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I drove to Gabe's house in a complete daze. That was never supposed to happen. All I can think of was how angry I was and how easily I gave in to him. I am so stupid.
I stopped at his gate and pressed the button.
"Hello, Alexis." I heard his mother say.
"Hi, can you buzz me in please?" I asked.
"Of course dear,"
The gate opened and I started down the long road. Gabriel's house was quite big; it was also very private. There was at least another one and a half mile of road before I made it to the entrance of the house.
I always loved coming to Gabe's house even though it was a rare occasion. The road opened out and I paused to look at the beautiful circular fountain in the middle. The hedges were cut so perfectly I knew, Gabe's mother did it. She doesn't really do that much throughout the day, much that I knew of anyway. I drove around the fountain and took a left toward the garage.
The garage door opened and there stood a twenty-two year old Tristan with his arms crossed. He moved for me to park the car next to the three others.
I barely turned off the engine before he opened my door and pulled me into a bear hug.
"Hey, Alex! How's it going?"
"Can't-- Breathe--"
"Oh," He dropped me and laughed. His looks are absolutely to die for. His blonde hair seemed even shaggier from the last time I saw him; he didn't really look any older but something was different. He still had the same electric blue eyes as Gabe and the rest of the family.
"How long has it been, shortie?" He asked me slinging his arm around my shoulder and walking toward the door.
"Shut up, Tristan, I'm still growing. About a year."
He chuckled. "What are you, 5"7? 5"8? Ah well. Yeah it's been so long. You seem to have grown into your figure perfectly by the way." He winked down at me.
I pushed him. "Tristan,"
"Yeah, I'm joking calm down."
"You better not be abusing her, Tristan." His mother walked in the living room with a smile, shaking her long blonde hair. Any woman over the age of forty would look at Elizabeth and immediately hate her because of how stunning she is. Considering she has three children, oldest being twenty-four I think she genuinely looks like she could be classed in her early thirties.
She has absolutely no wrinkles, the same sparkly blue eyes as her sons and her figure is awesome.
She opened her arms and I walked into them. She was basically my second mom. I love her to pieces.
"How are you, sweetheart. You haven't visited in a while. I would say a month, just over?" She said.
I pulled back and frowned. "I didn't realise it was that long ago."
She kissed my cheek. "Its fine, you're here now and that's all that matters."
I'll just have to kick Gabe's ass later.
She led me to the kitchen and Tristan followed. "Gabriel isn't here darling."
I nodded. "He told me to come here and wait. Do you know where he is?"
"He's just gone to run some errands for me." She glanced at me from the corner of her eye.
"Alright, I'll go up to his room for a while." I winked and she giggled. Tristan just rolled his eyes and left.
I ran from the kitchen, through the living room, up the staircase, down the hall, turned left, down a second hall and entered the third door to the right. Longest process ever.
His room didn't look any different. Half white half black walls, a double bed with a giant black comforter and white pillow cases opposite me, a large wall full of photo's; his room was pretty big. I kicked my shoes off and went straight to the wall of photos. There was one of Gabriel and I dressed in stupid little pumpkin outfits when we were twelve for Halloween. I spotted one of me kissing his cheek when we were sixteen at our birthday party.
I was about to move away when a larger picture near the corner of the wall caught my eye.
I think my brother took the picture when our family invited Gabe's family to come to New York with us a year ago. My arms were wrapped around Gabriel's neck and his were wrapped around my waist. We were in Central Park.
I was laughing with my eyes closed. But Gabriel was staring at me with an adoring look in his eyes and smile. Why haven't I seen this picture? I knew he took it but I never saw it.
I walked over to the bed and collapsed onto it.
How long has Gabriel felt like this? Yes, it is true I like him, but I had no idea he did too.
The thing is I don't want to risk our friendship. If I lost Gabriel, I don't know how I would live without him. His friendship is so valuable to me, I don't know what I would do if something like today ruined it.
Oh, god today! I can't believe we went so far. But I can't believe I enjoyed it! Well, I think anyone would have enjoyed it to be honest.
