“Luke?” Aries is standing directly in front of him, her arms placed at her sides. He can see the way she picks at pieces of her hair as she talks, the way she holds herself confidently.
He doesn’t do much other than look at her in that moment. It really doesn’t take much for him to decide that she’s one of the most stunning people he’s ever seen – or met for that matter. He can’t really get over the feeling that lodges in the back of his throat as she approaches. It’s the first time he feels this way around her – in a negative light; it’s definitely not something he wants to be used to.
Luke’s breathing is shallow, eyes flickering back and forth between the two. He partially wonders if he’s in the midst of a panic attack, if that’s something he can have. There’s Aries and Michael, and everyone else. And then there’s Luke. When he looks back at himself, really reflects on the past few months, he can’t come to terms with how he’d ever managed to regain so much of himself he thought he lost. But as he’s looking at her, and Michael, he realizes he hadn’t changed much either.
Everything feels so far away, everything Luke has worked up to seems to slip so easily from his grasp in the next few moments. There's lights, and noise, and heat from multitudes of students making their way back and forth; the sound of shoes scuffling, voices chirping back and forth in conversational loops. Luke feels dizzy, so, so dizzy and he wants to walk out right then – ignore all the previous words exchanged, three am talks, and music listened to and walk out. To not turn back, to forget.
“Luke this is Michael –“
“I know who he is.” Luke snaps.
He can see the way Michael stiffens next to Aries, the all too familiar way he clenches his fists and furrows his eyebrows downward. Luke can clearly remember all the times he’d seen Michael do that when they’d fought about stupid things. And maybe now isn’t the best time to do this he thinks. There’s all these people sitting around, oblivious to the invisible tensions that Luke and the others share. The way it clings and wraps around each of them – burning red hot, on the brink of venomous words left unspoken.
It’s here that Luke realizes he’s not seen, legitimately seen (excluding all the times he’s passed by or quickly dodged a crowd on a hunch Michael was in it) Michael up close. He can tell his hair has been dyed multiple times since the last time he’s seen him. The wispy strands that stick up on his head are a faded out blonde – almost white at first glance. There’s a twinge of nostalgia when Luke had first dared Michael to dye his hair into what later turned into quite the routine; Michael dying his hair as often as he could (even to the point of dyeing it a girl’s favourite colour because he had the biggest crush on her).
He looks longer and he can also see the changes; things that aren’t as obvious but are still noticeable. He wonders what he’s been up to, what he’s done, who he’s seen. Guilt surges through him as he tries his best not to stare anymore. Michael is looking at him too, an unreadable emotion crossing his face before he’s looking down at his shoes, Luke turning to Aries.
“Why.” Is all Luke gets out in the few seconds of silence. It’s not even a question but more of a pitiful version of a statement. One that holds so much more to it than that. A burdened phrase he’s sure millions have used before him, a simple word heavy as he talks.
Aries shifts to the side, one foot crossing the other. A strand of her thick hair tangling against her lips. She peeks up at him through her eyelashes as she speaks. “Luke don’t start this now.”
“Start what?” He tries his best not to raise his voice.
She sighs, “don’t be childish Luke.”
“I’m not Aries, I told you and now he’s here.” He can feel the way he practically spits the words out. She stares at him, she doesn’t flinch. That’s always been her: Aries, always so stubborn and willing to stand for what she believes.
She clears her throat before she pulls Luke aside by one arm. Her grip is harsh and well meant to shove him off to the side. He tries his best to keep from stumbling on his two feet and curses himself for how awkwardly long his legs are.
“Why can’t you accept it?” She asks him. Her eyes are glimmering even in the dull lights – even with everything around him seeming so dark. Her eyes are always the first thing he notices.
He thinks about that, about all the times he’s been too afraid to speak his mind – all the times he’s allowed himself to be taunted and spoken about. And he can’t see any reason to be so accepting of the current situation. He trusted her, hell he did a lot more than trust her. He told her that he and Michael hadn’t been speaking, and yet she brought him to Luke. Acting as though the two had never met and Luke wants to laugh bitterly at that.
He grits his teeth together when he asks her, “Why would you do this?”
She stops for a moment, the way her face contorts in thought tells him she hadn’t thought it would go like this. But how could she not? She recovers from her thoughts soon after though. Her neutral expression suddenly downturned into a frown. “Why does it matter so much to you Luke?”
