Friday night's weather was nothing short of dismal.
An absolutely gigantic house leered over Jeno and he shivered — the rain emptying buckets of ice water over his head has forced him to run right up to the door with no pretence, hiding under the tiny slit of shelter and waiting for the courage to knock to visit him. But his heart beat quickly, almost shallowly, a slightly nauseous feeling making him sluggish. What if I don't fit in? I'm nothing like those guys. What if they think I'm a loser? They're happy enough when we're playing basketball but what if I'm really just a nerd after all?
No, no, he scolded himself. That was an insult to his team. He'd only known them for a couple weeks, but they were nice, and they had invited him to this party of their own accord. They were nice people.
Jeno wasn't all that used to making new friends. And this party would obviously push them beyond teammates — they would become 'best pals' in Mark's words. Maybe he should stop viewing this as a challenge and more as an opportunity.
Ah. He was quoting Renjun's pep speech from yesterday night's phone call.
Surprisingly, his best friend hadn't been all that sour about the fact that Jeno was hanging out with his crush for the night instead of him. Jeno had thought extensively about whether he would be annoyed too. Jeno used to have to bite down frowns every time Renjun and Jaemin spoke — but he guessed there was no element of jealousy in Renjun's life. Only harmless pining.
There was a new type of apprehension in Jeno on the topic of Jaemin — Renjun and Jaemin were becoming closer, since they worked together now. They were finding middleground in their vastly different personalities. Jeno's stomach twisted, the feeling of being left behind overwhelming him for a second. Jeno was fairly sure that Jaemin was this close to sitting at their table at lunch, but would that mean Jeno would have to leave?
Jeno winced. And somehow... He'd surprised himself by making friends with Jaemin.
Jeno was shoved out of his reverie by a sudden, distant clap of thunder. He froze, suddenly administering his soggy jacket, his numb fingers. He still hadn't knocked on the door.
He took two deep breaths, trying to muster some confidence. He made an effort with his outfit today, which was unusual for him. He had finally used his contact lenses, which he was surprised to discover weren't all that bad. He had tried styling his hair, too — nothing much, running a brush and some gel through it. He thought it had gone okay, though there was still the nagging fear he looked like an egg wearing an oily wig — I'm doing it again. Stop.
Who was he even trying to impress?
He raised a hand, suddenly annoyed, and knocked on the door decisively. However, he jumped when someone answered it within a split second. Jaehyun propped the door open against the wind with his foot and looked up at Jeno, raising his eyebrows, letting out a low whistle. Jeno froze.
"Dude, nice jeans," Jeno ignored the way he was wiggling his eyebrows.
"Oh? Thanks, I found them rotting in my wardrobe yesterday." Jaehyun shook his head, then ushered him into the house. Jeno huffed, the sudden warmth taking him by surprise, then took off his jacket and went to hang it on the coat rack before discovering that it was so burdened with other jackets that he was afraid it would fall over. Everyone must have arrived already.
He just draped his jacket over the radiator, jumping again at Jaehyun's loud "Come on, the boys are in the sitting room." Jeno stuffed his phone into his pocket and followed.
The polished door was closed, but Jeno even from down the hall Jeno could hear the ruckus falling out within. There was something like a roast battle happening on the other side of the door. He raised his eyebrows at Jaehyun, who just bit back a grin and turned the door handle.
"'Sup, fuckers," he announced, stomping in and falling onto the couch. He gestured to Jeno grandly, who paused in his movements and turned slightly pink. "Check out Jeno sans glasses." The room suddenly sipped into pin-drop silence, minus Sanha and Hyunjin, who continued arguing quietly in the corner. Everyone else regarded Jeno seriously. Jeno felt as if he was going to be sick.
Sunwoo dropped his cushion. "Is that even Jeno?"
"No, you idiot, it's Jen-not." Yukhei made finger guns at Sunwoo, and everyone groaned, breaking the suffocating tension.
