The next morning felt something that came out of a fairy tales. No idea how long I spent gazing at the girl curled up against me, not even minding the bruises and pains from evening before.
At first look, Fleur seemed delecate as a petal, easy to get crushed, something to be protected.
But I knew now that she was the woman that possessed a big heart behind all the fluff and pomp, and bravery unlike I've ever seen in anyone.
Protective and caring, with a fierce capacity to love, the only other woman I've seen like that was my mum.
As if feeling my gaze on her, she stirred and opened her eyes, giving me a smile that made my heart ache.
It wasn't beautiful because of superficial reasons, but because her smile was one of trust and love that filled my chest with contentment.
It was in that moment, that I knew without a doubt that this was the smile I wanted to wake up to for the rest of my life. Not wanting to scare her away with my unbridled thoughts, I returned her smile and bent down to kiss her.
For the rest of the month, I almost moved in with Fleur. We quickly developed a routine where she got off the work before me and went home.
By the time I would get home, I had warm food and warmer embrace waiting for me.
We would eat and talk, she would tell me how she spent the rest of her day, her family, her schooling and anything else there was to know about her.
In return, I would tell her about my family, my work in Egypt, growing up as eldest of six sibling and anything that I could think of about me without giving out anything mentions of Order.
Being with Fleur felt easy as breathing. Not to mention, every night I got to feel those beautiful lips and body beneath mine for hours before we would fall asleep in each other's arms.
Things were getting serious between us even after our proclamations, and we both felt it.
Many times in the evening when we were getting closer, both emotionally and physically, I've felt her wanting to say something, but she always held back.
Like 2 weeks after the night of the attack we were on her bed after dinner her lips hungrily moving against mine, my tongue exploring and drinking her exquisite taste, when I felt her palm push at my chest.
I was shirtless and her warm palm ignited my blood like I've never been touched by a girl before. Pulling back, I gazed lovingly at her face.
She looked beautiful, her lips red and slightly swollen from bruising kisses I have been giving her all evening, her robe carelessly thrown at the edge of her bed, the straps of her night gown down her arms like they cannot decide whether to stay up her silky shoulders or slide down.
Her silvery blonde tresses were messed up and the satin blue nightgown was pulled up to her slim thighs where my hand was exploring her soft skin just a minute ago.
I expected her eyes to sparkle like sapphires in the dark with mischief like it generally did when we were in the middle of a heavy snogging session, but her eyes were serious, hesitant.
"What's wrong love? You're okay?" I asked breathlessly.
Swallowing, she started, "Oui, I'm okay. Beel I wanted to talk to you about sometheeng."
One of the most enchanting things about Fleur was that she knew exactly what she wanted and had no qualms going after it.
She wasn't the type to shy away or be bothered by being judged. I had found that out when Noles, the goblin at the reception, found us in an empty chamber three days ago stealing a few kisses when we thought rest of them were off for lunch.
Even his look of pure disdain didn't make her cringe. Instead, she raised her eyebrow and walked out with her head held high and her hand firmly clasped in mine, not slightest bit intimidated or ashamed.
Looking at her now, seeming so hesitant and unsure made something move in my chest.
Hitching her leg further up my hip, I pulled her closer and pressed my naked torso flush against her scantily clad one. Cupping her face I asked, "What is it, love?"
"Beel, zer is sometheeng I wanted to say to you..."
"Yeah? I'm listening."
"Beel ze theeng iz, I came 'ere-" but just then we were interrupted by a tap on her window as a majestic owl perched on her sill holding a thick stack of papers in its beak.
And just like that, the moment was broken. I felt her pull back, and not just physically, and no matter how much I asked, she wouldn't tell me what it was she wanted to tell me, just saying, "maybe later, Mon Cher" instead.
I didn't push it because lord knew I had plenty of things I should tell her, but couldn't.
I tried speaking to dad about this - telling mum about Fleur was out of question, unless I wanted her barging in here very next day - but with the stress of Order and pressure from ministry, he always seemed exhausted these days, making me feel guilty to even consider laddening him with burden of my secret lovelife.
But I have to. It was now one and a half month since that first night I decided I will stop fighting my feelings for this girl, and the only thorn in our blissful life was my regular disappearance... and Tonks.