“Because,” he runs his tongue over the tops of his lips to find them dry – his whole damn mouth is dry.
“Because why Luke?” She demands. Luke can see the way she’s stepped that much closer to him, she’s still tiny and petite but she looks so menacing with her eyes set ablaze. “I thought it’d be nice for you two to stop fighting all the time. It’s ridiculous, you’re not even actually fighting you’re holding onto something that happened in the past Luke.”
He can feel his nerves washing away, replaced by anger and every other emotion he’s put on hold since the whole event. Luke can see Michael across the way sitting, though he’s listening intently. He looks tense as if he’s ready to barge in onto their conversation at any moment. Luke knows him too well.
“How long then?”
She stops, “how long what?”
He can feel it. It’s there in the depths of his chest and it’s not right.
“How long have you been planning this? Was it after I told you?”
She hesitates. Her arms crossing over her chest and her hair covering half of her face. “Luke that’s not important what’s important is that you stop –“
“I trusted you with this Aries.” He raises his voice, he knows he has the attention of everyone else now. He can feel their stares burning into his back; like they feed off of any hint of negative emotions that hit the ceiling. His heart is racing but he can’t stop.
“I can’t believe you’re still dwelling on something that happened in the past Luke.” She scoffs.
Luke steps around her, he doesn’t want to keep this up. After all that he’s worked up to: the friends, the finally being a teenager, falling in love with a girl he accidentally spilled a drink on and now, now he’s losing it all. Michael is standing from where he’s been sitting his face isn’t so contorted in that angry scowl instead he looks resentful. And Luke thinks, good, because after all the shit they’d been through together and he still left. He still pretended Luke didn’t exist.
Michael stands up, and for the first time in a long time Luke is frozen. He can’t move any further, he stays put waiting for Michael to approach him. He’s shorter than he remembers, maybe Luke really has grown in the past month. Michael doesn’t say a word at first, he only watches Luke with those eyes. The ones that have seen Luke at his worst, at his lowest, and at his best.
“Luke it’s not her fault.” Michael says. “I was the one who thought it was a good idea, and I found her and –“
“No Michael.” Luke interrupts, his head spinning and he’s glaring and everything is confusing. A big blur and fuzzy images pixelated in his mind.
The room is suddenly suffocating, too many people doing too many things. Voices whispering and yelling, some people walking in his way and Luke wants to get out. He pushes past Michael hurriedly, he can see the luminescent of the emergency exit sign. The beaming red glow from the fluorescent lights taunting him. And then he hears her.
He hears the hurt and anger in the way she speaks. Her usually soft voice suddenly sharp and even that sarcasm she speaks with all but drained away. She talks to him like she doesn’t know him, and he knows he screwed up. Knows it could have been avoided, but Luke’s always one step too late. He’s always been that way. Luke doesn’t understand why she brought him, why she ever thought this was an idea to be acted upon, even when her hazel eyes stare right through him; he feels exposed in all the wrong ways; and then he says all the wrong words.
“It’s not my fault you’re like this.” She starts, she speaks so soft but with all the charged venom that she can. Luke’s sure he could feel it coursing through his veins.
“Like what huh?” He challenges. His breathing is hardly contained, and he can feel the way his heart is beating erratically in his chest. “A loser. A screw up?” He emphasizes each word, making sure she and everyone around can hear him. Only he knows he realizes it after all this time, because he’s finally admitting it to himself. With every broken word and the anger coursing in his veins like poison.
She’s silent. Her cheeks are flushed a beautiful pink, rose petals he thinks. He realizes how much she looks like a delicate porcelain doll, how even though he’s the one who just admitted all this to himself – left out in the open with no barriers – that she’s the one who looks like she’d shatter at any moment. Her cheeks are flushed, her hair is flowery against her shoulders, collar bones peeking out from beneath her shirt, and even her hazel eyes are two dark emeralds against her pale skin.
Even with a bunch of people surrounding him, even with Michael staring at him, Luke can’t help but to realize he’s completely alone. He sighs, guilt filling his bones. “Someone who shouldn’t have even liked you in the first place,” he whispers. But he knows she hears him. Because right there and then: Aries turned around and left.
And Luke never felt more alone.
✦ ✧ ✦ ✧
lack of update is deeply appologized for; but what do you think? ;o
dedicated to the lovely @weeniehutash bc she's hella rad okay.
thank you for the amazing amount of reads // comments // votes // you guys are amazing♥