Trigger warning: This chapter contains thoughts, talk, and an almost attempt of suicide. Read at your own risk.
"Wow," Ky breathed, staring at the waterfall. "All this time and I never knew this was here."
"I found it by accident, believe it or not," I laughed lightly. "One of the times I ran away."
"So this is where you go."
I nodded eyeing him skeptically, suddenly regretting my decision bringing him here, "Yeah." I didn't even think it through; we could have gone to the meadow Ky showed me and not have been bothered, now I'll never be able to come here in peace again.
"Saige, why do you run?" He kept his voice soft, but there was a hidden sadness.
I didn't answer at first, not quite sure how to, "I guess, it's all I know."
"That's not true," he regarded me in a way that was almost scolding. "Giving yourself up to Christy knowing you would die for the sake of strangers and facing her daughter to stop her from killing a little boy proves that."
"That was different."
He shook his head, "You have the will to fight, so why don't you?"
"It's just," I furrowed my eyebrows. "Easier."
He took a moment to contemplate my words, "Ignoring your fears won't make them go away. The Unseen are still out there, and even if they never find you, they have countless others held captive suffering the same fate."
I brought my knees to my chest resting my chin on my arm not able to dispute the fact, "Like your mom." A heavy weight fell upon my chest as the phrase left my tongue, bringing me to the reason why I brought him here in the first place. He stilled beside me. "Sarah saved me in more ways than one; I don't think I'll ever be able to repay her." I took a shaky breath preparing myself to really open up for the first time, "She shared the little water she had when, after I was, after he-," tears welled up, but I refused to let them fall.
He scooted closer until his shoulder brushed mine; taking my hand to remind me it wasn't real, that he was with me, "Take your time."
I soaked in his warmth; it gave me the courage to continue. "I thought she hated me at first, like all the others did. They thought that since I was exclusively the boss's I had it better than the rest." He squeezed my hand, but he didn't interrupt. "The first time she saw me come back to my cell, she said that I would escape. I honestly believed it to be a load of hogwash, just a mechanism to make me feel better; an empty promise. So, life went on; until one particular night."
∙∙∙
"I've had enough of your crap," he snarled. "Since you can't seem to keep your mouth in check," he took a dangerous step towards me. "I'll just have to do it for you." He lunged at me; I frantically rolled to the side and charged ahead for the bedroom door. He caught me from behind and dragged me backwards. I kicked, screamed, flailed; he landed a punch to my face. In my brief state of dizziness, he flung me on his bed like a ragdoll. Before I could process what was happening, his hands locked around my throat. My air supply was cut off, my legs thrashed about; I clawed at his hands desperately trying to pry them off. Just when I thought it was the end of the line, he released me. I coughed and gasped to take in whatever air I could.
He watched wordlessly as I wheezed; when I had about caught my breath, he bent down and placed his lips on the side of my neck. I thought that maybe he was done for the night, until he whispered in ear, "This is for your own good." He pulled his fist back, and it crashed down just above my trachea. "You'll never talk again you pathetic waste of space."
I coughed up blood and did my best not to move. When Darren was done with me he threw me back in my cell, I haven't seen him since. It was hard to keep track of time, but I was pretty sure it's been a few days.
Nothing good ever happens to me. Why can't I just die?
The woman with blonde hair and blue eyes in the cell adjacent to mine crawled over to the bars separating us, "Saige?"
I didn't answer.
"Saige," she called. "I have some water."
Pain shot through my head and neck as I slightly lifted it, I immediately put it back down finding it hard to breathe. So I tried responding, only to choke and go through another painful coughing fit; but, I couldn't hear my cough.
"Oh, Saige," the woman sobbed. "Just a little longer, please hang on." Something warm dripped from my lips and splattered in a puddle underneath. I could just make out the woman's thin frame, sharp cheek bones, and sculpted jaw line. "Help! Guards, please help! She's dying!" I could hear the tat tat tat of someone coming down the hallway, the squeak of the door, a pair boots blocked the view of the woman, and I fell into a dreamless void.
I awoke to a steady beep, my vision was hazy, and my throat felt like it was on fire. I tried to assess my surroundings to find out I couldn't lift my head. I couldn't open my mouth properly either and realized there was a device restricting from doing so. I panicked and began to claw at it, setting off alarms in the process. Somebody rushed in and snatched my hands, "Saige, stop." I continued to thrash, though I barely moved at all I felt so weak. "I know you're scared, but if you don't calm down I'll be forced to restrain you. Please, I don't want to do that." The voice finally registered in my brain, I blinked waiting for my vision to clear and stared into the pale blue eyes of Steve. "You're in the facility's hospital; the tube in your throat is helping you breathe better."
