Authors Note - please be kind, I'm not a professional writer I do this as a hobby - Leave a vote/comment if you enjoy as every little bit helps
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Chapter2 - Lilly Downing - Beginnings Of Beauty
Thedawning sun has arrived and its rays drift through the curtainscreating a seamless yellow glow to the room. An open window lets inthe smallest of breezes with just enough strength to cause the drapesto wave good morning. The tweet of a urban pigeon busy about itsbusiness pecks at the flustered ants on the windowsill. Honking carsbustle about the roads outside, as they always do, while the earlywakers make for their places of work. This is the city that doesn'tsleep, but truth be told as the sun shows itself the madness oframblings grows louder than at any other time.
Theroom itself however and all who reside there still remain asleep.Laying in bed with satin sheets curled around her is Lilly Downing.Most just calls her Lil. The pink sheets cover almost all of her bodywith the exception of a leg and ten tiny toes which must have beenexposed at some point during the night. For that limb the peachysilken skin lays naked out the blankets.
Herface is covered with a drape of blonde hair. She stirs slightly asthe sunlight makes its way to her eyes. She turns over facing theother wall to avoid it. As she does this it gently disturbs the manlying next to her.
FlynnWalker.
Althoughfairly short he's a buff and muscular man with chestnut brown hairand a cleft chin to match his masculine body. He takes a breath in towake himself and rolls to face Lil, who has since turned around againto resume a more comfortable position. They open their eyes. Bothshare the most beautifully strong sapphire colour. At first her focusisn't on him. Next to where he lays, standing and watching her, isthe figure of a woman, almost transparent in appearance. This ghostlywoman is Lil's mother. Not believing in spirits Lil, knows her toonly be a figment of her imagination. After all her parents have longsince passed, not to mention the odd sensation that has come with themirage. It's like seeing something in the corner of your eye. ButLil has seen her everyday for years. In a blink her mother is gonebut Flynn continues to stare expectedly. He smiles at her, a gestureshe returns in kind.
"Morning,"he says.
Shedoesn't reply but shuffles closer to him, laying her head, softblonde hair swaying as she moves, onto his chest. Tranquility. Acalmer more restful start to the day could not have been imagined byanyone.
"Imiss you," Lil whispers to wherever it may be her mother hasvanished to.
Hepulls her close assuming the comment to be directed at him. The worldoutside ticks past but it's another hour before Flynn and Lil maketheir way out of bed.
Hestands in the kitchen by the kettle carefully measuring each teaspoonof coffee and sugar respectively. Lil enters wrapping a towel aroundher dripping hair, having just left the shower. As she steps past himshe strokes his shoulders from left to right. She doesn't look athim as she does this but keeps moving past him and onward to thefront room. He on the hand stays somewhat mesmerised by her and itisn't until she's left that he can continue the eagerly neededwake up.
Lilsits herself in the lounge, her long legs tucked up on the couch.With nothing more to do she reclines and enjoys the quiet thatsurrounds her like a fog. Flynn joins her a few moments later andrather than disrupt the mood he seems to add to it. In his hands hecarries a tray full of breakfast items. From toast to cereal, orangejuice, apple juice as well as the two cups of java he had spent muchtime perfecting.
Shetakes one of the mugs and blows the steam aside before taking a sip.
"Ididn't know what you were hungry for," he says, an almostconcerned look on his face.
"SoI brought a little of everything."
Hesmiles a charming smile.
"You'reso sweet," she replies with a kiss on his cheek.
"It'shard to believe that only a couple of months ago I didn't knowyou," she continues.
"Iagree but sometimes you just have that connection to someone. Lil, Ifeel that connection with you."
Hebutters himself a piece of toast before talking again.
"Speakingof which it has been a while since we started dating so I got yousomething."
Reachingto the side of the couch he grabs to where a bag has been placed,pressed against the chair. Picking it up the zips jingle with awhimsical spontaneity that breaks the otherwise silent room. He putsit on his lap, opens it and begins carefully digging through itscontents. Finally he pulls out a single glorious red rose, wrapped ina damp papertowel. He hands it to her.
"It'sbeautiful," she says caressing it's petals.
"Theygrow outside my house and smell so wonderful as I leave for work, soI thought I'd bring you one."
