It's time to bring you back to the present moment after that deep chapter. So, recap. Adam asked me to be the mother of his baby, sure he doesn't mean now... But, he felt it important to give me notice and I agreed to it.
Luis and I are at a crossroad in our fake/non-fake relationship. I also made an embarrassment out of myself by randomly stripping down to my birthday suit in an attempt to seduce him.
Then I told him about my plan to be Adam's baby mama. Luis got mad, then he kissed me and then he left... and when I went to bed, once again, naked... I was alerted to a burglar breaking into my house, which turned out to be Luis anyway.
So, back to the matter at hand!
I swing the lamp up at the shadowy silhouette, telling him to get out of my apartment. But Luis turns around, takes hold of the lamp and announces: "Nicky, it's me, Luis!"
I freeze. "Luis? You came back?"
We are standing in my dark living room and I am wearing only my pink bathrobe, which I pull tightly around my body for warmth.
He takes the lamp from me and I go in search of the lights. I flick them on while he takes a seat on the couch.
"Yeah, I came back," he tells me softly. As I see the made-up bed on the couch, I realize just why he was hovering around in the living room. The thought that he was still going to stay at my apartment is uplifting.
I pull my robe tighter around me and sit down beside him, waiting for him to explain just why he has returned. I am feeling very optimistic... But, this outcome could still go two different ways.
"I get it," he finally says.
"Get what?" I ask.
"I get why you want to do this thing for Adam. I drove around the city for clarity and I think that I understand, now."
"And what have you come up with?" I ask him.
He studies me as if he is trying to pick his words. "You and Adam... You guys have always been a duo. You guys are family and it makes sense that you would want to do this for him... and he loves you too. It makes sense why he would choose you."
He is not exactly telling me anything new. I know all this already. I am just waiting for him to explain to me why he got so mad about it. Nonetheless, I stay quiet and wait for him to continue.
"I shouldn't have gotten mad at you, but the truth is..." he bites down on his tongue as if to be carefully dissecting his next few words. "I think that you might be my perfect match. I have always believed that. But the thought of you wanting a baby with somebody else, well it's a lot to swallow. It means that if we are to have a future... that I would be some kind of... well, I'd be that child's stepfather!"
"Yeah, it does," I reply.
I'm not expecting him to stick around, I know that I don't actually need him to stick around, but I would love it if he did. It is far too much for him to take on. Especially, so soon.
"When is this whole thing meant to happen?"
"We haven't exactly set a specific time. So, who knows? It's just... it's something that we have promised. It's a pact sort of thing."
Luis nods, but there is optimism in his eyes as he looks at me. "...and when Adam makes a pact, he tends to keep it," he adds.
"Yeah, he does. Luis, where is this conversation even going?" I ask him. I am actually growing impatient with him. "All I'm getting is mixed signals here."
"Sorry, that's not what I am trying to do. Look, I don't want a fake relationship with you and I don't want to... what was that term you used? Fake not date? Where did that one come from?"
"Adam..." I say quickly.
"Yeah, I don't want to do that either... I want to take you on a proper date. I know I asked you out months ago and we were in a whole different place back then... But I want us to see how we go. I'd even be willing to consider this whole you and Adam having a kid thing... because I get it. I get you, I get him... You guys are a packaged deal!"
I laugh at his response, throwing him a little off guard. "We're not exactly a package deal," I say. "We can still have our own separate relationships." My voice falters and all of a sudden, I remember that I am only dressed in my robe.
Luis leans back up against the dark grey sofa. He is clearly lost in thought. He just told me that he isn't going to leave.
Now would be the perfect time to make my move. His hair is free from its usual ponytail and is sitting just past his shoulders. I could totally run my fingers through it.
Do it, Nicky! Do it now! Before you lose your chance!
"Nicky... We never talk about the first time that we actually met," he says out of the blue as he looks back at me.
You lost your chance, Nicky! Dammit!
