbed a baggy shirt and threw it over my body, it dangling to mid thigh. After I did this I climbed into my comfortable bed, a sigh leaving my lips as I tucked myself under the soft duvet. I had no intent to remove my makeup, tonight. In fact, my tears had already removed most of it, so there was no poking.
Mackenzie smiled when she saw that I was comfy, however, not a real smile. I watched as she grabbed her jacket off of the end of my mattress and waved, turning to leave my bedroom. That was when my heart beat a little bit faster in worry, not wanting to say it, but also wanting to be in her company for just a little longer. I didn't want to be alone.
" M-Mackenzie, please stay " I stuttered, shivering a little under the blanket.
I felt like crying all over again. Ethan had made me feel so weak and vulnerable that I was relying on Mackenzie, on a person, to save me.
The girl looked at me unsurely before letting out a breath, placing her jacket back down. She climbed onto my bed next to me, laying above the duvet, her head next to mine. I instantly felt a little warmer, inside and out.
It was silent in my bedroom, the two of us staring up above us. I had never gotten around to removing the glow in the dark stars that lined the white ceiling, something that I had put there as a child. I remember begging my mom to get me them, to which she said she couldn't afford it. So, Alex being the amazing brother he is, sold some of his toys to buy me a set for my birthday. He really was the sweetest, whether he admitted it or not.
The memory lifted my spirits a little, though I still felt like a wreck. My thoughts were interrupted when Mackenzie sighed, her naturally long eyelashes fluttering peacefully as she blinked.
" This feels like deja vu " She murmured, her words making me nod, as I thought back to the time where everything felt great.
" It really does " Was all I could muster, my head turning to look up at the girl, who's eyes remained staring up at the glowing stars.
However, when she turned her head to look at me, her eyes stuck with mine like glue. Neither of us dared to look away, what sounded like her breathing increasing as she mentally debated her next move.
I didn't even get the chance to process what was happening and neither did she, before her hand had slipped into mine, and she was leaning down towards me. Her eyes fluttered shut and involuntarily, so did mine, the two of us so close, that her shaky breath fanned my rosy skin.
Her lips met with mine slowly and softly, whilst I stayed frozen still, unsure of what was happening. I eventually kissed back, her fingers still intertwined with mine. I wasn't feeling anything, no adrenaline, no need to be doing this. I almost felt completely empty, compared to when I kissed Ethan.
But when I realised what was going on and stopped kissing back, opening my eyes, as wide as ever, Mackenzie jumped back away from me in shock. It was as if instant regret had hit her, her lips parted, much pinker than before. I guessed mine were too, because we, Mackenzie and I, had just kissed. She kissed me. Why? I had absolutely no clue.
" S-Shit. I'm sorry, uh- I-I need to go " Mackenzie was quick to jump up from my bed, running her hand through her hair out of stress.
The girl shakily grabbed her jacket for the second time, her eyes watery, as if something had clicked inside her head. I didn't know what was going on with her, but I sat upright, not wanting her to feel bad. It didn't matter to me. The feeling of losing another person, when it finally felt like we were close to getting back to the friendship we once had, killed me.
" Mackenzie- " I tried to let her know that I wasn't mad, that this didn't mean anything, until she had left my house, leaving me to lay back against my bed.
I couldn't help but bring the duvet closer to my face, hugging it so tightly as my eyes welled up with tears at the horrible memory of all that had happened tonight. Nothing ever seemed to go right for me, ever. Maybe parties just weren't my thing.
Maybe liking people, loving, people, just wasn't my thing.