Theyboth blush, synchronised to the millisecond. She leans closerpressing her lips against his. A kiss of true passion and heartfeltgratitude. Such a thing cannot be faked. For right here, right nowthey both care for one another. As they break apart there's amoment of sadness that something so loving has to end but even thefew seconds that the kiss lasts is enough for those, short on greed,to live life happy to have had it at all. The aura around them bothseems to radiate outward to the rest of the dwelling and for a timeapartment 24B glows.
There'sa sudden muffled smash that brings them both to reality. They lookaround the room for what might have broken. The mugs and plates stillremain on the table. All the pictures from the walls seem stable andwell hung.
"Whatbroke ?" Exclaims Flynn, his head darting around the room like adeer sensing danger.
Lilbegins to stand.
"Ithink it..." She stops and walks over to the far wall. Pressing herear against it she can hear the faded sound of broken glass beingshuffled along the floor.
"Yep."She lets out a laugh.
"Thewalls here are paper thin."
Sheholds herself back from laughing again at the coincidental timing ofthe interruption.
"Itwas my neighbour Michael. Must've dropped something."
"That'sjust not right," Flynn replies with a huff.
"Beingable to hear practically everything your neighbours are up to andvice versa as well. You must have basically no privacy ?"
Lilwalks back over to the couch where he's re-planted himself.
"Itsalright," she says.
"Youget used to it." She smirks reassuringly.
"Youshouldn't have to get used to it. You should just come live withme, I mean it's not like I don't have the room."
Sheputs her hand on his shoulder gently.
"We'veonly been dating a couple of months. Don't you think it's alittle soon to be talking about moving in together ?"
Hishead drops, weighted with her rejection.
"Iguess we can wait until we're both at the same point in ourrelationship, then talk about it again. Right ?"
Shegives a sympathetic nod, a nod not only for him but for herself.Although she knows in her heart it is too soon to be considering suchthings, she's filled with regret that she's not at that pointwhere Flynn clearly stands.
Theyfinish their breakfast and after a kiss and a long embrace, Flynnleaves for work.
"Seeyou soon," she says as a final farewell before closing the doorbehind him.
Oncehe's gone she gets changed and ready for work herself. All thewhile thinking about what Flynn had said. All the while cursingherself and her cautious nature.
"He'ssuch a sweet guy. Why can't I just do it. I overthink everything."
Shesays this to herself over and over again until it reaches thatfeeling as if someone is saying it to her. It's no longer her ownoriginal thought. As she walks through the lounge again to get to thedoor she spots the red rose laying somewhat lonesomely on the longcoffee table, it's reflection painted in the marble like texture.She picks it up and twists it in her hair creating a stunningcontrast between her light blonde hair and the dark velvet red of theflower. Looking at it in the mirror she whispers to herself, like anecho from before.
"It'sbeautiful."
Withthis moment circling in her head she leaves for work feeling bothregret and admiration. It isn't until lunch time, as she sits withher sister Kelly, that she even remembers that the rose still remainstied in her locks.
"Sowho's the plant from ?" Kelly asks with slightly patronising andjealous tones to her question.
Lildoesn't hear, she's lost in thought as they sit at a smallrounded cafe table. Even the bustling surroundings don't seem toeffect her. She stays and watches all the people sat at theencroaching tables, their pointless banter nothing more than noise.The waiters continue turning, twisting, dancing to their requiredtables while dodging a minefield of bags, purses and chairs. Onewaiter looks horribly lost and although he tries he cannot seem tostop any of the others to ask for help. So he just darts after thenearest employee as they race past him. Even the pigeons swoopingdown to get the morsels of food don't make her blink, though theyfly mere inches from her face. Each time this happens Kelly waves herarms in the air trying to swat the birds as they pass, screamingabuse as she flails about.
"JesusChrist !" She shouts repeatedly until it's over.
Shethen returns to resting on the table as if nothing had happened atall.
"Hello?" She says, clearly getting frustrated at being ignored.
Sheflicks Lil on the arm, at great effort having to lean clear acrossthe table. It seems to do the trick. Lil turns to face her with adazed expression slapped on her face. Confused she just looks atKelly who shakes her head at her. The frustration turns to concern ina second, as noticeable as day to night. Her frown drops and beforelong she's cozying up to her sister as if they're the closest offriends.
