Ariana's sob had downed to a slight tremble and sniffles. One of her hand rested on his chest and her head buried in the crook of his neck and his arms wrapped around her in a protective manner.
"I-I'm sorry." She stuttered out in a low voice
"What for? You have to be specific." Jace said,
He felt a sigh leave her body.
"For being this way." She said, "I'm never like this."
Jace's grip tightened around her.
"There are a couple of things I can think of that you need to be sorry for, Ari. But letting out your emotion and being able to grieve isn't one of them. You should never be sorry for that."
Her hand slid up his chest and went to his shoulder. She pulled back only a little to look at his face. Jace looked down at her and met her now red eyes and nose. She looked so beautiful.
Ariana remembered that morning in her apartment before they took off to the safe house. She remembered what he had said. 'I just want you to know that I'm here whenever you want to talk about it.'
She swallowed.
Just as she opened her mouth to talk, her stomach interrupted her, growling and filling the silence in the room making her blush in embarrassment.
Jace smiled down.
"I guess you're ready to switch back to normal food." He looked at the tray which held the bowl of soup he had for her. "Pancakes?"
She smiled,
"Sounds perfect."
He kissed her forehead.
"Get dressed. We'll talk after you've had something to eat."
Ariana hopped off him and walked to his walk-in closet where her things were still residing. She pulled out her usual tank top and pulled on sweat pants. She walked back in the room to find Jace wasn't there and the tray he had brought.
She made her way out the room and down the stairs, her feet padding lightly on the cool tiles. She smiled when she saw him in the kitchen mixing the batter for the pancakes. She sat on the stool behind the kitchen island without making any noise and watched him.
She watched him till the final piece came off the pan.
"Honey or Maple?" Jace asked and she frowned,
"How long have you known?" She asked,
"Since you walked in." He said without looking at her as he put some pieces on a plate "Even if I were deaf, I'd still know when you walked into a room." He looked at her then, smiling as he placed the plate in front of her. "My body feels your presence and my soul connects with yours...kind of like a bluetooth connection."
She laughed at his silliness.
"Really romantic."
"Oh, I can be very romantic. I'd charm your pants off." He said
She rolled her eyes as she dug into the pancakes. Jace clenched his jaw at her eye roll. Damn, he wanted to be in her when her eyes rolled back. Ariana moaned as her taste buds got its first taste of the pancakes and he groaned.
"These are best pancakes I've ever tasted." She said, eyes closed, "They're so good."
"That's cause you're really hungry."
"Seems like this is my first meal is so many days."
"It is." He said, "You've been out for three days." Her lips stopped chewing as she stared up at him.
"What?!" She dragged
"That's what happens when you get beaten up... willingly I might add."
She looked down at the pancakes and got back to chewing.
"Not like I had a choice." She said,
"Just like you have no choice in recruiting?"
Ariana shut her eyes.
"Jack wasn't supposed to say anything." She groaned.
Jace looked shocked
"You're still serious about it?" He asked
"Of course, I am." She said, "There's nothing for me here."
Jace froze and then scoffed.
"Of course." He said, "Everything between us goes down the drain like it never happened. Why do you do this?"
Ariana sighed and pushed the hall-filled plate away, her appetite gone.
"Following me after we got back here didn't give you enough answers to that question?" She looked at him straight in the eye
Jace didn't even flinch.
"You heard me." He said referring to the night he had brought her to his place.
She looked away from him
"I honestly don't know what you want from me, Jace. I've done everything I can for you. My work's done, the person who wanted you dead is behind bars, which by the way I can't still believe is Barbie."
"You mean the work you abandoned the moment you walked out of the safe house without a backward glance?" He closed his hands.
"What do you want me to say?" She asked getting tired of their banter.
"I want you to tell me why you keep running at every turn not caring about who you leave behind in the process." Jace's almost yelled getting tired of her games.
"Cause I can't take it anymore." She stared between clenched teeth staring Jace in the eye before she looked away. "Everyone in my life ends up leaving me, they end up dead." She swallowed, "First my dad, then my mum..." She looked at him, "...if anything were to happen to you, I don't know how I'd survive."
Jace felt his heart clench in pain for her.
"So you leave instead?"
