"Klaus! Will you please let me go?!" I tried to remove his hand that is tightly gripping my wrist. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung ano ang ikinakagalit niya. Sumira lang naman ako ng kasal big deal na sa kanya."Nasasaktan na ako!"
Marahas na binitawan niya ang kamay ko ata agad kong hinaplos yun. Nakatalikod siya sa akin pero kitang kita ko ang pag taas baba ng balikat niya. Maybe he's calming his self. I don't have time for this. I have to go back to the wedding. Tumalikod na ako at naglakad pabalik ng simbahan.
"Don't go back Kaylareen!" Hindi ko siya pinansin. Bahala siya diyan. Kailangan ko ng update kung ano nang nangyayari. Kung matutuloy pa ba yung kasal kahit na inilagay ko na sa pinaka obvious na lugar yung sulat ni Travis.
"Ahh! Ano ba?" Hindi ko na mapigilan ang mapasigaw nang bigla niya akong buhatin ng parang sako sa balikat niya. "Klaus! Put me down! What is wrong with you?!"
"You've already done too much damage, Kayla. Leave Demitri and Gretchen alone." Hinampas ko ang likod niya pero mukhang hindi manlang siya nasaktan.
Why the hell will I stop when I know for a fact that the three of them are going to ruin their life by marrying the wrong person?! Alam kong sa tingin niya ay may motibo ako at... okay meron nga, pero hindi lang naman iyon dahil doon. They are both running towards the biggest regret of their life at hindi ko hahayaan na maging miserable si Demitri nang dahil lang pinakasalan niya si Gretchen!
"Klaus! I swear kapag hindi mo ako ibinaba malilintikan ka sakin!" I moved my body harsher. Mahulog na kung mahulog wala akong pakealam basta maibaba niya lang ako.
Sa sobrang galaw ko muntik na akong mahulog, mabuti nalang at na balance ni Klaus kaya naman napigilan ang pagkakahulog ko at ibinaba ako ng maayos.
"Bakit mo ba ako pinipigilan sa mga plano ko?! You know that they are making the wrong decisions and yet—"
"It's not yours to decide wether they're making the wrong decisions Kayla." Hindi makapaniwalang tinignan ko siya.
What the hell is wrong with him? Alam namin pareho na niloloko lang ni Gretchen si Demitri pero heto siya at hinahayaan na maikasal ang dalawa! The friend he is! He looked at me seriously and I matched the intensity of his gaze. I know I am making the right call here.
"You don't know what it's like Klaus." Umiling ako at marahas na pinunasan ang mga luha na nagbabadya nang tumulo mula sa mga mata ko. "You don't know how it feels to love someone who doesn't love you back. Who only sees you as a friend!"
Hindi siya nagsalita. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin.
"I've been in love with the same person my whole life, but not once did he saw me. Ikaw, minahal ka ni Calla—ng taong mahal mo. Pero ako? Hindi. Kahit konti, wala."
Ang hirap sa mga tao ang bilis nilang humusga. Ang bilis nilang magsalita ng nga bagay tungkol sa isnag tao kahit na wala silang alam. Klaus is one of them. Akala niya siguro madali lang magmahal ng taong hindi ka mahal. Kung paano na gusto mo lang maging masaya ang taong mahal mo kahit ikaw mismo nasasaktan na.
"I think I do." I immediately looked at him. Napakunot ang noo ko. Anong pinagsasasabi nito? Alam kong minahal siya ni Calla. Kaya nga grabe ang panglalait na tinanggap ko dahil patay na patay sa kanya ang babaeng iyon. At kaya selos na selos din yun sa akin.
"No, Klaus. You don't."
"Believe me. I do." Nakikipatigasan pa sa akin eh totoo naman na hindi niya pa naransan ang one sided love. I was about to point out about Calla but he suddenly said, "I've been in love with you Kaye. For years."
Hindi ako nakapag salita. Tama ba ang narinig ko o namali lang ako? I mean, this is Klaus for goodness sake. Ginu-good time lang ako nito. Naghintay ako sa punch line pero seryoso lang siya. Hindi! Imposible na totoo ang sinabi niya.
"Weh?" His lips slightly lifted to one side but he kept his eyes on mine.
"I've been in love with you the first time I ever laid my eyes on you." Napanganga ako. Anong pinagsasasabi niya? Narinig ko siya noon! Sinabi niyang kahit kailan hindi siya magkakagusto sakin.
