Later that afternoon, after Kayla had left to go hang out with her friends, Zac apologized to Taylor for the insinuations he'd made about him. Taylor forgave him, of course, and once Isaac woke up from his own nap, the three of them spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out at their parents house. They had dinner and talked with their Dad for a while about the current state of their attitude toward the label, and how they had spoken several times about the possibility of them trying to get out of their contracts and continue on, independently. Their dad was the voice of reason, oftentimes reminding them that love and passion sometimes wasn't enough, as ugly as that may sound. Still he understood their sons were going to find a way to continue making music, even with the odds stacked against them. He told them to give him a few days to reach out to some contacts he had and that they would discuss how realistic it would be for them in a few days.
Around 9 PM the brothers went back home. Taylor had suggested a movie, which Isaac was game for, but Zac said he was going to take a shower and try to go to bed.
"You slept all day," Taylor said, laughing.
"That's probably why I'm so tired," Zac replied.
"Alright, well if you find yourself tossing and turning we'll be up. We could always go down and work in the studio," Isaac suggested.
The notion sounded tempting to Zac, but he knew his head wasn't in it at the moment. While he'd enjoyed the afternoon he'd spent with his family, the truth was he couldn't stop thinking about Kayla being gone. It was almost 10:00 PM and she still wasn't back. He'd tried texting her a couple of hours before, asking if she was having fun. He didn't want to, but he couldn't help himself. She'd replied with a simple 'yes' and he didn't bother with anymore questions.
"Oh, also, Mike's gonna stop by in about an hour. In case you're up," Taylor casually interjected.
Mike was Taylor's "weed guy". He didn't smoke often, but whenever he wanted to, Mike was always willing to deliver, since Taylor always bought "top shelf" merchandise from him.
Zac nodded towards his brothers and started towards his room. He pulled out some pajama pants and a pair of boxers and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Once he was done and dressed, he brushed his teeth and combed out his hair before heading back to his room. He paused when he stepped into the hallway and looked towards Kayla's door. She still wasn't home. He knew it was after 11 PM at this point and he wondered if he should send her a text, just to check in on her. He walked back into his room and threw his dirty laundry toward the hamper next to his closet. He missed, but didn't take the time to go over and pick it up. Instead he sat on his bed and picked up his cell phone. He flipped it open and dialed the last number he'd called. It rang three times before voicemail picked up.
"Hey it's Kate. Leave me a message and I'll call you back!"
Zac rolled his eyes. It was the second time today she'd not answered the phone, "Hey Katie, it's me again. I know it's late but I called you earlier and didn't hear back from you. Call me back or text me, let me know you're okay. Bye."
He flipped his phone shut and let out a deep sigh. He opened it back up and contemplated calling or texting Kayla. He stared at the picture of him and Kate on the screen. The last few days had been weird between them. He knew she was busy, and most of the time he tried to respect that because she was always so understanding of his own schedule. His phone rang, suddenly, startling him and pulling him from his thoughts.
"Hello?"
"Hey Zac." It was Kate.
"Hey, what are you doing?" he asked. She sounded
"Nothing. What's up?"
"If you're not doing anything, how come you didn't answer the phone?"
"Really, Zac? Obviously I'm not doing nothing, or I'd be sleeping. Do you know what time it is?"
"Do you?"
He heard her sigh and it made him angry.
"I'm sitting with Natalie, Zac. Talking about the wedding. I told you this was what I was going to be doing most of the time whenever I wasn't doing things at school."
"I know what you told me, but I find it hard to believe that from the time you get out of school to the moment you go to sleep, all you're doing is help plan a wedding."
"So you don't believe me then, is what you are saying?"
"Would you believe me?"
"Don't I always? When you tell me you woke up and went straight to the studio for 12 hours and I don't hear from you till the next day sometimes? Don't I always believe you?"
Zac started to feel angry, "That's my job Kate!"
There was silence on the other end of the line. He wasn't sure why but he knew something wasn't right. It wasn't like Kate to avoid him, or to pick a fight.
"Look, it's late. And you've obviously had a bad day. I'm about to drive Nat home and then go to bed. Can we talk tomorrow sometime?"
"Whatever, let me know when you make it back home," Zac said as he flipped his phone shut. The time appeared on the screen, 11:42 PM. He got up and opened up his bedroom door. He walked over to Kayla's room and saw that she still wasn't there. He walked in and sat on the edge of her bed for a moment before allowing himself to lay down. He'd always liked her bed better than his own. She'd offered to switch with him but he'd declined. It wouldn't be the same if it weren't hers anymore.
In that moment, Zac felt horrible. He couldn't understand why he kept thinking about her in ways he knew he shouldn't. He'd gone from being mad she wasn't home, to fighting with Kate, to laying in Kayla's bed in a matter of minutes. He knew he had to stop. It wasn't fair to Kate, and the way he still felt a claim over Kayla wasn't fair to her either. Or to the chance he was trying to give their friendship. He slowly drifted off to sleep, a slight wrinkle in his forehead showing all the thoughts floating around in his brain.