"What'swrong Lilly ?" She says placing a hand on Lil's.
"Youseem miles away today. Not quite as excitable as you usually are onour little lunch dates. Is it a guy problem ? I'm good with those.I've told you once and I'm gonna tell you again. I can tell aboutpeople and my alarms went off the minute he pushed that cleft chin inyour direction. I mean honestly how..."
She'sinterrupted by the anxiously lost looking waiter who proceeds to pulla small note pad and pen from his apron pocket.
"Um.Hi. Are you guys ready to order ?"
Kellyslowly turns her head to face the poor witless boy.
"Can'tyou see I was mid sentence ?" She gives a belittling nod to him.
"Seethis is what I was saying earlier about manners," she says to Lilbefore facing the boy again.
"Comeback in five alright ?"
There'sa moment where he can do nothing but look bewildered. Soon it hitshim.
"RightI'll come back," he says dashing off while murmering an awkwardapology.
Lilblushes, embarrassed at her sister's often misunderstood sharpness.Although they are related Lil and Kelly differ quite wildly. Hersister Kelly has a strong fire inside and is not a shy kind ofperson, often speaking her mind before she considers theconsequences. Lil on the other hand is a creature of peace. One ofthose individuals who can defuse conflict merely with their presence.The differences may be due to the age gap between them, Lil being inher early twenties and Kelly, much to her denial, is pushing past herlate thirties. Even in their contrast they get along famously,sharing the inner most private parts of their lives without so muchas a second thought. As with most siblings she comes to Kelly whenshe needs advice. Today more than usual she needs help.
"Youeven awake Lil ?"
"Hmm?" She replies sluggishly and barely looks away from her focuspoint of thought.
Shetakes a long blink and as she does this she faces towards Kelly.
"SorryI was miles away. Finding it hard to come back really. Too much tothink about if I'm really honest."
Kelly'seyebrows raise and if it were possible the sound of alarm bells wouldsurely have started ringing.
"Ohreally ?" She says, a sideways grin forming in the corner of hermouth.
"Daydreaming of your new hubby are we ? Well I can't say that my sixthsense about people is always right. Lets call it ninety five percentof the time. So I'm just gonna assume that the rose is from him ?What's his name ? ... Flynn... Sprinter... Jogger..."
"Walker,"replies Lil twisting the rose counter clockwise to release if fromher hair.
"Walker! That's it. I knew it was some sort of exercise thing."
Lilhands her the flower. Its features quiver in even the smallest ofgusts. She gently bends one of the petals back and watches as itretracts to the nestled safety of its fragile centre. Kelly remainsenchanted by its impeccable perfection.
"Ascarlet rose," she says.
"Imay not be a big fan of the guy, but he does have fabulous taste.It's flawless. Not an imperfection to be found."
"Andsince when have you been a botanist ?" Lil exclaims with a laugh,the first sign all day that she is present in the world of now.
"Shutup !" Kelly replies trying to keep a defensive stare.
Itdoesn't last long until crumbling into laughter. Both of themgiggle, first at each other then at themselves as well.
"That'sbetter. There's life in you yet Lil. After all Mum always said..."she's interrupted for a second time by the nervous waiter.
"Areyou guys ready to order now ?"
"Ohsweet Jesus ! Really ? Mid sentence again. Could you not have waitedfive more fucking seconds for me to get to the last stop on my trainof thought ? I could have sworn I told you to come back in FIVEminutes."
"Youdid. It's been ten and my boss is starting to yell at peopleagain."
Allthree of them look past the counter to see a man in a stripped buttonup shirt yelling and pointing a finger in the air, his face gettingpinker with every word thrown from his mouth.
Kellyregresses in her chair, the guilt of her outburst pushing her back.
"Verywell. Your reasons defeat mine young man." She picks up a crinklymenu from the table and without even looking at it, makes herdecision.
"I'llhave the eggs Benedict and a small mocha please."
Thelad makes a few scribbles in his scrappy note pad.
"Andfor you Miss ?" He says referring to Lil, who also doesn't botherpicking up her menu before ordering.
"Sameas her please," she says.
"Timestwo," he mutters quietly under his breath.
"Itshould be about ten to fifteen before it's ready."
Hegives a small fake smile before he's practically running to thekitchen counter, order in hand.