I took in his dark circles, his dark brown unkempt hair; he looked like death. I stopped moving; he slowly released his hold and took a small step back. I had so many questions; why aren't I dead? Where was Darren? What's the point in keeping me around if he hated me so much? Tears spilled over and ran down my cheeks into my hair. Something glinted in his eyes as he shifted awkwardly unsure of what to do or say. Then the door busted open, and I met the eyes of the devil himself. Steve stepped aside knowing he had no power and sent me a solemn gaze behind his back.
He studied me, slowly raking his eyes up and down with a blank expression, "You've been out for five days." He was blunt, straight to the point; I had no idea what to say even if I could answer. He reached out caressing my face, "I missed you." I trembled in his wake, frozen in absolute terror of what he was capable of. "I'm sorry," he continued to pet my head. "You'll be better in no time. And when you're ready we'll go outside and hike to the river, how does that sound?"
Like a never ending nightmare.
He turned to Steve, "How long until she recovers?"
"It's hard to tell, the doctor said it could take a while."
"Not good enough."
"Sir," he started tentatively. "She's lucky to be alive considering her injuries and the malnutrition. She'll need time."
He set his icy gaze on me, leaning down whispering menacingly, "You better enjoy every last second of this; because once you're back in my arms, there will be no more mercy." He stood up and stormed out of the room. I suddenly couldn't get a full breath of air, and something inside me just snapped. My stomach clenched into painful knots as a scream worked its way up into my chest. I desperately wanted to tear into my skin to relieve the intense itching; but mostly, I wanted out. I was sick of this torturous, horrific life I've been bestowed. I was done, finished. I hate him, I hate The Unseen, I hate my parents for leaving me here, I hate myself for being so weak, I hate the world for letting things like this go on; I just...hate. Steve appeared in my line of vision, his mouth moving, but no words could be heard over the ringing in my ears.
The last little flicker of light snuffed out, plunging me into a dense darkness that I strangely found comfort in; it pulled and tugged with no retaliation into a pit so deep there was no point in trying to climb back out. There was no pain, nothing at all; I felt nothing. I am nothing. Nothing could reach me, nothing could touch me. Waves of despair crashed over pushing me deeper still, while I just lay back and watched; drowning in my tears of anguish. And so I embraced the night, kissed by my fears. There was no escape, no hope.
Time passed by, I didn't care how long anymore; and eventually the day came where I was to be thrown back into my misery. It was early morning when Steve walked through the door, a somber expression painted on his face, "Come with me. I need to take you somewhere before you see him." I waited for it, the spark of curiosity; even though I knew it had long sense died. I nodded as he trekked out of the room expecting me to follow. I took a step but stopped in my tracks when a reflection of light caught my eye; there, almost completely concealed beneath the bed, was a skinny knife. I glanced to see if Steve was paying attention then hurriedly snatched it, hiding it in my long sleeved shirt I was given that morning; not even questioning how or why it ended up there.
I followed Steve down a length of hallways until he opened the barrier that led to one of the fenced in yards. I didn't hesitate striding as far as I could go leaving him guarding the door, ignoring all the stares. I gazed longingly out to the woods, letting my mind wander one last time imagining the feeling of freedom. I thought of my parents, I knew they wanted me to be strong; but I'm just an echo, lost, unheard in a crowd of pleas. I tried, but I can't; not for a second more.
I slipped the knife into my grasp.
A voice, small but clearly heard, screamed for me not to. That girl cried out, 'somebody save me'. That fraction of me prayed to see the light once more, even for a moment.
But those cries faded and fizzled out as I brought the sharp edge towards my wrist, crossing the monstrous border into the unknown.
It's almost over, set yourself free.
I took a relieving breath, whispering a silent goodbye.
A hand seized my own, yanking me out of my trance and holding onto me with a vice like grip. A bubble of panic welled up thinking of everything he'll do to me for trying to leave him. I whirled meeting a pair of blue eyes, but they weren't cold and devoid of emotion; they were warm, welcoming, and full of sorrow. "Please, don't." I opened my mouth to speak, the air left my lungs painfully as a sharp twinge twisted in my neck with no sound coming out. My free hand flew to my throat slightly doubling over to catch my breath. The woman took advantage of the moment and skillfully took the knife from me. "How did you even manage to score a scalpel?"
I shrugged subconsciously rubbing my neck in a feeble attempt to rid the pain. "It's Saige right?" I eyed her warily, determining the best course of action to get it back. "My name is Sarah." I narrowed my eyes. "Look, I know it seems hopeless, maybe even pointless to keep on living and enduring the same horrific dealings every day. But I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it." I shook my head not convinced, crossing my arms over my chest. I was so close; fighting with her now would just attract unwanted attention. I racked my brain for a plan desperate to take it back, but the only way was by force.
