I feel as if I was in a daze... No... I was on a different planet. My mind was floating through space, while my body was getting crushed by the weight of the earth.
My stomach is tied up to the point where I couldn't even throw up if I wanted to, and my heart feels like stone. It isn't ripped from my chest, it isn't torn to pieces. It's stoned. Numbed. I can't feel anything anymore.
I can't cry anymore. The tears burn so much that it feels as if someone cut opened my eyes and decided to rub salt and lemon juice into them.
I haven't been okay since yesterday. When Smitty was murdered and Marcel is on the verge of death.
I snap back to reality as I feel the weight of someone's hand on my shoulder. I look over and see Panda with a forced smile. "Come on," he tells me before unbuckling my seat belt. "We're here."
I look out the window and see that we were in front of the hospital. I look down and open the passenger side door before jumping out and following Panda as he leads the way through the cold hallways. Everywhere around me, I see doctors and nurses, running around, doing everything they can to either keep people from dying, or making them as comfortable as they can while they die.
I barely noticed when Panda stopped to talk to a nurse, and almost ran into him. I shake my head at myself as I think about how stupid I am for still being so out of it. It's a good thing Panda offered to drive me here today, otherwise I may have crushed and killed myself trying to get here.
I sigh and look up to the back of Panda's head. For weeks, we've been losing so many people in so many different ways. It's killing me inside, so I can only imagine how he must be doing. This can't be easy, nor would it be easy for a long while. He had just hired two new people to replace Bryce and Ohm. Lui only recently came back from resting after he collapsed. Brock literally just woke up yesterday. There is so much happening so fast and so soon. So close together... How is the club doing?
When Panda starts walking again, I follow behind him in silence. As he leads the way, he looks over his shoulder and raises his eyebrow at me. "Are you going to say anything?"
I look up to him and shrug my shoulders, not really knowing what to say or do. This makes him stop and turn around to me. "Vanoss, look, I'm worried about you. You've been through so much, and seen so much recently."
I look away from him and sigh. "I'll be fine, Panda. I just... There are so many secrets at the club, it just doesn't feel the same as it use to. And now Marcel and Smitty-"
"You can't blame the club for the actions of a fucked up person, Vanoss."
"I know that. It's just-"
"Evan," he starts, causing me to look back to him out of habit. "I know that there is a lot happening right now. And yes, there have been some things that we've hidden from you, but it was only because we wanted to protect you from all of it."
"Protect me from what?"
"Oh come on, Vanoss. You told us why you ran away from home. You didn't have anywhere else to go, so what do you think we were determined to hide from you to get you to stick around?"
"Well, what about the stalking? Ohm and Smitty told me about what happened to some of the guys that left the club before."
"Stalking by itself is really dangerous and scary. I didn't want you to hear about it and run away."
"I would have rather hear about it over being lied to."
He sighs before he says, "Alright. That's fair enough."
"So... Are there anymore lies?"
"Of course not, Vanoss," he then says, wrapping his arm around me before he starts walking again, somewhat dragging me with him. "I only lied to you to protect you, as I said. I didn't want what the guys did hurt you or for you to have any flashbacks from when you were living with your parents."
I look down to the ground and sigh. "I guess that's understandable."
He then stops again and turns me towards him before he looks into my eyes. "You're extremely important to us, Vanoss. A lot of the guys see you as a son. But me," he then says, moving his hand to the side of my face. "I see you as so much more. You have so much potential in you, I can see you taking over the club when I'm done. I see you as our best dancer from what Ohm told me. I see you..." He looks me up and down before biting his lip. "I see you as the future."
I blush and pull myself out of his arms. "Uh, thanks Panda." I quickly turn away and start walking. "So, uh, where was Brock's room?"
"It's right here," Panda tells me. I turn around and see him pointing at the room next to him.
I chuckle a bit and quickly walk over, putting my hand on the door to open it. However, I stop when Panda grabs my arm and puts his hand on the wall next to the door. "Actually, I want to talk to Brock alone before you see him."
My heart sinks and I spin around to face him. "You're not going to fire him, are you?!"
"No, no, Vanoss. I can't fire him. Yes, he had an overdose in front of our customers. Yes, he did drugs in the club. However, whoever he bought from laced his coke, and everyone does shit at the club. If I was to fire him for doing something so stupid, I would have to fire everyone. Not only that, but now I have to try to find two more people to replace Lucas and Marcel. I can't afford to fire him now. I just need to talk to him, so please, wait out here. When I'm done, I'll give you the same privacy. Okay?"
I look down and take a deep breath. "Okay," I tell him before I step out of the way. I then watch as he walks into the room.
