Flashback
Covered in sweat again, Chester woke up in the clinic. His breathing was erratic after the other nightmare he had to witness. As usual, he looked at his scarred leg and cringed at the sight of the deformed skin. He hated that with a passion. It was a reminder of that.
He closed his eyes again before sitting up in bed and looking around. His room was overly white as well as the whole facility. He didn't get why these clinics had to be so white. If they want the patients to feel better they should throw some colors around, the whiteness is dull. It's depressing. Not something he or any other patient needed there.
There was a soft knock on the door and right after, it opened. A Korean nurse came in, closing the door again behind him.
"Hey, Chester, how are you feeling today?"
Chester couldn't help but smile at Joe, he was the only person he could trust in this awful place besides Ryan. Every time he got assigned another nurse when Joe was unavailable, Chester only wished his time with them would be over soon. He had become more and more withdrawn from people as his time in the clinic had passed. If he could be alone forever, he wouldn't mind it at all. Unfortunately, there were so many patients in there that he couldn't get away from them, and Mark insisted for them to have group therapy, to eat together, and to do some activities in the recreation room so they could interact with each other. At least, he didn't have to share the room with anyone.
Chester sighed before he stretched and yawned, trying to look as relaxed as possible. "I'm fine, Joe." He lied.
Of course, Joe could see right through it, but he only smiled and nodded. "You know what today is, right?"
The blonde man sighed as he ruffled his hair. Each patient had to do a presentation on something they loved to know each other better... and today was Chester's turn.
If only Ryan could get him out of this one.
"Yes," he mumbled quietly and Joe sighed.
"You don't have to be nervous. No one is gonna judge you, don't worry." He smiled kindly but Chester couldn't return the gesture. He was too nervous and not just because he had to talk in front of everyone, mostly it was because he had to interact with others, something he despised. And Mark would be there.
He shook his head, trying to compose himself and got up slowly.
"I'm going to take a shower before I have to go," he mumbled again to the nurse, who nodded and left with a kind smile.
Chester took some clothes (if he could call them clothes, they always had to wear these pale gray shirts and sweats, it might be comfy, but he missed his own clothes) and got out of his room before walking toward the communal showers, keeping his eyes on the ground to avoid other people's stares.
It actually made him dizzy to do so, but at least, it made him less anxious. By some miracle, he got into the bathroom without anyone talking to him. He discarded his dirty clothes on the bench and walked toward one of the showers stall. They didn't have any doors, and a guard was always standing outside just in case, but since he had come in early, he could have some privacy.
He took his time to shower, at least, he was happy that Mark provided them with hot water. He felt his body starting to relax as he washed himself thoroughly, sighing in bliss when he finally felt clean. He closed the water and took one of the towels that were hanging on the side before he rubbed his hair and dried himself quickly. He hung it around his hips and went to take his clothes when the door opened. Chester froze as his heart started racing and his hands immediately became sweaty. He couldn't deal with anyone right now...
The blonde man quickly took his clothes and turned around when he bumped into the other young man. He let out a little gasp before his eyes settled on Ryan, who was smiling at him, and he finally let out a sigh of relief.
"Ryan... it's just you. You scared me, man."
"Are you alright? You seem jumpy." Ryan stated.
"I-I'm just nervous. Today I have to t-talk in front of everyone..." Chester explained, not making eye contact.
"Don't worry. It's gonna be fine. I don't think Mark will be there, I heard he was busy today so you can chill." Ryan winked and tapped his shoulder, going towards one shower.
He dressed himself quickly in fresh clothes and went to the recreation room, never looking up.
Apparently, he had been late since everyone was already there and he could feel everyone's eyes on him.
"Where were you? We were just waiting for you. Late as always..." a deep, low voice said too close to Chester's face, making him shiver.
He started to tremble and his breathing started to pick up. Ryan had said that Mark wouldn't be there, why was he here? Why did he have to be there?
Chester didn't say anything so he was yanked toward the center of the room, where he was supposed to talk. Great, everything was now a hundred times worse than it was supposed to.
