"Carolina" - Harry Styles
Nikki's POV
I sat in a conference room at a hotel in Kingston with my management team along with representatives from my label. Much to my dismay, I was still being forced to release my album this year. I tried pushing it back to January or February of next year, but November 18th of this year was set in stone by my label. Releasing an album on birthday would be a first.
"With a November release that gives people a good chunk of time to buy and listen to the album. They want you touring by March of next year. Also, this way you and Harry won't be on tour at the same time." My manager winked at me. He gets me. Ironically, Harry and I had a conversation about touring this morning.
He had woken me up with kisses, knowing that was I going to forget to set my alarm. I had meetings with my management team today. Harry took a mental note and set an alarm to wake him up in order to wake me up. I was suffering from a serious case of Harry brain and all my sense of responsibility had gone out the window since coming to Jamaica. He enjoys being the responsible one.
When I opened my eyes, I was met with his worried green ones.
"I've seen the bruises on your thighs. When you hurt yourself, it hurts me too."
I have self destructed for so much of my life that sometimes I do it without a second thought. The darkness is my comfort zone. I don't know how to be in the light, but with my Harry holding me tight it's as if I could fly.
"Sorry..." It was the only response I could come up with.
"I know." He kisses my forehead. "Please don't shut me out. I've been trying to be patient. I know there's something you're not telling me."
I mold myself up against his body. It wasn't my intention to make him feel this way. He's incredibly intuitive. I should've known that he would know that I was withholding information and it was only because I didn't want him to worry.
My family was my problem, not his.
Through my hazy overthinking mind, I realize that I've gone about it all wrong. Old habits die hard.
I dared to look up at his face, my heart nearly breaking at his worried eyes. He scanned over my face like he was searching for something.
"Angel, we're...okay, right?"
"Harry, we're better than okay. I fall more in love with you everyday...if that's even possible at this point." I smile softly. "I've only been falling apart when I'm without you. Maybe I'm too dependent on you or maybe I really need you. You help me forget shit because you're this ray of light and it blinds me. I can't see anything else when I'm with you." I babble on as usual when I'm trying to get my point across.
"Wow. Obsessed much?"
I gawk at him and smack him hard on the shoulder.
"Ouch, hey HEY! I'm only kidding, love. You're used to being independent and I'm used to depending on others. To hear you say that you need me is the most wonderful feeling. I don't want you falling apart on me, though. You're stronger than that."
"I won't be able to do it like before."
"Do what, darling?"
"Not seeing you for months at a time. I know we'll obviously be working in different places at times, but I can't go three to six months without you anymore."
I felt pathetic. Am I addicted to Harry like cocaine? Is it normal to want to be around someone this much? Our lives are anything but normal, though. Perhaps this is progress. I want to be around the one I love now instead of run off and isolate myself.
This is much healthier than cocaine.
"I can't be without you that long either. We'll work it out, angel. I promise." He kissed down my body, gingerly running his tongue along my bruises. "Too pretty to be doing this to yourself. Gonna love on you every time to remind you..."
I found myself daydreaming about the morning quickie we had after that conversation. Business meetings are boring, am I right? I started tuning out when I realized that I wasn't going to get my way.
"Nikki, I'm sure you'd like the first copy?"
My ears perk up and I turn to look at Ron Perry, the CEO of Columbia Records.
"The vinyl has already been cut?!" I squeak and snatch it from his hands. He laughs at my excitement.
"Now we have your attention, hmm?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, Mr. Perry. It feels like a terrible time for me to release this album. The situation with Jeffrey Azoff is everywhere. My mum's not well. My personal life was kept under the radar for most of my career and now it's unraveling like some horror movie." I rambled on.
"We've gone over this before and I understand where you're coming from. It still keeps you relevant in the media, as harsh as that may sound. Your first single is fragile and empowering; perfect for this delicate time. I know you've successfully gone without a PR team for your entire career, but I'm sure you realize that now it's a necessity." David, my manager, speaks up.
I sigh, my lips making a slight buzzing sound. He's right, because it's not only about me now. It's to protect other people involved, as well, like my family and friends. Harry and I have also decided to have a somewhat normal relationship in the public eye. It will definitely help if we both have PR teams; it would be less stress. We could keep the focus on our work and each other instead of constant damage control.
The hardest part is giving up power. I like speaking on my own behalf. I speak the truth for me. No one else should. I guess the point now is the truth isn't always a good thing when it comes to the business side of things or my reputation. I'd fabricate anything to protect Harry. My management is worried about how I'm perceived, but I could care less. Every move I make now will affect my boyfriend in some way. It's the same with any other couple, the only difference is everyone is watching and documenting our every move.
"Let's do it. Get me a PR team." I almost pinch my thighs under the table, but ball my hands into fists before I do. The idea of giving up the little control that I had left was overwhelming.
My manager covers one of my balled fists with his hands. I give him a small smile to let him know that I'll be fine. He has seen me at my worst and has done so much for me over the years. I know that having a PR Team will help lift many burdens off of his shoulders, as well.