Zac opened his eyes and sat straight up. He grabbed for his phone and looked at the time, 2:47 AM.
"Shit!" He exclaimed loudly. He immediately felt stirring to the right of him, which startled him.
"What's wrong?" Kayla said as she sat up and turned to look at Zac. He smiled and closed his eyes. He opened them and adjusted to the darkness, quickly realizing he was still in Kayla's bed.
"It's you," he finally said.
"Um, yeah it's me," she said sitting up straighter in the bed, "This is my bed, remember?"
He smiled at her softly, not knowing what to do or say.
"I came home and you were asleep in here. I was going to wake you up, but seeing as how you slept almost all day and still managed to somehow fall asleep, I knew you must have been tired," she said as she started to wrap her hair up in a bun.
"Yeah, I'm not sure why I came in here. I guess I just came to check if you were home yet and fell asleep," he hesitated a moment before continuing, "I had a fight with Kate," he finally said.
Kayla paused, trying to compose herself. She took a deep breath before answering.
"I'm sorry love, you want to talk about it?" she finally asked. Her voice was quiet, mixed with concern and sadness.
"Maybe.... not right now, though. What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked, "Well I guess today?"
"Um... nothing, I don't have anything planned, why?" she answered.
"You wanna hang out? Like, just us two though? It's been a while since we've done anything alone," he replied, hopeful. Kayla noticed the pleading tone and her heart ached a little.
"Yeah, of course. That sounds nice," she said with a small smile.
Zac leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, "Night, Kayla," he said, turning his body and removing himself from her bed.
"You're going to your bed?" she asked, anxiety starting to creep in. This was the first time Zac had ever left her bed in the middle of the night.
Zac turned around and looked at her, suddenly making her feel a little uncomfortable. She knew she shouldn't have asked that. It was she that had decided they needed to stop being intimate, yet for a moment she wished things could go back to the way they were.
"Yeah," Zac finally answered, "I think that's best."
Kayla closed her eyes for a second longer than she'd wanted to. She was grateful for the dark, and hoped he hadn't seen the disappointment she was feeling.
"Okay. Yeah, you're right," she said as she laid back down, turning her body sideways and facing him, "Night Zac."
He turned and walked out of her room, closing her door on the way out. His heart was racing, and he had to use all of his energy to make sure he didn't turn around and go back to Kayla's room. He knew this was for the best and he knew she did as well; the idea of her needing him, the way he clearly still needed her, brought him a comfort he knew he didn't deserve. He walked into his own dark, quiet room and sat on his bed. He let out a deep breath before letting his body fall back into his mattress.
He suddenly remembered his earlier conversation with Kate.
He reached for his pocked and pulled out his phone.
3:07 AM and no missed calls or texts from her.
He threw his phone on his bed and set his hand behind his head. He wanted to worry that he hadn't heard from her. He wanted to be angry that she hadn't let him know if she'd made it home safely.
But he wasn't, and in that moment, he was okay with it.
When Zac woke up later that morning, he felt a sense of relief that made him feel lighter. He knew he should feel guilty about it, but he didn't. Instead he felt more alive and happy than he had been in a while. He finally felt like he knew what he wanted and was going to do whatever it took to make sure he got it.
He grabbed his phone off his bedside table and looked at the time. It was 9:30 in the morning. He was surprised he was awake, but he knew it had to be because of all the sleep he'd gotten the day and night before.
He flipped open his phone and fired off a quick text.
Zac: Hey, you up yet?
Kate: Yeah, good morning.
Zac: Morning. You busy right now? I need to talk to you.
Zac waited a few moments for a reply, but didn't receive one. He started to reply again as he felt his phone start to vibrate and he watched the phone screen light up.
Incoming call from:
KATE
He took a deep breath before answering it.
"Hello?"
"Hey, what's up. What do you want to talk about?" Kate asked quickly, panic and concern apparent in her voice.
"You never let me know you made it home last night," he stated.
"I didn't come home, I ended up spending the night at Natalie's house," she replied.
"Are you there now?" he asked.
"No, I'm home now. I wasn't planning on staying so I came home to shower and get dressed," there was something different about the sound of her voice and Zac couldn't place his finger on it.
"So why couldn't you just text me and let me know you were staying? I asked you to let me know," he said, starting to feel frustrated. He'd called her with intention, but now listening to her, he was starting to question his decision.
"I don't know, Zac, I just didn't. Is this what you wanted to talk about?" she replied, suddenly snapping at him. Zac could feel the anger rising in his chest. He took a couple of breaths to calm himself down before replying.
"Kate, what's going on with you lately?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, softening her tone.