Ryan wasn't there, he couldn't see Joe, Mark had already attracted too much attention to him and he couldn't stop shaking. How was he supposed to say something when he couldn't even look up?
"Go ahead, Chester, we don't have all day." Mark pressed and Chester gritted his teeth as he got the paper out of his pocket.
He noticed that he was shaking when he unfolded it and he tried to take a deep breath to calm himself, but it didn't seem to work.
Focus, Chaz. You can do this, he thought as he blinked a couple of times, trying to see what was written in front of him. The text blurred a couple of seconds, before it got clear again. As he opened his mouth, it blurred again, and he took off his glasses before he rubbed his eyes. It's okay, it's only a stupid text.
"H-hi, my name is Ch-chester, and I'm g-gonna talk t-to you a... about-" He felt his throat choking up at the same time as something visceral seemed to grip at his heart and he froze, gasping.
His eyes suddenly unfocused off the paper as he looked ahead while he tried to breathe, move, do anything, but it seemed as if he was paralyzed. "I-" His hand clutched at his shirt as he tried to rub off the pressure on his chest while he took some deeper breaths.
Something was wrong. He couldn't speak anymore, he felt like he was trapped, like he was dying from the inside. What was that, a panic attack?
"Chester?"
The young man's eyes looked up to meet Ryan's eyes as he walked up toward him, before he reached a hand toward his and he squeezed it.
"You alright, man?"
Chester concentrated on his friend's face, the fact that his dark hair was still wet from his shower - Ryan desperately needed a haircut. He then noticed how his eyebrows seemed truly neat and the blonde man wondered if his friend was secretly plucking them with some tweezers. Then he met his eyes - the same deep brown as Chester's eyes - which were filled with concern for his friend.
"Ches... are you okay?"
And then, everything seemed to stop. He could breathe again, and the pressure on his chest was gone. He still felt a sharp pain there, but it wasn't as concerning anymore. He could see clearly now.
"Y... yeah..." He breathed out. "I'm okay."
Ryan nodded before he got back to sit with the others as Chester closed his eyes to be sure he was now calm enough to speak.
He opened his eyes again, searched for Ryan in the room, and looked into his eyes. This way he could focus only on him and feel at ease. The brunette smiled reassuringly at him and Chester took a deep breath.
"My name is Chester and I'm gonna talk about something I enjoy today." He gazed at the paper briefly and then back at Ryan, who was smiling the whole time. "I like music a lot and in my free time I write some lyrics. I... used to play guitar before... but now I don't anymore since there are no instruments here, but I sing, so it's fine. Uhm... I think that's it." He nervously looked around but quickly looked at Ryan again, exhaling deeply.
"Okay. Who's next?" Mark said as if Chester's presence didn't mean a thing. It made him angry, after all that speech of "the patients have to learn how to make social interaction or else they won't be able to live in society again," the nurse had completely ignored his effort to talk in front of everyone.
"D-don't you have anything to say to me? About my presentation?" Chester asked, regretting it the minute the words left his mouth. Mark's face was full of disgust as he looked the blonde up and down.
"It wasn't very well thorough. You're lucky we're not in school, I would have failed you."
"But-"
"You understand that I judge these presentations by the mental state you are in?" Mark said. "I would have expected something like that from someone like Mace." He said as he looked at the other young man, who was sitting at his place, looking worried. He was clearly having more difficulties to concentrate in every day life then Chester did. He got a lot more pills than Chester too.
"But I-" He bit his lower lip as he shook his head, before he went to sit back down. Arguing would only bring more attention to the young man, and that wasn't what he wanted. Nor did he want to be punished by Mark either.
Ryan offered him a small smile, and Chester nodded.
At least, one of today's worst part was done.
After hearing all the other patients of the day, he was finally released to do whatever he wanted, so as soon as he got up, he rushed to his room. He would have gotten there if it wasn't for the strong grip on his shoulder that made him stop in his tracks.
The blonde turned around, startled, and exhaled a long puff when he saw Ryan's goofy smiley face staring back at his.
"What was that, man?" he placed a hand over his heart. "You freaked the hell out of me! You gotta stop doing this or else I'll have a heart attack and die!" Chester dramatically said, now clutching the fabric of his shirt.