"Anyway..."Kelly says pulling the conversation back to the two of them with agreat force of resistance.
Lilstares at the manager beyond the face of the cafe, his ears havingblossomed from pink to red. He has a kind of elegance to hisseemingly mad outbursts.
"Lil!" Kelly yells loudly.
Itcauses the nearby table's occupants to pause from eating theirsoups and sandwiches and disapprovingly frown at them both. It doeshowever make Lil jump, waking her up from her day dreaming again.
"Ithink you, my dear, may have had a little too much fun with your newfriend last night. I mean look at you, you can barely hold a simpleconversation with me."
"Idon't think many can hold a conversation with you Kelly," Lilreplies with a jokey tone to her criticism.
"We'lltalk about my faults later, when we have a couple of days free. Atthe moment we are discussing why you are drifting off in the middleof our lunch."
"Iknow, I know and I am sorry Kelly. I don't mean to. I've justkinda lost track of what I'm doing today."
"Andthe reason is what ?"
"Flynn..."Lil says sheepishly.
"Knewit ! My sixth sense wins again. Ninety five percent of the time Lil,just like I told you."
Shepauses, realising her rudeness and also the irony of havinginterrupted Lil mid sentence, much like the waiter had done to hernot a few minutes before. Lil gives a childish smirk, having alsoseen the irony of her sister's out burst.
"Heasked me to move in with him," she continues.
Asif out of no where the waiter has reappeared carrying two plates ofeggs Benedict, one in each hand. He places the food in front of themalong with cutlery and napkins before leaving again. Kellyimmediately begins eating with a ravenous speed.
"Wellyou've only been dating six months," she says with bits of muffinand egg swirling around her open mouth as she speaks.
Lilcringes at this rather disgusting display but listens intensely nonethe less.
"Iknow," she says.
"That'sthe problem."
Coffeesarrive in front of them as they talk. Kelly barely notices, stillburrowing into her lunch. She does however pause to say.
"Ithink you should dump him."
Sheswallows a mouthful with a heavy gulp.
"Bythe sounds of it he's got possession issues and that's somethingyou really don't want, trust me. If he's willing to move in atthat kinda speed it doesn't mean he wants you. It means he wants toown you."
Shesticks another forkful of english muffin in her mouth.
"Andlet's face it men are all about possession. Why do you think I'vebeen married three times now ? Men. They find something they like andthey wanna own it."
Lilnods and takes a small bite of her eggs, watching her sister devourher's like it's the last meal before the electric chair.
Shethen spends her lunch just thinking.
"Whatif...?"
Shehas small daydreams where she can see the beautiful morning she hashad that day and then imagines it being that way every time shewakes. Now and again she sighs with the sheer want of thosestupendous images. Then Kelly's voice comes back again with 'allabout possession' spewing from her lips, and the fairytale-likevision would end and a new picture creates itself in her head. Onewhere she's middle aged and lonely. Flynn barely talks to her as hestorms through the door night after night. She sits alone, waiting tobe noticed. Her mind switches between the two scenarios, driving hermad with perfection and rejection. Taunting her like a breaking waveto a beached whale. She refers to the rose in her thoughts.
"Isthis me ?" She asks herself.
"Sofragile. Delicate. Breakable ?"
Theimage of her mother appears and the returning feeling of guiltedenjoyment makes her heart beat a tune of panic. It's almost as ifthere's something wrong with sharing a bed with him. Nearly as ifher mother's visit acts a sign of her disapproval. Lil shakes herhead in denial.
"That'sridiculous. She's not even there."
Asolemn melancholy washes over her.
"She'snot there. She's been dead for years."
Sobadly she wants to ask Kelly about their parents. It's them, notFlynn, who have caused such a distraction during lunch. For Kelly atleast this is a topic not spoken of, and it's for this reason Lilknows next to nothing of the absence of their parents in her life.Thoughts such as these follow her throughout the rest of the day.
"There'ssomething missing. And Flynn can't fix it."
Assuch the time goes by as a blur. The toddlers at the kindergartenwhere she works, the same that had brought her joy everyday, eventhese float past like a spec of sand to a giant's boot.
Thesun goes past and vanishes to the night where Lil finds herselfstanding in front of Flynn's house. She's still, unmoving on thesidewalk. She's frozen by her lack of will. In the light oh themoon the house looks forbidding. The windows make a pair of glowingeyes and the door an angry mouth.
