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" I'm so tired, I don't know what to do.
I'm so tired,
my mind is set on you.
I wonder, "Should I call you?", but I know what you will do! "
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The final bell signaled for school to let out at last! I'm really excited to see George after school and talk about what he would like to do with the band rather than just John and I. I feel with John and I being the main songwriting duo, George and Rich get overshadowed quite often. Although I do eventually want to meet up with all of us together.
I skipped happily down to Strawberry Fields and sat under the big tree looking for my friend. In the distance, I see him waving his arm frantically at me. I stand up and wait for him to approach.
"Ello, Paulie." George smiled infront of me. In his hand, he had his guitar and a backpack on his back. Presumably filled with papers to write on. "So, why did ye wanna meet here instead of yer house, anyroad?"
I looked up at the sky and placed my hands in my pockets, "Everything's better in here Strawberry Fields, plus now I can publically badger ye abou' joinin' the band." I said as George rolled his eyes and sat down.
"I see ye've brought yer guitar?" I sat down next to him.
"Uh- yeah... I did." He scratched the back of his head.
"Then ye must wanna join, huh?" I smiled brightly, "Why else would ye bring it?"
He gripped his guitar tightly, "Paulie, I- I don't know... ye know how I feel about performin'... publically. I don't think I could even perform infront of John, let alone a whole entire crowd of people! That is, if we ever make it."
"But ye won't be alone! We'll be right wi' ye. C'mon, Geo, the world deserves to hear yer artwork!" I tried to reassure, placing my hand on his knee.
He took a deep sigh and stared at the grass infront of him, "Okay, Paul, I'll give this band one chance. If I feel uncomfortable or uninspired by our work at all, even jus once, that's-"
"Great!" I immediately replied before he could even finish his sentence. "So, I've been thinking abou' this song. I've already shown it to John... It's called, ...Blackbird."
We went on and on for hours about different songs to write and what kind of music and image we want the world to see us as. After the sun began to set over the horizon, I decided it was a good idea to start heading home. I am beyond exhausted after today, but atleast now our band is starting to form together. We just need a drummer at this point.
I walked into my house and Mikey ran up to me and hugged me, "Thanks for talking to me last night, Paulie, it helped me out so much!" He cheerfully smiled up at me.
"Yer welcome, Mike. I mean, yer my brother, it's almost my jo-" Just as I looked up, my Father walked into the room. Mikey dashed upstairs in a hurry and shut his door, as if he knew what was bound to happen.
"Who... who was that boy in your room last night?" His words made my blood run cold.
"Pardon?" I asked as if I had amnesia.
"Don't you dare play dumb with me, boy. Who the Hell was that?! I heard his voice across the whole damn house!" He stepped even closer to me. "Sounded like nails on a chalkboard to me."
"He was jus a friend Da'! ...It was John!" I cried out.
"Yes. A 'friend' that you snuck in behind my back! How can you defy me... after everything I've done for you?!" He growled at me.
"That ye've done for me?! Like what?! The trauma?! Yeah, thanks for that one." I stepped back in fear.
"Ever since you've been with him, you've got this mouth on you. A vile, poisonous mouth." He began grinding his teeth in anger.
"He gave me a reason to fight back, I know I don't deserve this- this abuse!" I was now in his face.
"Abuse?" He immediately slapped me across the face and I fell back, he kicked me in my groin and I fell against the door. "Say it again. Try me." He spat at me.
I looked up with him in disbelief, what kind of monster did this man become. "Fuck ye and what ye think! Yer nothing but a deadbeat Da' having yer ego pumped by the hour by yellin' at yer kids! Mary's turnin' in her bloody grave!"
"...Atleast I'm not queer!" He gave me a look of pure rage. "Wonder how that'd play out with her."
"Who said I was?!" Tears began to well up in my eyes, but I held them back.
"You didn't have to say a word, James, having him in your room with you late at night spoke much louder than words ever could." He began to walk towards me with anger in his steps.
I ran upstairs and did my routinely cry on my bed. This was all becoming too much.
I had to call John, but I couldn't. I can't bring myself to doing it. He told me to be strong, begging me for him to walk here isn't strong. It's weak. So weak.
A storm of screaming and pounding on my door soon filled my ears. Tears pouring down my eyes, I uttered out a few words, "What?! What do you want from me?!"
"Open this door, now!" He strained his voice through the door. "Don't make me do it myself!" He seemed to threaten this way every single night.
Yet my feet were practically glued to the floor. I couldn't go near the door and I had no more energy to retaliate with words any longer. In the blink of an eye, he kicked open the door and was in my face yet again.
"You're in a world of trouble now, boy." He gripped me around my neck and shoved me against the wall. "If I see you with that John boy again, I'll have your Goddamn head. You hear?! I forbid it!"
I had so much I want to say, but I know if I fight back, it'll dig my grave so much deeper. I simply nodded and he backed off of me.
No way was this man keeping me away from John or the band.
A few hours had passed and I just stared at my ceiling in disbelief. He had zero reason to do what he did tonight. None at all. I snuck someone in, so what? I'm sure he did that when he was my age, too. I don't think what I did warranted him to choke-slam me. I know what I have to do. I need to get out of here before this man absolutely breaks me.
Where would I go? I'm so tired.