Author's Note: The process for "Sign of the Times" will be in the next chapter. This chapter was needed first. 😊 It's also shorter because my chapters have been quite lengthy lately. I'm not sure if the length bothers you or not. Let me know!
"She Wolf" Covered by Madilyn Bailey
Nikki's POV
I was on my third cup of coffee by 3PM. James and Adele got here around 1PM. I've basically been crying on and off since they got here. The stress of everything on top of sleep deprivation and the fact that I simply missed them like crazy have my emotions all over the place.
The guys were hanging out at the house with the kids—Adele brought her son and my aunt Julia had brought my cousins, plus Adam's kids. The ladies had decided to spend the afternoon in town. I hope I didn't look too bored. I was just exhausted. My resting bitch face is no joke.
Never mind. I'm rolling my eyes with annoyance. I'm not great with small talk and there's way too many women around. We took over this quaint restaurant in Port Antonio. The owners recognized Adele instantly and have been besides themselves in shock that she's here eating at their restaurant. There are 7 of us including myself. The owners insisted on cooking up the entire menu for us.
"Well, damn! They're quite friendly in Jamaica, mon!" Adele snorted. "Heeey, is there such thing as Jamaican wine?" She asks the server.
"For you, we get you the best wine!" The server scurries to the back.
"I mean, I'll take any alcohol, really." Adele shrugs.
"I hear ya. I might need a drink to get through this." I blow bubbles into my water with my straw and slowly look up to find everyone looking at me in concern. "Relax. It was a joke!"
Awkward laughs pass around the table. Lovely Anne smiles apologetically at my discomfort much like Harry would if he were here. My supportive best friend lifts her glass of water.
"She's 9 months sober today, bitches! Woo!" She knocks back the water, most of it hitting her face. I laugh at her in spite of me discreetly pinching my thighs under the table in embarrassment and self hatred. I've been doing so well, but I've been on edge ever since my mum attempted to kill herself.
Guilt consumes me because that's how I'm wired. I'm trying to find ways to delay my album release and tour. The timing of everything is shit.
"Have you talked to Lucy yet?" Gemma quietly asks from besides me once the other ladies are distracted in conversation.
Ahh, and then there's the Gemma thing. She suspects that my old bandmate, Jude, is involved with Jeffrey Azoff because she heard a strange phone conversation and saw some suspicious files on his desk while she was visiting my sister. Lucy and Gemma have been friends for years through Nick.
Her suspicion of Jude immediately made me think of all the times that Ville had mentioned him being jealous of me. I got all the attention in the band; it understandably pissed him off. We used to be more of an ensemble before we got a recording contract. I wasn't always the lead singer.
Did Jude resent me? I often wondered if my sister did. Perhaps, they both do...
I think I'm going to be sick.
"No...I want to do some research first. Sorry I've been avoiding you. I'm trying not to freak out because then Harry will. He has enough on his plate." I sigh dejectedly once the servers bring over the wine for everyone. Gemma grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze.
"I'll stay sober with ya." She smiles. "I need to detox after this week anyway. My liver can't take anymore!"
Her sweet gesture surprises me. I've never been quite sure about how Gemma feels about Harry and I. It would be nice to have a sisterly relationship that's not as forced as mine and Lucy's has gotten over the years.
I squeeze her hand back, pulling down my dress in the hopes that she doesn't see my bruises that are quickly forming from my habitual pinching.
"Thanks, Gem."
"So have you and Harry been making up over and over?" Adele casually asks.
I let go of Gemma's hand, our sentimental moment clearly ruined. Gemma laughs then pretends to vomit. I peek over at Anne to see if she heard. Fortunately she's in deep conversation with Clare about the charities she supports and participates in fundraises for.
"No comment." I rub my reddening cheeks and Adele throws her head back in laughter.
"Fine then. I'll get details from ya later. Nick already told me what he heard last night and described a trail of clothes from the front door to the kitchen..."
"Shut up! We're not going to torture poor Gemma!" I laugh, throwing an ice cube. It went right down her shirt; I cackled with glee while she shimmied until it melted.
"There were two pairs of Calvin Klein boxer briefs. A One Direction shirt and a Hanson shirt." Sarah chimed in with a laugh. Her and I were finally warming up to each other.