"Not my fault that you're overly shaken, dude." Ryan laughed and shoved the other man lightly. "Anyway, now we're free to do whatever so I thought you'd want to spend some time with the hottest man you've ever laid your eyes on, aka Ryan Shuck, aka myself." He winked cockily, making Chester roll his eyes playfully.
"Oh, it'd be a pleasure!"
"Good. Now follow me."
"As long as we go somewhere where there aren't people."
"There won't be people there, believe me." The brunette smirked and started making his way to the back of the clinic. They passed the grey door and Chester slightly fastened his pace, trying to be as far as possible from it. Soon they were out at the flowerless dull garden. Seriously how could they make a garden seem so lifeless?
The sun warmed their skin in a matter of seconds and Chester already felt better. At least he could breathe real air and not that extremely strong cleaning product smell. The artificial floral scent made his nose runny.
"We're almost there." Ryan warned.
They walked a bit more and got to a thin path of rocks between two full shrubs. It looked like a cartoon secret hideout. When they got to the other side, Chester was astonished. How had he never seen this?
It was a small camp full of little colorful flowers. They were in great state, it made the blonde wonder who kept them.
He had never been someone who had enjoyed flowers until now, but looking at them made his heart swell. It was such a contrast between what he had seen since he had been at the clinic, that he couldn't help but feel happy and peaceful at the torrent of colors in front of him. The flowers were mostly yellow and purple, with some blue and pink here and there, and the young man went to pick up a pink one, before he smelled it.
"That's an Azalea. They smell nice, don't they?" asked Ryan as he walked closer to his friend and took the flower from his hand, tossing it away. Chester was confused by it, but his features softened once Ryan said, "they're also toxic so, be careful. Of course, Mark doesn't know that, otherwise he wouldn't let me plant them."
"It's so pretty, Ryan... I didn't know you knew anything about flowers."
The older man blushed at that before he looked around him. "I... I'm the one who took care of this garden. When I came in, it was in a very disastrous state, it was about to die... I asked Joe if I could do something about it and he convinced Mark that it could keep me calm and make me work at the same time... And, well, to tell you the truth, Chester, I was feeling pretty bad before you came in and... this garden was once again in a state of dying... but meeting you changed me. I've been so happy to have someone to talk to! And I decided to keep this garden beautiful... just so you could see it."
"Y-you did all that... just for me?" the younger man asked, his cheeks flustered.
"Yes. I wanted you to see life again, and to smile. See, it worked!" Ryan said as the blonde smiled nonstop. Just knowing that he had someone that cared so much for him as Ryan did was flattering. He was also glad that he was able to make the other man happy just by talking to him. At least he knew it was something mutual and not one sided. "Chester I..." the brunette started but stopped and closed his eyes, placing his hand over Chester's, that was resting on the grass.
With a deep breath, Ryan leaned closer and closer, making the other gulp at their proximity, however he didn't pull away. When Ryan was barely one inch from touching Chester's lips with his, an angry voice interrupted them. Making them both fall back on the grass.
"What do you think you're doing?" Mark said angrily.
"I was just showing the garden to Chester, Mark." Ryan hastily explained as Chester was totally paralyzed with fear.
"I told you this garden was for you, Shuck, not Bennington." Mark took a few steps forward. "Now get out, I'm taking him to the grey door and you, Mr. Shuck. I'll talk to you later."
"No! Please not the grey door, I swear I won't leave my room unless you tell me to, please!" Chester screamed helplessly. Just the mentioning of that place made him sick to the stomach; he would do literally anything to escape that.
"Mark, it was me who brought him here. Please don't take him there. Take me instead!" Ryan desperately tried.
"No, Ryan!" Chester intervened, not wanting his friend to go through that. He wouldn't wish that punishment even on his worst enemy.
"Shut up the two. I saw what you were trying to do there. I won't allow this kind of things in this clinic. Both of you will be punished, period." Mark barked at them, referring to the almost kiss moment they shared.
In a flash, the blonde man was being dragged away from Ryan and led to the grey door.
That hellish door.