A/N: Again, my sincerest apologies for turning one up after so long. No excuses whatsoever but I'm going to do my best moving forward in as far as updating is concerned. As always, even if you don't comment or vote, I really, truly appreciate you reading this and my other stories.
***
Sebastian
By the fourth day, Dr. Sanders had given us the all clear for Rae to go home. Man was that sooo much of a relief. I knew I only had a few days left but I plan to make the most of it before I go back on set.
"Careful, here take my hand," I offer as I help Rae out of the SUV. Leslie, my manager had lent me her black Cayenne Hybrid, insisting that it had much more space than my car. That, and my car was actually down for its regular check up and maintenance so I really didn't have much choice.
"I got your stuff, I'll take it inside," Chris called out from the other side as Rae finally stepped out and held on to me as we made our way to the elevators. "I told you we should've taken one of the wheelchairs," I told Rae while we walked. She was looking much better than a few days ago. Some color has returned to her cheeks and thank God her appetite's slowly getting better as well. She admitted to still feeling a little weak, but thankfully the morning sickness has slowed down. Dr. Sanders has mentioned it should stop in about a week or so and that given the medication she was on, it wouldn't be as bad as she had first started having them. Still, I can't help but worry, especially with the fact that I'll be gone again in a few more days.
I internally groaned at remembering I'd be leaving so soon again. I never wanted to finish filming so badly as I have before. Now that my partner is pregnant, I need to make it a point to be by her side as much as I possibly can. They say that the first three months of pregnancy are the trickiest and I couldn't bear the thought of Rae all by herself throughout that period of time.
"What's the wheelchair for when I got the Winter Soldier and Captain America at my beck and call?" Rae sassed and I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head at her. Thank goodness she didn't lose her sense of humor after all the shit she went through.
"What's that?" Chris caught up with us, bags slung on both his left and right shoulders. "Something about being at someone's beck and call? Seb, I did not sign up to be your wi-I mean, baby mama's flunky."
We finally reach the elevators and I punch the number to our floor. Rae wraps her arms around me and I put my arm over her shoulder as I kiss her forehead. Chris pretends to make a gagging sound.
"Ugh, this is like Shanna all over again," he groaned while shifting the bags he was carrying. "No offense and I do love my nephews and nieces dearly, but this is my least favorite part of pregnancy."
"Which is?" I ask.
"Careful what you say next, Evans. I may not be at full strength yet, but you know I can still kick your ass," Rae says with a raised eyebrow, causing Chris to slightly flinch and raise his hands in mock surrender.
"Jeez, woman, does your spunk never take a break?"
I get Rae settled in our room after we arrive. She still felt a little tired and had wanted to take a nap. After making sure she was fast asleep, I tiptoed out to meet Chris who was flipping channels absentmindedly in our living room.
"She good?" Chris asked once I sat beside him.
"Yeah, yeah, I told her she could sleep for as long as she wants, but knowing her, she'll probably be up after just a couple of hours," I say as lean forward, resting my elbows over my knees. "Chris, I have to ask to marry her as soon as possible. Now that she's pregnant, I can't wait another few months."
"Seb, I know she's 'endgame' for you and what not, but you don't have to rush into—"
"I'm not rushing into anything, goddamit!" I mutter angrily, careful not to raise my voice so as not to wake Rae up. "I just—I don't want her to even think about me leaving her because I unintentionally knocked her up. I have to do everything I can to make her stay."
Chris put a hand over my shoulder. "She's not going anywhere, Sebastian. You're the only one she has. She has no family in the Philippines. Her career is here. Her life is right here, with you. What I'm trying to say is that it might not be the best time to get married. Just, you know, one life event at a time. She might still be freaking out about this whole pregnancy thing and letting that sink in needs time. You have to give her that."
I card my hands firmly over my head and leaned back. Chris has a point. I puff a breath and take a few more calming ones. "You're probably right. I haven't really asked her how she's feeling about it since I got here. Oh man..."
Chris chortled softly and mussed my hair. "And he's back. We only got a few days, so make the most of it while you can. She's not going anywhere. At least not without you. Oh wait, that was supposed to be your line."
"You're a dork," I say back and we both laugh. He gets up moments later to make his way to the guest room, claiming he needed some shut eye before flying out to Boston later. I go to the kitchen and try to sort out what we got for food and try to prepare a decent meal for Rae when she gets up. I harken back to what Chris said about Rae still possibly freaking out about our baby. It was a little insensitive of me to assume she'd want it as much as I did. She needs to tell me how she feels so I'd know better how to act around her and what to say. I don't want her feeling like she has no choice or say in the matter; not that I want her to...shit, I can't even say it. I knew she grew up Catholic so there must be some part in her about being against the whole A-thing. I just hope she'd be up front with me about it as much as possible.
To my surprise, Rae had slept for nearly four hours. I was back in time when her eyes fluttered open. I set the tray on the dresser drawer and sit beside her, taking her hand in mine.
"Hi," I say softly. "Did you sleep alright?"
"Mmmmmm," she murmured as she stretched her limbs out. "I think so, yeah. Did you eat already?" She asked, eyeing the tray I brought.
I shook my head. "Nope, I was hoping we could eat together so I waited until you woke up. You hungry?"
Rae nodded slowly and asked me to help her sit up. I do so first and then bring the food to her. She gaped at what she saw.
"You made this?"
