PAST
Sometimes the time spent with a person is so golden that you just want to freeze the moment then and there. You do not want to think about moving further, you just want to enjoy the eternal happiness that is flowing inside you. And when given a choice between the world and that person, you'll always choose that person, because that person has become your world.
'Bonne Journee les etudiants'.
And that's how my French class ended in the manner it ends everyday. I made my out of the grey and gloomy building into the open evening air of New York city with Neil by my side who is my good friend from the French tuitions, is Indian and very much gay. When the first time he opened about his sexuality to me, I was quite shocked because a man of his physique and masculinity would make girls go crazy about him. But in his case, I think, he would probably make men crazy about him.
I noticed a goofy grin on his face, the one that crazy girls wear when their crush makes an insignificant comment on them, when they are texting.
"Whom are you texting?"
"Sean". He replied without even looking up from his phone.
"Your new lab partner?" So much for a lab partner.
"My hot new lab partner." He said correcting me, as if that word mattered to me.
"You guys have exchanged numbers already?"
"Ofcourse, Sarah. He is really cool, you should meet him. I think he is also gay because one time when our hands accidentally touched, he quickly took away, you know."
"Duh, dimwit. It literally means that he knows that you are gay."
"No, dimwit. It means that he feels the electricity between us."
Well, it was futile to argue with Neil on this topic because he knows better about these things than me. The other time when a guy was gawking at me in French classes, I thought that I must really look bad because that day I came in my pajamas, but according to Neil which was actually the reality, that guy found me attractive and he wanted my phone number. The whole getting-him-thrown-out-of-life is a different and a long story.
As we continued walking to our homes, Neil kept texting Sean with the same goofy grin on his face that he had earlier. I've never had any gay friends before, so when the first time he told me that he was gay, it took me few days to see him like that way but after that it became quite normal and I realized that he is the same person inside out. His sexuality, or anybody's sexuality, doesn't change person's innate qualities and they remain the same as they were before.
As a matter of fact, I am the only person to whom Neil has opened up to. As he comes from a conservative background, he did not tell his parents about it nor his friends who, majorly, belong to the same nationality.
"Have you talked to your parents, yet?" I asked for he said that he'd talk to his parents just before few days.
"And you had to be the killjoy." He said shutting off his phone down and putting it in his jacket pocket.
"I am just asking."
"Well, I have not talked to them and I am not even planning anytime soon."
"You know that you'd have to tell them at some point, right?" I said concernedly.
"I seriously don't want to talk about them right now, Sarah."
"Okay, it's fine. But whenever you plan to tell them, just know that I'd always be there on your side, ok?" I said linking my arm in his.
"Ofcourse, you'll have to be there bitch." I chuckled on his comment and we continued walking.
But we had to stop on our tracks as someone stood in front of us wearing a black hoodie with grey pants and white headphones attached to the ears. And that someone was Jake.
I was stunned to see him as I did not expect him to be here. He was panting heavily and sweat was dripping off from all over his face.
He smiled and said, "Hey."
"Hi. You here?" I said surprisingly.
"Yeah, I was just running some errands here. You here?" He said shifting his gaze from Neil to me and then back to Neil.
"Yeah, I have my French classes here."
"Okay." He said nodding his head. He stood there with us for half a minute as if waiting for something to happen and so I was about to strike up a conversation with him, but a very strange thing catches my eye and becomes culpable to get my full attention.
I see my father driving his car on the road. The strange thing about this is that his office is nowhere located in this area. His office is basically situated in the suburbs. Not only this, but I saw an unfamiliar woman seating on the passenger seat beside him. The first thought that flashed in my mind was that she must be working in his office. But as far as I saw, she had worn a casual t-shirt, which is definitely not a formal wear. Not a casual t-shirt, atleast.
I was brought back from my trail of thoughts and the state of paranoia, into the reality by the nudge of the hand of Neil. I became totally oblivious to the fact that Jake was still standing right of me, and we had not exchanged any more words further. Maybe he wanted to say something to me but then he refrained and said:
"I should probably go. See you later."
"Bye." He probably did not hear the bye, as he passed by us hurriedly.
As he went away, I realized that I had totally forgotten to introduce Neil to him in the midst of the paranoia that I was caught in due to my dad. I quickly erase the budding paranoia in my mind and made a point to myself to ask my dad about it later today.
