If I accidentally type Inanis instead of Cousin, just shoot me
The bone cutter plagues my mind
Chapter Ten
The train had finally stopped at the next circus grounds. Everyone was rushing about, putting things together for the show. Candace directed me to stay beside Cousin since he and I were the main act.
We sat behind the large stage where we both will be preforming on tonight. Cousin was in chains and I sat beside him, but made sure there was space between us. I wasn't sure if I was keeping my distance for him, or for myself.
It's not that I was uncomfortable around him, but I did wonder if I kept being careless, he'd eventually break.
The last thing I wanted was the clown to attack me when I'm only here for him.
I stood, my skin was being pinched all around by the dress I was wearing. "This is ridiculous." I tell Cousin, even though he probably couldn't care less. Candace had given me an outfit to wear, which was a very limited black and white dress. It was short, and tight, and I wondered how on earth I'd be able to maneuver in it. "It's barely enough to cover anything." I said, assuming he was not even listening.
I sighed when I didn't get a response and sat back down.
I still had no idea what I was supposed to do on stage. Mr. Father told me I was to do everything he told me to do.
So, I began to question, what, exactly, he was going to tell me to do.
I shook off my nerves and took a deep breath. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Cousin glance at me.
I pretended to ignore him, but on the inside, my heart was pounding. I wondered what he was thinking I wondered if he would talk to me again if we were alone.
Eventually, Candace beckoned for me to the dressing room where my hair was to be done. Reluctantly, I said goodbye to Cousin, who didn't spare me another glance, and left.
I walked into the dressing room and sat on a chair in front of a large, lit up mirror. Candace stood over me with his large muscular hand prodding through my tangled brown hair.
"Honey, do you even brush your hair?"
I held back the urge to hide my face, "Sometimes? It's so short I normally just don't bother. . ." I trailed off as the look he was giving me made me cringe in self-disgust.
"I don't care if you are bald, you brush your damn head, do you hear me?"
"That makes no sense."
"Live by my words and you'll have all the men after you, trust me."
My thoughts immediately went to Cousin, which I found weird. I definitely didn't want him to like me like that. I just wanted him to realize I was a friend.
A friend that will help him break out of his torment.
Besides I still wasn't sure if he was capable of loving anyone or anything.
Candace began to curl my hair with a hot iron. I hadn't had my hair fixed like this in years. I actually enjoyed staring at myself in mirror the entire time.
Then he moved on to makeup, which I was immediately uncomfortable with. I understood this was a circus act, and that I needed the colors on my face to be bold and exciting, but I never worn makeup before.
This was out of my comfort zone, not to mention the dress was appalling.
Candace worked fluently, as if he was born to make art with a makeup brush. "You look gorgeous." He said, as he and I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
"I look like a clown."
"A gorgeous clown."
"It feels weird on my face."
"Yes, makeup does that."
"I don't like it, it's like a mask."
He huffed, "You are just like my third wife, all you do is complain."
I shot him a glare, and he only shrugged in response, though I noticed his lips quirk up in amusement.
When he was completely finished with my hair and face, I hopped off the chair, and returned to Cousin. He was no longer sitting in the spot I left him, as Mr. Father was clipping on another set of chains that was unnecessary.
"What are you doing?" I asked him, as I walked up to them both.
He turned to me, "Oh these?" He held up the chains, "I'm putting on his show attire."
"He doesn't need chains around his neck, it'll choke him." My voice was low, venomous. When it came to Cousin, I could be feral.
He locked the neck hold, and tugged on the chain connecting to it, making Cousin fall to the floor. "I know he doesn't need it sweetheart, it's not for him, it's for the show. The more chains bounding his body, the most dangerous he looks. It makes the crowd fear him even more. It's an illusion, if you will."
"I don't give a shit about your damn illusions, I want his chains off."
"Bexley, dear." He wrapped his disgusting arm around my shoulders, and I cringed at his repulsive body touching me. "This is showbusiness. This is how our world -your world, now- works."
"Showbusiness is disgusting. It's unfair, it's immoral."
He waved his hand, "Details are irrelevant when money is involved."
"You make me sick."