After the door closes behind him, I sigh and look around. Not knowing what else to do, I decide to walk to the gift shop to see if there's something I could get for Brock. Following the maps on the wall, I find the gift shop on the first floor. I must have really been out of it. I don't even remember going to the third floor.
Once at the gift shop, I look around at all of the overpriced gifts until I decide to get him a small balloon bouquet and a teddy bear. As I walk out of the shop, I look over to the a nurse at the front desk, talking to someone dressed in a police's uniform. I squinted my eyes as I stare at the officer, until I realize who it is. "Michael?"
He turns his head towards me and I see his jaw drop open. "Evan? What are you doing here?" He says something to the nurse in a quieter voice before he starts walking over to me.
"I was here to see a friend. He just woke up from a coma yesterday, but I wasn't able to see him."
"Was that because of the shooting that happened at your club?"
I look down. "Of course you know about that. Yeah, I was caught up in that."
"I'm very sorry. I know this time can't be easy for you. Not only that, but it's Thanksgiving."
"Oh yeah, that was today," I chuckle. "With everything that's happened, I guess a lot of us forgot about it."
"I've heard around the station that there have been a lot of cases around the club these past few months. I guess trauma has pushed you a bit."
"Cases?"
"Unfortunately I can't speak on all of that. However, if you want, I can walk with you to your friend's room. I need to speak with him."
"About what?"
"I can't say."
I shake my head. "Look, Brock just woke up yesterday. He could have died. I want to know what you're going to talk to him about."
He rolls his eyes and says, "Fine. I need to speak to him about his dealer."
"Dealer?"
"He's here because he snorted cocaine laced with something and almost died, Evan. We think we know who his dealer is, however, we need his help to make a case against him."
"What if he doesn't talk?"
Mike sighs and then says, "Then we have to hope we find someone who will."
He then turns around and starts walking towards the direction of Brock's room, and I quickly follow. "So, what do you have on this dealer?"
"Technically I'm not suppose to tell you. He's someone close to the club, and the last thing we want to do is spook him."
"Why don't you ask Steven to help?"
"I don't even like him working for the club. Hell, if my boss found out that he and I were dating, he'd take me off the case. This job is dangerous for the both of us, and the last thing either of us want is for the other to get hurt because of it."
I stay silent for a bit as I scan Mike's face. The way he's staring as the thought of Steven comes to him, it hardens. He cares a lot for him, and I can see that he is worried. That look on his face, it's the same one Brock has given me when I missed up in the past. It's the same one Marcel has when he pulls a drunk or some gropy asshole off of a server or a dancer. That's the same look I've seen so many people give when they're ready to risk their lives for someone they care about.
"I'll make sure Steven is safe at the club."
"What?"
"I'll keep an eye on him and make sure no one does anything to him."
He looks over to me to make sure that I'm serious about what I'm saying, and when he sees that I am, he sighs. "Thank you."
He and I then continue to talk as we walk back to Brock's room. Once we're outside of the room, I put the ballon bouquet and bear down and look around, seeing that Panda was still in the room. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to see if Panda had come out of the room yet."
"Wait, Anthony is here?"
"Yeah, he wanted to speak to Brock alone before I got to see him."
He then looks towards the door before he turns and starts walking down the hall. "Stay here and don't tell him I'm here."
"What?"
I watch as he walks down the hall and see him stop a nurse at the end of the hall. Before I can say or do anything, I hear the door to Brock's room open, making me jump. I then see Panda walk out with a smile on his face. "Sorry we took so long. You can go talk to him, now."
I nod and grab the gifts I brought before I walk into the room and close the door behind me. I hold the balloons and bear close to me as I step around the small corner and see Brock watching the corner. He smiles when he sees me, but I want to cry. He looks so tired, and he has so many tubes running through him. I shake my head before I run to his side, putting the balloons and bear down on the table next to him, and I hug him, tightly, trying not to touch any of the tubes running through his arms.
"It's good to see you, Evan."
"Are you okay?"
"I'll be fine. The doctors say that it's a miracle I don't have any permanent brain damage."
I let him go and take a step back. He and I both look down to the tubes. He sighs and says, "This is going to take a shit ton out of what I have saved up. Thank god Panda didn't fire me."
"How much do you think this will take out?"
"Well, I've been in here for a week, and I'll be here for a while more. So, take your guess on how many thousands I'll have to drop." He then sighs and says, "I just can't wait to get back to work."
"Do you really think that's a good idea?"
"I'll be more careful and avoid coke, I promise. This was, sort of a wake up call that what I was doing could really kill me. I have a daughter that I love more than anything, and I have shown that I'm willing to do anything for her... I don't want to die before I have the chance to see her again. So, I'm going to try to keep my nose clean, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to see her again."
