WARNING: More self-harm in this chapter, guys. I'm sorry if it upsets anyone.
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Florence's POV
I woke up morning remembering I had a date with Dally. Why did I agree to that? Was I mad at Johnny or did I honestly want to go out with him. I don't even know anymore, all I know is that Dally is taking me to Bucks tonight. Two-Bit doesn't know and I don't plan on telling him any time soon. All I wanted to do was get through this day alive.
When I finally climbed out of bed I took a relaxing shower. I didn't know how long I had been in there till Two-Bit started banging on the door. "Hurry up, Florence. I need a piss."
"Hang on." I wrapped the towel around me and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I really do hat what I see. I looked down at my wrists. There was some major scarring and some fresh cuts I did last night. No one knows I do it and no one will ever know. I hid my hand behind my back and opened the door. Two-Bit charged in and pushed me out the way. "Wait till I'm out of the room, would ya Two-Bit?"
I walked back into my room and pulled out my clothes for the day. I decided I would wear some ripped up shorts, a black crop top, a denim jacket and my beat-up white converse. I did my usual winged eyeliner and pink lips. I left my hair down because I liked my natural curls and then a just tied a red polka-dot bandana around my head. I thought I would jewlery today so I put on a fake gold knuckleduster ring and a love heart locket that my mum gave me when I was younger. I brushed my teeth and ran downstairs surprised at the delicious smell of pancakes and waffles. "Two-Bit, I didn't know you could cook."
"He can't but I can." A cheery voice replied. I ran to the kitchen to find Sodapop making waffles and pancakes.
"Why are ya'll here?"
"You sound like you ain't happy to see me."
"I am. It's just we usually go to your house?" That came out more of a question than a statment.
"Well, we all thought that we would come to your house for once."
"Okay then." I walked into the front room where the rest of the boys were playing cards and drinking beer. "Really? Beer this early in the morning? Ya'll got a problem." Everyone turned to look at me. Their jaws dropped to the floor. "Ya'll better shut your mouths or you'll catch flies." I turned to look at the shelf where we kept all the books. "Hey Two-Bit have you seen my blade? I can't find it anywhere. And is my longboard still by the door?" Silence. I turned back around to find that no one had stopped looking at me. "I guess I'll find it myself." I walked back into the kitchen. "If I can't find mine Two-Butt I'm stealing yours!"
"Florence, wait up. I'll help you find it." Johnny came walking to my side.
"Thanks Johnnycake."
"What are ya'll missing?" Soda still hadn't looked at me yet. I felt sort of happy he didn't because then I would get proper self concsious.
"My switch. I left it in my room last night and now it's gone." He turned around.
"I think I saw-" He cut himself off by his jaw dropping.
"Soda. Soda! Focus."
"Oh um, sorry. I said I think I saw it by the door with someones skateboard."
"First of its a longboard, second of it's mine and third of thank you." I kissed his cheek and walked off to get my switch and board. Soda had gone back to making waffles and pancakes but he was smiling to himself. When I walked back to where the boys are they were still sat there staring at the spot where I was standing. I am not staying here with them, like that. "Johnny, come out with me for a bit?"
"Um, o-okay."
"What about us? Can we come with you?" I looked at Johnny who looked sort of upset. I turned back to Dally.
"Nope." I said popping the P. Johnny started to smile a bit and that made me happy inside. "Come on then Johnnycake, I need to talk to you." I grabbed his hand and we were off. "Bye, everyone. See you when We can be bothered to come back." I just got a bunch of groans and a cheery goodbye from Two-Bit. Typical Two-Bit.
Johnny and I had been walking in silence until Johnny spoke up. "Why did you ask me to come out with you?" He said it very rudely, I was shocked.
"I just wanted to spend some time with you." I sounded a lot more ruder than I intended.
"Why don't you go spend time with your precious boyfriend?" Johnny started shouting. I didn't know what to say.
"What boyfriend?"
"Dallas. I know you two are going out together tonight!"
"What? How did you find out?"
"I saw him asking you out last night after I stormed out, I also saw you kissing him. Not him kissing you, YOU kissing him. Oh and don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your secret date but I sure as hell won't lie about it if someone asks!" I was taken back. It took me a while to process what was going on.
"I hate you Johnny Cade. I honestly thought you cared about me but clearly I was wrong. I'm always wrong because I'm such a fucking screw up. Don't ever talk to me again. I never want to see your face ever again." Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes but I kept them held back. Johnny's face went from anger to concern so sadness. He reached his hand out for me. "Florence-"
"No, Johnny, don't. You made your self clear enough already. I don't need my heartbreaking anymore." And with that I ran off, making sure my switchblade was still in my pocket. I hadn't learned my way around Tulsa yet so my first instinct was to run home. I walked in the back door and everyone was staring at me as I breathed heavily. I just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. I couldn't wait any longer, I through my long board on the ground and ran upstairs as fast as I could. I herd footsteps behind me. I locked my bedroom door and sat in the corner with my switchblade in my hands. Someone tried opening the door. "Florence let me in. Tell me whats wrong."
"Go away! I don't want to talk about it. Just leave me alone, Two-Bit!"
"Florence-"
"Please, Two-Bit, just go. I don't want to hurt you too." I heard him sigh and walk back downstairs. I through my jacket at the door and stared at my wrist. I promised mysel I would stop. I would've if my life wasn't a death trap. The blade glided across my wrist perfectly and I tried not to gain satisfaction from it. I started crying and I didn't even realise until I saw a dear land on my fat thigh. I started to carve worthless into my arm when Soda burst through the door. He stopped right in his tracks when he saw me. "Florence." I felt like time froze because neither of us was moving. I felt the tears fall and the blood trip onto the carpet and my leg. "What have you done?"
"I deserve it, Soda. I deserve the pain." I started crying harder. I felt an arm around my shoulder.
"Come here, Kiddo."
"I don't want to be here, Soda. I'm not worth the time and effort."
"Now you shut your mouth right now. You are worth everything."
"I'm not, Soda. I'm ugly and fat and stupid and worthless. Everyones lifes would be better off without me in them. No one cares about. I just mess everything up."
"We all care about you, every single one of us. Did you know that shortly after you ran up to your room, Johnny came in crying looking for you. And he never crys after what he's been through. You're beautiful and you are most definately not fat. I'm a high school drop out, I'm the dumb one here. Shoot, I can barely spell real words. You're not worthless to me or Johnny or Two-bit or any member of the gang. You're our sister, our family, our everything."
"Don't kid yourself, Soda. Promise you won't tell no one about any of this. Promise me."
"Just tell me one thing, how long have you been doing it." I looked down at the blood and tears drying on my thigh.
"For as long as I can remember. I-I even tried." I started crying again. "I even tried to kill myself once. Then I met you guys and I felt like I didn't have to and then everything started to go downhill and I'm sat here in my best friends arm with blood all over me." He hugged me even tighter.
"I promise I won't tell no one." He kissed the top of my head. "Lets get you cleaned up, shall we?" I nodded and Soda walked me into the bathroom and started to clean my cuts. When he realised I'd carved worthless into my arm he started crying. I didn't think Soda could cry.
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I cried writing this chapter guys, like omg. I realised today that I'm a really depressing person. Anyway I hope this chapter didn't disturb you too much you amazing sparkly pickle porcupines, have a nice day/evening/night/Whatever time it is where you are