Chapter 18
"It comes and goes in waves, it always does."
Waves, Dean Lewis
Iris Parker
At first, mama only walked through the garden as I followed her. She talked about how she missed taking care of the flowers here.
And then the silence until we reached the huge Japanese style gazebo. The sun has already set, but there were lampposts everywhere and even the gazebo was filmed with lights, too much that it blinded me sometimes.
There were tea tables under the gazebo imported from England just for this place.
"Sit down, Iris." she says and smiles. It takes almost all of me to smile back. I rounded the table and sat down. After she sat down, a maid I hadn't noticed placed a teapot and two teacups in front of us. This was followed by some biscuits of all flavours.
After the maid left, I lifted the teapot gently and poured her cup and then mine. I remember Wendy explaining to me that I should always do this to family members of the Parkers that were older than me. It was an act of respect, of submission. It was a tradition from one of their English ancestors.
"Thank you." she whispered. As I sat back down, she stared at me with those longing eyes that everyone seems to look at me with.
"You know, when I first heard that you had left my son, I searched for you." she started. I wanted to say something because it seemed like the right thing to do, but my lips were sealed. "Alfred and I used our resources to look for you. But as they say, it's hard to look for someone who's not missing. My heart was broken, but even more when I found out why you had run away." as she says this, her eyes look more pained.
In contrast from her son, her eyes showed her heart. She was an open-book and it seemed to me that she never tried to hide how she really felt. I somehow admired that from her.
"Iris, I want to apologize for my son. I'm sure that he regretted it too. You see, the Parkers... As you might now know, it's a complicated family. Their family holds the strongest mafia in all of Italia and... Everything that Liam had done was to prove that he was worthy of being its leader, although everyone acknowledged that he was the rightful leader. After the Supremo was separated in three a few years ago and Liam came to age to be its leader, there was no room for mistakes. He had to be who he is now. Even if it meant losing himself, losing you.
Using you to get an old property... That's very cruel. But Iris, please forgive him. I may not understand how you truly feel, all I know is that it hurts, but please. If needs be, take your time. But please find it in your heart to someday forgive him. You're good for him Iris. I know it. I see it."
By the time she finished talking, tears were already running down her face and mine too. I understood her, what she was trying to say. It was things that I tried telling myself too. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.
"I... don't know, mama. Every time I see him, all of it comes back. That he just used me like some asset in his business. It's hard, mama. I won't make any promises but I will try."
Wendy smiled sadly and silence settled in for a while.
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Alfred and Wendy had left about an hour ago after playing with the kids with the promise of coming back tomorrow.
After Liam and I gave them a shower and changed them, they had instantly fell asleep. Liam and I hadn't talked about anything, but I could see how bothered he was. Was it his talk with his father?
My talk with mama also kept replaying in my head, it must be the same with him.
After I got out of the shower and changed, I noticed that he wasn't in the room anymore. At first, I laid in bed trying to get some sleep, but my mind flew to Liam and where he was. I felt restless.
Cautiously getting out of bed, I took my phone and made my way out of the room and went searching for him. He wasn't in the kitchen, he wasn't in the living room, he wasn't in the mini-gym or the studies. He was nowhere.
Finally, I decided to go back to the backyard. Lampposts still lit a huge part of the garden and the serene atmosphere of the place calmed my troubled thoughts down.
I sighed, and found a bench to sit down on.
Why is my life so complicated?
"Life is not complicated, nor is love, Iris. It is us who makes it complicated." I heard my mom saying in the back of my head. It was times like these when she would creep in my head and remind of things I have forgotten.
I looked up and stared at the sky for a while. Tonight was especially dark and that meant that the sky was especially starry. I wondered if my mom was one of them now.
Then my phone rang. It was Liam.
"Hel--"
"Where the heck are you?" he sounds upset, shocking me.
'Looking for you', I wanted to say, but that didn't come out. "In the garden." I replied simply, my chest felt so heavy. Hearing his voice hurt me, broke me.
Liam is both my strength and weakness, that I realized a long time ago.
"Damn it, I'm on my way. Stay there." and then hangs up.
I fight back the tears that were threatening to fall and tried to think of happy thoughts. Just happy thoughts, Iris.
Memory of my childhood flew by, my teenage years and my early adulthood. And then my life flipped upside down when I met Liam. I shouldn't have gone to that restaurant that night, I shouldn't have met him that night. We shouldn't be here now.
My attempt at thinking happy thoughts failed and a persistent tear dropped, but I quickly wiped it away. I looked up to the skies to prevent any further tears. But they wouldn't stop no matter what.
I kept scolding myself. Liam would be here soon and I would hate it if--
"Mind if I sit next to you?" I heard him say. I put my hands down and keep looking up. For the first time, I hated how this garden had lampposts everywhere. I didn't want him to see me crying.
I moved to the extremity of the bench, while looking up.
We stayed that way for a while, silence reigned, but somehow it was comfortable.
Having him next to me set my heart into another race and I knew that that was dangerous. He was dangerous.
Thoughts about forgiving him and my conversation with his mom replayed in my head and I remembered how we could become a normal family if only I gave him a chance. We could be so much more if only I wasn't so selfish.
But I wish it was that easy. I wish I could forgive him easily when every time that I see him, I remember everything.
"Somehow, I knew it from the very beginning." I finally spoke. "It was all too good to be true. The thought that everything was going so perfect, I knew there must be some catch to it. It always happened to me." I laughed bitterly and wiped the stray tears that now started to fall. I let the deepest part of me speak through, for him to see just how much I was hurting.
"When you took an interest in someone like me when there were so many other girls worthy of you, I thought it was weird. I pushed you away because I didn't want to get hurt. But you were stubborn and you kept coming back, so I thought you must have really wanted to get to know me. I finally stopped pushing you away.
And then you tell me you loved me. You have no idea how that made me extremely happy, Liam. I was waiting for the catch, but then we got married and I thought that there must've been none. That maybe you really did love me for me. That maybe I was just too paranoid, constantly putting all these walls around me.
And finally, the catch that I've been waiting for and have forgotten came to me and I refused to believe it. The truth hurt so much that the only remedy was to avoid it. But even that broke me. And when you admitted to it all, that-- that was what destroyed me." I finished, thanking God that the lump in my throat didn't make me stutter.
I wiped the tears incessantly.
And then the silence. For the longest time, he didn't speak and when he finally did, the only words he said were:
"I'm sorry."
And all over again, he destroyed me.
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Just asking, who wants the next chapter to be in Liam's POV? I don't think I have written any chapters in his POV yet...
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Next update will probably be this Friday or Saturday so see you then!
Much love,
sky 💕