Welcome back to MojoVision's "The Amazing Nightcrawler and the Fearless Wolverine"! This season promised our viewers the chance for a love story and adventures to span the ages, and it's certainly been that so far!
Our last episode saw our intrepid heroes face down a dragon — yes, a dragon! — in defense of their lovely ladies, who turned out to be dazzlingly resourceful all on their own. That's right, viewers. Those of you who saw our previous episode know that the mysterious K and the intrepid Hawkeye can certainly handle themselves!
Our daring heroes arrived just in time to aid their lovely ladies in the desperate bid to escape the clutches of a fiery death, but will that be the case this time?
In the second episode of our riveting installment, our heroes leave the safety of dry land and the homey comforts of Earth's Middle Ages and trade it in for something a little more dangerous — and with foes who also know how to handle a blade!
When Kurt woke up again, he thought for a moment he might still be dizzy from whatever the gas had been, as it felt like the ground was pitching and rolling — until he was awake enough to recognize both the motion and the scent of the waves. His head popped up in surprise as he looked around their new surroundings.
He recognized the design of a good 17th-century pirate ship immediately, of course — and the clothes he was wearing weren't that far from what he'd worn at the Halloween party two years back, with a long coat and a hat to match.
Logan, on the other hand, didn't have the same long coat, but he did have an open-chested shirt and slops — and he looked completely unamused, having clearly woken up ahead of Kurt with enough time to take in their surroundings and decide he was done with them already.
Kurt took the hand that Logan offered to get to his feet and then sighed as he looked around the ship. "I don't suppose the girls are on the ship with us?" he asked, though he was sure he already knew the answer, since they seemed to be the only two around.
"When has it ever been that easy?" Logan asked, glaring out at the ocean around them.
Kurt let out a sigh and then shrugged. "I can always hope," he replied, looking around once more, this time out to sea to follow Logan's gaze. He couldn't see any sign of a ship on the horizon, and he let out another, longer sigh. "Do you suppose we should look for a treasure map? X marks the girls?" As he spoke, the two of them poked around their assigned ship, if nothing else just to make sure there were no surprises waiting for them. But thus far, there was no map — or any kind of navigational gear to tell them where they were.
"I wouldn't be against finding that for our treasure," Logan muttered with a little smirk.
Kurt let out a sigh and leaned back. "I'm leery of just picking a direction," he muttered. "We'll start a spiral search, ja?"
"I guess if the wind will cooperate," Logan said looking up at the mast — thankfully, the sea and winds were calm, but Logan was right; they didn't have that guarantee, especially not when Mojo was involved. "Not like we can do much just the two of us when we're stuck together." He picked up the arm they were connected with.
Kurt let out a small smirk. "I think I'll take the wheel, mein Freund." He gestured at himself. "I am the captain, after all."
When Kate woke up again, the first thing she thought was that wherever she was, it was not a rose-covered four poster bed in a castle somewhere. Even though, wow, did it feel like a similar costume, what with the super tight corset.
It was damp and musty, and the way the ground was moving underneath her probably meant a ship — at least, she hoped it was a ship and not an earthquake or something equally horrible — and when she sat up to take it in, she wasn't all that surprised to see the bars and the wood and rigging of a brig in a pirate ship, like something out of Treasure Island.
K was still out beside her, though her outfit wasn't nearly so corset-y. More... barmaid. Kate's had plenty of fabric and way too much squeezing going on — K's left very little to the imagination, especially from the front — and Kate couldn't help but wonder if it was some kind of punishment, considering K had been the one to fell the dragon...
As Kate moved to wake her, she finally noticed the energy restraints connecting her right hand and K's left, and she frowned hard, recognizing it as the same sort of thing Logan and Kurt had. "K," she muttered quietly as she shook her friend awake. "K, they dressed us up again."
"What?" K asked as she started to wake up a bit, though she frowned when she felt a distinct lack of fabric on her legs. "Where are we now? And — this is not a damn dress. Nothing is covered!"
"Yeah, I was gonna complain about the lack of oxygen, but I'm gonna keep mine, thanks," Kate said with the slightest of smirks. She gestured with her free hand at the brig. "Welcome to... um. The Black Pearl, looks like."
"No freakin' way am I waiting around for anyone," K said as she got to her feet and tried to tug at the hem of the 'dress', though she abandoned that when it looked like it might expose more up top. "I swear to God I'm going to skin whoever it was that put me in this ... shirt."
