[Edited]
It feels weird... dating again.
My hands were shaking, heart wanting to beat out of my chest as jitters racked through my body. I had stumbled around with Jin for an hour, having him chase me around to apply more mascara. He burned my ear twice with the straightener!
I didn't let him change me though, keeping the simple white tee and black shorts I decided on in the morning.
Jungkook decided that he was going to make a mess of Jin's closet in search of an outfit that wasn't pink. Even though Jin scolded him, Jungkook kept a smile on his face, eyes only on me as Jin complained about having to reorganize everything.
We're now walking along the shore line, shoulders causally sweeping against each other and I tried my best not to blush immensely, a complete fail.
I missed living here, seeing the ocean waves, glimmering and vast, run its methodical course against the shoreline. The rushing sounds of water always seemed to put me at peace; a completely contrast to the chaotic city life I'm living since I left.
"I wanted to do good today," Jungkook's sudden voice caused me to flinch.
"What do you mean?" My brows furrowed as I looked up at him, squinting my eyes as the blinding sun cascaded down on us in the confines of the private beach.
"Breakfast," he said shyly. "I wanted to make you a nice breakfast today. That's why I woke up so early. I wanted to impress you."
I snorted. "Impress me? Yeah well let me take care of breakfast from now on, okay?"
He smiled and narrowed his eyes, cute little dimple caving in as he chewed his lip in contemplation. "How about I get rid of Gustave and you can cook me breakfast every morning."
"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass," I replied, causing him to laugh quietly.
"You could be a maid."
"Nope."
"I think a maid outfit would look sexy on you."
I cleared my throat, glaring as I attempted to smack his arm but he simply caught me before I could make any kind of contact, running his hand down the length of my arm until he reached my hand, fingers now intertwined. I stared down at our hands perfectly molded together with wide eyes, breathing faltering.
"To be honest," he said and leaned closer, "I'm just trying to find any reason to get you to come over more often. I want to see you every day." His lips gently nuzzled against my ear and I let out a little squeal, much to his delight.
Jungkook's eyes danced with excitement, so innocently dangerous, and for a moment the world felt timeless. His laugh a sirens tune, I soon realized would follow him into the deep fury of waves if it meant we'd never part.
Thump thump.
I averted my eyes to the sand that stretched out for miles, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. The cool water ran periodically against our feet as we continued to walk down the shoreline.
Suddenly Jungkook stopped, turning to face me slowly.
"Jungkook, what's wrong?" I was so nervous my voice sounded the equivalent of a dying squirrel but Jungkook didn't seem to notice as he grabbed both of my hands, pulling my body flush against his.
'Don't panic, don't panic! Oh God, I'm panicking!'
I gulped as he leaned in closer, squeezing my eyes shut tight and waited for his lips. All nerves became a collective ball at the base of my stomach as I quickly racked my brain if my breath smelled bad, or if I even put on Chapstick today.
His thumb brushed on the side of my face lightly. "You had some sand on your cheek."
And with that Jungkook dropped his arms, continuing to walk down the shore.
He glanced back at me with a knowing smile on his face. "You coming?"
--
"It's been a while since I've been here," I said excitedly as we entered the carnival gates hand in hand.
We spent most of the day at the beach, talking, laughing, and playing in the water. We even had a sand castle building contest. Unfortunately, he's definitely a better artist than me. I couldn't deny that his Spongebob was pretty accurate while my poor attempt at a mermaid tail looked more like a warped anchor.
I got to know more about Jungkook's life.
He grew up with extremely strict parents. They pretty much ran his entire life even though they weren't around most of the years growing up. They always had business matters to take care of; being a leading contender in the fashion industry couldn't be easy and inheriting the family business had to be stressful.
That's why he started to throw parties in the first place, so that he wouldn't feel as lonely.
--
"If there's people around, at least for a moment, it doesn't feel like I've always been alone," he said when we were sitting on the beach, ice creams in hand.
I never thought about how empty he must feel without anyone around him to love, to care for. I should have noticed it, considering how vacant his house seemed to be.
"You don't have any real friends?" I asked while making sure the vanilla didn't melt onto my hand.
He thought for a moment, staring down at his own sweet treat. "Real friends? Not really, well besides you," he nudged my arm playfully and I smiled.
"And Yoongi hyung. But you haven't met him yet. He's... not the most energetic person in the world." He chuckled at what my guess was a memory they had together.
Jungkook continued to explain how his great-grandparents got into starting their own clothing line and how it grew into a billion dollar corporation, only enthusiast when talking about all the incredible places he's been able to see because of it.