+
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I yawned, dragging my ass through the door after a long day of meetings, and looking over my schedule for the next two months. I'm flying straight to LA from Jamaica after next week. I haven't even thought about where Harry was going or what his schedule would also be like.
The sight and sounds of Harry, his band, and producers beating on pots and pans in the living room with recording equipment surrounding them was not what I was expecting when I walked in. I smiled at the oddity of it and placed my things in our bedroom. I walk back out to watch from the entry way to the kitchen.
I bopped my head to the lighthearted beat, already singing "La la la la la la la la la la la," to myself. Harry looked up, his smile widening at the sight of me. He was clearly excited about this song. It was a nice change from the much more somber "Sign of the Times."
The producers gave a thumbs up and played back the recording. I tilted my head at the lyrics.
Who is this song about? I've never heard of anyone named Townes...at least he never mentioned her. I didn't feel jealous, per say. It was more of a curiosity. It would be selfish and immature of me to think that he wouldn't write songs about other people he has been with. Our life experiences inspire us, sometimes even dreams, or simply ideas and going ons in the world. As an artist I respect the process, but as his girlfriend I want the tea.
I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist as he jams out to his new mysterious bop. I really do love the vibe of the song. You can't be in a bad mood while you listen to it.
He turns in my arms and continues to dance, bopping his head back and forth. I dance along with him, getting into the lyrics.
"SHE FEELS SO GOOOD!!!" I sing along obnoxiously.
"SHHH! Kissy." He puckers up his lips.
I kiss his Adam's apple since it's all I can reach with him standing straight up and still wearing his damn Chelsea boots. I was barefoot and too tired after walking up the beach with my little legs to get on my tippy toes for him.
"Oh, sorry. I forgot to hutch down like Gollum for ya." He bends down to my level. "Give me a proper kissy now."
I kiss him and am immediately grossed out when he transfers his gum into my mouth.
"EW! HARRY!" I scurry off to find a rubbish bin.
"Whaaat? How is that gross? Your mouth has been on my—"
"Don't finish that sentence! That's OUR business." I spit the gum into the bin. "And I can tell that the gum had lost its flavor a long time ago. Not cool."
"Oor is iiiit?" Harry nudged me.
"No, still not cool."
"OH! Come here!" He takes my hand and motions for me to sit down. "I did a thing."
"Should I be concerned?" I laugh nervously.
"Nooo..." Harry giddily laughs. "Mitch! Tell her where we went today!"
"We went to CHURCH!" Mitch exclaims in a Southern accent with his hands up in worship. It was impossible for me to not giggle with him looking like Jesus.
"And tell her what we did at church!" Harry dramatically put his sunglasses on. He also took on the American Southern accent. Hearing him do any sort of American accent had me cackling.
"We met some gossip singers, honey! Praise da LORD! AMEN!" Mitch shook and kept raising his hands up.
"Yeah, so in short, I added gossip singers to Sign of the Times." Harry said with a serious tone, but he had an adorable little smirk on his face. He had me listen to the new cut of the track. The addition of the singers added an even more emotional component. The song was still very fresh and tears stung my eyes.
"Baby..." I hide my face in his shirt. "This album is going to be amazing. I'm so proud of you."
"What's that? You sound a bit muffled there..."
I poke him in the side, knowing full well that he heard me. Harry wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. I shift my head in order to kiss him properly. We kiss softly as he thanks me between kisses and expresses his gratitude for working with him on the song he's most proud of.
Mitch takes another Polaroid of us. I'm thankful that someone is capturing the sweet moments. Harry and I needed to take more pictures of each other that weren't silly or blurry. We were awful at taking pictures of ourselves.
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Mitch's POV
Chillin' under the covered deck during a thunderstorm while I pack a bowl...?
A fuckin' mood, man.
Nikki walking out in Harry's Gucci robe with snacks on snacks...?
New best friend.
Don't tell my dude.
"The king passed out already?" I light my pipe and take a hit.
Nikki plops down next to me. Harry's robe is like a huge trench coat on her. The tiny queen was swallowed up. I wonder how many more snacks she has hidden under there.
"Harry fell asleep awhile ago. Guess he got tired from banging on pots and pans all day that he didn't wanna bang me." She laughs at her own joke.
I laugh because we all know that Harry is never too tired to fuck. Some nights they're going at it so hard that it gets Sarah all hot and bothered and we end up doing the devil's tango along with them. Poor Clare has invested in a pair of high quality noise cancelling headphones.
With a wiggle of her eyebrows, Nikki takes out a package of Oreos and a tub of Nutella from the inside of her robe. Oreos dipped in Nutella are my favey fave when I have the munchies, but she's forgetting the best part.
She holds a finger up then tosses me a package of crispy M&M's.
Alright, Lil Q must be up to something.
"Mitch, we're friends, hey?" Nikki looks over at me and for a second I think back to my high school self who had a poster of her over his bed. I'll never tell her that my favorite guitar is named Nicole. Nope. She never has to know.
