The ride was silent. At least, for me. It was just over midnight when we arrived, now we're taking a cab over to the police station.
I forgot what stage of grieve I was in. I still didn't really accept what happened, but I know it's already over. Irreversible.
She's never coming back.
Her advices wasn't working anymore. No matter how many deep breaths I've taken, I still couldn't quite grasp my mind around it.
Everything was a blur. Just flashing lights passing me. Just the sound of soft drizzling hitting the roof of the car, or the occasional sobs of Armin.
I'm so sorry Armin, Eren. I can't be that person to lean on right now.
Thunder crackled, and I could hear the rain falling down harder.
Disappointment and sadness hit me hard, realising I have failed as their sister. I hate myself. I hate not being able to protect those I love. I hate the world for everything. I hate my life.
I would've ended everything a long time ago. But I didn't, and I won't. I'm all that's left for Eren and Armin. I can't just do something like that to them.
If I can't live my life for myself, then I'll live for them.
The car stopped near the entrance. A few officers were waiting outside on the shaded areas. All eyes focused on me when I stepped out of the cab slowly, not really caring about the fact that the rain was pounding my back.
An officer stepped forward and dragged me to the shaded area they were standing in. "Stay out of the rain (Y/N)."
I looked up, wondering how the person knew my name. Through the dim light, I could finally see his face.
"Do you still remember me?" He asked, letting go of my hand. I nodded.
This man, Mr. Desh, was one of the officers who handled the case of my parents' death. I also stayed in his house for a few days while they searched for a nearby orphanage.
Ms. Falida opened her orphanage just in time before I was moved to another town. I was one of her very first orphans that stayed there.
"Are you handling this... case too?" I asked, my voice hoarse. He shook his head sadly.
"I'm not, but I wanted to be here to help you sort everything out."
Eren and Armin appeared by my side, standing slightly in front of me, both glaring at Mr. Desh.
"Stay away from her," Eren snarled, clenching his hand.
Are they... protecting me?
"She doesn't any more problems from you guys," Armin added, his voice harsh.
"It's fine," I assured softly, getting the attention of my two brothers. "This is Evan's dad," I told them, placing my hand on their shoulder.
Recognition slowly seeped into their expressions, laced with guilt and disbelief.
Evan is Mr. Desh's son, a few years younger than me. He was born without any legs, and because of that, his mother abandoned the family. She denied her son, and threw away her wedding ring, before disappearing.
Mr. Desh met her once about 7 years later. How they met? He was assigned on a homicide case with her as the victim. One of her hook ups ended her life after getting his business done.
They're a family who's been through hard times.
Eren and Armin apologized sincerely to the cop, who returned it with a closed smile.
"Go inside. They're sorting out the papers right now."
I took a heavy breath as I stepped inside the cold building. We turned a right in one the hallways, opening the door that revealed a lawyer sitting behind a beautifully carved table.
Mr. Hannes was walking behind us, not uttering a single word as we entered the room. I greeted him with a small nod, which he briefly returned.
We took our seats, watching as the lawyer began to spread out many papers.
In the end, he took three out, and layed them in front of the person accordingly. He swept his gaze over us all.
"(Y/N) (L/N), Eren Jaeger and Armin Arlert. The three of you were under the legal guardian of Ms. Sabira."
My breath hitched momentarily. I've never been comfortable hearing her being called by her last name.
"The three of you have not reached legal age, and therefore you still need a guardian to watch over you. We've discussed earlier, and decided that your new guardian shall be Ms. Sabira's ex-husband, who has volunteered himself as your guardian--"
Eren cut him off. "Pardon? Ms. Falida's ex-husband? She never had an ex-husband--"
Eren was cut off by the man sitting beside me. "I am."
My gaze snapped to Mr. Hannes, who was still holding the same unreadable gaze, only this time, there was visible grief swirling in his eyes. He turned to the three of us.
"I'm Ms. Falida's former husband," Mr. Hannes said, his voice confident. All our mouths dropped, gaping open.
"Yes. Mr. Hannes volunteered himself to be your guardian. Ms. Sabira also requested it in her will that we found in her room."
Her will? Ms. Falida wrote a will? Since when?
"Mr . Hannes, please sign here, here and here," the lawyer spoke to the dirty blonde man, pointint to the places where he needs to sign.
As Mr . Hannes was signing the papers, the lawyer turned back to us. "Regarding about wills, Ms. Sabira had also written in it, that the three of you would collect all of your personal belongings that was still with her."
We nodded, me and Armin sharing a glance. The second book could be in Eren's grasps within a few hours.
"Miss (L/N)," the lawyer said, turning his attention to me.
"Yes?" I replied, bringing my gaze back to him.