"Isthis what I want ?" She whispers.
"Noit's not. But it's what he needs. I'm not ready for this."
She'smade her decision. Her conclusion founded by logic.
"Butsince when have matters of the heart been logical," she thinks.
Herdecisive moment slips away.
Adrizzle of water passes her eye. Then another. Then another. Shetraces them as they fall to the ground. The first droplets of raintrickle down the back of her neck. She longs to let out a shiver toaccompany the coming cold, but can't. Instead she watches the raindrops wanting for their simplicity. These few specs become a downpourin seconds. Lil remains in the street, her clothes now soaking, herhair heavy and dripping. But she barely notices, what's the cold tosomeone who already feels numb ?
"Goddamn it."
Sheforces her legs onward, marching robotically to the entranceway. Herhand poised at the door she lets out a puff of air and can feel thecold of the night at last. She knocks firmly.
Toher left and to her right are the rose bushes Flynn had spoken of.They truly are a marvel, each rose as impeccable as the ones thatsurround it. The aroma that spreads from their sublime bed bringsvisions of fairy stories and lands beyond lands where beauty rules.She knocks again and waits patiently with no hurry to break such newsto him.
Heopens the door cautiously, letting only a sliver of light from thehallway escape. Lil stands at just the wrong place and goes unseen,blocked by both the angle of the light and the heavy wooden panels ofthe door. It isn't until she speaks that he knows who's there.
"Flynn,"is all she has to say.
Hecloses the entrance to unlock a chain before flinging it open wildly,driven purely by his excitement.
"Lil!" He screams in a manor that puts shrill voiced teenage girls toshame.
"Mygod. Look at you. You're soaked to the bone. Please come in."
Hesteps to one side and lets her pass. He checks around outside beforeentering the house, slamming the door and chaining it as he sprintsin. Lil stands in the hall unsure what to do with herself. Thisfeeling is not helped as Flynn flies up the stairs, bounding twosteps for every one leap. He returns carrying two towels and a coat.
"You'llcatch a cold if you're not careful," he says descending from theupper floor.
Handingher the towel he tries to catch her eye but to no avail, as sheavoids his glances pretending to be solely interested in dryingherself off.
"Youmust have been out there quite a while to get this wet."
Hewraps the coat around her and leads her to the sitting room.
"CanI get you something to eat ? Something to drink, maybe ?"
Shegives no reply but it doesn't matter. Flynn has already left forthe kitchen. Lil shuffles to the end of the sofa and slips off ontothe floor where she can warm herself against the fireplace properly.The thought of the conversation to come makes her nauseous to thestomach. If it weren't for the warming pulse of the fire it mayhave indeed had a physical and rather dramatic effect on her. Luckilythe somewhat hypnotic flames calm what could have been a messy gutfeeling. She sits on her feet and pushes herself as close to theflames as she can, until it feels as though her very skin may catchfire. Staying there as long as possible she pulls away, blowing onher reddened fingers. A clink of glasses can be heard from thekitchen and it isn't long before Flynn runs in with a bottle ofwine in one hand, two crystal wine glasses in the other.
"Wouldhave given you a shot of bourbon to warm you up, but it seems thefireplace has done the trick for you. Besides..." he gives the winebottle a small shake, drawing Lil's attention to it.
"...thisseems more appropriate."
Hefills the two glasses, one to the very top, the other half way. Lilreaches for the half glass but Flynn beats her to it.
"Youlook like you need it more than I do," he proclaims, beaming fromear to ear.
Shereluctantly takes the near overflowing wine and sips of the excesslayer. He sits next to her on the tiles and pulls her close to him.
"Ijust wanted to apologise for this morning. I didn't mean to put youon the spot or anything like that. You are an amazing person and Ifeel completely at ease with you. As you can see this house is bigand empty I just wanted you to fill in the empty parts of the roomslike you've filled the empty parts of me. But I don't want torush you into anything you're not ready for. I've waited thislong to find someone like you, I can wait a few months more to addyou completely to my life."
Hegives her a big squeeze and a kiss on the forehead.
"Howcan I do it now," her inner voice says.
"He'sdamn near declared his love for me. And truthfully I'd be lying ifI said I didn't feel something for him. He's charming, romanticand sweet. But am I ready to commit myself ?"