There were suddenly a few exclamations of alarm when Jaemin suddenly tripped and fell backwards into an extremely conveniently placed beanbag. Everyone flinched at the soft thud that reverberated throughout the room. Lee Chan kneeled down and poked Jaemin's cheek uncertainly, to no response. Jaemin stared blankly at the ceiling.
"He's meditating," he tried to assure Jeno, who was looking beyond confused.
Sanha, who now had Hyunjin in a headlock, shook his head woefully, "He's died."
Jaehyun leaned down and slapped him lightly across the cheek, but Jaemin didn't answer. He seemed to have gone into shock. Jeno repressed the urge to go over and check his pulse.
"Anyway," digressed Kevin, "where are your glasses? You don't even take them off for basketball."
"I always wonder how they don't fall off!" commented Mark, to widespread agreement.
"I just wanted to try something new, that's all," Jeno shrugged his shoulders indifferently, though his heart was probably breaking a couple speed limits. "Is Jaemin okay though?" Jeno told himself that he wanted to get the attention off of him, but he really was sort of worried. Jaemin had literally collapsed. "He... looks like he's having a seizure, but in his head."
Juyeon placed a hand on Jeno's shoulder, "I don't think that's how seizures work, son."
Jeno rolled his eyes and hurried over to crouch down in front of him, waving his hand in front of the younger's face, then taking his arm and hefting him up. Jaemin weakly staggered upwards and quickly detached himself from Jeno's hold. Jeno raised his eyebrows at him, but Jaemin was avoiding his gaze for some reason.
"Thanks, just feeling a bit tired," he muttered. Pointing sideways at Yukhei with his thumb, he continued, "He was beating me up like two minutes ago." Jeno nodded understandably — Yukhei combined height, power, and boundless energy, of course Jaemin was tired. He then turned to say something, but he forgot what upon seeing the rest of the team looking at them like they were aliens.
"You guys gotta tone that down," said Sunwoo, running his hands down his face.
Eric started clapping excitedly next to him. "Bravo! I can't wait to see how this turns out!"
Hyunjin was looking from Jaemin to Jeno as if he had just reached the ultimate epiphany.
Jeno narrowed his eyes. "What's happening?"
"Don't sweat it, dude," Jaemin cupped the back of his neck, looking very stressed. "Please, don't sweat it." He suddenly rolled up his sleeves and put up his fists, the cloudy look in his eyes dissipating. "Now, who wants to fight me next?"
"Hold on!" yelled Sanha. "I'm next!"
"What were you guys even fucking doing before I got here?" mused Jeno, watching Jaemin and Sanha grab two couch pillows each.
"Pillow war," replied Kevin happily, sitting down on the couch and grabbing some popcorn from the side table. "It's fucking hilarious."
Eric clapped his hands and cleared his throat multiple times, then looked at Juyeon expectantly. His boyfriend groaned and pushed Sanha and Jaemin apart, to much protest. Eric clapped his hands again and called for silence. "Listen, no more pillow wars. Now that everyone has arrived, we shall begin the activities I have planned for tonight."
"Activities?" echoed Mark, "You sound like you're supervising kindergarten students."
Eric sighed, "It really feels like that sometimes." He looked pointedly at Sanha, who shrugged.
"Anyway" continued Eric, "Who's up for Truth or Dare?"
=
"I bet you guys this will be anything but enjoyable."
The boys were arranged in a messy circle after roughly four minutes of disagreements, and one rebellion against Truth or Dare in favour of a pillow war later Jeno had been pushed down to sit beside Yukhei and Sunwoo, who were currently arguing about whether or not shadows were caused by light, or Satan manifesting himself everywhere.
"Why are we playing this again?" Jaemin looked at Eric with a pleading look on his face.
Eric shrugged, "Because, I realised that we have never played this and it might even help us to get to know each other better."
Hyunjin grunted and fell backwards onto the beanbag. "I don't want to know any more than I already do."
