Friday, 25th July, 1986
Hotel Intercontinental, Budapest, Hungary
-What was it like babe, did you enjoy it? - I smiled at Roger who just stepped in. I was sitting on the couch, reading a magazine, but threw it away as he sat down beside me and pulled me into his arms.
-Yeah, it was nice. - he smiled back, kissing my lips.
-These people are so nice, such a hospitality. - I caressed his hair - Organising a car-race for you, because they know you love cars.
-Yeah, wasn't hard to find out, was it? - he laughed, but I looked at him confused:
-I can't follow you, Rog.
-After I've written that song, it's not really hard to find it out. - he kept on laughing.
-What kind of song? - I looked at him with a huge "what the fuck are you talking about" look on my face.
-Don't you know it? It's called "I'm in love with my car".
-Babe, how the hell would I know it? You know I barely know your songs, only what you're playing on this tour. - I rolled my eyes.
-Okay, someone needs to fill some gaps. - he laughed louder now.
-Yeah, there are many gaps as I can see. - I nodded - You've really written a song about how much you love your car?
-What, it's a pretty good song. - he kissed my lips - And it's not about me but an old roadie of ours. Now he was REALLY in love with his car.
-An old roadie, yeah, sure babe. - I said with sarcasm - Anyway did you ride a F1 car today?
-No, it was a go-kart. But it was fun, I rode it for about a half an hour, had at least ten laps. Imagine babe, they're surprisingly fast. - he smiled - I wouldn't think for a second they can be so fast. Reminded me of my old '68 Aston Martin, because that was as little as this thing. Little, but strong and fast. - he giggled.
-Says the guy, who has written a song how much his old roadie was in love with his car. - I laughed now, pointing a finger at him - I've got ya', Taylor.
-In every possible meaning of the word. - he giggled, then kissed me again - And? How was your day, babe?
-Oh, it was fun. - I put my head to his shoulder, caressing that...ten hair on his chest through the opened buttons of his shirt - I went out for a walk and some shopping with Mary.
-Really? Why didn't you tell me? You went out without any money?
-Oh, I just wanted to take a look around, you know. This town is beautiful, Mary did the shopping part, I just accompanied her. - I kept on caressing his chest. I didn't want to let him know, but actually I also found a perfect birthday gift for him.
-Don't make such a stupidity next time, Lyv. - he kissed my forehead - I know you don't have any cash, just let me know if you wanna go out and I'll give you some, okay?
-God, come on, Rog - I waved - it's unnecessary. But now we're talking about shopping... - I pulled out a little paper bag - Here. Your wish is my command.
-What's this? - he took a closer look.
-Pregnancy tests. - I shrugged my shoulder.
-Four of them? - he laughed out now.
-Roger Meddows Taylor, I fuckin' know you. If I did a single test, you wouldn't believe me, so here you got four of them. - I looked at him seriously - Though I think it's perfectly unnecessary, but I want to prove my right so will do these right here and now. - and I stood up to go back to the bathroom, but he took my wrist and made me sit back down to the coach.
-Okay babe - he smiled as he kissed my lips, taking me back in his arms - but don't you dare being dissapointed if it turns out I was right.
-You'll be the one being dissapointed. - I looked into his baby blues sadly.
-Well, we'll see it in a couple minutes, right? - he mumbled, kissing me again.
-Right. - I nodded the same sad way and left him in the lounge.
-Anyway, guess what Mary told me today. - I said as I entered the lounge again a couple minutes later. Roger was sitting where I left him on the couch, smoking a ciggie now.
-What did she tell you? - he asked as I sat down next to him. I held the four tests in my hand like a fan.
-You would never find it out. - I laughed.
-Hm? - he took a drag of his ciggie.
-Freddie... - I reached for the ciggie in his hand and a took a drag myself - Freddie has gone out yesterday to take a walk downtown. - I giggled.
-Really? - he took back the ciggie, inhaling it - Why is that so funny?
-Rog, he went out with that Hungarian guy...all covered-up. - I laughed now.
-What? - Roger laughed now, too.
-In a fuckin' wig and a baseball cap and of course, huge sunglasses. - I laughed - He spent the whole afternoon walking around and no one recognised him. Babe, can you believe it, not a soul! He was walking around for hours like a British student!
-God! - Roger finished his ciggie laughing - It's so fuckin' unfair!
-Why is it unfair?
-Everyone's going out, I also want to go out. - he complained.
-Alone? - I looked at him seriously now - I don't think it's a wise idea babe.
-Of course not alone, with you, only you and me. - he caressed my face.
-I wish we could do that. - I sighed - But you'd be recognised in a second.
-And if I borrow Freddie's wig and baseball cap? - he giggled.
-Now that would be pretty interesting. - I smiled, then looked down to my hand. I wasn't saying any more as I stared at those tests in my hand.
-Dear Lord. - I heard Roger sighing heavily - It's all...it's all...