And as for Jake, I guess he won't mind this lack of introduction as he was preoccupied with all his running errands and stuff. I kept in mind that next time they meet, I'll surely introduce them.
"Whoa. Whoever he is Sarah, let me tell you, is the hottest and the most delicious piece of dessert I have ever laid my eyes upon." Neil said with eyes still fixated on Jake who was barely even seen.
"Shut up! And just so you know, he is Jake Smith, a new bug this year."
"Oh! I bet he is the bad boy of this town, isn't he?"
"Nope, you are wrong this time Mister-I-am-am-always-right, in fact, he is the goody-goody of this town."
"How come you know that?" He asked clearly intrigued to know him.
"It's because I have talked to him."
"I see that you have talked to him." He said with a seductive look on his face.
"What?! No! It's not what you are thinking." I said surprised by seeing that frown on his face which comes only when something really disappointing happens.
"Then tell me how is it?"
"I have just started talking to him. Hell, I have not even seen him like that way." I said stating the truths.
"Every girl says that when they start talking to a guy and then end up in a relationship the next month, sometimes, the very next day."
"Well, I can say that that's not true for my case, because I am not every other girl, remember?" I said flinging arms in the open air to show just how tired I am of his ceaseless persistence.
"Besides I am not even sure what he thinks of me." I said finally making a rational point.
"Yeah, well, that's true. But if anything happens, I should be the first one to know about it, ok? It should work both the ways." He said before exchanging goodbyes and moving into McDonalds' where he recently started working.
As I resumed walking, I started imagining myself in a relationship with Jake and quickly erased the idea from my mind because it became all so weird and a little scary. Jake is good as gold, but he is a refrainer. I believe that there is a side to him that his hidden from the world. He is trying indefatigably to cover it, but I can clearly see this subtleness of his.
*
"Ugh....." I sighed as I realized just how much work is left to be done.
Jake, who was sitting across from me since an hour, looked up at me and went back to completing his assignment. What's wrong with him today? We have barely even exchanged few words, let alone the sentences. Something is really bothering him. The other time when I came out of my Bio lecture, I saw him coming in my direction but then when I waved at him, he just changed his direction, as if trying to make me believe that he did not see me. But I clearly saw that he saw me. Ugh..... this boy has got some serious issues.
I took a break and went to order a coffee at the café counter that had become so much familiar. When the first time I came here to this café with Jake, I thought that us coming here would be seldom, but surprisingly as the days passed by we started coming here frequently so much so that we come here every day and bring along our school work to complete. In these past few days, it feels like we have been spending time a lot with each other that I can understand Jake now more than I ever did before. But unlike those few days, he is oddly quiet today. Ever since we came to this café, he has quietly been doing his work, which is so unlike him.
As I came back to our table, I decided I had to break this ice.
So I asked, "Hey Jake, can I ask you a question?"
"Hmmm." No 'yes, go on', no 'yes sure', no 'anytime', nothing that encourages a person to continue what they were asking, just a simple-why-did-you-even-ask-because-I'll-have-to-answer hmmm.
Anyways, I asked gulping my pride, "What do you think about gay people in general?"
"What? Why are you asking that?! Are you gay?"
"What?!! No! I am not gay." I said rebuking myself that why did I even think of asking him that question.
Then finally taking a deep breath, I said, "See, there is a friend of mine whose name is Neil and he is gay. He is Indian. So basically his parents are not open about these kind of things and if they knew that their son crushes over other's sons, I think they are not gonna like it."
"How do you know him?" Asked Jake clearly intrigued by this topic. I guess I was right.
"I met him in my French classes. Oh I totally forgot to tell you yesterday but let me tell you, the boy you saw with me yesterday, he was Neil."
"I see." I don't know if am correct or not, but there is something else in his 'I see'.
Anyways, I cannot let my wild imaginations take the best of me, so I said, "Coming back to my question, what do you think of them?"
"There is nothing to think about. They are just normal human beings. So what if they gawk at men than girls? USA is a democratic nation, people will do what they want to do. There is nothing wrong in that." I really like the fact that it did not take him a minute to answer this which means he really feels okay about it.
And the rest of the afternoon just passed like the other days. We discussed more about the gay people, then Jake told me his experiences with gay people and everything just went back to normal. As if silence wasn't the predominant thing few minutes ago.