I lunged for her; she sidestepped shoving me into the fence with little effort. "I'm sorry." My ailing body slumped down, collapsing in fatigue wanting nothing more but to be part of the earth, finally at peace. She slouched next to me, keeping the knife away from me and out of sight. "I have a son who would be around your age by now." I closed my eyes not able to do anything else but attend. "He was so full of life, caring and kind. I could listen to his stories all day." I could hear the smile in her voice, "He took a lot after his father. I miss them so much." She paused for a moment, "You and me, we're in the same boat. The biggest difference between us is I have something to live for."
Maybe it was the passion in her words, or the sincerity in her tone; whatever the reason, I found myself looking at her. "You have your whole life ahead of you; you don't deserve to be stuck here. So I won't let you say goodbye, and I'll be your reason why." Her gesture was beyond confusing, and it must have shown on my face. "Love and kindness, many find them to be a weakness and tend to underestimate their power. Alone we don't stand a chance, but together we can win." She averted her gaze; I followed it to see Steve coming towards us. "I'll keep this safe," she nodded to the hidden knife. "Stay strong, Saige. I'll see you in a little while."
No sooner did she finish, he stood before us, "He's asking for you. I'm afraid it's time."
I shared one last silent plead with her. "Go on, you'll be okay. Just remember."
I shakily got to my feet, somehow finding the strength to do so, and mentally prepared myself for what was to come. Steve took me to the dreadful bedroom and opened the door slightly pushing me inside. He swiftly closed it, locking me in with the beast. He stood motionless studying me, while I kept my eyes on the floor and fiddled with my fingers in front of me. His steps sounded loud in the hushed space as he closed the distance between us. I flinched as he put his arms around my small frame drawing me close, but I dared not pull away. "Are you okay?"
A simple, logical question for one who goes through an ordeal; meant to ask someone you care about because you don't want to see them hurt. And yet, here he was acting all high and mighty with the audacity to ask such a question, as if he actually loved me, as if he wasn't the one who did this to me. The numbness that enveloped my bones was overtaken with a burning rage, a furious, steadfast flame that sought to destroy everything in its path. I balled my fists, itching, ready to strike and watch his very existence drain from those icy pools of death until there was nothing left but an empty shell of a corpse.
"Just remember."
Sarah's words rang true; and everything clicked. Love, kindness, they are diminished; he would never see it coming. I brought my arms up slowly, tentatively encasing his torso and gave him a meek nod. He heaved a sigh, "Good. I was so worried."
Lies.
"I don't know what I would do without you."
Sick lies, only meant to mess with my head.
His fingers lightly traced my bruised neck, and then kissed it possessively when I grimaced.
I internally smirked with a newfound renewal of a need to survive fueled by raw loathing, two can play this game.
∙∙∙
"Saige," his fingers drew circles on the back of my hand. "I'm so sorry; I wish you never had to go through that." I wiped a couple stray tears away. "You don't have to continue."
"But there's so much more."
He put his arm around my shoulders, "I know, but that's enough for today." I wasn't sure if he was doing it for his sake or mine, but I complied leaning against him. "God," he prayed under his breath. "Please protect my mom."
"Ky, if God really does exist, why does He allow all of this bad stuff to happen? He's supposed to be all powerful and loving, so why did I go my whole life without a shred of help?"
"Well," he fished for the right words. "I can say that He does exist because He's answered my prayers and I've felt His presence, and He does love you."
I scoffed, "Doesn't seem like it."
"God gives us the freedom to choose good or evil, He wouldn't be a loving God if He forced us to do His bidding." He sighed, "The fact of the matter is bad things happen in this world full of sin; it's sad, and it can painful."
"It's not easy."
"He never said it would be, but He did say He would always be with us."
"Yeah well, where was God when I needed him most, huh? Why did he take my parents away and leave me in captivity for all those years?"
"I don't have all the answers, Saige. I wish I did. What I do know though, is how God take any bad situation and make something good come out of it." I stayed silent deciding not to bombard him anymore. "Just wait and see; you just might be surprised."
I placed my head on his shoulder, "Okay."
"I won't tell anyone."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "What?"
"About this place, it'll stay between you and me."
I smiled holding up my pinky, "Promise?"
One thing I can say...
He grinned hooking his pinky around my own.
Is that I've never...
My heart soared as my stomach danced with a million flutters.
Felt quite like this before.
Those warm and comforting hazel orbs poured into mine glinting with an unfamiliar emotion. They say that eyes are windows to your soul, and if you look close enough, you can catch a glimpse of what they are trying to truly profess. He gazed at me in a way I wasn't used to, as if whispering a secret he wanted me to understand. I searched his eyes to see if they matched Darren's lust filled ones; what I found though was something else entirely. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Nevertheless he spoke casually, but I still intercepted the tenderness and conviction hidden beneath.
"Promise."
***
If you're reading this, I want you to know that you're beautiful, you matter, you have a place in this world. Don't let the lies of what people say bring you down. Hold your head high, just take one step at a time.
Jesus love you, and he'll see you through if you just call on Him.
Love y'all so much!❤️