She has a way about her that's difficult to describe. Dare I say that it's the X Factor? Both her and Harry have it. It pulls you in and you never wanna be without it once you've been exposed to it.
I take another hit from my pipe before I answer.
"We're family." I give her a rare grin. Smiling isn't my thing, especially since my own parents say that I look like a serial killer when I do. My school pictures are terrifying.
Nikki fiddles with the ring on her pinky. She lost it the other day and I found her in tears on the beach digging like some mad woman. I happened to have brought a metal detector to scan for treasure on the beach because I'm a scavenger for people's old, lost shit. Low and behold, I found the ring under the pier where her and Harry obviously fucked but were too embarrassed to admit it.
"I have some questions and—" She inhales the smoke that I slowly exhale. Her eyes close and I see her shiver slightly. "And maybe a favor to ask."
I'd do anything for her. Think of it this way, Harry has a legion of fans who would do anything he asked, right? Hell, I'd do anything for him, as well, but this girl right here...she's all I've thought about since 2004.
Obsessed? Maybe.
I'm not a psycho or anything, bruh. I'm not going to attempt to steal her from Harry. I love Sarah. Woah, I love that drummer girl, okay?
I think I'm secretly biased towards Nikki from a "fandom" perspective. Her music means a lot to me along with the soul attached to it. I'd protect her at all costs. Call it fate that Harry found me and also happens to be in love with my idol.
How did I get so lucky?
"What's up?" I try to play it cool. Well, I always try.
"Do you mind if I take a hit?"
I should've thought this through, but her doe eyes are hard to say no to and I hand her the pipe along with my trusty lighter. A little weed never hurt nobody. The rain suddenly comes down harder. The lightning seems to strike the sand in the distance.
Should I take that as a bad sign?
Nikki lights up and takes a deep hit. She holds it for a moment then slowly lets the smoke go. Her shoulders visibly relax; I'm surprised when she leans her head on my shoulder.
"Don't tell Harry. He'll probably freak out." She mumbles, handing me the pipe.
"He gets high nearly everyday now, bruh. Would be hypocritical if he freaked."
"Yeah, but I shouldn't." She sounded sad. The poor thing probably feels left out when we drink or smoke. I hold the pipe to her lips and light it, letting her have another hit, then another. She lets out a hearty, relaxed laugh. "Mitch, this shit is strong."
"Well, we're in Jamaica, Nillie." I pat her head that's still on my shoulder.
"Nillie?" She wrinkles her nose.
"Yuh."
"I like that."
We both giggle for no reason.
"I'll call you Nillie from now on. Heeey, weren't you going to ask me stuff or did I dream that?"
Nillie sits up, bringing her knees up to her chest. Her eyes are barely open and the lazy grin on her face is infectious.
"Who is this Carolina chick? I'm asking for a friend."
"Real talk?"
"With you, it's always real talk." She reasons.
I nod.
"She's this girl Harry went out with and she turned him down for a second date."
"Whaaaat? Who would turn down OUR baby, Mitch?!" She looks at me in absolute shock. Her head shakes at the audacity of such news.
"I know, man! Who the hell does she think she is?!"
"And she felt so good?! Why does he have to be so nice?! What a bitch!"
"Maybe she was a bitch, but still a good lay?" I take a hit then pass it back to her.
"I give it to him good." She says matter-of-factly.
"Oh, I know. WE all know, dude."
We both giggle nonstop for a few minutes.
"Heeeey, I want to give you something." She reaches into her robe and holds something in her lap. "You dragged me to Jamaica even though I had about 1 million and a half doubts. Now I know without a doubt that Harry and I belong together. Thank you, Mitch."
"Dude, are you trying to make me cry? I can't feel my eyes right now." I blink slowly with wide eyes.
"Sarah told me just how big of a fan you really are. She showed me the website."
I cough mid-smoke.
"She wh-what now?!" I'm high as a kite, but I still manage to feel utterly mortified.
Why? Oh, maybe because nerdy, antisocial, fanatical Mitchell Kristopher Rowland has been running the top, most visited Nicole Samson fansite since 2004. NO BIG DEAL. I really didn't want her to ever find out. You never expect to become friends with said idol or be her boyfriend's guitarist. Said boyfriend is also the brother I've never had.
Fuck, I'm gonna cry aren't I?!
"I think it's sweet. You've supported me since I was 16. I always wanted to meet the person that kept up with me so well, and here you are." She smiled and put the mystery object in my lap. "It's the first copy of my record. If anyone deserves to have it, it's you."
"NO. WAY."
"Way."
"NA UH."
"Uh huh."
"Nikki! THIS IS SICK! You sure you don't wanna give this to Harry?!" I hugged it to my chest. Fuck that, the record is mine, but Harry can borrow it.
"He'll get his own copy, don't worry. I hope you like it." She kisses my cheek and I move my head without thinking. Our lips accidentally touch. It takes a moment longer for us to pull away than normal due to our stoned state. I think I stopped breathing.
"What the fuck is this?!"
We slowly turn to find a sleepy and pissed off Harry.