|| JUNG HOSEOK ||
-Thursday : 11:14 P.M.
~
I quickly ran down the stairs of Namjoon's apartment building, almost tripping at some steps.
I looked into a small mirror, seeing my beaten up face and some hickeys on my neck that the guys from yesterday placed on me.
I felt digsuting. And I was scared for the looks I would get once I stepped outside.
I grabbed a cigarette and lit it with shakey hands, quickly grabbing my phone, plugging my earphones in.
I stuck them in my ears, putting the music on the max volume.
I didn't wanna go home so I just thought about going to a café and sometime later I would look for a hotel nearby.
-
I walked on the rainy sidewalk of Seoul, inhaling my cigarette a few times.
I ignored the looks I got or just looked back with a glare. I rolled up my sleeve of the hoodie I had thrown on, looking at my bruised wrists and other cuts, burn marks and more.
I rolled it back down, sliding the hood of my hoodie over my head, slumping further.
I walked into a cozy looking café and sat down at a couch in a corner. I slid the hood off and grabbed my phone.
Fluff humans💕:
Binnie: Hoseok where u at?
Ya-Jeol: YeA what's up with u lately?
I put my phone on the table, looking at the person that was coming my way, probably wanting to ask my order.
"What would u like to order?"
"A cappuchino is okay,thank you."
"Alrigt, it'll be with u soon."
I grabbed my phone, seeing that I already got new messages.
Binnie: don't leave us on seen hobi
Ja-yeol: Hoseok u have been acting weird, what the fuck is going on?
Sam: please respond, we wanna know what's up with u.
I muted the group, my head filled with voices I didn't wanna hear. I buried my head into the palms of my hands and leaned forward.
"Uh, sir? Ur order is here."
I looked up, seeing a tanned tall guy stand in front of me with a plate with my cappuccino.
I murmured a small 'thank you' as he placed it on my table.
"May I ask if you're okay? You look really sad."
I looked up, a tall, tan skinned guy stood in front of me.
"Mhm, I'm trying to think about everything, but my head is to full to even think." I said, looking down at the table.
The guy sat down in front of me.
"Ah, I get it. I get the feeling."
"U must be having a hard time."
"I know it's hard. But u need to get trough it, and I believe u can."
I nodded, my hands now clumping onto my hoodie it's sleeves.
My eyes never met the other guys eyes.
-
I tried to be as quiet as I could as I climbed onto my roof, sitting on it when I was at the highest point.
I looked at the stars.
"They look lonely."
I grabbed my phone, plugging my earphones into it.
I put on my playlist, still looking at the sky and stars.
I felt sad and lonely, even though I had so many people who could be there for me. I don't wanna bother them with my problems, and even if I do, they can't help. And even if I have friends, I don't think my loneliness will ever leave me. It will haunt me.
I pulled my knees to my chest, laying my head onto my knees.
-
|| JUNG HOSEOK ||
- Monday, 4 days later.
I opened my eyes at the ringing of my phone.
I closed it off and stood up, grabbing some grey ripped jeans and a white trasher hoodie.
I walked into my bathroom , freshening up a bit.
After I freshened up, I dressed myself and walked downstairs.
I didn't go to school Friday, I didn't want to, not after what happened. I hadn't even told my dad, and I wasn't planning to. All the scars from that day were still there.
I quickly ate some breakfast and waved my little sister and dad goodbye.
I had my earphones in my ear, it playing my playlist, as usual.
-
~At school, 7:53 a.m.
"Hoseok, why weren't u at school last Friday?" Ja-Byeol asked as soon as she saw me.
"Just cause." I said, not wanting to think back to that day.
"I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to tell u yet." I said, looking at the floor.
"Hm, whatever." Ja-Byeol said as she walked away.
I looked in front of me, seeing Namjoon with a girl, who held his pinkie.
She was smiling widely, and he smiled back at her.