"I'm sorry, what?" I ask.
"I'm talking about the moment we met when we were at school... When you thought my name was Parker."
Not a good subject. Why is he bringing that up now? Total moment killer!
I look curiously at him, "why do we need to talk about this now?"
Damn, he's so clueless! I was just so close to jumping his bones!
"I want to talk about it because that was the moment that you saved me."
"What do you mean?" I ask. "How did I save you? I just stood up to those guys. They were pricks. That was such a long time ago."
Luis is studying me. There is a serious look on his face and he takes me by the hand, which confuses me. "Nicky, if it weren't for you... I don't think that I would be alive today."
Uh oh! This doesn't sound good!
"What do you mean you wouldn't be alive?"
"I was going through a rough time with my parents. I was going through a rough time at school and I just wasn't coping very well. I felt as if I had nobody. I had been collecting my mother's sleeping pills over time and that was going to be the night that I was going to do something. I was going to have the house to myself that weekend so nobody would have known until the Monday when I never turned up to school."
I can barely speak. That just doesn't make any sense at all. "Luis... I... All I did was stand up for you. We barely ever spoke after that. How could I have such an effect on you?"
"You inspired me. I remembered seeing you and AJ fighting in that cafeteria. I heard rumors that you went through therapy and seeing what it turned you into... Well, you inspired me to get my shit together. It's what I needed."
I am speechless. I really don't know what to say.
"You didn't need a hero... you actually getting help... you were your own hero, Luis," I manage to say.
He brings his arm around my shoulders and hugs me close. "Yeah, but sometimes we need another hero to bring out the hero in ourselves."
Lady boner has officially been killed right now.
Him saying all of that instantly reminds me of just how screwed up I am. I am anything but a hero. If anything he should run far, far away from me!
I manage to choke out a laugh in a desperate bid to stop myself from crying.
"But, I'm screwed up!" I tell him. "You just told me that you want to take me out on a date... There's no point because let's face it. If you get messed up with me, it's more added baggage for you! I am the total opposite of normal. I'm not a submissive housewife. I can't even cook... and I just told you that I'm going to have a baby to my best friend."
I wipe those stubborn tears from my eyes that have come from out of nowhere. I feel the light prickle of his stubble against the side of my forehead as he kisses me lightly.
"I don't want normal," he says. "I only want you. Sure, I want kids one day... but, I'd be fine with a dysfunctional family, provided I have you by my side. Besides, it would be Adam's kid. He's the reason that we are together now! He's familia!"
I take a deep breath and sniffle through a few more tears. It's anything but attractive. But at least these are tears of joy. I turn my head to face him.
His smile has dimpled up to his brown eyes. "I just need to know one thing," he says. "While you're upfront about so many things... you're just so reserved when it comes to telling me how you feel. How do you feel about me?"
How do I feel? Sure, I am a girl that likes to say what I want, when I want. But, how have I managed to not tell him yet?
Oh, that's right! Because showing pure emotion is a weakness. That's why. That's why men are raised not to cry. That's why women are allowed to cry because they are weak. If you believe that...
Then you are so full of shit! That's part of why we are so screwed up in the first place!
The reason that I have not been able to tell him, is because of my own inner fear that he could reject me. That fear of telling him that I love him just to hear him say 'goodbye'. But, here goes nothing...
I wipe the tears from my eyes again and bring my face so close to him that our noses are just barely touching.
"Because of you, I know that it's okay to not be perfect," I tell him. "You are my perfect match. I am absolutely head over heels in love with you!"
That damn smile of his catches me off guard and as his hand finds the back of my head, he kisses me passionately. I am entirely lost in him. Once again, I remember that I am naked under my bathrobe and at this point he has figured it out too.
Because of him, I know what it feels like to be absolutely vulnerable and so strong at the exact same time. To be truly understood for all of my inner truths and to be accepted for every single one of them.
That is what real love is.