Thedilemma reappears from the shadows of her mind.
"AmI being selfish if I say I want to stay with him, just a while longer? Is it cruel to need that connection to somebody ? I don't knowanymore."
Kelly'svoice plays in her head like a broken record.
"Dumphim," it says repeatedly.
Lilfeels trapped in her thoughts, the one place everyone can escape tofor solace and comfort is littered with stray flashes of what lifecould be like if she would only act on the impulse. But it simply isnot in her nature to do so. She must silently torture herselfinstead. They watch the fire writhe in front of them. Flynn obliviousto the turmoil in her head. For him this moment is wonderland,something he thought not possible to be happening.
"I..."The words 'love you' nearly escape his lips before he draws themback in to replace them with.
"...couldnot imagine a better day than this."
Shemakes the mistake of looking up at him, captured by his honesty.Their eyes meet and the collar is cuffed. Guilt makes her stomachache like it's filled with stones.
Hebrushes her cheek then kisses it with a tenderness only imaginable inthe minds of hopeless romantics. Outside the rain batters thewindows, the echoes of their hits can be heard throughout the house.The wind tries to push the walls down, with every swift blow causingwindow frames and roof panels alike to crack. And here they are,Flynn Walker and Lilly Downing, cradled by the fire, with expensivewine in their hands, as the rainstorm throws its fists at the cityunable to touch either of them. The gusts screech in frustration.
Lilcontinuously sips at her drink with no idea of how to proceed. Shepulls herself away from him and puts the wine glass on the table.Gathering her courage she speaks.
"Weneed to talk," she says solemnly.
Flynn'sface drops with worry. However it doesn't stop him from speaking.
"Isthis about moving in ? You didn't need long to change your mind,"he says jokingly trying to draw her away from her obviously seriousupcoming talk.
"Ithink that..." she begins.
Sadnessturns to panic on Flynn's face, conversations that start this wayrarely end happily.
"Wait.Before I forget," he interrupts.
Forthe third time tonight he's gone with no explanation. Lil is leftnot angered but in a state of understanding.
"It'sclear he knows what I need to say. That might actually make iteasier," she says to herself.
Heappears a few seconds later carrying a small gift box. It's lid isdecorated with a large pink bow.
"Igot this for you today. I was going to give it to you when you agreedto move in with me."
Shepulls one end of the satin and the ribbon falls aside gently. Openingit her heart now too begins to fill with the guilt stone, much as herstomach has already succumbed to. Inside is the most elegant goldenpendant and chain. As she pulls it out she notices that it's in theshape of a heart and furthermore it's a locket as well.
"Flynn.I can't."
Hesnatches the chain from her and puts it around her neck.
"Yesyou can, it's yours, so take it."
Hefastens it with a click and lets her blonde hair fall to her backagain, still damp and heavy.
"Ican't do this. I'm sorry," She longs to say.
Butwhen she opens her mouth all that comes out is.
"Thankyou."
Flynnlets go of his tension. He knows that now he has won. And it'strue. Lil lays back on his chest, her eyes wide with surprise at herown actions. Her thoughts yelling at her.
"Youcoward," they seem to call.
"Shackled.That chain around your neck has shackled you. You idiot," theycontinue.
Butit's too late now there is no possible way to replay this evening.No way to take back what she has accepted. She spends the nightthere, at Flynn's request, the second of several mistakes madetonight. As they lay in bed, he sleeping peacefully with his armswrapped around her. She lays there awake. Each time she manages toescape his arms he only moves closer and re-entangles her. There isno escape for now, all because she could not bring herself to say,'no' to such sweet serenades. It dawns on her, almost making Lilbreak into a smile. The irony. She now knows she's not ready forthis level of commitment and how did she find out ? By being put intothat situation against her will. She chuckles to herself in her headbut not on the outside. On the outside she stays on her side of thebed, emotionless, his arms wrapping around her. Pulling her closer.Choking her. As the ever encroaching darkness approaches her poundingchest punishes her mistake. Her mother appears again and only byturning over can she tell herself she's not real. She and Flynn laynose to nose. One stray thought pokes at her again.
"Damnyou Kelly," she whispers to the darkness before shutting her eyesand waiting for sleep she knows will elude her.