Sunwoo sighed in disappointment, "Look, let's just start and get this over with. The sooner we start, the sooner it's over." Everyone quieted down resentfully and Eric grinned, brilliant and evil.
"Okay," said Mark suddenly, drawing out the word, "Should we just play for an hour? It's like —" He slid his phone out of his pocket, briefly glancing at the lit screen (Jeno caught a selfie of Mark himself and Lee Donghyuck as the lock screen) "— half eight right now? So we'll play till half nine?"
"And no more than that!" yelled Chan, to loud agreement and Fanta-toasts.
"What's the penalty?" Jaehyun looked around in trepidation, actively avoiding Eric's gaze. But the man in question clapped his hands together, still grinning evilly. Jeno was starting to get very scared indeed.
"I've already decided that! We have to do a handstand for at the rest of the round."
"But—" Mark looked ten times as scandalised as anyone else, "We're basketballers, not gymnasts!"
Eric looked at him through serious eyes, "I know."
"It'd be easier to just have to strip every time you fucked up," piped up Juyeon, also avoiding Eric's gaze, but obviously for different reasons.
"Shut the fuck up, Juyeon. That's gay."
"You're gay, Hyunjin."
"No, I'm not!"
"Hah. Okay."
A bottle was placed in the centre of the circle and Jeno wondered idly why Truth or Dare was considered so awful. Wasn't this going to go something like Try to lick your elbow! or What's the worst place you've ever stayed? They weren't being filmed or anything, this wouldn't be some crazy-ass death fest. (He'd only ever played with his family.)
"Alright Sanha, you go first." And it was all fun and games until his first victim was confirmed: Jeno himself.
Jeno watched, eyes wide, as the bottle head spun toward him. He looked up to see the pink-haired demon sizing him up. Jeno suddenly recounted every time he had ever come into contact with Sanha and then tried to recount times he might have pissed him off.
"Truth or dare?"
Jeno was not taking any chances. Sanha was probably going to make him drink toilet water. "Truth. I'm not starting off on a bad note."
Sanha shrugged, "Ever gotten laid?" Suddenly, any dare, please.
Jeno suddenly noticed Jaemin's gaze on him like a laser, and he felt that uncomfortable warmth come back to his ears and cheeks — he pulled at his shirt, avoiding Jaemin's flitting stare. Mark smacked Jeno on the back for some reason, like he was choking. "Sanha! Go easy on him!"
"I — Laid? As in—" Jeno finally spluttered, to which Sanha only nodded, a smirk growing on his face. Jeno already wanted the floorboards to open under him and provide their sweet descent into hell and the game had only just started. Great, there went his cool guy who has, in fact, been laid persona.
Jeno massaged his eyes, hoping that it would be enough to cover his stupid fucking blush. "No. I haven't."
Sanha stuck his tongue out, "Boring," he singsonged. Jaemin raised his eyebrows at Sanha, "So you mean to say you have? You and Jeno are both sixteen years old."
Sanha stared at him. "It's not my turn," he deadpanned, and spun the bottle lying across from him without even looking at it. Jaemin huffed while everyone else tried their best to contain their laughter, failing in fits and starts.
The bottle spun to meet Chan. Jeno tilted his head at him. "Truth or dare?" He had no idea what to ask him, however, and was rather tempted to whip out his phone and look something up.
"Dare, I trust you." Jeno bit his lips together in thought and looked around the circle. Hyunjin offhandedly gestured at him to get a move on. Jeno's last brain cell decided to make an enemy. "Uh. Punch Hyunjin."
"What?" Hyunjin looked at Jeno in indignation. Jeno blinked, not really registering what he had just dared Chan to do. Chan looked at him in disbelief, "Jeno... I'm so glad you're part of the team." He turned to Hyunjin, who flailed,
"If we have learned anything, it's that Jeno is a bigger snake than Sanha!"
"Hey! No one can be a bigger snake than me!"
Shit got wild. Jeno didn't know what he had initially expected, but having to dunk his head in the sink at Eric's command was not it.
