When your entire world is shattered by the news that someone you love is terminally ill, it certainly throws you through a loop. But you need to remember that it isn't actually happening to you.
It is about relying on those around you to keep you standing strong. It's almost as if there is a silent rule telling you to keep your chin up and to give moral support to the one who is going through the illness themselves.
While I was thankful to have Luis by my side through that time, calling Adam the next day, as it always did, made me feel so much better.
I think that it was because he always felt like a brother to me. I guess he still is... but he always saw my family as his extended family. He and I were a duo.
I know that he certainly made my mother happy by speaking to her on the phone, even though he was hurting about not being there. When I was out of the vicinity of my mother, I even filled Adam in with the updates on our plan... you know the whole engagement thing, and my father being in on it.
I guess that I just needed to hear his advice, even if this elevation of the plan did leave him a little stumped, to say the least. But he hesitantly agreed that my father's decision to keep up the charade did have its advantages.
Before we ended our long phone call, he was sure to tell me that Zachary Binks was doing well, but as always he refused to stay at Adam's house... even for a one-night sleepover.
This meant that Adam had to pop in every day to check in on him and feed him. I guess that Binks loves being the only man of the house.
Adam's parting advice was to remind me to make the most of my time with my mother and to keep my chin up. So I promised to heed his advice, because what use was having a counselor as a best friend if you didn't listen to them?
Besides, it's not like he has ever let me down before!
The next few days go by and for the first time in my life, my relationship with my parents doesn't feel so strained. It's almost as if they have erased their judgments entirely.
But every time the conversation begins to steer anywhere remotely close to her sickness, my mother confidently steers it away again. That is until the day before Luis and I are set to travel back to New York City.
It is late in the evening and Luis and I have had one too many glasses of wine and we have finally opened up about our backstory. The four of us are sitting in my parents luxurious living room.
Would you like to know the backstory that we used?
While I would like to say that we went with Adam's story, Luis couldn't help himself.
He told them what really happened the day that we met. Sure enough, he said that it happened months ago, as opposed to a week ago, but other than that, he didn't leave out a single detail.
The story leaves both my parents in a state of hysterics. It is certainly good to see them laugh again. I, on the other hand, need to maintain my dignity.
"In my defense, he pushed in!" I say, trying to hold back my laughter. "I was mortified! I never want to go back to that cafe ever again!"
"You shouldn't feel so bad," Luis replies. "The fact that you were willing to stand up to me was pretty cute. The vomit... not so much. Before you did that, I was actually tempted to buy you a coffee for your bravery. I wouldn't have let you go without!"
Do you remember when I told you a few chapters ago that there was a moment between us when I doubted that Luis was really gay? Well, that moment right there, where he has just told me this part of the story... I once again receive that same vibe. There is a pure honesty to his tone.
I leave to pour the two of us some fresh wine, and some water for my parents. I place the four glasses on a tray as I gather my thoughts.
As I reenter the living room with the tray of drinks I catch a glimpse of Luis smiling in my direction. It is a bittersweet smile that comes far too naturally and automatically makes me blush.
But that moment is broken by the sudden sounds of my mother coughing fiercely as she is struggling to breathe. As a reaction, I drop the tray on the black marble floor, smashing the drinks on impact and spilling wine, water and shards of glass across the floor as I run to my mother's aid.
My father is holding my mother, who is coughing blood into a tissue. The sight is absolutely horrific! "Dad! What do we do?" I call out in fear.
He hands me his phone with the doctor's contact number highlighted. "Call this number!" he yells. I take the phone from him, my hands are shaking and I can barely breathe as I press the call button.
I listen as the phone rings. DR Jenkins answers on the second ring. My mouth has a mind of its own as it forces out the words: "My mother, Diane Andrews... she's..."
While I cannot remember the full extent of our conversation I must have given him the correct details as he was there within ten minutes.
Shortly after DR Jenkins has arrived at the estate, my mother is escorted to her bed where she is thoroughly examined and treated. We are ushered out of her room to leave her to rest. The doctor informs us that she is doing okay, all things considered.
But still, I feel useless and as the cleaner has already tended to the smashed glass on the floor, there is absolutely nothing that I can do to help.
To my frustration, my father sends Luis and I up to our room, informing me that a good night's rest would be best for all of us. But after everything that has transpired tonight, neither one of us can sleep.
My head is still spinning from the wine and my heart is hurting over everything that I cannot control. I sit on the bed, my back up against the soft pillows, the blanket is pulled up to my chin and I look to Luis for comfort.
He is sitting beside me. The red blanket is neatly resting on his lap. He is silent. Clearly, he doesn't know what to say. I don't blame him.
When he signed up to this, he had no way of knowing just what was coming his way. But compared to a week ago, there is an ease that I feel whenever I am around him.
"Tell me something to take my mind off of this," I beg of him. He scratches his forehead and sighs.
"Like what?" he asks. He looks at me and those soft brown eyes make everything feel better.
"Anything?" I reply. He is still clueless about what to say. I can see him thinking and for once he seems uncomfortable in the situation that he is in.
I remember the conversation that we had on the night of my parent's anniversary dinner. That night that I refused to hear what he had to say.
"Why did Adam pick you for this plan?" I finally ask him. "I know that I cut you off last time that you wanted to tell me... So, tell me... Why did he pick you?"
I watch the color drain from his face and I know that the secret that he has been hiding is a big one. It only makes me want to know more. "Why don't we talk about something else? Like... you never told me what you do? Where do you work?" he asks, trying to change the subject.
