Chapter 35 - I'm no fool

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Sunday, 10th August, 1986

Kensington, London

I was sitting alone in the corner with a drink, watching the whole crowd. The mood was at the highest point, everyone had a good time and it seemed to me I'm the only one in that whole damned place feeling horrible. I lit a ciggie and looked at the crowd thoughtfully so maybe that's why I didn't notice the lady stopping near to my table:

-Lyvia. - she called me and I looked up surprised:

-Mrs Deacon?...

-May I join you? - she pointed to the chair next to me.

-Uhm... - I hesitated, because I had no idea why she wanted to join me, but finally I pointed there, still with a surprised look - Yes, of course.

-Nice party, isn't it? - she asked, making herself comfortable on the chair.

-Oh, yes nice. - I smiled.

-Lyvia - she started very shyly - I believe you owe me an apology.

-I beg your pardon? - I looked at her with a questioning look - Why?

-Well, you know...because you've been lying to me.

-Mrs Deacon - I stared at her - if you still think that I have an affair with your husband then I think we already clarified...

-No, you aren't, I know.

-Then I'm afraid I can't follow you. - I shook my head, taking a drag of my ciggie.

-You said to me you love that person who put that ring on your finger. - she pointed to my ring on my right.

-Because that's the truth!

-You said to me you love that man and you would never cheat on him, didn't you? - she asked and I nodded, though I had no idea where she wants to go with all these - That's why you owe me that apology, because you were lying.

-Mrs Deacon...

-Please, don't even try to explain, because I know the truth. - she looked at me and there was something threatening in it. I got really scared for a moment, but surprisingly her eyes and smile became gentle as she continued - But please call me Veronica, because I also owe you an apology.

-Mrs Deacon... - my face was in total confusion - V...Veronica...I swear to God I have no idea what you are talking about.

-Lyvia I'm not blind and deaf, I know you love him! - she laughed - But the two people are not the same, for God's sake!

-Oh... - I sighed and unlit my ciggie.

-Listen, I don't know where you got that from, but it's sure as hell it's not the same person. And that's why you owe me that apology.

-I'm sorry, Mrs De...Veronica. I got this from my mother before I left home - I cut the long story short again - I admit, I've been lying to you in that. But that's the only thing, because there's really someone... - I turned my look back to my lap - someone I love, more than anything and anybody. More than I should. And that man is certainly not John.

-Yes I know and that's why I have to apologise. - hearing this I looked at her with wide open eyes again, but she just smiled gently - Though the whole thing was before my nose all the time...I just couldn't see it, because I was so jealous, you know...can you understand me?

-Yes - I nodded - yes, I can totally understand you. Jealousy can ruin everything.

-Hm...wise words. - she smiled back - So it was only today when I realised the obvious. Back at Knebworth, I saw how you're looking at him and how he's looking at you. I was blind before, but it all became clear in a second, you know.

-Veronica, I don't know what you've seen in the afternoon, but...

-Oh, nothing like that. - she laughed again - I know you haven't done anything like that, but it wasn't even necessary. Everything was written on your face as you two looked and smiled at each other.

-Veronica... - I tried to save the situation. Of course now I knew what she was talking about, I just actually didn't want her to know about it - I'm sure there's a misunderstanding, we always used to fool around with the boys.

-Yes but it's different, right? - she smiled gently - Lyvia, I told you I'm not blind and deaf, I know about you and Roger... - now I looked at her with wide open eyes again - I've been watching you whole afternoon and I've seen you cuddling on this stage...I'm no fool.

I couldn't say anything for long moments and felt my face becoming red, so I stared at my hands in my lap again, as thoughts were racing in my mind. If she knows...oh God, if she knows, she can tell to anybody...tell to Dominique, way before Roger has the chance to talk to her. Talk to her, but about what? Roger wants to continue, but me? I still didn't know what to do. Of course I loved him, of course I wanted to be with him, but I also knew it's over right here and now when I entered the party earlier. Shit, this is just insane...First of all we should know what to do ourselves...well, Roger knows what he wants to. And though I also knew what I want to, I also knew what I should do instead. And before we had the chance to clarify ourselves, Veronica comes and lets me know she knows...which means she can talk. I looked at her suspiciously:

-Veronica...I have no idea why you're letting me know this...I'm sorry again I lied to you about my ring...and yes...you're right, it's Roger...the man I love is Roger...

-You think I want to blackmail you I'm telling it to Dominique? - she raised her eyebrows, then shook her head - I know I wasn't really nice to you before, but I came here to apologise and to bury the hatchet.

-No, I wouldn't think for a second you want to blackmail.

-But you were thinking I'll tell her, right?

-Yes...actually yes...I'm sorry.

-You don't have to - she patted my hand - I'm not saying it feels good, but understandable. No, I'm not telling it to her, it's Roger's responsibility and your private life. I know they broke up and I can totally understand Roger. You're a nice girl, Lyvia, in every meaning of the word. He's lucky to have you.

-Thank you, Veronica.

-So I just came here because I'm not that dragon you saw me to be earlier in Wembley and wanted to clarify the situation. - she smiled.

-Oh, you aren't a dragon - I smiled back at her - you're just a wife who loves her husband and as I told you before, your husband loves you too. I'm sure you can work it out now. The tour's over, John goes home...I'm sure everything's going to be okay really soon.

-Well, I hope so. - she sighed and offered her hand for a handshake - Thank you, Lyvia. I wanted to let you know that I forgave you for lying to me and I hope you can forgive me too.

-No, Veronica. - I shook my head, looking at her hand. She sent me back a surprised look, but I smiled and leaned forward to hug her - This is the way we used to handle bad situations with the boys. - and I felt her putting her arms around me, too.

-Me thank you, for coming here and talking to me. - I broke the cuddle and smiled at her - There's nothing I should forgive you, you haven't done anything. I don't know if we'll ever meet again, so if we won't...I'll pray for you and working out your marriage successfully.

-Thank you. - she gave me a quick hug again.

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