Note: Reupdated/Republished this chapter because, for some reason, some readers were unable to find this.
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XANDER'S POV
It's past midnight when I finally reach home from a short but tiring flight. I only booked a ticket to L.A. to confront Logan Miller in the prison and flew back here in Evanston in the afternoon. I haven't had proper sleep for the last five days, and the jet lag has been sucking my remaining energy like some fucking leech in heat.
I am just so stressed up and drained already. These life's storms had been non-stop hurling at me but I have to be strong for my girl, most especially now that I am finally going to be a father. Her pregnancy might not be totally confirmed because home test kits can give false-positive results sometimes, but I just can't wait to tell her about Logan's revelations. It would definitely make her feel a lot better.
How can you be so sure that it's yours?
To be honest, it literally felt like a huge burden has been lifted off my chest the moment Logan told me that he didn't actually rape her. I found it genuine. I can still remember how his hard expression softened along with the hint of dejection as he talked about his wife Nina James.
She is pure evil and it is possible that she just manipulated and urged him to do it, knowing how she hated Emily since the first time she met her. But my child or not, I have to triple my efforts in taking care of Emily now most especially because she was on heroin during the first weeks of her pregnancy. The nagging stress of thinking about a miscarriage and the huge chances of birth defects, prematurity, and a stillborn baby because of that fucking opioid that is killing me. I also don't think that she hasn't fully recovered from the withdrawal symptoms too, and these are just downright depressing and too much for her.
I am careful with my every move as I enter the Maxwells' house. I don't want to wake them up, especially Rebecca who can sense every single sound that reaches her tiny ears. I won't be surprised if she'll tell me that those fat hamsters Lance brought for my half-sister Hannah are actually barking.
The metal of the doorknob to Emily's bedroom is cool against my palm and I feel like peeing in the excitement to see her again as if it has been ten years since the last time I had a glimpse of her beautiful face. I twist it with ease, inwardly relieved as it is not locked this time, and discreetly enter the room.
My heart seems to have sunk the moment I saw her on the bed. She is wearing this oversized white shirt that I bought for her just last month. It has a Persian cat licking its paw-design in the center. It's the second time she wore that and I always love it whenever she uses and wears the things that I have given her. She is lying on her back with her head turned to one side, and one hand resting on her tummy...
A small smile stretches my lips as I approach the bed. I put my stuff down as softly as I can, shrug my leather jacket off my body, and sit on the edge of the bed beside her.
Emily always looked so innocent, cute, and sexy all at once whenever she's sleeping, and I could not able to take my eyes off her face — every time. But this time, all I see is a troubled girl...
A troubled girl that I so love with all my heart...
I lovingly caress her cheek with the back of my fingers, tracing the smoothness of her skin and drinking the sight of all the details of her profile. I would love to see this face brighten up again with that radiant, stress-free smile that always makes me melt like a very delicious, cheesy cheese from those expensive restaurants.
My hand travels down her stomach. It is still flat, but knowing that there is a little life inside there is again making my eyes glisten with tears.
My Emily is no longer my little kitten. She's going to be a mother soon...
I slip her shirt up just below her breasts and lower my head down to give her tummy a gentle kiss.
"Hey there, little one. You better be mine, or else...Just kidding. I'll still love you no matter what." I whisper into her skin like a dramatic idiot while stroking it with pure affection.
Emily heavily sighs as she turns to her side to snuggle the pillow tighter. She must have felt my presence. Even in her dreams, she also looks so drained, and it is breaking her heart. I pour all my affection on her by stroking her golden hair and tucking all those strands behind her ear until she goes back to her peaceful sleep, which is her only chance to escape the harshness of reality.
After changing into my comfort clothes, I slowly join her in bed and hug her from behind. To my surprise, she suddenly turns to face with me with our noses almost touching each other.
"Baby?" she mumbles with a groggy voice. She literally looks like a grumpy kitten right now, with her forehead creasing in a cute way and her eyes squinting like that.
"Hey," I respond, my eyes bright.
"Where have you been..." her voice is so soft, so delicate like the first ice of autumn. She lifts a hand to feel my cheek as if checking if I am real. Her gesture causes a warm and soft feeling rushing through my chest.
"I didn't know you were looking for me." She was indifferent to me these past few days and her mood swings have gotten worse. Ah, the fucking mess that heroin, trauma, and pregnancy had caused to her.
"Of course, Silly." she smiles with her eyes now closed again. God, her extreme mood swings are so adorable.
"I thought you don't want to see me," I mutter with my lower lip jutting out like a little boy trying to be cute to his mom.
"Mmm..." she just breathes her answer out, obviously still sleepy but is just trying her best to speak.
"Baby?" I ask again after a few moments of just staring at her and listening to her breathing.
"Mmm?"
"We have to go to the hospital tomorrow."
Her eyebrows furrow at my words. "I can't. I don't have the mood to get up."
"But you have to, Baby. You have to be checked. We need a lot of bloodwork and checking to be done because your condition is very delicate, and we also have to be a hundred percent sure about your pregnancy."
She was constantly injected with large doses of heroin for three days and the baby would most probably suffer from the withdrawal symptoms too. The risk for miscarriage is high and I don't want that to happen to our child.
"I don't want to." She turns her back at me and curls her body away from mine.
"It's not the perfect time to be stubborn, Emily." I lift my upper body up to lean on the headboard and try to persuade her by slightly tickling her side but she has no reaction to it.
"I don't have the mood, really." she gloomily adds. The sigh that escapes my lips is slow as if my brain needs a second to prepare myself to speak, to finally tell her the big news. I can't wait to see her reaction. She needs to know this.
"I went to see Logan today."
She cocks her head back at me with her eyes finally open, "What?"