"To protect you." She said, "If I stay as far away from you as possible, I wouldn't be able to give into every cell in my body screaming at me to stay. To stay right here with you." Her eyes turned glassy,
"Then don't go." Jace pleaded as he walked around the kitchen island towards her.
She shook her head.
"You'd end up like them."
He stood in front of her holding back the urge to pull her into his arms
"What happened to your parents isn't your fault. You are not the reason they're gone." He lifted her chin to make her look into his eyes so she'd know he wasn't lying "Life happens Ari and yours hasn't been easy, that doesn't mean you're the cause of every terrible thing that's happened."
He cupped her face and walked closer to her,
"You're an extraordinary woman, my woman. You came into my life to protect it and now that I'm out of the woods, I'd die a thousand deaths if you leave me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Ari and I'm gonna beg, grovel, and do anything for you to stay with me. But not because of the promise I made to your mum but because I am so in love with you. If you leave, you take my heart with you and I become lost." Pause. "So, Ariana Feilman, I ask you to stay with me, to be with me and figure out everything together, with me next to you and you next to me."
His thumb grazed her cheek as he stared at her painfully silently begging her,
"Don't leave me again." He sighed, "Please."
Ariana was on the verge of bursting into tears because of the man who stood with her head in his head. This man was in love with her and he wanted her to stay. She's never wanted anything more than she wanted to stay with him in her life. But she wouldn't be perfect for him. Jace was not just physically perfect but he was also the most caring, kind and loving person she had come across and it broke her heart when she pushed away from him, up the stool and walked to her favourite spot in the house.
"I've got a lot of baggage and the last thing I want to do is to make them yours." She said, "You have more things to worry about. Like the company."
"The company?" She heard Jace say from across the room "Nothing matters without you. Nothing makes sense without you. Don't you get it?" He wanted to shake her and drive some semblance of sense into her to make her see what she was trying so hard to avoid.
Ariana closed her eyes and thought of what she could say to convince him she wasn't right for him even though she wanted to run to his arms and taste those lips over and over again.
"There's nothing to get." She turned round to look at him "I'm not what you want. You just think that now. You deserve someone who loves and cares for you as much as you do them."
Someone like me. She wanted to scream.
"Someone who gets through your bullshit exterior and gets to know the man behind the mask. Someone without so many scars and demons that would haunt her all her life."
Jace smiled from across the room and she frowned in confusion as he made his way slowly towards her. Taking the final inch that kept them apart, he snuck his arms around her waist.
"I've found that someone." He said and her breath caught, "She's fearless and can overcome anything she wants to. She's the only one that sees through my bullshit ways. She's strong-witted and stubborn it's infuriating."
He shut his eyes tight opening them,
"Every time I look into her eyes, I see the woman I want to spend eternity with. I see a woman who's scared of what she feels here." His palm rested on her chest on top of her heart, "But I also see the determination; she wouldn't let her scars and demons define her. She'll overcome it and I'll be with her every single step of the way not just to be there for her but for her to be there for me because I'll need her more than she needs me."
Ariana felt her cheeks grow wet.
"You're not the only one with scars and demons. I've got mine and I promise I'll share them with you if you share yours with me. We do this together and find our balance."
"How could I say no to sharing scars and demons?" Ariana's lips quirked up a little and a smile broke out of Jace. "You are just as stubborn and strong-witted as I am, maybe even more. How did I ever get lucky to have found you?"
"I ask myself that every day." Jace said
Ariana looked away from him. She couldn't keep this away from him anymore. She had wanted to tell him since he asked but her stupidity didn't let her.
"There's something I should have told you a while ago." She said,
Jace turned her around to face him with a frown on his face
"Tell me." He said,
"My dad..." Ariana began, "...was murdered when I was little." She said avoiding his gaze "He came home after so long and he slept in my room that night, it was something he did the first day he was back home. My mum had the night shift at the hospital. I didn't know anything until I woke up the next morning with his bloodied body lying next to me in my bed."
Jace's grip tightened on my waist as he let out a curse.
"I found out later, years later what actually happened. It wasn't a normal break-in or a robbery like the police had said, he was a target. My dad was the only one in his unit that survived a blast and one of his mates had a complicated connection to the Russians. They found out my dad survived and probably weren't too happy he was the one who got away. And well, the rest you can figure out."