-Negative. I told you. - I said. Though I knew what the result gonna be, looked like Roger's enthusiasm gave me some hope. Suddenly I felt pain, anger and disappointment, so I jumped up and threw all those damned tests angrily into the corner. I buried my face into my hands, but Roger was already standing, pulling me into his arms tight:
-I'm sorry babe. I'm so sorry. - he kissed my temple - Come on, I don't care if I'd be recognised, but I'll take my baby out for some shopping, okay? No, no arguing! - he looked at me seriously, because I already wanted to complain - Come on, let's go.
-Rog, for God's sake, stop! - I took his hand.
-I told you, no arguing!
-Babe, we can't go out, soundcheck, do you remember? Soundcheck this afternoon and we have less then 30 minutes before we need to leave.
-Who's that arsehole who puts soundcheck two days earlier than gig? - he waved.
-Jim and Gerry. - I mumbled, sitting back to the couch - And you know the reason why it has to be today.
-Oh, really. - he sat down next to me again - What a party it would be like if we could share some news...
-Yeah, what a party. - I mumbled, finishing his sentence. There was no need to say it out loud, we both were thinking about the same thing.
Soundcheck itself was long and boring as always. This time, just like before Wembley, all the four boys came out to the Nepstadium to do soundcheck. I have to tell you, that venue is huge - I mean, we've seen some huge venues before, but...okay, I say it out loud: none of us have waited there will be such a huge and impressive venue...behind the Iron Curtain. But it was and I remember it took me quite a long time till I found out everything, like where the dressing rooms and hospitality will be, etc.
As for me and Roger, well, we tried not to show to anyone what's bothering us - Roger is quite good in faking smiles, part of his job, he already got used to it. But I already knew him well enough to know when he's faking and he was this afternoon, just like me. Until he forced me to sit on stage and as part of the soundcheck the boys played to me his song. Roger didn't even have to force them: when he told them I don't know the song, they all laughed out and joined in one by one as Roger started it, even Freddie on the piano, doing some backing vocals. First I laughed like a crazy about the lyrics, but finally I had to admit it's a really good song and the fact Roger doing the lead vocals with all those falsettos makes "I'm In Love With My Car" just simply perfect.
Finishing the soundcheck we left the venue around 10 pm - well, all of us did, except that one Freddie and his household. As much as we heard later he stayed out there till 3 am, to check everything himself. I told you earlier, this was a pretty important gig for Queen and Freddie took it seriously: he checked, set and positioned all the lights and sounds himself that night, so everything will be perfect on Sunday.
Knowing that tomorrow will be a crowded and busy day me and Roger had a quick and private dinner in the suite and went to bed early. I was already lying in the bed, waiting for Roger, who just had a quick shower. I heard him to step out of the bathroom and already sliding under the blanket. I wiped my face and buried it to my pillow, while he turned off all the lights and I already felt the heat of his naked body curling up behind me. He took me in his arms, caressing and kissing my shoulder, then pulling me strictly close to himself by my belly. That was the moment when I broke. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help myself. Roger sent a surprised look to my back in the darkness as he felt my shoulders shaking, then my whole body. He understood in a second, but for a long moment he didn't know what to do. He slowly moved his hand from my belly up to search for my hand.
-Lyv...Lyv, for God's sake. - finally he whispered and was completely shocked as he felt my body shaking because of crying.
-Baby. - he used the code-word. Hearing it I slowly released my face from the pillow and he took the opportunity to turn me on my back and to lay on me.
-Baby. - he wiped away my tears with his thumbs as I put my arms around his neck.
-Never do this again okay? - I sniffled - Please, never do this again. I told you...
-Baby, I'm sorry. - his baby blues were glowing again in the darkness - If I knew this whole thing gonna hurt you so much...
-You have to promise. I never ever wanna go through this once again, okay? You have to trust me Rog when I say...
-Sorry baby, I promise. - he whispered.
-I told you I can't....- I choked off the word because I wasn't able to say it out loud - I told you I'm just a miserable wreck.
-No, you definitely aren't. - he put a light kiss on my lips. I pressed my forehead to his and we stayed silent for a couple minutes. In the meantime slowly I started to calm down. Not surprisingly: his arms around me, his heartbeats on my chest, his naked body on mine, his smooth skin on my skin...the only damned thing that can calm me down.
-I don't even know why I'm so fuckin' pissed off about this. - finally I sighed.
-I think I do. - he wiped away some tears again.
-Really?
-Yeah...Because for long years you've never been thinking about it. You've always thought it's impossible and...gave up on it. Until I forced you...I'm sorry, I think this is all my fault.
-No, it isn't. When you made me promise to do a test, I thought you're crazy. But then...then I thought what if you're right? What if it IS possible? So deep inside I think I started to...hope.
-I know. It's okay Lyv, stop crying now please. You're breaking my heart with it. - he smiled sadly.
-It would've been way too early anyway. Only a couple weeks has passed, we hardly know each other and we don't even know where we are heading. - I sighed again.
-Perhaps. - he shrugged his shoulder - Perhaps not. Perhaps we really just...hardly know each other - he whispered - but there's one thing I know for sure and I think that's the most important thing.
-Yeah. - I stared at him in the darkness - Yeah, I know. And you may be right: that's the most important thing.
He smiled as he sent another light kiss onto my lips then cuddled me tight. Again, there was no need to say out loud what we both were thinking about.