"You sound like my parents," my smile was small, licking a bit of vanilla from my thumb. "Since I went to college that's all they've been doing is traveling. They had me at a young age, so I guess they feel like they never really got to live their lives for themselves. I don't really get to see them much."
Jungkook reached out, resting his free hand on my knee and I scrunched my nose cutely at his comforting gesture.
'He's adorable.'
He took a deep breath. "I should really be thanking you, you know."
My brows pulled together. "Why?"
Jungkook finished the last bite of his ice cream cone before speaking. "My entire life I've been lonely, and no matter how many people I've seen, places I've gone, parties I've thrown, not even all the money in the world could fill the void I always felt... until I met you."
On cue, my face reddened like a tomato and Jungkook chuckled.
'I feel the same way,' I wanted to say but the words refused to come out.
Jungkook didn't seem to mind, completely content watching me try to hide the smile dying to stretch widely across my face.
The silence continued on but this time there was no tension, no awkwardness, just two people enjoying the rolling sound of the waves crashing against the sand, the seagulls squawking every now and then. I watched as the wind tossed his dark hair around his face, eyes in another place but his lips were pulled upwards in a small smile, completely lost in thought.
'He really is beautiful to look at, bunny qualities and all... I actually don't think I would mind if he kissed me back there. Part of me wishes he was my first kiss, and not Taehyung,' I frowned, no longer hungry for the vanilla cone in my hands as I thought back to Taehyung before his world was turned upside down.
'Tae actually paid attention in class, didn't hang out with the wrong crowd. He was confident and happy, always taking me out to the park or the movies. All of the sweet kisses shared, my virginity taken. That night, I remember how he took care of me and asked if I was okay the entire time.'
He was my first love.
"It's about five... wanna head to the carnival? I bet I can win you something!" Jungkook brought me back from the far away place I once longed for. I grinned and stood up, brushing the sand off my shorts.
"I bet I could win you something bigger."
--
"You know, you're really hurting my pride today," Jungkook fussed as we walked up to wait in line of the cotton candy stand.
"I told you I'm good at these games. There's so many videos on how to win these things."
I playfully lifted the ear of the gigantic purple dog I managed to score at a game of ring toss. I made Jungkook hold it since it was too large for me to carry around while I held onto the small white bunny he was surprisingly able to grab out of a claw machine.
"Next time I'm bringing my A-game," he joked as we reached the front of the line.
"One please," he said and I stared at him in awe.
'One?!'
He peeked in my direction, taking in my cautious expression. "Unless you want your own...?"
I pressed my lips together, looking away shyly. "O-One is fine," I stuttered, giving the bunny toy a nervous squeeze.
The employee came back with a big pink swirl. "Here you go, honey. Your girlfriend is very cute by the way. You two look good together," she said and smiled before moving onto another customer.
Flames ignited my face as Jungkook and I just stared at each other awkwardly. Even Jungkook, who clearly didn't get nervous often, seemed at a loss for words as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.
I bit my lip, a small smile slowly stretching my lips. 'Do we really look good together?'
I quickly peeked at Jungkook, shaken expression still in place at the lady's words.
'No way! This man is way above my standards. I probably look like a potato next to him, she was probably just being nice... '
Jungkook cleared his throat as we continued to walk through the bustling crowd of people.
"Uh, how about we try that ride?" He pointed the stick of cotton candy at the ferris wheel, a dark looming circular silhouette by the way the setting rays of sun cast shadows against it.
"I-I don't think so," I sputtered, sweat beginning to form at the back of my neck at the thought of being casted that high in the air.
"Oh, come on! I've asked you to ride every single ride here with me and you refused all of them except the merry go round!" Jungkook whined.
'He clearly doesn't have a fear of heights, or anything for that matter.'
"Yeah, well unlike some people, maybe I'm made to be on the ground. At all times!" I glared as I shoved a piece of the pink sugar into my mouth.
"Y/n," he touched my arm gently, causing hairs to stand on my neck and an array of goosebumps shot up my arms.
'Clearly he knows how to persuade me.'
He leaned in closer, deliberately capturing my eyes. "I'll be right there with you. Unlike the terrifying Dumbo ride at Disneyworld, this ride is easy, I promise."
I glared at his Dumbo remark but wavered, coming to a complete stand still in the large crowd of moving bodies. Jungkook's eyes continued to stare pleadingly into mine, everything about his face, his outstretched hand, was screaming trust me.
Finally, I sighed and latched onto his warm hand. "Fine," I huffed and his smile grew as we walked up to the line of the ferris wheel.
Jungkook was giving me words of encouragement, how it's time to face my fears and that he won't let go of my hand the whole time, when he received a tap on his shoulder, quickly dropping my hand.
