Chapter 14
They say the first thing you see when you wake up after passing out is a bright, white light. They're not lying.
When I finally came to, a searing white light bore into my eyes, making me squint. I threw one arm over my face, only to see that I was connected to what looked to be an IV.
"Ella," a familiar voice said from beside me. I turned my head slightly to see Liam sitting at my bedside, looking absolutely flustered and exhausted.
"Hey," I greeted him. "Sorry I passed out on you."
"You scared the shit out of me Ella," Liam said, looking down.
"Sorry," I murmured as a doctor stepped into the room.
"Hi there Ella, I'm Dr. Samuels, your primary care doctor here in Australia." Dr. Samuels was a tall, blonde woman, likely in her late 30s.
"Hi. Can you just skip the 'how are you doing' and tell me what's wrong?" I asked her, adding a small laugh at the end so as not to sound too harsh.
"You passed out, and we had you on oxygen for a day. We took you off of it this morning. Basically what happened was you were dehydrated, which is why we gave you the IV, but also, you had fluid in your lungs. We have now drained them, but the reason you had the fluid in the first place was because unfortunately the cancer has returned. But we've caught it early, which is good, so we're going to send you in for chemotherapy right now."
"Okay," I told her. "Anything else?"
"Well, while you were unconscious we did a full body examination, and we noticed a small lump in your breast again. We're going to have to bring you in for surgery after your first round of chemo tonight. It's nothing major yet; we're just glad we caught it when we did."
As Dr. Samuels and a few other nurses moved me from my bed to a portable cot, I was freaking out. Even though she had said the cancer wasn't 'that bad,' I knew that the doctors usually sugar-coated the bad news.
As the nurses rolled me down the hallway, Liam walked alongside my cot, only looking away from me to look where he was going.
We reached the door to the connecting wing and Dr. Samuels told Liam to sit in the small waiting area. Before doing so, he came over to me, gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and squeezed my hand.
"You'll be fine," he told me. I didn't think he was only talking about the chemo.
With that, the doors opened and I was being pushed down a long white hallway with no windows, and every door shut.
***
A little while later I was back in my hospital room. Liam was sitting next to me, holding my hand.
The door opened and in walked a little girl. Lina.
"She wanted to see you," Dr. Samuels explained.
"Hey Lina," I called out to her. Liam gave her and I both a small smile, then stood up and left the room.
"Are you okay?" Lina asked quietly, walking towards me.
"Yeah, I'm okay now," I let her know.
"The doctor said you have to have surgery later," she said, her eyes wide as two saucers in her small head.
"I know, but I'll be fine. I've had it before and it's not that bad."
I sometimes wondered why people lied, and if sometimes lying was justifiable. It's very true that the truth often hurts more than lies do. In this case, I needed to lie to Lina, because the truth would only hurt her more and make her more afraid for herself.
"I have something for you," she said, grinning sheepishly as she walked closer to the bed.
Swiftly but gently she grabbed my hand, laid it down beside her and tied something around my wrist.
"I finished the bracelet," she explained.
Indeed she had. I examined the delicate thing and then looked up into Lina's small face.
"I love it," I told her.
"Ella, I'm scared," she whispered.
"Of what?"
"That I'm going to die."
"Oh, Lina, don't think about that. Really. You're fine. You have some of the best care here, and you're doing better even; you did come down to see me after all," I assured her.
"Yeah, but everyone dies eventually. It's only fair that my time comes sooner than everyone else's. I was chosen to die early."
"Lina, no one was chosen to die early, just like no one was chosen to have cancer, and no one was chosen to be a certain person. It's just a part of life."
"I guess," she said softly. "But I still can't help worrying."
"You know what? Just try not to think about it. I know it's hard, but it works; that's what I do. That way, you can live a normal life and not have to worry about things like...when you're going to die."
"Okay," she said.
"Promise me you won't think about things like that?"
"I promise."
I sighed. "Okay. Well, when I'm better, I'll come visit you, okay? Who knows, maybe by the time I'm better you'll be even better than me, and you'll already be out of here."
"Thanks Ella," Lina said, squeezing my hand gently.
"Bye Lina," I said as she left the room, Dr Samuels waiting just outside the door.
Dr. Samuels came back into the room, followed by Liam.
"Can I get you anything before I go Ella?" Dr. Samuels asked, walking towards me.
"I'm okay for now, thanks though. I'll buzz if I need anything." I was referring to the small red button next to my bed, which allowed me to get attention when I needed it.
"Okay, I'll see you later then."
"Bye," I told her. She closed the door silently behind herself.
"How are you doing?" Liam asked me, his eyebrows creased in worry.
"I'm fine," I told him. "Do you think lying is always wrong?"
"I- What do you mean?" Liam questioned.
"I mean like, what if you lie to protect someone from the truth, because it hurts too much?"
"I suppose that's alright then, as long as the lie doesn't get out of hand. What happened?"
"I may have lied to Lina to get her not to worry about me, or about herself," I said nervously.
"Hmm. Well you did it for the good of Lina, and as far as I can tell it's not really affecting anyone but yourself and her, so I think it's mildly acceptable."
"What's the worst lie you've told?" I bluntly asked.
"What?"
"I mean, what's the worst thing you've told someone that affected the most people?"
"I really don't know," Liam said, looking around the room. "Honestly, I used to be a not-so-great guy. Actually, that's an understatement; I was a terrible person. I've been trying to change that. Especially since I've been with you."
I smiled.
A loud noise down the hallway made me stop and listen. I heard yelling, a man and a woman. The woman sounded like she was trying to quiet the man down and stop him from yelling.
It was getting closer.
Before I knew what was going on, Nico stormed into the room, Aunt Jodi hot on his tail.
"Nico, shut up. You're going to upset her!"
Nico looked terrible. He had huge bags under his eyes, and stubble that looked to be days old. The only thing that looked remotely awake about him was his eyes; they were alive and dancing with fury.
"You," he said, pointing at Liam. "You son of a bitch."
"I'm sorry, what?' Liam asked.
"You did this to her. You are a sorry excuse for a man."
"I don't know what you're accusing me of," Liam stated.
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Whatever happened to her, she was with you when it happened. You should have known she couldn't handle what you wanted her to do. She couldn't handle it, and now look what happened."
"Nico," I protested.
"I think I would know what Ella can and can't handle," Liam continued. "She is my girlfriend, after all."
At first, Nico just stood there for a moment, his gaze locked on Nico. Aunt Jodi stood back from him, clearly giving up on controlling him.
Before I knew it, Nico had drawn back his arm and thrown a punch in Liam's face. I heard a cracking noise, and then the blood started flowing. At that point, nurses started pouring in and assessing the damage.
Nico just stood there, staring at me and then Liam. When he saw the look on my face, his face softened and he was back to the old Nico.
"I'm so sorry Ella," he whispered amongst the commotion. "I'm so sorry."
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