"Then let's commandeer a ship and go rescue our boys," Kate suggested.
"Sounds about par for the course to me," K replied. She didn't wait for Kate to offer a suggestion before she popped a claw and simply sliced through the door, kicking open the bars that groaned and moaned as they scraped their way open.
"Think you could do the same on the corset?" Kate asked, gesturing at her own getup, which was still way too tight and awkward to move in, especially with one arm shackled to K. "I mean. I know I've got great curves. But I'd like to be able to swing a sword," she added, illustrating her point by trying — and failing — to twist.
"Don't move," K told her before she threaded the claw behind the laces and just gave a tiny pull to pop it open. "You're welcome."
"My hero," Kate smirked, twisting around and taking exaggerated deep breaths that weren't actually that exaggerated — what was it with show people and tight clothes? Even her costume was breathable when it hugged her.
Once she had her breath back, though Kate was already poking her head out of their little cell to see if there was anything she could use — seeing as she had a distinct lack of claws. "And for our next trick, we'll make one of the bad guys' swords magically appear in my hand," she said when it was clear there wasn't anything just... lying around. "Upstairs?" She tipped her head at the ladder, where they could see daylight from the upper deck.
"Do you care if it comes to you with blood on it already?" K asked with a little smirk.
"I thought they all came that way," Kate said dryly as they headed up the ladder. "You mean there's shiny new ones?"
"I've heard as much, but it's probably a vicious lie," K said before she gestured ahead of them. "Pick your previously used sword, Hawkeye."
Kate looked down at her friend and just had to grin as an idea occurred to her. "We'll steal one from the first moron who says anything about your dress."
"That sounds reasonable enough. If you can qualify this as a dress," K said with a nod as she led the way up the stairs.
"Shirt, then," Kate agreed as they stepped onto deck, unimpeded even as they stood fully in the bright light, though the sea breeze had K in even more of a foul mindset — all things considered wardrobe-wise.
It looked to be a fully-crewed pirate ship, complete with a captain across the deck, who was standing with his hands behind his back and an actual parrot on his shoulder. There were men in knee breeches, only half of them wearing full shirts, going up and down the rigging or even scrubbing the deck in a few cases.
"This place smells like scurvy and delicate male egos," K said quietly to Kate.
"If I could find something to throw, I think I could hit the parrot off his shoulder. That thing doesn't even look real," Kate whispered back.
"Cheap knockoff, I'm sure," K said. "Though ... that's real saltwater, and I think we're stuck."
"No swimming for it, got it," Kate said, looking down at the restraints between the two of them even as the pirate captain caught their gazes and broke into a bit of a grin as he strode over toward them.
"I see ye've grown tired of your accommodations. Perhaps we ken find something a bit more suitable fer such fine and delicate treasures as yerselves." The captain stopped in front of them with a leering grin that had K just growling at him.
"Take another step, and you're gonna lose something fine and delicate," Kate said low, glaring just as hard as her friend.
The captain's leering grin just seemed to get wider as he purposely took a step in. "Ye've got bite for such prettily decorated jewels," he said, though that just seemed to get the gears in K's head turning.
"You have no idea, jackass. Kate, we don't kill this one right away," K said finally, with a wicked smirk starting up. "He needs to check for barnacles on the bottom of our ship the hard way." She looked at Kate for an instant. "Does that ... count as something against my ... outfit?"
"Close enough," Kate replied, already crouching the slightest bit to burst forward as soon as K was ready.
K nodded and popped her claws to lop off the captain's hand nearest to her and then rush the guy, knocking him backward so she could grab the hilt of the sword as it fell. "I'm going to keelhaul this half-rate pirate. Don't kill him, Hawkeye. If we've gotta pirate — let's pirate."
Kate gratefully took the sword — grimacing at the hand that had to be removed first but keeping her lunch to herself, thankfully — and flipped it experimentally in her hand, glad she'd been studying the dual wield with Kurt. After all, her dominant hand was of course the one that was tied to her friend's. Of course it was. She tried out the balance, decided it would do in a pinch, and then she nodded, gesturing with her sword hand as the rest of the pirates moved to rush toward the girls in defense of their captain. "Whatever you say, Captain K," she said.
It wasn't an easy task trying to sail just the two of them, especially not stuck together as they were, but as Logan and Kurt discovered, they shouldn't have even bothered. A ship flying the familiar Jolly Roger seemed to be headed right for them after only half an hour or so of their best sailing efforts — and at a much faster pace than their ship could match even if they had been able to work it properly and unrestrained.