I closed my eyes and moved up the bed.
I have three options here:
--- Go along with it and make it friends with advantages which could end badly.
--- Spend some time away from him which could also end badly.
Or, tell him I want to selfishly wait until I get my head sorted out.
**2 hours later**
I know this sounds weird but I could literally feel Gabriel in the room.
I'd fallen asleep hugging his pillow. If I inhaled all I could smell was the sweet, leathery male scent of him. I opened my eyes slowly and saw his back to me. He was going through some of his draws when he pulled out a tank top.
And that, of course, is when he pulled his t-shirt off. His back was to me so I was just guessing he didn't know I was awake.
But I've been wrong before.
"Good evening," He said with his back still to me.
I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding. "Hello,"
I squinted my eyes a little to come across two large scars on his back. They were on both shoulder blades stretching downwards above his waist. I'd never noticed them before. Were they new?
He faced me before I could examine them further. But that still didn't stop me from letting my eyes search his perfect torso. My mind wandered to when I first saw his birthmark. I remembered when he stopped me from turning him around.
Were the marks on his back why?
"What?" He asked.
I didn't realise I was staring. "Nothing."
He nodded and came to his bedside table. He placed something in the draw and sat down next to me.
"Alexis?"
I let my eyes wander up his perfect body to his face.
He smiled half-heartedly. "Stop looking at me as if you want to eat me, it's very tempting."
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Gabriel," I need to get this over and done with. "What happened earlier and last Friday..."
He swung his legs on the bed and lay next to me.
I took a deep breath. "I don't know about this. You know, you and---and me."
He smirked.
Why is he smirking?
This cannot be good.
His hand, hesitant but still confidently, placed itself just below my ribcage but above my waist. My body immediately responded, planting small sparks of heat in the right places.
"Why?" He said.
My shirt was riding up the slightest; his finger traced the line on the small amount of skin showing. Every section of skin he touched sent my heart into an even more erratic rhythm.
"Why?" He asked again.
"Because..." I started but trailed off when he positioned himself over me.
He was leaning on his elbows making sure not to put his full weight on me. Even though one of the things I want is for his body on mine; his breathtaking magnificent body.
I shook my head trying to get back to the point. "Gabriel I'm trying to concentrate."
His nose rubbed against mine. "Really?"
He dipped his head and I felt his lips touch my jaw.
Oh, God.
"Why, Alexis?" He asked once again. He buried his head into the crook of my neck and took a sharp intake of breath.
I stifled a moan as his lips brushed over my neck.
"Answer me this," His deep voice rumbled through me causing me to shiver. "What do you feel when I kiss you here?"
His large hand wrapped around the back of my neck making me arch into him. He kissed soft trails up and down the side of my neckline. A small moan escaped my lips involuntarily and my hands shot out to rest on his shoulders. I could feel the raised birth mark under my palm.
"That's good," he noted obviously referring to my embarrassing moan. "Now, why don't you know about this?"
My eyes snapped open reminding me I needed to say this before I lost my mind. "Gabriel, I don't want to ruin what we have," It came out like a whisper.
My eye searched his face. Something flashed across it but I couldn't place the emotion.
He didn't make an attempt to move. His face was still inches from mine but he stayed frozen. "Ruin what we have?" He asked in a husky voice.
I cleared my throat. "Yes. You and I have been best friends for, well, ever. And I can't bare the thought of ever losing you."
"You couldn't lose me. Even if you wanted to, I'll still be here; no matter the circumstances."
I shook my head. "That's not my point. If what we are doing here turns..." What's the right word? "Awkward, then I can guarantee that we won't be the same as before."
His electric blue eyes stared into mine. "Obviously it wouldn't be the same," He said a little bit harshly. "I've essentially showed how I feel about you, Alexis. And I don't know how to make it anymore clearer."
"Try." I said without thinking. "Because, to be honest, I don't have a clue about how you feel about me."