My jaw drops open. I really don't want to go into that conversation right now. I don't want to tell him that I am unemployed because my boss was a sexually perverted dirtbag.
I am still dealing with the embarrassment and anger of having spoken up and not being listened to or believed!
"Please, Luis... What are you hiding? Just tell me!" I raise my voice a little as I speak, which startles an immediate response from him.
"Adam picked me because... because of who I really am!"
"Huh?" I really have no idea what he is talking about. "What does that even mean? You're a renowned chef, you're his buddy from school... What does that have to do with anything?"
He pauses for a moment to choose his next words. "Nicole, there's more to it than that... You and I... Well, we used to know each other in high school. Back before I changed my name and grew up. I was in love with you and you don't even remember me."
My eyes are wide at this point. I am having a hard time just trying to comprehend everything that he is telling me.
"Who are you? I mean, who were you?" I ask, trying to pair his face with the people from my memories.
"I still went by Luis, only I went under my mother's maiden name... Parker. In fact, you and Adam used to call me Parker."
I know that name! As I go through the faces from my memories, I manage to place him. He was a quiet kid who always kept to himself. He had a brilliant mind too. In fact, I had once stood up for him against a group of bullies.
The irony was that he was also in the school play that I was in. You know, the one that my mother spoke about? I continue to think over just what he has told me.
So he was straight at one point in time... At least my gaydar wasn't entirely off. As I am brought back to the present moment, I realize that Luis has succeeded in taking my mind off the current situation at hand.
"Wow, you were always so quiet. You've certainly changed since then. Who would have thought that you would have turned out gay? Not that there's any problem with that... The perfect ones always are!" I joke.
Once again, I see the color slipping from his face. He looks down into his lap and then up at me again. I notice just how close his face is to mine at this point in time. I can hear him swallow down a hint of saliva. There's that damn chemistry again!
"I'm actually not gay," he whispers. "Adam figured that you wouldn't go through with the plan if you knew otherwise."
As he breathes those words I am struck by the fact that for the first time ever, my gaydar has been entirely on point. Which means that I have been fake dating a guy, who I thought was gay, but who is actually straight and who might just be the most perfect man that I have ever actually dated... or in this case, fake dated.
All those brief moments between us where I had been feeling, I don't know... something real... for the first time in a long time, maybe they were actually real.
The tension between us is growing thicker as the seconds evolve into minutes. His eyes continue to stare into mine as if he is cautiously waiting to see how I will react to his news.
Let me remind you that I don't tend to act the way that I should in most situations. In this situation, with everything as dire as it is, the way that I should act is to simply change the subject... Or do anything to break the moment. Eliminate the tension then and there.
That would be the best option because a relationship like this, based on lies is most certainly doomed from the start... Even if it is potentially the most perfect relationship that I could experience in my entire adult life.
For the simple fact, the timing is way off... My life is a complete disaster!
But instead of changing the subject, I think back to the kiss that we shared on the night we pretended to get engaged. At that moment I knew that that kiss was real.
I then think back to the moment where he silently comforted me after I found out the news about my mother. Then to the moment in the pool where we thoroughly enjoyed one another's company.
All of those memories and that damn chemistry between us that is sizzling at this point is what caused all that happened next. There is a deafening silence in the air.
The loud rhythms of our hearts beating in unison is all that either one of us can hear. He takes a hold of my hand, interlacing his fingers into mine and his very touch makes me melt.
I slightly tilt my head forward just as he does the same. His other hand caresses my jawline and my fingers meet his chin. Our lips meet in the heat of passion and we rest up against the pillows allowing ourselves to be lost within one another. For one night, everything falls into place. We make love and at that moment everything is simply perfect.
There is a difference between great sex and sex that is so perfect and so meaningful that your whole mind, body, and soul is present. While I would like to say that this is the end of the story, I really can't. Because we are not even halfway through.
It was this night that changed everything for me and not just for the way that Luis made me feel... There were other events that were yet to occur that would certainly leave an impact...
But what I can say is this... if it wasn't for Adam, none of this would have happened. But Adam still lied to me and that is one hard truth to accept.
For he is the one person whom I have always trusted to be honest with me. He is the one person who never let me down.
And while I didn't think of this at the time that I was enraptured in Luis's arms... it was certainly a thought that came much later on. I'll fast-forward to a few hours later where I awake from my blissful sleep, curled up beside Luis. My phone is ringing on the nightstand. The lamp is still dimly lit.
I roll over to pick up my phone, doing my best to not wake Luis in the process. You can imagine my frustration when I see that the caller is Jaime. It is only a quarter to three in the morning, so I choose not to answer the call.
I place the phone back down on the nightstand and lay my head on Luis's chest. I hear my phone ring again and I leave it alone, this time. It eventually stops.
But then after a few more minutes when it starts up again, I realize that it will not stop ringing until I actually answer it. I sigh and hesitate as I press the accept button on the screen.
"Hello?" I murmur, doing my best to sound irritable that he woke me.
Luis rolls closer to me, wraps his arm around me and kisses me on the temple as he asks: "Is that Adam? Tell him I say hi."
Jaime, who seems to have heard Luis speak, seems very annoyed, nonetheless, he has certainly called for a reason.
"Nicole? It's Jaime. Your apartment caught fire tonight. Many people were injured and Adam is in the hospital!" At hearing those words, my heart immediately stops.