In a moment of frustration, Logan popped a claw and tried to stick it between his wrist and the shackle on his arm but as soon as he did, it hit him with an electrical shock that took him to his knees. "So that won't work," Logan said as Kurt helped him to his feet a few moments later once he'd started to get his bearings again. "Figures."
"I doubt it would be so easy," Kurt agreed as he looked toward the steadily approaching ship. He narrowed his eyes first at the flag and then at the restraint between him and Logan before he let out a sigh and seemed to take a moment to rearrange his shoulders and put his free hand on the sword Mojo had at least left him. "What do you think — do you feel like killing pirates today?"
"Don't think I have anything more pressin' on my schedule," Logan said with a nod.
Kurt had just drawn the gold-handled sword and was ready to 'port them over to get the drop on the pirates before they could be boarded ... when he paused. "Something... is wrong," he said softly as he saw the way the ship was moving. As he watched, the mast of the ship approaching them seemed to sway unsteadily for a moment before it simply went crashing down onto the deck of the pirate ship.
"Looks like the girls got started without us," Logan said, chuckling to himself since clearly, again, Mojo had underestimated them.
"They are impatient," Kurt agreed, grinning for a moment as he shook his head. Of course the girls had found trouble. He put one hand on Logan's shoulder, not bothering to hide the chuckle as they could now hear the pirates shouting as the ship drew closer, before he simply teleported them both over to the other ship.
They were not surprised in the least to see the two girls fending off a small mass of pirates. Kate had a sword again, and she was fighting back to back with K, who was all snarls as she put slashes and holes in anyone who got too close to either of them.
When Logan saw how they'd had K dressed, he just laughed. "Well, at least we know why they're dying left and right."
At that, the girls seemed to notice that their men had arrived, and Kate grinned over at them, brushing back the hair that was plastered to her forehead with sweat with the back of her sword hand. "Hey, Captain K, look who decided to drop in at last."
"Yep, The Dread Pirate Blue Tail and his trusty sidekick," K called out as she cut off a pirate's hand. "Kinda cute."
"Hey. I like the dress," Logan called back. She just glared at him for a moment before Kurt shook his head with a laugh.
"We should join in before all the pirates are killed," Kurt said, though he didn't get far before K caught his attention with a request —
"Catch the captain, but don't kill him. I have ideas."
"She's giving us orders," Kurt said to Logan, not bothering to conceal the chuckle.
"I'm alright with followin' em," Logan laughed.
"Oh, haven't you been introduced?" Kate was grinning ear to ear as she cut through another pirate. "This is Captain K. I'm her trusty parrot, Hawkeye. You can be first mate, Pirate Blue Tail. Logan... I dunno. You're hoisting the main sails or something."
Kurt grinned widely at them both. "I accept your terms!" he called out to Kate, jumping into the fray with no small amount of delight, all things considered — this was his element, after all. It was no time at all before he and Logan cut their way across the deck, blades and claws flashing until they found the captain, who was conspicuously missing his sword hand and not-so-conspicuously trying to hide.
"Which one did he tick off, do you suppose?" Logan asked, his eyes narrowed.
"Possibly both of them," Kurt said, matching Logan's expression as the man scrambled back from them, thinking back to the sword Kate had and its overly elaborate hilt. "My only question is whether their aim was the sword itself or the hand in particular."
With that, the guys dove in — much the same as the girls had, though the girls had already thinned the ranks substantially, so that there were few pirates left to guard their leader. The captain took one look at the two X-Men headed his way and rushed for the hatch to go below deck.
Logan and Kurt shared a look and followed after him in a rush — but once they were sub-level, they were swarmed by more pirates. The fight was fierce, considering the fact that the ranks of pirates were thinned, but Logan and Kurt were hampered by being strung together. Kurt was dodging and striking as Logan sliced and stabbed — a near perfect mimic of what the girls were doing top deck, though none of these pirates were stupid enough to try to grab at them as they had been doing with the girls.
"You wonder why half of 'em were missing hands?" Logan asked.
"I did see the outfits the girls were wearing," Kurt said mildly. "And half of them had gouges in their eyes as well." He grinned at his friend brilliantly as he drove his sword through the chest of an approaching pirate. "Perhaps if there were more women pirates in this crew, they would be interested in you, mein Freund. You wear the look well."