Jeno groaned mournfully when the bottle spun to him again.
"What shall it be, Lee?" Hyunjin leaned forward, his head in his hands, smiling innocently.
Jeno moved to kneel on his knees before the boy. "I'm sorry I made Chan punch you! No one meant it, and I'm sure Chan didn't enjoy it that much!"
"That's a lie, I loved it."
Hyunjin ignored them both and had a bit of a think, for fat too long. Yukhei hit him on the back of the head. "Get on with it," he egged on. "It's not rocket science, just make him try to beat box or something." Hyunjin shook his head.
"Seriously Hyunjin, it's nearly nine, so be quick," said Mark, pointing at the digital clock on the wall from where he was sitting.
They all glanced at it, flashing 8:23 in black. Hyunjin's eyes widened and a small smile appeared on his face, which slowly turned into a shit-eating grin."We have seven minutes?"
Jeno's eyes widened slightly. "Hold on. Hold it right there."
"Jeno!" Hyunjin stood up, wobbly, knees knocking from sitting in a terrible position for too long. "I dare you to do seven minutes in heaven, with... Jaemin!"
"Hyunjin, you motherfucking —"
Jeno looked at Jaemin on concern, and he shut up all to fast. His mouth was suddenly dry.
≠
"Hyunjin, you motherfucking—" Jaemin snapped his mouth shut when Jeno looked even more frightened. His veins overflowed with bone white fear. Hyunjin's head would look a lot better on a pike right now than on his own body.
Jeno's eyes moved from Hyunjin to Jaemin, flitting, silent, a load of questions on his face.
"You aren't dating anyone, Jeno?" Hyunjin clarified.
Jaemin pauses, blood running cold. If Jeno was dating someone... but he then shook his head slowly, almost regretfully. Jaemin had to stop himself from pumping his fist.
"Escort them, Jaehyun." Eric threw a chip at the guy, who opened his mouth and caught it seamlessly. "There's an empty closet in the hallway that my brother was meant to use to keep his clothes in."
Jeno opened his mouth to object, already being pulled up by Jaehyun, but Eric looked at him questionably. "Would you really prefer standing on your hands for fifteen minutes?"
Jaemin screwed his eyes shut, heart thundering, waiting for Jeno to say something like, "Of course, what the fuck, that's gay and Jaemin's gross."
But he kept his mouth shut, and so Jaemin and Jeno were pushed out of the room. Jaehyun poked them up the stairs, grinning, then shoved the two of them into a closet located in the middle of a corridor. "Have fun!" he winked and shut the door behind him. Jeno and Jaemin listened in horror as the door locked from the outside.
There was silence for a moment, with nothing but the sound of their breathing as their sheer proximity seeped in. The closet was absolutely tiny, just big enough for them to fit in, so that if they didn't stick their backs to the opposite walls they'd be slumped against one another. They stood there for a minute or so as the closet grew stuffy.
"What kind of closet has a lock?" Jeno finally broke the silence, devastatingly awkward. Jaemin wanted to cry his thanks.
"One that's literally made for trapping not-so-horny kids together?" Jaemin replied jokingly. Jeno laughed and Jaemin felt the other relax, his legs relaxing slightly, pressing against Jaemin's own, making him freeze, his stomach falling over itself in nerves.
Don't get Jaemin wrong — It would actually have been sort of nice to get away from the noise if it wasn't his fucking crush he was stuck in a closet with. Because that made him want to...
His breath stilled and he swallowed.
He really wanted to kiss Jeno right now.
He'd looked absolutely gorgeous tonight. Jaemin loved everything about how he looked, always — but he'd never noticed that that had been Jeno not trying. Today... Jeno has switched it up, and straying from his loose jeans and sweatpants and funny t-shirts to acid wash jeans and contacts and gelled fucking hair... it was drastic.
Jaemin has literally fallen over in shock, after all.
Jeno made it hard to resist. Jaemin knew that sounded terrible, and made him even gayer, but it was the truth. Jaemin was headstrong and flirty by nature, and tonight... he just wanted to...
