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" Love is all and love is everyone. "
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I woke up the next morning to a sleepy John on my bare chest. I smirked down at the lad and got up out of bed, careful not to wake him. My head was still spinning due to the events that took place in this very bed the night before.
I slung my uniform over my body and headed towards the washroom to shower before school.
All of this almost felt so unreal, and I mean that in the best way possible. I wanted more, I wanted him badly. It was like an ache.
After I was done with my shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked back into our room. John was still sleeping. I got dressed and woke him up, finally.
"Johnny boyy..." I tapped his shoulder. He rolled over and looked at me.
"G'morning, Macca." He stretched and got up out of bed. "Ey? What time is it?
I checked my watch, "Nearly 6:30, the time ye wake up pretty much everyday, innit?"
His eyes shot open and he tossed the sheets off of him then went into the washroom to quickly get ready. I chuckled as I watched him stumble to the door as I brushed my hair back with gel. God, it's like we're an old married couple.
Right when I got my hair in the perfect style, John came up behind me and ruffled it, "C'mon, it's gettin' late." He smiled. "Can't be late again, teacher'll have our heads."
I huffed sarcastically and grabbed my backpack.
Eventually, we started to stroll down the street to meet George and Richard before school. Hand in hand until we got to the corner, the whole time my mind was spinning with many different thoughts and emotions. I felt like I was seconds away from my heart beating straight out of my chest.
Was last night some sort of dream? A hallucination maybe? Somebody pinch me.
"Everythin' okay, Paulie?" George asked once he saw me, I must've zoned out.
"Yeh, ofcourse?" I asked in a slightly questioning tone.
George eventually shook it off and we all continued our walk. A part of me wanted to tell George and Richard all about last night. They were my closest mates, after all! This is such a milestone for John and I. I feel like I'm finally meeting and exploring a whole new part of my entire being; However, a much bigger part of me was screaming bloody gore to keep my own mouth shut.
I just don't know how much longer I can keep this secret to myself, it's been months upon months now and it's beginning to eat me alive. I tell ya, I'm beginning to wonder if all this secrecy and fear someone will "find out" is only serving to keep me away from people...
"I have got some damn good news, by the way!" Richard casually brought up, "S'about the band."
"Have ye, now? What is it?" John asked lighting a cigarette.
"Me Uncle is gonna let us play in his little café, if ye guys are interested." Richard look up at John. "Which, I'd imagine, ye most likely are."
"Course we are!" John flicked ash on to the pavement. "So? When can we?"
"He said this Friday, so... in two days?" Richard scratched his head.
"That's, uh, that's perfect! What do ye think, Paulie?" George asked me and I snapped out of my train of thought.
"Oh! Then, that's all very well!" I smiled and nodded my head, not entirely retaining the information that I'm being given.
Being we've been in this band for months now, this wouldn't be our first performance, ofcourse, but it was our first one in an open and public setting. Our first concert not in someone's basement, reaking of alcohol. Our first concert under the name, The Beatles.
Soon, we got to the school a bit later than usual. It was exactly 7:12 AM when we headed to our classes. We must've lost track of time when we were rambling on about the band. Richard went to his class while John, George and I stumbled into our own classroom.
"Fuck. I can't do this anymore." I whispered to myself, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. I jotted down what I wanted to say.
I took the sloppily written note, balled it up and threw it at John's head.
"What the Hell, Macca?" John turned to me, picking the tattered paper off the floor.
"Jus read it!" I whispered.
The boy examined the note and looked back up at me, "This couldn't wait 'till after class?"
I shook my head and raised my hand.
"Yes, Mr. McCartney?" The old man raised his brows.
"May I go to the washroo-" I asked the teacher.
"Yeah, jus don't goof off." He interrupted me, quite used to this same song and dance.
"Ofcourse." I nodded and headed my way out of the classroom.
I waited and waited for him to come through those doors, it felt like an eternity. I was about to leave when I heard the door open.
"Took ye long enough, didn't it?" I joked.
"The bastard wouldn't let me leave! Had to do some good convincin' that I wasn't gonna skip again." John walked closer to me, "So, what's this all abou'?"
"We can't keep hiding us from George and Richard, it ain't right. The guilt is eatin' me alive, Johnny!" I shuddered slightly. "I feel like an imposter, a cheat. I want our best mates to know the intensity of our relationship... They deserve to know!"
"Hope yer not implyin' what I think yer implyin', Macca." He rubbed his temples in slight frustration.
I took a deep breath, "John, they'll figure it out at some point, ye know that, right? Isn't it better they hear it from us and not from someone like Stu?"
John thought for a moment and then placed his arm on my shoulder, "If we tell them... Ah, our band may... We might..."
"I know, I know." I shook my head.
"Our very livelihoods would be on the line, they could tell someone else!" John was now shaking, which was extremely unlike him. "Plus, jus a little while ago ye told me we had to be as stealthy as we can, yeah? What's changed?"
"I know! ...I know what I said. Christ, Calm down! We won't tell them, alright?! ...We'll jus keep this web of lies going on forever and ever, Johnny, yer right that's much more brilliant." I stormed out of the bathroom and back to class, leaving John by himself.
I sat down in my seat and rubbed my face as if I could wipe the stress clear off.
"...Everythin' alright?" George asked me in a soft whisper.
"Yeah, Geo, everything's jus fine." I turned back around to face the front of the room. George raised his brows humorously at my outburst and didn't bother to ask anymore questions.
Why couldn't John see things the way I see it? I'm willing to risk everything if it meant I could be open with my feelings towards him to my mates... my own band mates! Does he just expect us to stay silent on this forever?!
John came back into the class and wiped his eyes with his sleeve as he sat down. Oh God, had he been crying?