"What!" Cleo asks alarmed.
I was telling her about being able to see the baby bump but she got very shocked.
"I thought Jahseh said you miscarried," she said confused.
"I miscarried one baby, I was supposed to have twins but I miscarried one and now I'm just having one baby," I explain.
"Well Jahseh thinks you don't have a baby right now," she says.
"Oh," I say not knowing what to do.
"I should tell hi-"
"No! I mean, no." I say not meaning to yell. "Everything is just now starting for him and I don't want him to have to worry about a baby. Besides, I can do this myself," I say but I don't mean it, I really just want Jah to be in the baby's life but I'd rather not have to go through him saying he doesn't want the baby.
"I don't agree with your choice but I'll respect it just please tell him at sometime," she says.
"When are you due?" She asks.
"Well now I'm down to about exactly 5 months from today," I reply.
"Are you gonna tell him about the baby before the birth," she asks.
"I don't know, I don't know what I'm gonna do for a lot of stuff concerning the baby," I say.
"I can help you, I'll help you with going to appointments when you can't drive, I'll help you with shopping, I'll help you with anything and all you need to do is ask. I love you like a daughter Rose, I'll be here if you need me," she says lovingly.
"Thanweeksk you so much Cleo," I say thankfully.
"No problem honey, bye," she says ending the call.
"Bye," I say.
I know I will never build up the strength to tell him. How can I?
It's been about a two weeks since I left Jahseh and me and Cleo have been talking almost everything day. I haven't tried to contact him again and he hasn't tried to talk to me so I'm just trying to figure out how I'm gonna get my shit together on my own. I don't know how I'm gonna support myself and a baby especially since I'm only 18. Ski said he could find me a job but shit ain't work out so far.
I open Instagram and scroll through all of the comments on my latest post and get an idea. I could be a youtuber. I already have a pretty big following of 350,000 followers on insta and I could make a little bit of money on YouTube if I get at least half of the people that follow me to watch and subscribe and shit and then I could have a small job on the side.
I immediately start making a channel and I post about it on insta. Now just leaves the part of making an actual video. Who the fuck am I kidding, nobody gonna like the shit I make. But I guess I just gotta try.
'What should my first video be on YouTube??" I tweet.
I instantly get hundreds of comments saying stuff like "q&a" or "bestfriend tag".
The bestfriend tag wins in the comments so I call up August who is busy so I call Draymond.
"Guess what," I say happily making him sigh.
"This about to be a whole ass piece of bullshit that I'm not gonna be able to get out of isn't it?" He says already knowing what the fuck is up.
"Yup, so you're gonna come over and we gonna do a YouTube video," I say.
"Do I have a choice?" He asks.
"Nope," I respond.
"Mmk, see you in 10," He says and I can practically hear him roll his eyes through the phone.
He hangs up the phone and I get changed so I can at least look a tiny bit presentable for the video. I get my questions ready and he arrives.
"What kinda bullshit you getting into now?" He asks as soon as he walks in the door.
"I need some money and this shit look like fun," I respond.
But he doesn't listen, he's just looking at my stomach weird.
"It ain't been Thanksgiving yet but it looks like you ate good," he says rudely.
"Dray!" I yell and slap the back of his head. "Wait...you don't know?" I ask.
"Know what Rose?" He asks.
"Oh I didn't tell you...I'm pregnant," I reveal.
He gets wide eyes and doesn't say anything.
"Is it Jah's?" He asks.
"Well who else have I been fucking Dray?" I ask thinking that it's pretty obvious it's Jah's.
"Is he gonna be there for the baby?" He asks.
"He doesn't even know about it," I say guiltily.
"Why not?" He asks.
"We got in a fight after he got out of jail and now we're not even talking," I explain.
"You gotta tell him," he says.
"I know! I just don't know how to," I say.
"Can we just start the video," I sigh.
"Sure," He says.
"But wear this," He says handing me his hoodie so I could cover my bump because he knows I don't want fans knowing I'm pregnant especially since Jah doesn't know.
We sit down and start recording the video.
"Hello whores I'm Rose and this," I say pointing to Dray," is Draymond. I know he look all cute and shit but don't let it fool y'all, he gonna break your hearts in a heart beat so my advice to all you girls is d-"
"You really gotta say this, I could get mad bitches but no, you just gotta cock block," he whines.
