We arrived to the door of Dr Namjoon and Jungkook knocks on the door three times. Namjoon, behind the door politley tells us to come in. Jungkook opens the door and I'm met with Namjoon's beautiful eyes. I began to shake a little, remembering the question I had asked him earlier. The thought of it just made it worst to the point where Jungkook had to tap my shoulder to snap me out of it.
"Oh! I-I'm sorry. I sort of blanked out for a moment" I say pushing my hair to the other side of my shoulder.
"Are you alright Y/N?" Namjoon asks, getting up from his chair
I wave my hand in slight protest "No. I-I'm fine...Just a little jumpy that's all" I say, taking my seat.
"Alright. Just making sure. Thank you Jungkook. You may go" He smiles politely and nods at him and Jungkook exists the office.
Namjoon walks to the bookshelf and grabs a book and places it on his desk before taking his seat. I was fidgeting in my seat, moving my right leg up and down as I watched him take out a folder from the drawer. He looks up at me and frowns and I looked down at my hands, which were folded.
"You seem a bit anxious. Do you need some water"
"Huh!? No I'm fine..thank you" I shake my head
He frowns again and then his face softens before opening the folder "So I see we had a small check up earlier, right?" He looks up at me
"Mmhmm." I replied
"Good. Lets get started on where we left off earlier. You mentioned you had some nightmares and flashbacks and had put them in a journal"
"Yes. I did"
"Alright. Lets about it." He smiles gently before closing the folder. He places his elbows on the desk and folds his knuckles and rest his chin on them. "What came first? The nightmares or the flashbacks?"
"We'll it was the nighmare. I had a dream about a boy I met when I was a child"
"Do you remember his name?" He asks
"Yes. His name was Lim Jaebum. He was South Korean and he just moved to the area I lived in"
"Was he the same age as you?"
"He was two years older then me. I met him at the park one day, when I was with my parents. I was at the playground and I wanted to go on the slides. There was a whole bunch of kids there, lining up to go on the slides. It was finally my turn but for some reason I got scared and didn't go down. The kids behind me, were shouting at me and pushing me to go down. I started crying and wanted my parents to come and get me but when I looked I saw my mom crying and my dad was yelling at her. I started crying even more and knelled down and cover my eyes to block the noise....Until he came along" I say staring at the ground
"So he came to help you out, is that right?" He says crossing his leg, leaning back in his chair.
"Mmhmm. He was yelling at them to stop pushing me and he lead me out to safety. We talked for a bit. He was kind and friendly and he wanted us to hangout at the park sometime. My dad called me to come back so I wasn't able to meet his parents. I ran to my parents and saw that my mom had a black eye. I didn't ask about anything so we just walked home. As soon as we got home, my mom told me to go take my snacks to the room and keep it closed until she said it was OK. All I remember hearing was my mom screaming and crying and the sounds of my dad hitting and cursing at her....I was scared for my life...I wanted my older brother to be there but he was sleeping over at his friends house for the weekend. It felt like hours until my mom opened the door, smiling at me as if nothing happened and took me to the living room to watch some tv. My dad came in moments later when a bunch of flowers and chocolate and my mom took me to my room. There was slow romantic music playing and I saw my mom and dad slow dancing as if nothing happened....then everything went black"
Namjoon leans into the desk again, eyeing me "So it sounds like there was some domestic violence growing up. You didn't know what was going on so you kept quiet. And the boy was the only person who kind of broke that shell and help shed some sort of light."
I shrug nervously "I guess you can say that. He was the only one I looked forward to seeing since my older brother was barley even home."
"How often did you get to see him Y/N?"
"Hardly. I only got to see him when he came to pack his things to go to his friends house"
"Do you have any memories of Jaebum? Did you go to school together? Hang out?"
"....No...No I don't" I stutter, resting my elbow on the arm rest
"Hmm. What about your flashbacks? Do they somehow relate to that dream?"
"Uh..no..." I say scratching my head, trying to think
"What triggered the flashback?" He says moving himself from side to side on his rocking office chair.
"...I went to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions. Jin handed me a cup of water to take my medicine. He told me he had to watch me take it because most patients don't. So I took it."
"And then what happened?" He says in his deep low voice
"All of a sudden, I was in the bathroom, holding on to both sides of the sink as I stared at myself in the mirror. My whole body was like a stick figure. My ribs protruded out off my sides. I was shaking violently as I took out a bottle of pills and put a couple in my hands. I was staring blankly at them...And then the man with no facial features, slams the door open and barges in and starts yelling at me and forces me to take them." I say as I start to shake with fear
"What did he say to you Y/N?"
