Warning: homophobic slurs, vomiting, suicide (attempt, or maybe not... let's see)
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Connor's pov
I quietly open the door and slip off my shoes. Eyeing the stairs, I tiptoe over.
"Connor." Zoe states, annoyed.
I freeze and turn to face her. "Zoe." I says with the same tone. For some reason, I found that hilarious and I try not to smile. So to not smile I turn that smile upside down.
"Eww, what the heck, Connor?!" Zoe exclaims, "What ugly face is that?!"
I scowl. "I call it the 'Zoe Face', thank you very mu-"
"Connor!" Larry says as he slams his hand on the kitchen table.
I flinch at the sound and hesitantly look at him.
Larry glares at me. His gaze was as cold as ice. "That is not how you talk to your sister!"
I can feel my rage boiling inside of me, but I contain it to try to prevent more consequences. I nod quickly.
"What do you say?" Larry snaps.
"I'm sorry, sir," I mumble.
Larry huffs. "Good."
I clench my fists. It wasn't fair! So Zoe could say all that stuff about me, but I can't say that to her?! Of course my parents pick her side. She's the perfect child. Every one knows.
"Screw you," I mutter directed at Larry.
"Excuse me?!" Larry yells
I tense up. "Nothing, nevermind."
Larry laughs angrily. "I heard you, Connor."
I avert my eyes, casting them on the floor.
"So where have you been?" Larry questions sharply.
"At a friend's house," I reply.
"You have no friends," Larry scoffs, "even I know that."
"Yes I do," I defend.
SLUR WARNING
"No, you don't. You were probably having sex with some guy at his house," Larry sneers. "I never raised my son to be a fag."
END OF WARNING
Tears sting the corner of my eyes. "I really was at a friend's house, and we aren't romantically involv-"
"OUT!" Larry screams. "Go up to your room, now! You won't be having dinner tonight!"
I scramble up to my room, but I overhear my parent's conversation.
"Larry, he needs to eat."
"He can survive a day."
"Don't you think it's a bit too harsh?"
"This is what people like him deserve."
I couldn't bear to hear more. I lay on my bed, curling up in the blankets to muffle everything.
I blink back oncoming tears. What did I do to deserve this? Then again, I've been a terrible person. I make everything worse.
"Connor?" A hesitant voice calls from outside my room. Zoe.
"Go away," I snap.
"Fine then," Zoe retorts.
TRIGGER WARNING
Regret immediately floods my mind. I really shouldn't have said that. Look what you did now. How many times have you ruined Zoe's life? How many times have you ruined your parents' lives? And how many times have you been a burden on Evan?
Tears stream down on my cheeks but I quickly wipe them away. No. You shouldn't cry. You don't deserve to cry. There are so many people with worse conditions than you. They're not crying, so what makes you think that you deserve to?
I press my blankets closer to my chest. Stop. Just stop. You can't do this. Let's face it. You make everything worse. You ruin every happy moment for your family. What if you just weren't there tomorrow?
I suppress a sob. Stop thinking like this, Connor. You're not supposed to. It's not normal. But, would everyone's lives be normal if I just vanish?
My family would be happy. My parents would have a perfect child. Evan would have a better friend. Teachers wouldn't have to deal with a troublesome kid. My parents wouldn't have to spend money on me. Kids won't be bothered by me. Air wouldn't be wasted on me. Nothing would be wasted.
I pull the blankets off my face and eye the aspirin bottle on my dresser. Should I, or should I not?
I know I shouldn't. But a part of me said I should. Then that part consumed everything, like darkness swallowing the lights.
I felt myself moving to the dresser. My arm automatically grabbed the container and opened the lid. My hand shook as I stared at the pills. My other hand took the opened water bottle.
Am I really going to do this?
Before I thought too much, I downed 6 pills with a gulp of water. Then I downed the 5 left.
I shook the bottle for more, but there was just silence. Eleven wouldn't be enough. Maybe enough to hurt, but... maybe it could be enough if I was lucky.
I frowned. Now what?
Then panic started kicking in. I regret this. I shouldn't have done this. I'm so, so stupid! Evan! And how would Evan feel if I was gone? What if he thinks it was his fault?
I fanned my tearing eyes. Shoes, where are they?
I spot my shoes and put them on before slipping out the window.
I'm halfway there to Evan's house before I start to get dizzy.
I stumble, flailing my arms aimlessly to keep my balance. My heart rate speeds up.
The realization hits me.
I'm going to die.
I hear myself breathing heavily and my hearts thuds quickly in my chest. Is this what Evan feels like sometimes?
Forcing my legs to keep moving, I run as much as I can. A headache comes along.
By the time I arrive at Evan's door, I could barely feel my legs. Everything was extremely blurry. My headache still pounded.
I ring the doorbell many times, quickly.
Evan answers the door with a confused look on his face. "Connor," he asks, "W-What are you doing here?"
I step inside and immediately drop to my knees. Tears spring into my eyes. "I can't, Evan, I messed up and I don't know how to-"
Evan kneels down and pulls me into a hug. "Connor, p-please calm down. What happened?"
I try to stand up, but a wave of nausea hits me, making me stumble to the floor again. "I..."
Everything was spinning. Breathing was really hard. I lay on the floor.
"Pills," I choke out. "Too many."
Evan's eyes widen. "Connor! Why?!" He rushes to stand up. Then he takes out his phone and calls 911.
15 or something seconds later, he ends the call. "Connor, please hang on."
I look at him. "Hurts," I whisper.
Everything hurt. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, and my headache only got worse.
Evan carries me to the bathroom. He sets me down in front of the toilet and sticks his fingers down my throat.
I gag and tears run down my cheeks.
Evan's eyes glance down for a brief second. "I-I'm sorry, Connor, but I-I don't want you to go." Tears also spring to his eyes.
I gag again. Everything hurts. I want it to stop. Please just stop.
"Connor, please!" Evan cries. "You have to get the pills out of your body!"
I shake my head.
Evan's face contorts to rage. "Can't you see that I don't want you to die?!"
He adjusts his fingers, making me gag again. Sirens wail, getting louder.
Evan desperately tries again. I retch into the toilet. Then again.
I start shaking and sob with relief. But it still hurts.
"Connor, it's going to be okay," he soothes. He lets me lay on his lap, with my head in his arms.
He smiles at me. "Thank you. I know it was hard, but you did it."
Sirens scream outside as footsteps flood the house. Black starts to cloud my vision.
Evan hugs me tightly.
He says something but I couldn't hear it. His lips press onto my forehead as everything goes black.
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