"That's great, Moo," I tell him with a smile. "And the best part is that you might get to see her sooner than you think."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I've been thinking, maybe you guys were right. The club isn't what it once was. I'm tired of seeing everyone get put through hell or dying. I don't want to know all of the secrets you guys have been hiding from me if there are anymore to be revealed. So, I've been thinking, maybe I should quit and move in with Jon."
His eyes quickly widen and he starts shaking his head. "Evan, you barely know him."
"I didn't say it would happen tomorrow or anything. But, I can see it happening by next year. He makes me so happy, I feel safe and loved by him. I honestly love him and I know that he loves me. This was all his idea."
"Evan, I really think you shouldn't be so quick to quit and move in with this guy. I mean, you have plenty of time to worry about moving on. Right now, you have school, you're trying to get to college. And to top it all off, he doesn't even know your real age. After he finds out, I can see him getting mad at you. I can see him breaking up with you. You'll be broken hearted and alone. So, maybe-"
"Brock, are you okay," I interrupt, feeling my heart start to sting a little from his words.
"I'm fine, Evan. I just... I'm worried about you. I don't want you to ruin your life by running off with some guy. I think, at least for now, until you're done with college, you should stay with the club."
"What?! Brock, you've been trying to get me out of the club since I started working there!"
"I know, but you made it clear that you didn't want to leave. Plus, we made that deal, remember. You wanted to stay at the club until you finished college."
"Yeah, but that was before Lui collapsed on stage and before Smitty was murdered at the club! That was before you almost died from a overdose and before Marcel got shot and is now fighting for his life!"
"Evan, calm down. You're starting to get riled up for no reason. I'm just telling you, I think it would be better for you to stay at the club for a while longer." He then puts his hand over his mouth and yawns, or at least fakes yawns. "I'm really tired, Evan. We'll talk about this later. Please, can you leave. It's Thanksgiving after all. I'm sure everyone is at the club right now, setting up for dinner."
"But-"
"Evan, please. Go. Enjoy your day, and please let me get some more rest."
I bite my cheek before I turn away and walk out the door. I shut it behind me and sigh. What's wrong with him? Why does he want me to stay at the club after spending so long trying to get me to leave? It couldn't just be because he doesn't trust Jon...
"What's wrong?"
I look up and see Panda walking towards me from the other end of the hall. "I just," I quickly think of the best lie to tell him before I finish my sentence. "I've never seen him like that... I never wanted to see him like that..."
"I know that it's scary. He's extremely lucky to be alive, and we should just be happy that he is." Panda slowly wraps his arm around my shoulders before he turns us towards the way we came. He then starts to lead me down the hall and he continues talking. "I talked to him about his little addiction, and got him to agree to stop doing it. He explained that it would be a struggle, which we expect; however, we already lost so many people. The last thing we want is to lose more, and lose them to something so stupid as to another drug."
"Panda, there's so much more to it than just a stupid drug. I watched my parents go through it, and I saw it eat away at their souls, their mind. It made them different. Plus, everyone seemed to have a reason to start. My dad lost his job and a lot of his friends. My mom cut ties to her family and almost lost me. Brock-"
"Are you making excuses for them doing drugs, Evan? I thought you out of all people would hate drugs."
"I do, but I don't hate the people who do them. Since I talked to Brock about his past, I thought about my parents more, and I saw a pattern. They-"
"They all had hard or troubling pasts. Evan, the world isn't as black and white as you think. There are people who do drugs to escape the world to forget their problems, and there are people who do them for fun. Just look at Bryce! Yes, he was stalked, but that isn't a good enough reason to start doing drugs."
"But-"
"Evan, look, at the end of the day, drugs are bad and stupid. Simple as that. I'll agree with you on not everyone who does drugs are bad, but that doesn't change the fact that it's stupid to depend on drugs as heavily as Bryce, Brock, or your parents did. Now, come on. We are already late for dinner."
I sigh and agree. I continue walking with him until we get to the parking lot. Then, I start scanning the lot for Panda's car, which I see under a tree. When we get into his car, he sighs. "I wish you and Smitty didn't hide in the bed of my truck, yesterday. It's going to take me forever-"
"Wait, your truck?"
"Yeah... Vanoss, didn't you know that the truck was mine?"
"N-no!"
"I have two cars. This and that truck, which I got a few years back. I thought you knew."
"I don't think I ever paid attention."
He laughs. "Well, I guess it's because I love driving this baby more," he says as he turns on the engine, bringing the car to life with a loud purr. "But I also like driving my truck to places like this. I just doesn't want people trying to break into here."
I nod and look out the window again. Black, four door truck... Have I been stressing over that truck for nothing? Is it really more common than I thought... I guess, I was stressing over Jon at the start of our relationship for no reason.