He took a deep breath but still hovered inches away from my face. Why wasn't he moving? I can't stand such a close proximity. "Lexie, I've been your best friend for a long time. You know everything- Almost everything- about me. You know when I'm lying; you know when I'm telling the honest truth, you understand me. And I understand you," He smiled a little. "I know when you're in a good mood you have this cute crooked smile on your face that attracts the attention of every male species you come across. I know that you have light flecks of gold in your grass green eyes. I know that when you're upset, you try to hide it with humour, or you just stay away from anyone or anything that has the ability to talk."
I smiled at that.
"Your eyes light up when you see its raining, which is adorable. You get teary eyed at sappy love films like the Notebook,"
In my defence that movie is a very cute and emotional love story.
He carried on, "You have a birthmark on your leg in the shape of a triangle, you have a small white scar on your eyebrow from when you fell over and banged it on the edge of a table when you were four... I could go on, Alexis."
"Gabriel-"
His hand cupped my cheek. "Lex, let me finish. I've waited for so long to be this close to you."
"How long?" I heard myself asking.
His eyes turned hard. "That doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does now how long?"
He paused before he said, "A very long time."
What did that mean? He's liked me since we met? I doubt that, we always saw each other as friends never more.
I shut my eyes and let the words roll off my tongue. "Gabriel, I understand how you feel-"
"No," He snapped. "You don't."
I opened my eyes. "I really do. And don't even say I don't. I'm so confused right now, it's unbearable. That's why I think it is best that... We stay friends for the time being."
His face said it all. It hurt to look at him. It hurt to be here with him. I can't stand it. His eyes were in pain but he was trying to hide it as much as he could.
He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. I've made this so much worse.
"Is that what you want?" He asked me.
"I---" No. Yes. Maybe. "I don't know what I want right now."
He nodded. "Then I think this is best."
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
"I have one more thing to say,"
Before I could reply his lips pressed to mine softly.
After a moment I responded. Not helping the situation but I couldn't help it. It was a drawn-out passionate kiss. Ones that would make you lose all rational thought as to where you were or why you were there.
My hands snaked their way into his hair keeping him in place.
But then he pulled away.
I dropped my hands and stared at him. A new found lust had made its way the pit of my stomach. I really wished it hadn't.
He sighed and said. "That's all I wanted to say. Can you remember that?"
I nodded my head.
"Good." He rolled off the bed and stood up.
I suddenly felt cold without him close to me. I knew I've made the situation worse than it was. I've ruined everything. The only reason I did this was so that I didn't ruin anything.
He pulled on his tank top, keeping his back to me, and walked to the wall with the pictures.
I couldn't stay here. I needed to leave. Now.
I stood up and went to my shoes; he didn't move as I went to the door and put my hand on the door knob.
"I'm sorry, Gabriel."
And then I left.
I ran downstairs as I felt a huge lump form in my throat.
Elizabeth looked at me as I made my way to the garage. "Alexis, honey what's wrong?"
I shook my head. "Nothing. I'll see you soon, okay?" It came out as a whisper but she somehow heard me. Once in the car, I started the engine and sped off down the road.
Holding in the tears was becoming hard. The gate opened at the end of the road and I sped onto an empty road. It was dark now and the street lights were turning on.
It started to rain and it was becoming hard to see for two reasons. My window wipers weren't on and tears were blurring my vision.
I drove off the road and parked. I let the tears pour out.
I've ruined everything. The one thing I didn't want to happen, was lose him. And I had a feeling that's what I just did. Or maybe I didn't. Maybe it was a mere glitch in our friendship.
A stupid glitch I caused.
For some reason it felt like my insides were being ripped out of me; mainly my heart. Everything hurt. I did this to myself. I think I'm handling this worse than Gabriel.
How is he handling it?
He has a heart-to-heart with me about how he felt and explaining how he knew me - very accurately might I add - and I basically shot him in the face and told him to, for lack of a better phrase, to go fuck himself. I feel like such an idiot.
A knock on the window took me out of my thoughts.
It was raining harder now and the lights illuminated the now empty road.
I wiped away the tears and rolled my window down.