"Shut up, ain't nobody want your ugly ass," I say.
"Now this is the best friend tag and this dumbass ain't gonna get nothing right so let's skip all the bullshit and get into the video," I say.
"How did we meet?" I ask.
He thinks for a few seconds.
"We met through Laniya at a party right?" He asks.
"Oh I'm surprised you remember that seeing as you were drunk off your ass," I laugh.
"Shhh, we don't talk about that night," he says putting his finger to his lips.
"Next question: when is my birthday?" I ask.
"Um...April...23rd," he says unsure.
"Final answer?" I question arching my eyebrow even though he's right.
"No... wait yes..actually no...or y- I DON'T KNOW! YOU'RE FUCKING WITH MY HEAD!" He screams making me laugh.
"Final answer?" I ask pushing him to the edge.
He starts rocking back and forth and pretending to twitch his eyes.
"AGHHHHHH!" He screams making me die laughing.
"It's okay child," I say still giggling.
"WHAT IS THE ANSWERRRRR?" He asks.
"You were right," I reveal.
His face goes blank of emotion and he turns towards me.
"YOU DROVE ME CRAZY FOR NOTHING," he shouts pretending to cry.
"Sorry," I say laughing and wrap my arms around him.
"Like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation. You know I'm not happy, you know that I'm trying," he says copying Kim Kardashian and pretending to ugly cry as I sit there dying of laughter while holding him in my arms.
"Next question," I say still crying of laughter.
I wipe my tears then announce the question ,"where are my scars and what are they from?"
"Can you tell me how many you have?" He asks.
"3," I say.
"Um you have one on your...hip," he says.
"That's one, what's it from?" I ask.
"You fell down off a counter and your hip got cut by a broken bottle," he says.
"You are..." I do a little drum roll on my lap," wrong.
"That's how I got my foot cut," I say remembering the time I was with him, August, and Bryant and I got drunk as hell.
"Well...shut the fuck up," he says glaring at me.
"The one on my hip is from getting scissors thrown at me in the third grade, shouts out to my friend AJ who thought it would be a great idea to see how far he could throw scissors across the class," I say pointing to the camera.
"Well now you know two so where is my third and what's it from?" I ask.
"It's on your neck and somebody broke into the house you were in and your dumbass spit on him so he ran the knife over your neck but didn't try and slit your throat," he explains perfectly.
"The more you know," I sing to the camera.
"Who are my top three favorite rappers?" I ask knowing he was gonna get this wrong.
"Your top three favorite rappers are J.Cole, XXXTENTACION, and um...Lil Wayne?" He says the last rapper with no confidence.
"Actually you got it right. Does Dray actually," I gasp," listen to people?" I say surprised.
"Man shut up," he says looking away.
"Last question: what is my favorite nickname that you have for me and what is my FAVORITE nickname for you," making it clear that it had to be my favorite nickname and not just Dray.
"Your favorite nickname I have for you is Lil Daddy cause your dumbass ass always tryna say you got a bigger dick than me," he says making me nod my head and laugh.
"Correct, now what's my nickname for you?" I ask.
"Lil mami," he mumbles ashamed.
"Sorry what was that?" I ask putting my hand to my ear.
"Lil mami," he says louder looking away from the camera and I just stare right at the camera and smirk.
I start laughing and he just pouts even more.
"It's not funny," he pouts.
"Yeah it is," I laugh while holding him.
"I'm leaving," he says about to get up but I jump on his lap so he can't get up.
"No you're not," I say looking up at him.
"We both know I will drag your ass with me," he says and I just roll my eyes.
"Bet," I say.
He just lifts me over his shoulder and carries me out of frame.
"Well god damnit," I say because what else should I have expected?
"Um...sir...I was wondering...can you put me down?" I ask.
"I'll get back to you on that one," he says keeping me draped over his shoulder.
"Well then...I guess this is cool," I say with no emotion.
"Can you take me back to the camera?" I ask.
He walks me over to the camera and I do the outro upside down, "Welp...I'll make another video when my feet are back on the ground but until then...I don't know...BYEEEEE!"
Now I just pray this gets views.