Angst, slight gore.
WARING! I usually end up making these very depressing!
-•~•-
Requested by: rubyfox121987
'Thinking'
"Flashback speaking"
"Non flashback speaking"
"Speaking through phone"
~*-*~
"Breath. Breath" You told yourself quietly as you snickered your arms sides trying to make yourself take deep breaths. You inhaled a big breath and exhaled it shaky. You tried it a second time but right before you were about to exhale tears started rolling down your cheeks again as a unmovable frown sat on your face. "Why why why, why this? Why now?"
You where sitting on your bed in cold sweat from just a few days of not washing yourself. Your blankets were unevenly covering your bed, from you sitting and rolling around on it for a few days.
You bit your lower lip when you decided that you couldn't just sit around all day in your bed crying, so you got up on your legs took a pair of extra clothes and unlocked your bedroom's room. You stick out your head to the hallway outside your room and tried to listen for you parents. 'Sounds like they are down stairs..'
You stepped out of your room completely as you shaky but quickly made your way towards the upstairs bathroom. When you were by the bathroom door you opened it and quickly closed and locked it behind you. You slid down onto the cold bathroom floor breathing heavily.
"Shoot.." You quietly cried out and a few tears started to flip passed your eyelids, but you quickly took a deep breath and stood up placing your clothes onto the bathroom floor. Before you stepped into the shower you glanced at the mirror on the wall over the sink, you looked into it and looked at yourself seeing scars and red marks covering your body.
Your eyes saw something sharp and metallic beside the sink. You looked at it and saw a thin but sharp knife. Staring at it your thoughts become blank when you knew that you wanted to, but shouldn't. You then stepped away from the shower and walked towards the thin knife.
This is how your home life was like. Empty and all alone. Your parents were around when you came home and they helped you to come to school, but when you where at home it was like they disappeared even though they were still around somewhere in the house. They never came up to your room to check on you but they were always either downstair or in their own room, but it's not like you minded. Being alone made you have more and more alone time.
When you washed away the shampoo from your hands as water and red liquid washed down your skin you started to think about Raph, and the turtle brothers whom you met a few months back. You were making your way home in the late evening when a fight in a park caught your attention. You had walked into the park and looked at what was happening, and after an awesome fight the turtles had found you but you all quickly became good friends.
April was energetic and someone who helped you smile in hard moments, Mikey was there to help you come out of your dippings with a more artistic tactic, Donnie didn't often say a lot to you but when he did he sure knew how to make sarcastic jokes which made you giggle and Leo was always there to make you giggle or smile like crazy. But Raph, now he was a different story. Raph knew how to comfort you in a way that made you feel like you didn't have to hide your feelings, he was able to see all of your flaws without hating them in anyway.
A smile cracked on your face as a light blush was painted on your cheeks as you stared into nothing thinking of Raph. You continued to think of him as you cleaned the rest of your body and walked out of the shower. You put on some bandages before putting on the big T-shirt you took with you from your bedroom as you put your previous clothes in the dirty clothing basket.
You unlocked the bathroom door and walked back to your room, locking the door before turning around towards your bed.
"Hey (Y/N) welcome back! I-" You heard someone say as your eyes immediately turned towards your bed where Raph sat with his legs folded. "(Y/N)!? What happened to your arms?"
"I-It's fine Raph! But why are you here? I didn't know you were coming over" You said as Raph were holding your bandaged up arms in his big hands. You blushed as you looked up at Raph, but he's eyes were fested onto your arms.
"Oh I texted you before but you didn't answer so I thought I could come here and check up on you- But (Y/N) what happened? Did someone hurt you? Oh they'll know soon enough what happens to someone who messes with one of Raph's friends-" Raph clenched one of his fists as you put your hand on it making him look at you.
"It's okay Raph. No one did this to me... I-I did it" You said to him taking your arms to your sides and smiled. "B-But I'm fine! It's okay I promise"
"That's not what you've told me before. (Y/N), don't forget that it's me Raph who you are talking to" You looked at him and saw a slight blush on his face when he put a hand on your shoulder. "You can tell me anything. I promise"
You looked away, slightly worried. You looked at him again and then away once again, your brain overflowing with cloudy thoughts. "I-I-I-- Umm"
"Here, let me get us somewhere more comfortable" Raph said before picking you up carefully bridal style as he sat down beside your bed and wrapped you around in one of your blankets on your bed. You where now sitting in his lap as he said "So tell me, what is it that you want to tell me"
"Well umm, h-how do I e-e-even start. I-I" You began before you started rambling, you were sure after a while that you had just been talking for 3 hours straight without talking about anything important. You counted of the things on your mind and told Raph, as if he was like that one mom who you could just tell everything to.
While you rambled for 3 hours, Raph nodded from time to time as he hid a recorded behind his back so he could listen to it later to make sure he would remember everything. You of course didn't noticed and kept rambling on and on until you stopped.
"-and then my crush is just-.. I think that's it actually" You said as you tried to hide what you were just about to say as you looked away shyly scratching your neck.
"Your crush did something to you? Well, what did he do?" Raph asked putting down the recorder as he skipped you closer to him. You teased up. "Ah sorry, you where about to fall of my lapp"
"Y-Yeah, no. I'm sitting kinda comfy right here actually! I don't need to leave. Ever! yeah" You said awkwardly as you looked at the clock.
"A-Ah shoot, seems like it's getting pretty late Raph! Shouldn't you go home now to go on a patrol for the night?" You asked Raph as you stood up.
"Yeah I guess it's getting pretty late huh" Raph said standing up, slipping the recorder into his belt trying to hid it from you. "But are you sure that there's nothing else you want to tell me?"
"Y-Yeah! I am a 100% sure!" You said as you walked up to your window and opened it. "Now get going before my parents come"
"But didn't you say that your parents-" Raph said, almost hurt.
"Y-Yeah but, you never know! Now go-!" You said as you started pushing Raph towards the window before you slipped and fell onto your floor.
"(Y/N)!" Raph shouted after you as he turned you around and checked for any injuries. They both of you were quiet for a bit before Raph said something. "Donnie... Donnie told me that you had told him something that you would never tell me yourself.."
"Wha?-" You said confused as you turned to Raph and realized his hurt expression.
"Is there something that you aren't telling me? If you are, please tell me (Y/N). You know that I would never hurt you, right?" Raph said as you stood up. Before you could answer with an awkward response Raph got on one his knees and took both of your hands in his big hands kissing them. You teased up blushing like crazy as Raph stood up and made you look at him. "(Y/N), you can tell me anything. ANYthing!"
"I-I-I umm" You said unsure, as you avoided eye contact. Your mind started to fill with dark cloudy thoughts as you didn't know what to do. Raph sighed and let go of your face walking up to you open window.
"I'll see you around, (Y/N)." Raph said as he readied himself to jump out of the window.
"WAIT RAPH-!" You shouted but it was to late, he was already on top of the rooftops making his way home to the lair.
You fell onto the ground in your room as you watched him disappear in the night. When he had disappeared completely you gripped your head and started to cry again furiously.
"How could I how could I how could I mess up this bad?!?" You said to yourself as you gripped your hair almost starring it off your head. "He's never going to know now! It's all my fault it's all my fault it's all my fault!"
"...."
"It's all my fault"
When Raph got home, he was sad and disappointed that he didn't get to know what (Y/N) had told Donnie. But Raph didn't give up on you just yet. For whomever you had a crush on, he needed to know if they were even worthy of your love.
"Oh if he only knew.." April and the other brothers thought as Raph started to ramble about you when he got home.
You two still had a lot of things to clear up.
~*-*~
Word count: 1756
~Lyne