He never smiled, why did he smile to her? Why was his heart suddenly hurting so much. He gripped onto his hoodie, it crippling in his hand.
Namjoon noticed Hoseok, walking to him with the girl.
He quickly let go of his hoodie, looking at the two people coming towards him.
"Hey, are u okay? After that.." Namjoon asked me.
'no, "Yeah, uh... Sure." I said to him as I gave him a weak smile.
The girl stood in her toes, poking his dimples.
It felt like my heart was getting stepped on, over and over again.
'I want to be the one who does that..'
"Oh yea, Hoseok." Namjoon said.
I looked up and nodded, with a questioned look.
"This is my girlfriend, Yoona. Yoona, this is Hoseok." Namjoon said.
Suddenly i got really hot and started to breathe heavily, but i just tried to hide it. Smiling a them both.
"Uh, okay. I gotta leave now, sorry." I said as I sprinted away to the back of the school.
I let myself lean onto a wall, breathing heavily, clutching onto my heart. It really hurt. I let myself fall through my knees, pulling them up. I opened my backpack, grabbing my cigarettes.
I inhaled it deeply, one time, two times, three times.. Till it was gone, then the second one was placed into my mouth, then the third. Till my whole pack was empty. Not only cause i smoked them all, but also because I stuck them into my arms, and the parts where my jeans were ripped. I looked at the time on my phone.
10:23a.m.
"Shit."
I stood up, quickly walking back to the front of the school, running to my class.
People stared at me but I just looked down.
"Mister Jung, why are u late?!"
"..."
"Not answering huh? Well it's good that u get good grades, or else I wouldn't have let u go like this."
I bowed to my teacher.
Apparently Namjoon's girlfriend joined our school and our class as I saw that Yoona was sitting a table beside him, just like me. But I was on the left, she on the right.
-
"-ey! Hey! Hoseok?"
I looked beside me, looking at Namjoon.
"What?"
"U okay?"
"U asked earlier, i'm fine."
"Mhm, okay then."
"Joonieee ~"
I cringed at the girls voice.
I didn't want to hate her, but my mind made me hate her.
'She stole Namjoon'
I didn't want those thoughts, but it happened, and some were true.
I rolled up my sleeves, grabbing my pencil, tracing some cuts. Sometimes pushing my pencil into them.
-
|| KIM NAMJOON ||
"Joon, look at Hoseok.." I heard Yoona say.
I looked beside me, seeing Hoseok push his pencil into his cuts. Some of them were bleeding, and there were some new burn marks.
I quickly grabbed his hand, his head shot up and he looked at me. His eyes were glassy and it looked like he could breakdown crying anytime. I stood up, pulling Hoseok with me.
I dragged him into the bathroom.
"Stop doing this to yourself!"
"Why?"
"U shouldn't care."
"Worry about your own things Namjoon, and I'll worry about mine."
He now looked me dead in the eye, tears were falling down his cheeks and his nose had suddenly began bleeding.
"Get back to class, I'll take the day off."
"Tell my friends I'm sorry."
"W-Why are u sorry?" I asked.
"I don't know."
-
I passed the street, some cars honking at me while they pushed on their brakes harshly.
I laughed as I wobbily walked further, the alcohol hit me pretty quick.
I grabbed my new cigarette pack and stuck up a cig, leaning onto a wall.
-
!trigger warning!
My eyes were heavy and i only saw blurriness.
"Hm, u look good."
"So sexy.."
-
My body hurt, and loud screams left my mouth as someone was moving in and out of me. I was drunk and I didn't really know what was going on, the only thing I knew is that I was getting raped.
I could scream as loud as I wanted , but no one would help me.
They also had no mercy on my face, I guess they just didn't like it and chose to fuck it up even more.
Loud sobs and screams left my mouth, they just wouldn't stop. It felt like they were going on for days.
My body was numb, my face was numb, everything was numb. Suddenly I couldn't feel anything, it felt like I was dead.
Was i?
-