"I went to L.A. to see him,"
"B-but why?" she props herself up on her elbow and leans on the headboard as well.
"I wanted to kill him for what he did to you."
"Baby..." her eyes are wide as she stares at me in surprise. "Then what happened? What did you do to him?"
"Nothing happened. I just confronted him about it."
"You could have just confronted him in the court, but you came all your way from here to L.A..." she speaks like I just sacrificed my life for her.
You almost did, Man.
"So what did he say? This is another case for him, right?"
This is the first time that she spoke about this incident again after she revealed everything to me last week. Logan said he didn't rape her, and Emily was on drugs at that time, so it is possible that she had some bouts of hallucinations. I need to know the full details regarding what happened from her side.
"Yes. I have already reported it to the respective authorities and they need you to report it. They need you to tell them everything, every detail, Baby."
The thick silence between us is making my intestines dance like there's some parade of butterflies and other shit.
"Can you tell me about it?"
She bows her head along with a defeated sigh.
"He...he was all over me that moment; touching my face, kissing my jaw, my neck...I don't know, Baby. I was struggling. I was trying to break free from those restraints."
The muscles on my jaw clench as I closely listen to her speak. I can practically feel how she's having a hard time uttering every word as if there's a huge and painful lump on her throat.
"Just...go on, okay?" I urge her to tell me more about it. It's about time that she has to get this off her chest. I put an arm around her and start to caress her back in a soothing manner.
"I always have this recurring dream about it. I feel like my heart is being ripped into pieces every time I see his face instead of yours..."
My arm tightens around her.
"I-I spit on him when his hand traveled down my body but he hit me really hard and...and put a duct tape against my mouth."
Logan might be telling the truth about not raping her but he sure touched my Emily. Fucking asshole. My hands form into a fist as I thought about coming back to L.A. to beat the fuck out of that motherfucker for real.
"What else did he do?" I ask her with a voice as hard as the blade of a shovel. She folds her legs against her chest and hugs her knees like a scared little girl.
"I don't know, Xander. I can't remember it now. I just...That look in his face as he moved on top of me has been haunting me. I just can't accept the fact that someone aside from you has touched me. Xander...I feel so disgusted. God, I'm so sorry." she buries her face between her knees and her body shakes as she starts to sob. Fuck, my heart is breaking again.
"Baby, why are you sorry? It's not your fault that fucking asshole touched you! We have to get through this."
Nina's face pops into my mind and I remember what Logan told me about her. I have to clarify this.
"Did you...remember him penetrating you?"
Emily lifts her head up from being buried between her knees and cocks her head in wonder.
"I...I..."
I wait for her as she searches for her thoughts.
"I really can't remember the exact moment. I wanted to bite his ears off till he bleeds, but the strong adhesive had completely sealed my mouth. I was feeling numb, yet somehow, agony managed to mix in. I was struggling so hard and was trying to fight him despite being so weak."
"What did you do to him then? What happened before he left the room?" I probe.
Oh hey, Detective Greene!
She takes a sharp intake of breath first before looking into my eyes. "He tried to slip his hand inside my... panties, but I gave him a headbutt and..."
Damn. It was probably her adrenaline rush or the pleasing effect of heroin that gave her that strength. The creases on her forehead become even more visible as she tries to remember more.
"And...?"
"A hard blow on my head is all I remember before passing out."
"So, you passed out?"
"Yes," There's a look of bewilderment written all over her face.
"And what happened when you woke up?" My heart is pounding so hard at the anticipation.
"He's not there anymore, and I am still tied up on the bed. I had body aches, and the next time I saw him, we were at the airport, and he was seated next to me on the plane."
I am really shaking at the confirmation. It is really possible that Logan left her in the room right after she passed out.
"Baby...Listen to me, okay?" I grab both of her shoulders and turn her to face me.
"He told me that he didn't rape you. Nina told him to, but he didn't do it."
She falls silent for a few moments. Her grip on my knee tightens when she realizes something.
"I did remember him having this conversation in his phone with some girl he called "Babe". By the tone of his voice, she seemed to be urging him to do something..."
There you go, Man.
"Baby! We had sex the night before you were kidnapped!"
"But you used protection."
"No, I didn't."
"Are you sure? I actually don't remember it..."
"But I did."
"Oh my God... Xander! Does it mean that...?
"Yes."
"But what if it's not? What if... Oh, God. How can we be sure that Logan isn't lying?"
"Look, my child or not...We have to go to the hospital tomorrow."
"Xander, I want to make sure that this is your baby before telling anyone. There's a way, right? Like some paternity tests or something?"
"Yes, but it's too early. You need to be at least seven or eight weeks pregnant." Amniocentesis and chorionic villi sampling is actually an invasive procedure and miscarriage is a total possibility so I don't want to risk it. But there's also a non-invasive test for this.
"But how about the baby? We need to go for a check-up! Oh my God. I want him to be healthy, Xander!"
"Baby...relax." I am chuckling at the dramatic change in her demeanor from being apprehensive about being so alive. "I specialize in these kinds of conditions, remember?"
"Oh wait," she tilts her head while biting her nail, "...you're a doctor?"
It literally took me about five seconds to process her remark.
"Sorry. I thought you were my nanny. My handsome nanny." she puts an arm around me and rests her chin on my shoulder while gazing happily into my eyes.
"Silly girl." I give her a quick peck on the tip of her nose, and she backs away,
"Hey! I'm not a girl anymore. I am a woman now, and this woman is pregnant...with your child."
"Yes, you are."
"Let's name our child Alexa if she's a girl and Emmett if he's a boy, okay?"
Whoa, she is really not ready, huh?
I throw my head back in roaring laughter at her unexpected enthusiasm. It has been a long time since I genuinely laugh like this, and it feels so good. So damn good.
*****To be continued*****
A/N:
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