"The nightmares. The bed. The floor..." Jace said,
"Yea." Ariana said,
"Yet you still remain strong." She looked up at him confused, "You've been through more things than I'd ever imagined and yet you didn't lose yourself along the way." He smiled, "You are the strongest person I know. You're a fighter and I love everything about you. From your scars to the way you feel in my arms to your lips against mine."
She stared at him.
How could he?
She thought he would have looked at her with pity in his eyes like everyone who knew about her dad did. But he had thought of her as strong and he accepted her, completely.
She moved closer to him staring into those gorgeous eyes of his
"I love you." She said with everything in her, everything she felt for him which surprisingly filled her whole heart. "I have known for a while now, I just thought you deserved better because I was unworthy of you. But now I know how much you love me and accept me for...me and even though it makes me selfish to want you all to myself, I can't let you go. Not anymore, not now, not ever. Now's your last chance to back off to find a better match for yourself."
Jace's grin was blinding as he shook his head
"No backing off 'cause she's standing right here." He said leaning down "You almost made me go insane. I was mentally planning on locking you downstairs and only opening up when you decided you weren't going back but staying with me."
She chuckled
"I am so in love with you." She said tilting her head up
"Never give up on us. On yourself." He said, lips grazing her,
She moved her head from side to side
"Never, as long as I have you next to me."
"Always." He said,
"And forever." She said before his lips crashed down on hers as they both put their pent-up emotions and feelings into the kiss. It was almost too much for them but they needed it. They craved each other it was intoxicating.
"I want you so bad." He groaned
"I'm yours for the taking." She said
"You're mine. Period." He said as his hands went down the curve of her back and gripped her ass.
"Bedroom." She him so bad she couldn't think of anything asides from having him,
Jace inhaled deeply and let out a sigh with a smile on his lips. He held her close to him and savoured the feel of her in his arms as he placed his forehead on hers. He tried to regain some control but it was close to impossible when he knew what she was thinking. His grip tightened on her clothes before he let her go and stepped back from her.
Ariana looked confused and his smile widened,
"Not today sweetheart," He said, "You just got out of something scary and I need you running at full capacity for when we're going to,"
Ariana felt her cheeks grow hot out of embarrassment.
What had she been thinking?
"Hey, don't go shy on me."
"I'm...I don't know what I was thinking."
"The same thing I was." He confessed,
Ariana looked at him from beneath her lashes.
"I want you," He said plainly and looked away from her with a sigh, "I just can't, knowing how fragile you still are after what you went through, which I'm still kinda pissed with you for."
Ariana let out a sigh,
"Fine, be that way."
Ariana turned to walk away from him but he caught her wrist and walked up to meet her where she was.
"You don't get to walk away from this anymore." He looked down at her searching for her eyes,
Ariana avoided his eyes until he wrapped his hands around her and pulled her closer to him,
"You're pissed, what do you want me to do? Kiss your boo-boo away?"
He smiled, amused,
"I love this side of you,"
"What side?" Ariana rolled her eyes,
"The one who's getting comfortable with me and says anything she wants to rather than holding it back."
"Yea, well, good. Because this is the side you'll be getting from now on."
"I want every side of you," He leaned in and placed a quick kiss on her cheek, "Now c'mon and finish your breakfast."
He took her by her hand and led her towards the kitchen.
"I need you functioning at hundred if we're going to..."
"Ok, stop teasing me," Ariana got back into her seat,
Jace loved the banter between them and he stood there and watched her get comfortable in her seat before she pulled the plate back towards her. She snuck a peek at him and smiled.
"What?"
"Everything about you just...makes me happy."
"Just you wait,"
Jace got closer and leaned in. He kissed her senseless and they both got lost in the drugging kiss until they had to pull away for air.
"What happened to waiting till I'm back to hundred." Ariana sounded breathless,
"I don't need you at hundred to kiss you,"
"You can't kiss me like that and not expect consequences,"
The expression on his face was pained,
"Now you're the one teasing me," He pulled away and went around to the other side of the kitchen island,
"Just paying it forward."
They ate and talked, going from one topic to the next with absolute ease. This was where they needed to be. Together.