While Fleur didn't ask me anything about the times I had to disappear few nights a week to keep guard outside the ministry, her understanding was not extended to the fact that it was always Tonks who showed up to take on guard duty with me.
Nymphedora Tonks had been a friend since both of us were in Hogwarts, so when mum mentioned earlier this year that tonks is going through a tough time and needed a friend, I was more than happy to volunteer to keep her company.
Now everytime Fleur's eyes shot fires at unsuspecting Tonks, I cringed internally. I knew she trusted me, but also knew that trust wasn't extended to tonks' large, grateful smiles and clumsiness that more often than not made me have to steady her.
That day started innocently enough, with me waking up holding in Fleur in my arms, her willowy figure pressed tight against me. We headed to the bank together, holding hands, both of us feeling comfortable and glowing with happiness despite Noles turning his crooked, gnarly nose up at us.
I remembered the warning Ragnok had given me months ago, knew I was nearly jeopardizing the chances of goblins joining our side, but I still couldn't make myself stay away from Fleur.
Just as we were about to enter our work chamber, there was a loud crash at the entrance and turning I saw a large pot of plant near the entrance was toppled along with a pink haired tonks, profusely apologizing the goblin she had knocked over along with her.
I had told her not to come here unless there was an emergency, so I rushed towards her leaving Fleur's hand without a thought in my haste, urgency filling me up.
"I'm so sorry, Sir. Here I'll fix this for you." Tonks was saying to the disgruntled goblin. She removed her wand with such force though, that it's tip knocked the goblin's hat off his head doing more damage than good.
"Oops I'm sorry!" Reaching them I placed my hand on hers to stop her fumbling before she killed someone with her kindness.
I whipped my wand out and muttered, "reparo" undoing the damage caused to the pot.
I pulled Tonks on her feet and she gave me a grateful smile, that quickly vanished as she looked something - someone - right behind me.
I felt her presence before her palm pressed small of my back, her gaze fixed on my hand on tonk's hip. We quickly pulled back as if burned by each other, and of course, that made tonks knock into the guard on other side.
Sighing, I decided to focus on the problem at hand - Tonks - first and asked in what I hoped was a calm voice, "Tonks, is everything okay? What you doing here so early in the morning?"
Unaware of tension that made my the quarter veela taut as a string Tonks replied, "Wotcher Bill! Oh yeah, everything is okay. Your mum sent me here to let you know that today -" her dark brown eyes shifted to Fleur for a second before she cleared her throat and said, "- to come help her shopping groceries."
Shopping groceries was the code for unplanned Order meetings.
Past few weeks, Death eaters had doubled their efforts in recruiting followers for the Dark Lord and whenever someone refused to join they would mysteriously disappear within a few days.
These impromptu meetings were held when someone would disappear and hopefully to figure out a pattern among them so that we could do something to save the next ones.
I knew I had no choice but to leave, and so I apologetically turned to Fleur.
Her flashing eyes told me she knew I wasn't being honest with her, but true to her word she didn't ask.
Doesn't mean she liked it.
I knew she hated the idea of me leaving with tonks. Soon, I thought. Soon, I'll talk to dad and reveal everything to her.
I didn't know what will happen once I told her of my involvement with the order, if she'll not want anything to do with me or not once I had. But I have to tell her. Choice should be hers. But not today.
Turning to Tonks I said, "Give me a minute, will you? I have go inform at the office I'll be taking rest of the day off?"
"Sure," Tonks said in a hollow voice. Compassion filled me up at the sadness in her voice.
Tonks had always been lively, mischievous and even though I knew reason for it, understood it, I didn't know how to help her.
Tonks' eyes were filled with longing as I walked a little distance away with Fleur. I knew what she wanted - who she wanted - but Fleur didn't.
And I didn't feel like it was my place to reveal Tonks' secrets to anyone, even if that anyone was Fleur.
Pulling her to me I whispered, "I'm sorry, love I have to go. I hope you understand?"
Fleur glanced back at Tonks, then at me and nodded. I so wished I could explain.
I wished I could confide in her all my problems and obligations, explain my behavior to her, explain Tonks and her longing looks when she looked at us. Soon, I thought again.
Giving her a gentle peck on lips, I made my way to office, resolving to have the conversation with dad with a day's delay.
Lost in my head, I didn't realize Fleur's silence throughout the ordeal. I should've known that her silence was worse than whatever she could've said in that moment.