"Already sharing underwear and T-Shirts? Did you two secretly get married?!" Gemma teased.
The teasing continued, my Aunt Julia and Anne soon joining in. I sat there completely mortified when Clare told the story of finding Harry and I on the beach the other night in the most innocent way she could.
"I mean, we didn't see anything but they were so disheveled!"
"It's sweet! Young, passionate love." Aunt Julia beams.
"As long as Harry treats her right." Anne winks.
Kill me now.
"Oh, he treats her right. She confirms it every night." Sarah wiggles her eyebrows. The whole table is in an uproar. I lay my head on the table to hide how embarrassed I am.
My phone vibrates. Seeing a message pop up from "Monkey Man" has me grinning like I didn't just see him an hour ago. I keep my head down to text him in secret. He has impeccable timing.
Monkey Man: The guys are teasing me about our sex life. Make it stoooop. 😭
Me: The exact same thing is happening here. Fuck this. Let's run off somewhere and fuck. 😂💁🏻♀️🌚😇
Monkey Man: NO MORE SAND IN MY ASS! I knew we should've just rented our own place. 😒
Monkey Man: Also, James is getting me drunk. 😅Expect cuddles when you get back. 😋
Me: Lol I love you. 😘
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Us girls didn't get back to the house until after sunset because they wanted to shop then we went on a boat ride to see some dolphins. Considering that I haven't slept much and spent time in the sun, I was exhausted.
All the kids were running around screaming their arses off—a telltale sign of being left to fend for themselves and having too much sugar. The kitchen had a buffet of grilled food and beer bottles everywhere.
"Well, boys will be boys." Adele laughed and grabbed a bottle of wine. "Time to play catch up!" She sticks her head out. "Hey, there's a camera man!"
"Harry has been filming a documentary." Gemma says while grabbing a handful of chips and spooning guacamole onto a paper plate.
"They're filming this?" I peek my head out to see the boys clinking their glasses together. Harry was completely shit faced.
Robin was sitting on a lounger on his own, relaxing with his own bottle of wine and two empty glasses. He lifts a glass up when he sees Anne and I hear her giggle. It's so sweet that he waited for her. I watch her walk over to him, giving him a sweet kiss.
My heart is both full and heavy at the sight. Anne must be so heartbroken. I can tell they're making the most of the time they have left. Gemma sniffles and gives me a knowing look before walking over to her boyfriend who is drinking with the guys.
I'm not sure if Harry wants me in his documentary since he wants privacy more than ever. I'm guessing that includes our relationship, so I grab a water for him for when he decides to find me and his guitar that's sitting on the table.
I go and sit by the bonfire that was built on the beach. Everyone was either on the deck or in the pool. It didn't bother me; I always enjoy solitude when I can. I took a moment to admire the acoustic guitar that Harry has written many of his songs on. I take a closer look at the neck of the guitar, noticing the custom grooves.
It hits me like a freight train. Flashes of memories on my first world tour in 2004–16 and scared to death on stage. Moments of just me and an acoustic guitar on stage were some of my most memorable times. When the fans softly sang along, the lonely, broken girl inside of me felt like she belonged somewhere and like she finally mattered. Music saved my life, time and time again.
Earlier this summer, I auctioned off one of my guitars from my first tour. The proceeds were split in three ways to the top mental health associations in the world. I knew it was auctioned off for £1.5 million, but the buyer wanted to be kept anonymous.
I turned the guitar and right there on the side of the body was my autograph with the year 2004 written and a message:
You are loved.
That sneaky bastard. He bought my guitar! Tear drops fell onto the guitar as I kept examining it. They weren't tears of sadness. His generosity moved me and there was something about him writing his solo music on my guitar. I wonder why he never said anything.
"Alright, dear?" Robin sat next to me and rubbed my back. Anne sat on my other side.
"Oh! Sorry, I'm such a crier! I just didn't realize that this was my guitar. I auctioned it for charity and he bought it! He never told me!" I wiped my hands over my face.
"Really? I thought he would've told you by now, love." Anne smiled.
"You knew?" I looked from Anne to Robin. Both of them nodded.