'So much for not letting go... ' My eyes narrowed on palm of my hand, now abandoned and cold, as a small pout formed on my lips.
"Excuse me," a girl that looked to be only a couple years younger was standing there, restlessly twirling a piece of her long brown hair between her fingers as she batted her lashes up at my date.
"My friend over there thinks your cute... here!" The pretty girl shoved a piece of paper in his hands and ran away before either one of us could say anything, giggling as she rushed off.
Jungkook looked down at the paper to see a phone number with a heart beside it and chuckled.
Jealousy took over my emotions which took me my surprise. With Taehyung, girls threw themselves at him all the time. Maybe I just became numb to having it happen with him, how he would even leave me to talk with them, claiming that he was going to turn them down nicely. I never knew if he was telling the truth or not...
'Jungkook isn't like that... right?'
I glared at the paper, hoping it would spontaneously combust into flames and get carried away by the wind. Jungkook, however, sighed softly and shoved the girls number into his shorts pocket before awkwardly rubbing the back of his head.
I looked at his pocket before slowly dragging my icy stare back up to meet his gaze.
"What?" He asked innocently. "I'm gonna throw it away but I don't want to litter."
I looked around until I found a group of five girls huddled together, their eyes centered on Jungkook's back as they talked and giggled amongst themselves. A territorial growl built up in my throat and I latched onto Jungkook's hand, dragging him closer so that my chest pressed against his left side.
'No, not again. I refuse to give up so easily this time.'
Before I could process my thoughts any further my hand was already deep in his shorts pocket, searching for that stupid paper.
"Hey-- y/n! What are you doing?" Jungkook asked but made no move to stop my furious actions.
I didn't respond as my fingers hooked around the paper, snatching it out of his pocket quickly. I made eye contact with the brunette, being sure she witnessed every tear I made on the little paper as I ripped it to bits. I almost threw it on the floor, but instead tucked it away inside my own pocket.
The girls all glared at me and I smirked back.
Jungkook stared down at me, his cheeks a light red as I pressed my chest harder against his form.
"Don't even ask," is all I could muster up to tell him, snapping my face back in the direction of the ride.
"You seem really upset. Is this some way of confessing your undying love for me?" I didn't want to look up at him, his tone was enough for me to picture that same wicked smirk he always has when teasing me.
I simply rolled my eyes, not wanting to entertain him any further.
Another few moments passed before he spoke, quieter now. "I really was going to throw it away, you know."
Finally, I sighed, letting my body relax a bit. "It's just... " I sighed again as his hand grasped mine to give light comforting squeezes. "That's happened before... in the past."
"With him."
I nodded. "It kind of felt like deja vu... if that makes sense."
"I understand what you're saying, but I'm not like that, y/n."
A part of me wanted to agree but instead I felt cautious and doubtful.
'How do I know? How can I trust anything he says? Is this all a facade? For all I know a week from now I could be heartbroken... again.'
Finally, we made our way into the ferris wheel cart, the automatic door sealing us safely away from the outside world.
I sat near the window and took long deep breaths. I could feel Jungkook sit beside me but I forced myself to stare out the window as the cart slowly began climbing upwards. Too many unstable emotions beginning to infect the warm thoughts I had all day.
'Can I really trust Jungkook?'
My mind rushed as thoughts swarmed my brain and before I knew it we were at the top. I was no longer afraid of the distance between my body and the ground, those girls, Jungkook, Taehyung completely clouding my fears.
"Hey," Jungkook's voice sounded close. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Jungkook!" I grunted curtly, crossing my arms in aggravation.
"Y/n."
"Jungkook I-- " He popped a piece of the cotton candy in my mouth as I spun around in the seat.
"I know why you're upset," he said smoothly, his face a bit too close for my poor heart to handle. "You don't have to worry about those girls, or any one for that matter. Since the first time I saw you I knew what I wanted." His voice was lowered, speaking so gently I could barely swallow what was left of the melted cotton candy.
"You're so beautiful," Jungkook leaned in, face taking up my entire view as I could only stare back in a daze.
He caressed his nose against my own and it felt like the cart was spinning at this point as it began to descend downwards.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to compose my breathing, before opening them again. For a split second Jungkook's face morphed, completely contorted into Taehyung, his face contorted into pain as he angrily burned holes into my eyes. I gasped, recoiling away, my back pressed against the window as I blinked several times.
"Y/n, what's wrong?" Jungkook asked, clearly worried.
But I couldn't answer him.
Tears formed in my eyes as the cart doors opened and I stormed off without giving Jungkook a second glance, running away from all of my problems.
Letting go is harder than I thought.
A/N♡:
Woah.
The feels.
All of the feels.
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