Seven years too late?
I shouldn’t have said anything. Yo doesn’t believe me. What should I do?
“I remember you.” I thought being honest is the best thing I can do right now. But I can see from his expression that he thought I was bluffing. “Kit’ remembers you. Beam remembers you. Didn’t it ever occur to you that I might remember you too?” I tried to reason with him.
“But…. But you never acknowledged me at school.” He mumbled looking down at his empty bowl.
“You used to run away whenever I came face to face.” I gave him a crooked smile. He smiled more blushing. He looks so beautiful with those bashful smiles. I wonder he knew. Then again he must get showered by compliments these days. But nobody knew him the way I did. Nobody found him attractive when he was a dorky kid. But I thought he looked adorable, even then.
“P'Pha used to look scary then.” He chewed on his pink bottom lip.
“How about now?” I leaned forward placing my elbows on knees and letting my hands dangle between my thighs.
“Now you’re kind.” He thought more. “and caring?” he looked up smiling. “Maybe being a doctor changed you?”
“I still can be mean if I want.” I drawled. It’s true. I’m a badass underneath. It doesn’t surface easily now.
“Yes, I remember.” He shuddered. “Were you really going to run those people down with the car?” He asked seriously but I just shrugged. I don’t care about those idiots.
“They were bothering you.” I simply declared. Yo shook his head in amazement.
“May be you haven’t changed after all.” He muttered.
The moon is glowing up in the sky shadowing the tiny lights of the scattered stars. Yo looked ethereal laying on the lounging chair, and drenched in the moonlight. His hair, now jet black gleamed brightly. And his creamy skin glowed. His long up curled lashes threw dark shadows over the top of his cheeks. I was mesmerized.
“What about you?” I whispered breaking the short silence between us. “Have you changed?”
“Physically maybe.” Yes he was improved physical. He used to look cute and adorable, now he looks gorgeous and hot. “But deep down, I’m still that sacred kid in school.” It was actually a confession.
“But you are idol Yo. You sing and perform in front of thousands of people. People from all over the world love you. How can you be scared?” I asked curiously.
“That’s not me. That’s my idol self. Inside I’m still a scared little kid who used to run from you, just because you look tough and scary.” He shook his head slowly in embarrassment. “I’m a coward.” He laughed a little.
“No you’re not.” I can’t take his insecurity anymore. I leaned forward and got hold of his hand. His eyes snapped up to my face in surprise at my tender gesture. “You were very brave in school.” He smiled in dismissal. “You don’t believe me?” I started digging out my wallet.
Well it’s now or never. I should do it because I’m done being a coward.
“I was the coward in school because I didn’t have the guts to confess my feelings to the one I love.” He inhaled sharply and sat up straight at my words, staring with a wide eyed look. “But you did that.” He was frozen on the spot not totally comprehending my words.
I released him and opened my wallet. I slipped out the card Wayo gave me seven years ago. I didn’t know why I put it back in my wallet after all these time. But I’m glad I did.
To - P'Pha
You're the best for me
Always and forever.
From - Wayo
He was looking at me curiously. I handed him the paper. He took it from me quickly and stared hard at it. The paper trembled with his shaking fingers. It was light enough to see the flush creeping up his cheeks.
“Where did you get this?” He asked in a daze still gazing down at it.
“It might have fallen from your hand when you ran away.” I reached and got hold of his hand again. “Why didn’t you give it to me Yo? Why did you run away?” I asked squeezing his hand lightly.
He turned his head and gave me a strange look. “P’Pha, you told P’Beam that you like girls. And I heard it.” Shit, I remember Beam teasing me. He was actually teasing me about Yo. “So I ran away.” He mumbled.
I ripped my hand through my hair messing it up. It was my own stupidity that cost me this angel. I lost him then because I wasn’t brave enough to admit my feelings to my own friends.
“Jesus, I’m an idiot.” I muttered.
“P'Pha?” Yo shook my hand. “Are you meaning to tell me….?” He trailed off not knowing how to complete the sentence. I thought I owe him honesty after all these years. So I should tell him the truth.
“I was afraid Beam would tease me.” I took a deep breath. “I liked you since I was in ninth grade.” He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply at my words. When he opened them again, million emotions are running through them. I got hold of his hand. “Why do you think Kit and Beam remember you? Because I sent them to spy on you.” He’s shaking his head in disbelief.
“Why did fate played this sick joke on us P’Pha?” His voice sounded teary. I lifted my hand and brushed one tear drop on his cheek. His cheeks are so soft I couldn’t help laying my palm over one. He closed his eyes and sighed.
“I admire your courage Nong. I was this big scary guy but couldn’t confess my feelings to you. So it’s actually my fault.” I said defeated.
“I should have listened to you. Not eavesdrop on your conversation. If I hadn’t been so hasty…..” I stopped him.
“It’s no use blaming ourselves. Maybe it was meant to happen?” I stroked his cheek with my thumbs. He stared up at me with wet shiny eyes. His face flushed pink from overrated emotions and I can see his pearly teeth through slightly parted lips.
We stared at each other for so long not knowing what to do. Because we’re both at an impasse.
“Are we seven years too late P?” He suddenly asked. I didn’t know how to reply to his question so I released his face and got hold of his hand.
“Let’s go inside. It’s cold outside. You'll catch a cold.” He followed me obediently. When we were at his dining hall I released him.
“I should go” I looked at the general direction of his front door. He didn’t say anything. He took a step closer and draped his hands around my waist and pressed his cheek to my heart. Instinctly, I wrapped my hands around his slim frame.
We both stayed like that for so long, thinking about all the lost moments between us. Then he tilted his head up and looked at my face with the most vulnerable expression. Forgetting everything, I leaned down to take his pretty lips in mine.
He emitted a kittenish sound and pressed up to the kiss enthusiastically. I held his cheek and turned his face up for better access.
It’s nothing like I have ever experienced. He tasted so amazing I didn’t no how to stop. How did I ever survived without knowing the taste of him?
His one hand fisted my shirt material while the other flew to my own hand on his cheek. Suddenly, he stopped. Then he was moving away. No I want more. Please don’t go.
He still had my hand and now he was staring at it intensely. He touched my engagement ring with his fingers delicately.
“You’re married.” He wasn’t asking me, it was a statement. I shook my head. “Engaged?” I nodded. He dropped my hand and sighed. Then he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to my chest. I balled my fist tightly to stop myself from touching him.
Then he looked up at my eyes searching.
“We shouldn’t have…..” He started shaking his head. “It’s wrong.” He squeezed his eyes shut.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled.
“You’re engaged. And…. And, and…. I have a boyfriend.” My heart sank. Of course, how can he be free. He belongs to someone else now. I’m too late. We both are.
“I’m sorry.” I repeated.
“P'Pha, it’s not your fault. We both are to blame.” He sniffed. “It shouldn’t happen again. It’s not fair to them. Your fiancée and my boyfriend.” He was babbling now.
“Yo, calm down.” I stilled him by holding his shoulders. “I won’t kiss you again, I promise.” He stared up at me sadly. “Are you going to be alright?” he nodded. “We didn’t do anything bad Yo, okay?” He nodded again. “It was a spontaneous reaction. We both needed it, didn’t we?” I didn’t know who I was trying to convince, me or him.
“It’s late. P’Pha should go home now.” He sounds so tired now. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it. Not the kiss but the confession part. Maybe it’s too much for him. Maybe I should give him some space, leave him be.
“Goodnight Yo. I’m leaving. Call me if you need me.” I lightly touched his head while passing.
Maybe we really are seven years too late?