"Pero di ba? Si Calla?"
"Calla was someone my parents wants for me, so I pursued her... and yes I decided to like her, but then I fell in love with you."
Ako naman ang natahimik. Anong sasabihin ko? Eh may sinisira pa nga akong kasal tapos biglang may mag co-confess? At si Klaus pa talaga? Then I remembered the way his lips lifted at one side a minute ago. Umiling ako. Natatawa na siguro siya dahil sa reaction ko kaso game parin siyang makipag lokohan.
Kilala ko to si Klaus eh. Maloko to.
"Okay. Asan ang camera Klaus? Prank to di ba? Muntik na akong maniwala!" Natatawang sabi ko. I pointed my fingers at him. "Galing ng distractions mo ha. Natuto ka na kay tita Vicky um-acting."
"I just confessed my long time hidden feelings for you and you just laughed at me. I don't know if I should be mad or hurt." He looked at me in disbelief.
"Pwede ba Niklaus? Tigilan mo nga ako sa joke time mo. Imposibleng magkagusto ka sakin." Umiiling na sabi ko. Hindi siya tumawa. Nanatili lang siyang nakatingin sa akin.
"I'm more serious than I ever was Kaye. I'm in love with you." He said and when he said that he's serious than he ever was I believe him because it's the first time I ever saw him like this.
"Wow...." Napahawak ako sa noo ko.
I'm lost for words. Hindi ko talaga alam ang sasabihin sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. All this time I only saw him as a friend. Yes I may have had a crush on him pero noon pa iyon, mga bata pa kami. I never thought that he would confess to me like this. At isa pa, sa umpisa palang nakita ko na na siya at si Calla sa huli.
"Pero magkaibigan tayo. Para na nga tayong magkapatid.. you can't —we can't —"
"I never saw you as my sister Kaye. You were more than that for me." He said in a very serious and firm voice.
I looked at him intently. Klaus is really caring and fun to be with, but I am not in love with him. I only see him as my older brother who takes care of his little sister. Yung mga asaran at sungitan namin, para sa akin asaran magkapatid lang. Nothing more.
"I love you Kaye." He said it. Those three words. He said he loves me and not as a sister. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Umiwas ako ng tingin.
"I–I'm sorry Klaus. I... don't feel the same way." Tumingala siya sa langit.
I should be honest. I don't want to give him false hope.
"You know what's funny? I've pictured this scene a thousand times in my mind already and yet..." Tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti pero hindi yun abot sa mga mata niya dahil kahit madilim sa paligid nakita ko pa rin ang patak ng luha na tumulo sa mga mata niya.
"...it still fucking hurts.
That's when it started. Klaus became the womanizer that he is now. Minsan sinisisi ko ang sarili ko kung bakit siya nagkaganyan pero kapag kinakausap ko siya ang sinasabi niya lang noon ay gusto niya lang na i-enjoy ang buhay niya, that I have nothing to do with it.
We argue almost every time we see each other until we grew apart. Hanggang sa yung palagi na akong naiinis kapag nakikita siya. Wala na kaming ibang ginawa kundi ang ituro ang mali ng isa't-isa.
I looked at our clasped hands as we walk away from the restaurant. Hindi ko siya mahal, kahit noon pa pero kapag hawak niya ang kamay ko iba sa pakiramdam. I feel like I am right where I belong... but it's not love. It's different from love.
He's just someone I am comfortable to be with.
His phone suddenly rang. Tumigil siya at binitawan ang kamay ko upang sagutin ang tawag. My hand felt empty and I don't know why I'm feeling it.
"Yes?" He paused. "What?! Alright, I'll be there." He pressed his phone and looked at me. "I'm sorry. I am needed somewhere. We'll talk some other time. I promise."
Tumango ako. He didn't have to say promise. He broke too many for him to be saying that word again.
"I'll take you home." He offered. Umiling ako.
"No. I'll be fine." He stared at me for a bit before he nodded.
"Be safe." Tumango ako at ngumiti sa kanya.
"Ikaw rin." He walked towards his car without even looking back.
Noon hindi niya ako iiwan ng basta-basta. He would always choose me before everything happened. It was always me above anyone else before my reason for leaving existed. I looked at him as he walk away—hindi parin ngayon.