Jaemin could only think of how this was maybe the closest he would ever be to Jeno. He shook his head internally. "Listen, Jeno, I'm so sorry about those guys. I swear they're always on some crack shit. Maybe really did smoke some weed before I arrived."
"Nah, it's alright," replied Jeno easily. Jaemin almost shuddered. Everything was amplified in there. "You know," said Jeno, sounding hesitant, but continuing, "It's kind of nice in here. I was feeling pretty cold."
Jaemin screwed his eyes shut, but his heart pointed at what it wanted mercilessly. Kiss him.
Jaemin gave the idea some thought. Jeno wasn't dating anyone. He said he felt nice. He didn't seem to be extremely uncomfortable. Jaemin liked him.
Well shit. If not now, then why ever? When would he get another chance like this?
Hesitantly, he exhaled deeply, using ur as an excuse to get closer to Jeno. He stopped, waiting for Jeno to push him away. His entire body felt like someone had poured magma into his veins, like hell itself was running rampant in his head, his stomach, his chest.
His nose brushed Jeno's, and suddenly, neither of them knew who leaned in first. Jaemin's hands were suddenly looped around Jeno's neck, and suddenly, Jeno's hands were balling the bottom of his shirt into little clumps of thin blue fabric.
And they were kissing. By god, they were kissing.
It felt like a steaming coffee in the middle of winter. Jaemin sucked in Jeno's warmth, pulling him in until they were both pressed up against one another on one side of the closet. The kisses weren't too deep — just repeating pecks that seemed to get nicer every single time they happened. They asked little of one another — just a bit of heat there, hold my hand here —
Jaemin dimly felt his chest aching. And when they finally broke apart, heads full of clouds, Jaemin was afraid that Jeno wouldn't look at him, or he would ask him what the fuck had just happened. But then he pulled Jaemin in himself.
This time, it was shorter. Jaemin nipped at his lip slightly — not for the first time — but Jeno gasped suddenly, and Jaemin finally heard the words he'd been dreading.
"Jaem— wait, stop." Jaemin put his hands together and his back pressed into the wall of the closet. His turned his head down so that he didn't have to feel Jeno's breath on his cheek. Jeno moved back too, and Jaemin felt cold, and alone.
He'd done it now.
"Jaemin — I like someone.".
"Oh." What was he meant to do? What was he meant to say?
Jeno must have heard the thickness in Jaemin's voice. "Shit! I'm sorry, I just —" Jeno paused, choking on his words. Jaemin gave him some time to think of what to say, but he just pressed even farther away from him and, with some difficulty, slumped down the side, his head between his knees.
Jaemin heard a sharp intake of breath, then a shaky exhale. His blood ran cold.
Jeno was crying.
Jaemin knew what he had to do — This was his fault anyway. He pushed aside his own disappointment and left his tears to press marks into his ribcage. He knelt down to see why Jeno was upset, praying that he wasn't that bad a kisser.
"Jaemin, I'm sorry for —" hiccup, "I didn't want to hurt your feelings or anything —" hiccup, "It's just that —" hiccup, "There's just this one person I —" hiccup, "I just love him and he —" Jeno sniffed quietly, finally giving himself a break. "He won't ever know."
A rock settled in Jaemin's stomach. "Who do you love, Jeno?" he said softly, patting Jeno's back awkwardly. Jeno looked up, eyes pink around the corners, and Jaemin realised Jeno's pain somehow hurt even more than his own.
This was just meant to be some dumb crush.
Jeno squeezed his eyes shut. "It's Renjun. I love Renjun."
Oh.
Renjun. His best friend.
"I'm sorry, man — How long have you...?"
Jeno laughed colourlessly. "Three years. I haven't even told anyone, you're the first. I — I guess I just needed that off my chest. Thank you." He stood up, Jaemin stepping back automatically, but only bumping into the wall of the closet.
