******************************
"How could you ever do this again, Ray?", I whispered to myself. "You wouldn't forgive yourself", I continued. "I was strong for over three months now. But I do need it somehow. Right now!", I yelled.
I grabbed the razor and without thinking about it I sliced my skin open. Blood was running down my arm and it felt...well...good to be back!
******************************
I jumped up out of my bed with sweat dripping down my face.
It was just a dream.
I had fallen asleep with the joint in my hand and my phone in the other. Peaceful sleep.
Thank god. I promised Hannah to never cut again.
What would Matthew think of me if I had done it. He would be discusted and grossed out.
Or maybe not, but I didn't want to risk it! He was the love of my life and I didn't want my problems to change that.
I called Matty about ten minutes later. He didn't pick up the phone. What?!
I tried nearly five times but nobody was there.
I was so super bored that I for once in a million years I opened my twitter and checked it.
9.017 mentions in tweets, 2.619 re-tweets and 13.008 new followers. What the hell was going on?!
I read a few.
"ARE YOU THE FUCK MARRIED TO MATTY @RayHey????? HE'S MINE!!!"
"You're so pretty @RayHey"
"Follow for follow???? @RayHey"
"Bitch!"
"PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSEEE FOOLLLOOOWWW MEEE IT'S MYYY BIIIRRRTTTHHDDDAAAYY TODAYYY!!!!! <3 @RayHey"
"Donut @RayHey"
"You're a great couple @RayHey!"
"Love from switzerland <33 @RayHey"
My god... I didn't think that being with Matty was such a big deal.
I felt kinda depressed about those hate comments but I tried to ignore them.