"He knew he made some grave mistakes. When you two broke up, it tore him apart that you weren't speaking to him. I don't blame ya. The boy is stubborn and a bigot at times." Robin chuckled. Anne poked him with a laugh. No one talks down on her baby, but I can tell that she agrees with him.
"Buying the guitar made him feel closer to you and he knows how important those organizations are to you, as well." Anne pauses, linking her arm around mine and rubbing it up and down with her other hand. "How are you doing with everything?"
Safe. Warm.
I didn't have those feelings at home with my parents after my brother died. Even when Harry and I were broken up, Anne often called to check up on me and I would visit them anytime I was in England.
"It's complicated. I worked really hard on my album and I want to release into the world and tour, but my personal life has imploded. I don't know if I should believe anything my mum says and now it's the same with my sister and her fiancé. Can I just revoke being a Samson? I should have changed my last name to Corden." I try to joke in order to lighten the mood.
"Or you can change it to Styles when you marry Harry." Anne grins. "I'd be honored to be your mum-in-law."
I stare at her incredulously.
"I knew you were the one for Harry the moment I met ya last year." Robin says proudly.
I look at Robin with the same shocked expression, my face feeling warm. I wasn't sure on whether it was from the fire or the love from Harry's parents.
"How would you know from that alone?" I smile in disbelief.
"He looks at you the same way I look at his mother." Robin's voice is filled with adoration for Anne. I hear her gasp at the sweetness of his words. "And you look at Harry the same way Anne ogles at my dad bod."
Robin and I burst into laughter. Anne swats him on the back of his head, but she also laughs.
"You'll make a beautiful bride. I wish I could be there." Robin smiles sadly. My heart drops into my stomach, realizing all over again that this time next year he most likely won't be with us. I know I hadn't known Robin long, but he felt like family.
"You will be there, my love." Anne puts her hand over his then I put my hand over theirs in agreement.
There was comfortable conversation as I gently strummed on the guitar. They both asked me to play something from my new album and I pondered on what should I sing, deciding on "She Wolf." It was actually a song I wrote 9 years ago when Ville cheated on me with Kat Von D. It was meant to be performed acoustically and funnily enough I wrote it on this very guitar. My album is pretty autobiographical and part of that is my unhealthy relationship with him.
I guess I had been singing with my eyes closed because Harry, James, and Nick clapped along with Anne and Robin when I was done. James and Grimmy were crying along with Harry's parents. Harry pulled me onto his lap with a silly grin on his face.
"That was beautiful. I won't leave you for some she wolf." He hiccups and nuzzles his head into my boobs.
I shake my head with a grin, running my fingers through his sweaty hair. I hand him the bottle of water I was saving for him.
"Such an angel..." He guzzles down the water then throws the bottle at Grimmy's head.
"HEEEY!!!"
"Throw that in the recyclin', would ya?" Harry smirks.
"Anne! Do something about your son! Rum makes him an asshole!" Nick throws the bottle back at Harry, but it hits me in the head.
I slowly turn my head and narrow my eyes.
"Now you've done it. You poked my beastly woman. She gonna kill you." Harry blinks innocently, his head leaning on my chest like a child.
"No, please...no more purple nurples!" Nick covers his nipples in fright.
"She's too busy cuddling me right now. Call back later. Click." Harry pretends to hang up a phone.
"I might've gotten him drunk too early today. You know how much of a lightweight he is." James laughs. "He couldn't find you earlier so he latched himself to me. He's all yours now."
"He warned me he would be drunk and needing a cuddle." I rub Harry's back. "He's like a kitten."
"Meow." Harry snickers. "I'm funny."
"I think you've had enough my boy!" Anne stands up and kisses both Harry and I on the head. "I know you'll take good care of him, Nikki." She winks. In a way I know she is referring to our earlier conversation.
Robin hugs the both of us in a group hug before he and Anne retire back to their condo down the beach for the night.
"You would be a good mum, you just about rocked this baby to sleep." James pats Harry's cheek.
"Shh...five more minutes!" Harry hugs me tighter.
All this marriage talk then James mentioning me being a mum has my emotions right on the surface. No one has to convince me that and Harry and I are meant to be together. Sure we have our issues like any other couple. We had to go through what we went through to in order to become stronger as individuals and as a couple.
I would love nothing more than to be his wife one day.