Jaemin worried his lip between his teeth. He had an idea. An idea that would probably come at the cost of his own sanity, though. He frowned, closing his eyes. No. He would not help Jeno get Renjun's attention.
Jeno sniffed again, dejected, hopeless.
"How about I try to help you?" The words were out of Jaemin's mouth before he knew it.
"What? What do you mean?" Jeno tilted his head up at Jaemin, tear tracks still glistening on his cheeks. Jaemin hesitated, then reached up to wipe them away with his sleeve.
"You know, try and get Renjun to notice you without actually letting him know anything. Like, subtly letting him figure it out himself. If— if he does, if any of that makes sense."
"Jaemin," iterated Jeno. "I dont know how you could help me. You, of all people..."
Jaemin pushed on, huffing at the clueless boy. He was beginning to get mad at Jeno for being so self-punishing. He was like this in practice, too. Like he couldn't make enough dumps to ever make up for his mistakes. Oh, for fuck's sake, you're perfect, Jeno. "You need to give yourself more credit, Jeno. I'm serious. If you want, you could make Renjun love you like that."
Jeno blinked. "Thanks." He sounded like he'd never been complimented before, which Jaemin found absurd. "But I don't think that Renjun really cares about me in the looks kind of way. I guess he likes my personality, which is why he's my friend. Best friend. But... I don't compare to anyone else looks-wise. And I'm definitely not his type." The last part seemed sharper, like it carried more weight than Jaemin was picking up.
"I just —" Jeno looked like he was trying to describe a new colour. "Okay, yeah, I'm just being depressing. I do see this possibilty. I feel like he could potentially one day like me back, but... I feel like right now, he's not changing his mind."
Jaemin was speechless. How could Jeno walk around, just feeling like this? No self respect, no idea how he made people's hearts thunder. The way he made Jaemin's heart thunder.
"Jeno. Stop. You're good-looking."
"No, I'm —"
"I wouldn't have kissed you otherwise, you idiot." The words hung between them in the small space, like a question without an answer.
Jaemin worried his lip between his teeth, ignoring every last piece of logic in his mind screaming at him to stop helping his crush get together with another guy.
"It's not your looks. Jeno... you should try a new hair colour."
Jeno looked surprised for a second, confusion laced in his tone when he answered, "Why?"
"Hm," Jaemin placed a finger to his chin, wondering how to explain this to such a clueless fucker. "Sometimes when trying to change something in a relationship you do have to make some big change that may help the other person change their perspective, and therefore highering your chances of getting noticed by them. Glow ups have science to them." He smiled, though he was glad for the darkness, as it might have been slightly pained. "Have you ever dyed your hair before?"
"No, it's always been black. So that'll just... work?" There was no chance of knowing, but there was a good chance it would at least get him an opportunity. Dyed hair was hot.
Hesitantly, he told Jeno as much, then watched as, devastatingly adorably, Jeno's face lit up a bit with hope. And Jaemin knew he would probably jump off a cliff if Jeno flashed him that smile and asked him to.
≠
The two boys made their way back down to the living room after discovering the key on the floor of the closet. Jaemin wished they'd found it earlier. Or maybe he didn't. Either way, nothing had gone right for him today.
They heard loud conversation booming from the television through the wall, and looked at each other in confusion. Jeno pushed open the door to see the ten other boys scattered around the room, thrown across couches and bean bags, munching on popcorn and watching something on Eric's ridiculously large flat-screen. "What — what are you doing?"
Mark swallowed his popcorn, "You guys were up there for a bit more than seven minutes, so Jaehyun suggested we start watching a movie with the volume cranked up so that we didn't hear anything we didn't want to hear." Jaemin's eyebrows rose so high they were in perilous danger of disappearing into his hair, and the rest of the boys didn't even pretend to hide their giddy grins.
Jaemin shook his head, "What movie?"
Kevin grinned, "Captain America: The First Avenger. We're gonna watch all of them."
***
damn it's so smexy and sad
also i'm so sorry it's so long