With the help of YouTube and a few texts from Lisa and my mom, I was able to whip out a simple pasta carbonara recipe and bruschetta for us to feast on. I secretly prayed that the whole thing tasted as good as it smelled.
I nodded meekly and smiled shyly. "With a little help."
"Come here," she asks, so I lean forward and she cups my chin in her hand, kissing me gingerly. "You are amazing, you know that?"
"I may have been told a few times."
I breathed a deep sigh of relief that the food wasn't terrible at all judging by Rae's reaction everytime she took a bite. Truthfully, I was just thankful that she got some of her hungriness back. She did lose a lot of weight, to my shock and surprise.
I quickly brought the empty dishes and set them on the dishwasher and raced back to our room. I didn't want to spend any time without her by my sight. She had just cleaned up and was now dressed in one of her wacky DC pajamas and a Bucky Barnes shirt.
"I didn't know you have a shirt of me," I say to her and give her a smirk. She sticks out a tongue at me but pats the space beside her for me to sit.
"This," Rae points to her shirt. "Is not you. Comic book Bucky is soooo much hotter than you."
"Ouch, sweetheart, way to go to hurt a man," I feign stabbing myself, causing her to laugh. She immediately winces as soon as she did so.
"Shit, you okay?" I was kneeling in front of her in seconds. "Take it slow, that's it, slow, steady breaths."
She heaves a few more breaths and looks up at me with watery eyes. "I hate being sick. I'm so sorry you have to spend your free time taking care of your sick, pregnant girlfriend."
"Stop saying that," I tell her and give her a reassuring smile. "I wouldn't want to be doing anything else other than taking care of you. You are never going to be a burden to me, ever."
"You're saying that now. But what if—"
"Not this conversation again, Rae," I cut her, trying to keep the exasperation out of my voice. I don't want to upset her more than she already is beginning to be. "Tell me what you really feel. I know you're worried, but I know there's more to it than what you're letting on. Talk to me."
"I'm SO scared, Sebastian. So fucking scared. I don't know how to do this. You're not going to be here for most of this pregnancy and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if one day you decide to go and leave me."
She was quietly sobbing now while my mind was trying to scramble the most comforting thing to tell her. Instead, I wrap her in my arms and let her cry. I rock us both back and forth, whispering reassuring words to her until she calmed down.
"Look at me," I tell her firmly while I tilt her chin up so that she could look me in the eye. "You have every right to be scared, as you should be. Your body is gonna go through a massive change through these next few months. You'll feel insecure, unworthy of attention but I wouldn't hold anything against you. Never. I asked you to stay with me, remember? When you left for a few hours that day, I was freaking the hell out, ready to grovel to anyone just to get you back. You told me you're stuck with me, well, sweetheart, ditto. It is going to be hard, but we always make it work, don't we?"
Something in her tear stained eyes flicker and she nods at me, slowly at first, growing vigorous as the seconds pass. I pull her in for a hug and she holds on to me so tightly, reminding me of the way I held on to her when she returned after my revelation about my ex.
"It's okay to be scared. I am too, you know?"
"We can be scared together," Rae says in a raspy voice. "But we'll figure it out, right? Right?" The hopeful look she gave me boosted my confidence in her, in us.
***
I didn't know who else to ask to look after Rae but my mother. Rae was still a little weak to be able to fly on her own so in the small window of time I was in LA, I had to fly mom in before I went back on location for the remainder of the reshoots as well as shooting for other projects I was committed to. Unfortunately, we didn't have much time as the day she arrived was the day I was supposed to fly out. Good thing Olivia and her boyfriend were kind enough to pick my mother up and take her back to our flat.
"Mom, how's everything there? You settled in? How's Rae? Is she eating right? Is she asleep now?"
My mom made a hushing sound over the phone. I then realized she put me on speaker and knowing her, she's always turning up the volume the loudest just so she could hear. I purposely lower my voice, also gathering Rae must be sleeping.
"Sorry, I just wanted to know how you both are doing," I say resignedly.
Mom clears her throat before responding to me. "Rae is asleep, she was feeling tired after I arrived and so after we ate, I told her to get some rest. I'm currently cleaning up around here. Stop worrying. Mama is here."
"I'm so sorry I had to ask you to come up in such short notice. I didn't know who else to ask to look after her while I'm away. How's dad doing? Who's with him?"
"Dad is doing just fine. Your aunt Julia and your cousin Jason are staying with him until I return. Lucky that Jason doesn't have anything booked and Julia just finished her last book tour. They miss your father so it was perfect timing that I asked them to cover for me while I look after your Rae."
I didn't say anything, prompting my mother to keep talking.
"Well, how about you? You keep asking about everyone, how are you doing, draga?"
I pace around my hotel room a bit, trying to think of a good way to articulate how I'm feeling. It was a lot of things—anxiety, nervousness, excitement, relief, among other things. But mostly, I was just missing Rae and worrying sick about her and our baby.
"I...I miss her already, mom," I say, fighting so hard for my voice not to break. "I feel so useless that I'm here and she's...not with me. I should be the one taking care of her. I hate this."
"Mom, do you think..."
"Do I think what, son?"
I hesitate for a bit, wondering if this was the right time to bring the topic of marrying Rae to my mother.
"Nothing, never mind, it can wait."
Mom sighed and then let out one of her little grunts that was unmistakably hers.
And knowing my mom like theback of my hand, I knew I made a mistake of not telling her what's on my mind.I sighed after ending the call. My accountant will kill me for this month'sphone bill.