"Yeah? I don't care." He walked away, and I found myself rushing to Cousin's side.
"There has to be a way to take these off." I reached my hands out to grab the neck hold but stopped when Cousin took multiple steps back. His breathing became erratic, and I wondered if I scared him.
Or if he was ashamed.
Watching, I realize just how much of my heart he had. I barely knew him, but I cared for him so much.
All I wanted was to see him free and happy. To watch him make a life for himself, to watch him fall in love with a girl, to watch him get an education, to see him pursue everything that makes him happy.
I wonder what makes him happy.
I wonder if he's capable of loving anyone.
I gave him space and didn't pry. In order to help him, he was going to have to learn to trust me.
So far, that wasn't happening.
I began to hear the voices of the mass of people outside the stage. There must be thousands of people out there.
I jumped up and down to gather my nerves, to wash away my sudden anxiety, and to steady my focus on what was important.
Cousin.
Dancers and acrobats all began running around behind stage, frantically putting their costumes on. I sat back with Cousin who huddled himself against the wall.
I did the same. We were feet apart, but even that felt so close.
"They're very beautiful." I tell him, hoping to see a reaction, "All the women around here." It wasn't a lie, they were all flawless. Women of every skin color, every ethnicity. I suddenly felt out of place. I felt like a wannabee dancer, a clown in costume, whereas these women looked like they were born to wear the makeup and ridiculous outfits.
I found myself feeling jealous, of all things.
Candace came out and clapped his hands, "Alright ladies." He spoke, "It's showtime in five minutes!"
There was an abundance of shouts, women ordering other women around. I pressed my back against the wall, just watching the commotion around me.
Cousin's eyes were fixed onto the floor. For the tenth time today, I questioned what he was thinking.
I wish I could pry his head open and read his thoughts.
"Bexely!" Candace called for me, "You and Cousin will be on in twenty minutes after the acrobatic showing. I want you ready to exit the stage on my word."
I stood, "Yes, of course."
Mr. Father came rushing by, grabbing hold of Cousin's chains, hoisting him up to stand. "Stay on your feet, boy." He handed me the chains, and even touching them made my skin burn. He pointed at me, "Keep him ready, do you hear me?"
I bit back every insult I knew of. I wanted to spit on him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to use these chains to choke him until he understood every little thing he put Cousin through.
Instead, I nodded, because I knew fighting back would only get me kicked out of the show.
I needed to be here.
I needed to set Cousin free.
When Mr. Father sauntered off onto the stage. An eruption of cheering and clapping burst in my ears. I listened to him greet the crowd and introduce his acrobats. There was loud music, I could barely hear myself think.
I couldn't see the entire show since I was still behind the stage, but I could see half, and it was astounding.
I turned to Cousin, realizing I still had the chains in my hand.
He was staring right at them.
I dropped the chains as if they were poison. "I will not treat you like an animal." I tell him, just as I tell myself, "You are not an animal, and I will not be the bearer of your chains." His head rose, and for a split second, we held eye-contact. His beautiful face was masked with grime. It was sunken in by malnutrition. I wanted to say so much as I had finally got his attention.
Candace came over to me, and pushed me and Cousin along, "Two minutes." He said and scurried out on stage.
I swallowed hard, and returned my gaze to Cousin, who was again, looking at the ground.
"And now, for the event you all came here to see!" Mr. Father spoke in the microphone, and I realized this was it. It was out turn. "I know why you are all here tonight." He said, his voice oozing with delight, "You're here to see something different. Something monstrous. Something that defies nature in every aspect!"
The crowd was practically screaming at this point.
And to think, I had been part of the crowd once. I had come to see something different, something monstrous that defies nature.
I felt sick in my stomach just thinking about it.
"Not only do we have the monstrous phenomenon that you are all craving, tonight we also have a daring, and should I say beautiful, individual to tame the beast!"
I would laugh if it wasn't so miserably wrong.
"Are you all ready?"
The crowd screamed multiple yeses.
"Then brace yourselves, for the one, the only, Cousin Icon! Along with his gorgeous caretaker-" Caretaker? Really? "-Bexley Valentino!"
The crowd roared.