The lawyer's face remained stoic, not affected by everything around him. "We found this in Ms. Sabira's room. It seems she wrote this for you."
He handed me a white envelope, and I took it gently in my hands. Overwhelming grief made my eyes blurry with tears as it finally dawned in me that Ms. Falida had written this note for me.
For me.
"Tomorrow morning we'll take you to the house so you pick up everything left. Now that she's passed away, the land belongs to the government since she didn't mention who she wishes to give it to."
We nodded. "Now go get some rest. You three look like you need it. Hannes?"
Mr. Hannes nodded. "I'll see to it. C'mon, let's go."
We stepped out of the room, and the first thing that happened is Eren confronted Mr. Hannes. "How are you Ms. Falida's ex-husband? That's almost impossible!"
Mr. Hannes' eyes glistened sadly. "She was once the love of my life. But because of a few reasons, it's didn't work out too well. I still love her, but only as a dear friend, and so does she. Who do you think I go visit ever single time I come here?"
"You were visiting her weren't you... and it so happened that we left on the same day, on the same plane," I murmured, fiddling the envelope in my hands.
"I'll take you to the hotel rooms you'll be staying in. And (Y/N), don't forget to read that letter."
"I will."
"Let's go then."
***
I sat down on the bed, feeling it dip with my weight. The envelope was still in my hands, and I was incredibly nervous about opening it.
Who knows what she has written in it.
Though my heart clenched in fear, I was also embraced with great sadness.
This is her last words to me...
I could feel tears starting to pool up in my eyes once more, but I refused to let them go in fear that it might hit the precious envelope.
I slowly blinked them away, and opened up the neatly folded envelope.
There were four things inside it. A letter and three pictures.
I took out one of the pictured, and immediately my heart cried out in grief.
It was an old picture. I know, because of how the edges have started to crust away. I never thought I had any more memories of my parents. I was never told, nor was I given anything.
Ms. Falida knew my parents up to a certain extent. Looking at the picture now, I can see why she always said,
"You look just like your mother."
I glanced at the person who was sweetly hugging my mother, while also supporting me in ther arms.
"But you have your father's mesmerizing (e/c) eyes."
Tears were threatening to fall. No matter how many years has passed, the pain will always be there. Though I wanted to just cry my heart out and hold the picture forever, I knew I wasn't finished yet.
I set down my family picture, and took out the other one.
The pang of pain I felt was greater as my blurred gaze swept over the newer picture.
It was a picture of me and Ms. Falida when I just moved in her orphanage. She looked so happy, so bright and vivid, yet so full of love.
I was a bit dumbfounded by the camera, but other than that, anyone could see that I've been through a lot.
I took out the the last picture. My heart was still sad, but somehow, it slightly warmed at this one.
It was a picture at my middle school graduation. I was so happy to find out I graduated with the highest score in the whole school. Ms. Falida looked so proud as well, even throwing in a peace sign with me.
I smiled sadly, setting down both pictures beside the family one. I reached for the envelope, taking the last thing left in it.
The note.
Slowly, I unraveled it, her cursive writing coming into my sight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear, (Y/N)
If you're reading this letter, then it's a sad thing to say, but I'm no longer with you as of this moment.
It also means I did not go in a normal way.
Was I shot? Or tortured? Maybe poisoned? Or perhaps stabbed? Maybe I disappeared and never returned? Who knows? I definitely don't know, but I am wondering if I got one of those right.
Ah, I'm straying away again.
(Y/N), I love you. I love you with everything I have. I love everyone else in the orphanage, but there will always be that special connection I have with the very first child that came into my property.
A bond indescribable by words.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I had to leave you like this, but fate has decided that I cannot be with you anymore.
Don't grieve over my passing too much. The gift of life and death are both a part of nature's most absolute law.
You'll be fine.
I know my small warrior will be fine.
Don't worry about my death. You can say I already anticipated it for the last couple of months.
There are a few thinhs you must get from my room. It's your files and a couple of other stuff that belong to you.
I have a pretty good idea on who took my life, but as if I'm ever going to tell you honey lol
<3
I love you (Y/N). This is the end of my chapter, but a new one will unfold soon enough.
Don't be scared.
Embrace it.
Yours truly,
Ms. Falida Lilian Sabira
.
.
Ps. Ur crushing on Levi haha
Pps. Eren's crushing on that Mikasa girl lol don't tell him I said this to you
Ppps. Armin's got a crush too *wiggles eyebrows
Pppps. All my kids are falling in love aww
Ppppps. I should really stop this, but, I <3 U
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I laughed and sniffled as I read her letter. Even at harshest times, you could always slip in jokes that make me smile and laugh, even if it is out of longing and sadness.
I love you too Ms. Falida.
Forever and always,
(Y/N) (L/N).