"You've been weird lately. Every time I call you, you make it seem like I'm bothering you. I know you're busy, but I've been busy before too and never made you feel that way. And no matter how busy I've been, I've made time to make sure we got our time. I just don't understand what is going on. Why you've been keeping so busy you can't call or even text me anymore? You don't even reply to me half the time," Zac said, suddenly aware of how needy he must have sounded. He wasn't meaning to, but he did want to know the answers to those questions.
Kate took a breath on the other side of the line. He was right. She thought she'd done a better job of hiding her actions, however, and she knew he wasn't going to give up without an explanation from her.
"Zac, I..." she began.
"What's going on, Katie?" Zac asked, again.
"Something happened," she finally said. Zac sat up in his bed.
"What do you mean? What happened?" his heart was now racing.
"When I went on Spring Break, well before I guess, I lied to you. When you asked me if Bryan was coming on the trip and I said no, I lied. I'm so sorry, Zac," she said. He could tell she was holding back tears. He felt a combination of anger and disappointment at the same time. Bryan was her ex-boyfriend. They'd only dated a short time, and when things got serious with her and Zac, she told him they couldn't see each other anymore. She'd referred to him as her "first love" during the days that she and Zac were still getting to know each other, and he knew they'd remained friends. He was part of her circle of friends; people she'd been going to school with almost her whole life. When she brought up going out of the country with her friends for her Spring Break trip, it was one of the first questions he'd asked her. Was Bryan going? She had assured him he wasn't, and he was now curious as to why she'd felt the need to lie.
"Zac? You still there?" she asked.
"I'm here, go on," he said flatly.
"I knew you would've been mad if you knew he was going. That's why I lied when you asked me," she said.
"Did anything happen that I need to know about?" Zac asked.
Kate hesitated a moment and Zac knew what the answer to that question was.
"I kissed him," she admitted.
Zac could feel his heart pounding in his ears. He felt hot, and his palms were sweating. He tried to speak but he couldn't.
"I didn't mean for it to happen, Zac, I honestly didn't. And I wish I could say that it didn't mean anything, but I'd be lying. It made me think about a lot of things. With us... kissing him made me realize that I never gave Bryan a fair chance," she paused and Zac closed his eyes. He couldn't believe what she was saying. "You came into my life so suddenly and I just left him. Just one day I'm telling him I love him then Zac Hanson calls me on the phone and I forget all about him. Not literally--"
Zac scoffed, "Obviously,"
Kate paused, then continued, "-- Whatever, you know what I mean Zac. I just... I don't know. I think we need to take a break. Sort some things out for ourselves. We both have a lot going on and we each need to figure out if this is what we want," she finished.
"If what is what we want?" Zac asked, hastily. "I thought you loved me Kate? What happened to that?"
"I do love you Zac, but I need to figure out if this is what I want for my life. We never see each other, we hardly get to talk. We can't go anywhere and have a normal private evening. You're either on tour or recording, or when we are together we always end up surrounded by people. It's not easy, Zac! Do you have any idea how invisible I feel around you sometimes?" She was crying now, and Zac could tell. She was also right, and he knew it. He may not usually dominate a conversation, but he knew how to usually make it about him. What he was going through, what he was feeling. By the time they were done talking about his feelings, she'd be too tired to talk about her own.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"What?" Kate asked confused, "Why are you apologizing?"
"For making you feel that way. For not knowing you were feeling that way. I never meant to make you go through that alone. I never even thought to consider any of those factors for you. I was just happy to spend time with you whenever we were together, I thought you felt the same way," he answered honestly.
"I did feel the same way, Zac. I mean, I do, it's just... it's just a lot sometimes," she said.
"I know, I get it," he paused, "so... is this really what you want?" he finally asked.
There was silence for a moment before she replied.
"I don't necessarily want it. I do think it's what we need though. Honestly, I know it's what I need. I love you Zac, I really do. I just don't want to have any doubts is all, and right now..."
"You have doubts," he finished for her.
"Yeah, I do. I'm sorry," she replied, quietly.
"It's ok, Katie, I understand. At least... well, thank you for being honest with me," he said.
There was more silence. Neither of them knowing how to end the uncomfortable conversation they'd just had.
"I'll see you at the wedding?" Kate finally asked, breaking the tension.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you at the wedding," he replied.
"Bye, Zac," she said.
"Bye Katie," he replied quietly.
He heard the call disconnect. He flipped his phone shut and laid back down in his bed. Emotion filled his body and he felt his eyes start to water. Sadness and confusion began to settle in. He looked at his phone and checked the time.
10:02 AM
He felt it suddenly vibrate as he flipped it open.
New Text Message From: Kayla
He took a deep breath and open his texts.
Kayla: Hey you up?
He stared at it for a few more moments before shutting his phone closed, and tossing his phone on his bed. He pulled his blankets up around his body and closed his eyes. He felt the tears come down and he wiped away at them with his comforter. He let the exhaustion of the conversation he'd just had sink in before sleep took him away.