"H-h-he said things like I was a fucking bitch and that I still look fat. That if I don't hurry up and take those pills I'll never been skinny like those girls! He said looking at me was making him sick!" I say chocking on my tears "He said if I didn't swallow the pills that he would fucking kill me and that there were a lot of pretty girls he could go after but he was stuck with me!" I cry out
"Y/N listen to me...I need you to tell me what happened afterwards" he says to me calmly
I wipe my tears away with a napkin, that was on the desk near me "I just remember being on the floor crying and asking for help...and that's when I heard Jin calling out my name and I snapped out of it." I say panting
"Y/N. You just completed another obstacle in your recovery. I admire you for your bravery" He says getting up from his seat. "Now here's another step I want you to do. It will not be easy." He says as he kneels down in front of me, staring at me. "Y/N look at me" He says to me and I look up at him "You see that long chair near the window? I need you to lay down. We're going to do some hypnosis"
My eyes widen at the sound of hypnosis and I panic in my seat. He gently grabs my shoulder to calm me down before saying anything "Please don't panic. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want me to do. Trust me. I promise" He says staring at me intensely
I gulped and nod my head "OK...I'll trust you" He helps me into a standing position and walks me to the chair and I lay down, with my hands folded on my stomach. He takes a seat next to me and takes out a small notepad.
"I want you to close your eyes for me." He whispers and I close my eyes
"Now I want you to picture yourself in a safe place...Have you found that safe place Y/N?" He whispers and I nod my head yes
"Good. In that safe place there's all kinds of beautiful things. What do you see?"
"I see...a field...it's filled with trees and flowers and the sun is shining" I say still with my eyes closed
"Are you by yourself?"
"....No there's the boy.. from my dream. He's..he's sitting next to me..smiling at me"
"I see." He hums as he writes down on his notepad
"He's leaning towards me...He's about to kiss me...but...wait!" I gasp
"What's happening?" Namjoon asks
"I'm being sucked into another black hole. I'm trying to reach out to him but he's too far!" I yell out "Someone is pulling me by the arm! I can't let go! Please don't leave!" I sob
"Can you see who's pulling you away" He stops writing
"He's too strong! I'm trying to fight him off of e but he keeps dragging me!" My nails digging into the chair. "I'm in a closet now. It's dark, cold and small. I'm trying to keep quiet!" I say panting "The door is opening...he found me!"
"Who found you?"
"It's-it's him! He's choking me! He's dragging me to the bed! I'm trying to fight him off but he's still has me by the throat and I can't breathe!" I say kicking my legs.
"It's OK Y/N!" He says trying to calmly to get me out of the hypnosis.
"He won't let me go! I'm kicking him but he won't stop. He's hurting me! He's raping me!"
"When I count to three you'll snap out of it. One.Two.Three" He snaps his fingers but I'm still under the hypnosis "Y/N? Can you hear me!?" he says loudly but I don't wake up.
"Please stop! It hurts! Let me go! Please!!" I scream and panic.
Namjoon gets up from his seat and is shaking me vigorous. "Y/N! It's Namjoon! I'm here! Wake up!"
I push him off of me as I still scream "Get off of me! Let me go!"
He then grabs my whole entire body and lifts me up slightly out of the chair and hold me as I continue to fight him. "No! Please! I won't do it again!" I yell and cry into his ear.
"Y/N please! Listen to me! I'm here! I won't hurt you!" He says, putting his hand through my hair, still holding me tightly. "Whatever that man did it will never happen again, so please wake up!"
"P-p-please don't leave me!" I sob, with my eyes still closed.
"I will never leave you. I promise Y/N!" He whispers softly into my ear.
The sound of Namjoon's soothing voice teleported me back to reality and I slowly open my eyes to see Namjoon staring deeply into my eyes. His hand gently on my head while the other on my lower back. His face was close to mine, and I can feel his breath softly hitting my lips. His face inches closer to mine lips almost touching each other.
"You're back..Are you OK?" he says in his deep but soft voice
"Y-Y-Yes..." I stutter
He slowly lets me go and I adjust myself on the seat as he stands up. He grabs a box of tissues from the desk and hands them to me. I take a tissue and wipe away my tear stained face.
"Y/N..I want you to know that you did a very brave thing. I'm sorry I scared you but look...you're alive and breathing"
"How? I still feel like I'm in some damn hell hole. I'll never find closer. I'll never get better. I'll never get out of here" I say in between sobs.
He kneels down and takes my hands "Y/N Look at me" He orders me but I don't look at him. "Y/N please" He says again and I slowly look down at him. "I'll do everything I can to help you. You will get better. Like I said, I will never leave you"