"And have our girls focused on making those poor lady sea dogs suffer. Inhumane," Logan deadpanned while the two of them worked on cutting their way through the crew. "How 'bout we just 'port up, I'll bet the captain already made it top deck."
Kurt just nodded his agreement, and an instant later, the two of them were back on the deck, glancing around to find that, yes, the captain had made it up, but he apparently hadn't gotten far, as Kate was just finishing up tying his arms behind him at the elbows.
"Hey, Parrot, our trusty crew finally got their lovely asses in gear," K said dryly when she saw the two of them appear in the blueish smoke. "Boys — you wanna finish the keelhaul?"
Kurt had to chuckle as he shook his head at the two girls before he saluted them with his sword. "Aye, aye."
He and Logan worked fast to secure the long rope to the pirate captain, all while the girls leaned against the fallen mast and caught their breath — and called out a few snarky comments on the outfits the boys were wearing.
"Didn't take long for them to take over the whole damn boat, did it?" Logan said before they simply pitched the captain overboard to let the boat do the rest of the work. "Hate to think what they'd do to us if we didn't listen quick enough." He shot K a little smirk that she answered by blowing a kiss before both girls broke down into a laugh as the guys came closer to them.
"We'd throw you overboard, but one of you would just pop right back on deck," Kate teased, grinning Kurt's way.
"Then you'd both be wet and grumpy," K agreed.
Kate giggled, looked K right in the face and said, with her most straight-faced expression. "Awk. Wet and grumpy,", which got the most beautiful look from K that before Kate burst into laughter.
Kurt was grinning as he reached over with his free hand to take Kate's and raise it to his lips. "Then it's a good thing you have such a loyal crew, it seems," he said as Kate gave him the most impish grin she could, stepping in as close as it was possible to get without making things difficult for the other two — who were also trying to have their own sort of reunion, though they weren't taking time for the banter.
The guys were both pulling their girls closer when the boat shuddered. "What the hell is even going on? We won. We should be getting out of here," K grumbled as the guys again held on tightly, though when the boat very clearly started to take on water it was apparent that they weren't going to be getting to stick together at all.
"Right? What kind of pirate adventure doesn't end with at least some kind of treasure — like, I dunno, breathable clothing?" Kate grumbled.
"Or ... clothing at all," K pointed out as the water covered her knees and they made their way toward the railing. "Why are we here? This is so stupid with the dumb outfits and ... I swear to God if I find out there are naked pictures circulating ... wherever, someone is going to die slow."
Kurt gestured with the tip of his tail at a floating camera nearby. "His name is Mojo — and believe me, the explanation is just as stupid as you'd expect. He runs an... entertainment empire." Kurt's face was twisted with obvious disdain.
K just stared back at him for a moment, trying to again get a better grip on Logan. "You're kidding, right?"
"Honestly, I wish I was." Kurt looked at her for a moment. "But it's not just for show — he uses real danger, so don't think it's all just set pieces and magician's tricks," he advised before the ship rocked again and very nearly washed them overboard.
"So this is just going to keep happening?" K asked, glancing between the two men.
"Only until we can track him down and make him stop," Kurt said, grasping the railing once more.
K looked at Kate. "We should steal our kisses while we can, Squawkeye."
"Well, we are pirates. We should definitely steal something," Kate agreed before she just reached over to snag Kurt around the waist for a quick kiss before anything else could happen.
K didn't get to do the same to Logan as he handled it for her, just before the ship scuttled completely and they found themselves forced to tread water as the seas began to rise up more, the weather taking a sudden turn that definitely couldn't have been natural.
The skies darkened, and the waves began to push them apart, though there was no way to see land — or even, after a moment, where the ship had once been. And it was no time at all before the guys were separated from their girls, simply because of the waves and the pull of the current, not to mention the tiring work of keeping themselves afloat in the first place.
They started out strong enough, but as the chop got thicker, and waves began to crash over their heads, Logan wore down faster than he'd have liked — buoyancy was an issue. It wasn't too long before Kurt was trying valiantly to keep his friend's head above water, even teleporting above the waves a few times to try to see land — or anything else they could use.
In the dark, crashing waves, Kurt managed to find a hunk of floating wood, and he then got them both holding onto it, though it was still halfway like drowning. The last thing either of them could see or hear in the darkness over the waves before they passed out on the flotsam was an old bell ringing in the distance.