The first thing I noticed on this guy was his very, very light grey eyes. I couldn't look away from them. He had the emo style pitch black dripping wet hair stuck to his forehead and face; he looked quite muscular, probably around my age maybe older.
"Are you alright?" He asked in a musical voice.
I sniffed. "Yeah I'm fine."
He frowned. "You don't look fine. You look like you've been crying."
Oh lord, how bad do I look?
"I'm fine seriously." I reassured the handsome stranger.
He nodded. "I just thought maybe you were having some car trouble."
I raised a brow. "Why would you assume that?"
He looked around. "You're in the middle of nowhere in the pouring rain. I think anyone would have assumed that."
He had a point.
"No, I'm fine look," I turned the key in the ignition.
It failed.
I tried again. The engine sputtered but didn't start.
"What the..." I mumbled to myself.
I checked the gas. I filled it up yesterday...
I tried one more time then banged my fist on the steering wheel. "Damn,"
"So, I'm guessing you do have car trouble?" He asked with amusement.
I narrowed my eyes and scowled. "I literally just filled the up with gas and had her checked out, the bloody car shouldn't even be dead!" I said more to the car.
He chuckled. "I sense an English side to you."
"Oh really? How?" I asked sarcastically.
He raised a brow at my sarcasm but answered anyway. "You said bloody. Not many Americans says that."
Anger or frustration sometimes brings that out in me. Not a lot, but sometimes.
"Anyway," He said. "Do you need a ride?"
I knitted my eyebrows, Tommy invading my thoughts. "Um, I don't know. I don't know you." I said.
He smiled. Oh god, he had dimples.
"Okay, my names Ian Lamb. What's your name?"
I hesitated. "I'm Alexis Gardiner."
"Nice to meet you. Now that you know me, can I give you a ride before I catch hypothermia?"
I smiled despite the crappy mood I was in a second ago.
"I should try call someone..."
"Okay, well it's up to you."
I checked my phone, no signal and released a defeated sigh. I rolled up the window and got out the car. We ran to his red Audi A4 sedan.
I'm not usually one to take rides from strangers, but right now I don't have a choice.
Once inside the car he cranked up the heat, closed his eyes and sighed.
I had the chance to size him up. Great face, great eyes, great body. He was wearing a simple white v-neck tee and black jeans. Simple yet very effective.
I shook my head getting the inappropriate thoughts out of my head.
"I'm just going to call my brother and tell him where I am. What time is it?"
He looked at the dash. "Almost eight-thirty."
Crap.
I pulled out my phone. One bar. It'll have to do. After a minute Ant answered. "Where are you?"
"Hi to you to. I'm on my way home now, my car broke down and I'm getting a ride so I'm going to need you to call someone to get my car."
"Where are you?" He asked again.
I told him my location and he hung up.
As soon as I hung up, Ian started the car and drove down the road. I told him where I lived and he made his way through town.
I'd never seen this guy in town or school. Maybe he's new in town. Or maybe I just hadn't noticed him, which is sort of impossible with his good looks.
My curiosity took over. "Are you new in town? I've never seen you before."
He smiled showing his dimples. "Yes. My mother and I are moving here after next week. I was just here to check out the town."
I nodded slowly. "How old are you?"
Ian glanced at me. "Seventeen turning eighteen next week." He cleared his throat. "Are you sure you weren't crying when I knocked on your window?"
I clenched my jaw. "I'm perfectly sure." I looked out the window.
"Alright," He said.
The rest of the ride to my house was in a comfortable silence.
He drove up the drive and parked as close to the door as he could. It was still pelting down with rain now.
"Thank you, Ian."
He nodded. "No problem,"
"See ya."
I got out of the car and ran to the door. I waved as he drove off.
Once inside I ignored the curious looks from my mother and father and ran to my room. The shower was the right place to go.
I stripped down and jumped in. The hot water pelted over my skin relaxing the tense muscles in my body.
I didn't know how long I was in there for, all I knew was I wasn't getting out until I stopped crying.
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2014: edited