When it comes to sex, I have a tendency, a need to be in control. But when you've found someone who evens you out in every way... who is ultimately your equal... your match... its less about submission and dominance... It's about equality! It's shared, and just like your relationship, it's just as amazing.
That's not to say that you can't take charge... because you absolutely still can. It's just... it's different! But in a good way!
Do you remember earlier on in the story where I described the sex with Luis to having my mind, body, and soul present? Well, it is exactly that! Which I feel is so much better than just 'great' or 'amazing' sex.
Sorry, back to the story.
I'm going to take you to mine and Luis' first actual date as an official couple. Not as a fake couple...
You might remember that he has been given his own cooking show. So he works in a kitchen at the studio all day. So, for our first date, he decides it would be fitting to teach me how to cook. Am I the only one who finds that funny?
Are you forgetting that crazy events tend to follow me everywhere I go? There we are in the kitchen I am rolling out the dough to make a pizza, while he is standing beside me kneading his own dough.
My workstation is an absolute mess. His is... perfectly clean... How is that even possible?
"Nicky, you need to work the lumps out of it. Really get your hands into it," he tells me.
I glance down at my fingers covered in really sticky dough. "Is it supposed to be... this sticky? How is yours so... so perfect?" I ask him.
"You're not using enough flour," he pours a little more flour onto my workstation and gets back to work. His black hair has been pulled back into a ponytail. He is wearing black clothes, with a white apron over top.
I am still focused on the sticky dough that has been spread across my fingers.
"Your hair is so shiny," I say with a smile.
"Yeah, it's called genetics," he replies, not taking his eyes off his pizza dough. Damn, he's so cute when he is working!
I grin all the more. He is far from being suspicious of what I have planned.
"Conditioner too, right?" I ask.
"Yeah, a little bit. Why?"
"Allow me to do the honors of treating your hair!"
Before he can turn around I have lathered the raw pizza dough into his black hair as if it were his regular hair treatment. He grabs for my hands in a bid to move them away.
"No, what are you doing?" he cries out. My wrists are now in his flour-covered hands and we are standing face to face.
It's an eye contact showdown. There is a large smile on my face. There is a look of complete and utter disbelief written on his.
"Who wipes pizza dough throughout somebody's hair?" he asks me sternly.
This guy has met me, right?
"I'm sorry, I just heard that flour is supposed to be great for split ends," I say as convincingly as possible.
He releases my hands and turns back to the bench. "Oh, you heard that did you?" he asks.
"Yep," I say with a smile as I turn back to my own workstation.
"Well, in that case, all's fair in love and war, right?" he says.
Before I have a chance to react I am covered from head to toe in plain white flour. That son of a bitch poured a cup of flour all over my head. I look like a ghost!
"Oh, you will pay for that!" I snap at him.
"I will, will I?" he dares me.
I take the tablespoon of pizza sauce and wipe it all over his face.
But as I do, he grabs me in his arms. My hands are at my back, being held by his.
"Now, you're trapped. What's your next move?" he asks with that smile to his cheek.
That's the thing, he isn't holding me tight enough so that I can't get out of it. In fact, he knows that I can get out of it. He is just testing me to see what I will do next.
His breath is so deep, he is softly blowing the flower off my face and he has that damn look on his face, mixed in with that pizza sauce. I just can't resist that expression on his face.
Before either one of us can think we are kissing.
In fact, we can't keep our hands off of each other. He lifts me up and sits me down on his floured-covered workstation and we are making out.
Just for fun, I even sprinkle a little more flour into his hair and he merely smiles up against my lips. He has me head over heels in love with him.
We go on a few more dates. It's always the same. There is this fire, this yearning for one another. We fit together like glue. I used to say that so many men were intimidated by strong women... but this man adores it. In fact, he brings it out of me all the more.
It's the same chemistry that we had back in my parents' pool. It's all perfect. But, that's the problem. Nothing is ever perfect... and if it is... it isn't meant to last.