Candace reappeared from the stage, and took the chains from the floor, forcing them in my hand. "That's your queue baby girl," He blew me a kiss, "Make them go wild."
I took a breath, with the chains in my hand, I said a silent apology to Cousin, and walked on stage.
This crowd was a lot bigger than the previous crowds I had been in. There were people of all sorts cheering, their eyes were wide with wonder.
I bowed, not knowing what else to do.
Mr. Father allowed them to cheer before he spoke again. I heard people in the crowd gasp when they saw Cousin. I remember gasping when I first saw him.
I hate myself for that.
"Hideous, isn't he?" Mr. Father said, and I bristled at his cruel words. The only one hideous here, was himself. "Just look at every point of his body. His bones are sharp enough to stab you. I look at him and get pricked."
I glanced down at Cousin, he was huddled up on the ground, almost as if he were hiding himself. Like no matter how many times he is shown off like this, it never gets easier for him.
"He's rabid too." Mr. Father continued, "Will attack anyone who gets near him," He paused for a dramatic effect, "anyone except Bexley, that is."
I few men whistled at me, and I felt myself cringe in embarrassment. I felt so awkward and out of place, but I refused to let it show.
After all, Cousin must feel ten times worse.
"They have an unnatural bond." He spoke, the microphone roaring in my ears, "It'd be beautiful if it wasn't so putrid and disgusting."
I hate him with every fiber of my being. I hate how he planned this out. Changed the entire show to make it more interesting.
Beauty and the Beast, he called it.
I wanted to vomit on my sparkling heels.
"The best part? He does whatever she tells him to." Lie, lie, and lie. He faced the crowd, "Don't believe me?" He turned to me, "Tell him to stand, my dear."
Every part of my body was begging me not to. I didn't want to, of course I didn't want to.
But I had to keep up the act.
I'll apologize to Cousin later.
I turned to the clown on the ground, I attempted to speak, "St-" I cleared my throat, "Stand up."
To my astonishment, he did. He was so weak, his back was bent, and he could barely keep himself up. I took note to make sure I hid some food for him later.
"Now tell him to bow." Mr. Father was clearly enjoying this. He knew I was uncomfortable, and he took advantage of it.
I will not fight back, not yet. "Now bow, Ignominy."
He tried to bow but fell over due to lack of energy. I reached my hand out to help him without thinking. It was instinct, but he jerked away from me, again, before I could touch him.
He was repulsed by me.
I wanted to cry.
The crowd seemed to be loving every minute of this. There were flashing cameras, and shouting, and when Cousin fell, some of them had the audacity to laugh.
I wanted them all to feel the humiliation he does daily.
"Don't take our word for it." Mr. Father spoke, "I want a few of you to choose what Bexley tells her beast next!"
My beast.
The audience seemed to love this, as they all began to speak, begging to be chosen. Mr. Father's eyes scanned the crowd, and when he landed on his first target, he called them up.
He was a young man, probably no older than me. "What would you like to see Cousin perform?"
The young man grinned at me, "I want to see him roll over like a fucking dog." He must have noticed the hate forming in my eyes, because he began to laugh.
I had no problem speaking up this time, "Well, unfortunately for you, sir, Cousin Icon is not a dog, so he does not perform a dog's tricks." The crowd erupted in a bunch of "oooh's" and laughter, as if they found it funny that I scolded the wicked man.
There was nothing funny about this.
Mr. Father didn't seem to like that, as he sent me a glare. I ignored it.
The man, still smirking, moved away from the stage, and Mr. Father chose another person. It was a woman, she was a bit older, but the way she dressed revealed quite a lot about her.
She wore a dress so short I wondered if it was a shirt and she was just walking around without pants. Her cleavage was on full display, and in her hand was a lit cigarette.
She was here to see something big. She wanted this show to wow her. It was written on her face -and her body.
Mr. Father held down the microphone, so she could speak.
"And what would you like for Bexley to command the beast?"
She took the microphone from him as if it was her own. "I want what I paid to see. I want entertainment. Telling this thing to sit and roll around like a dog is not entertainment." She took a puff of her cigarette and exhaled, "You said he's not a dog, so fine, he's not a fucking dog. So, kiss him, show him what he's missing out on."