P R E V I O U S L Y
I had kissed Llewellyn.
HARTINGTON CASTLE, ALNWICK, STORMHOLT.
EDWINA
NO.
NO!
IT HAD HAPPENED again. It had happened again! I had tried to resist it, tried to break free, but Llewellyn had kissed me even when I struggled. Oh, god, no. I looked at him. He was nervously looking at his hands, not daring to look at me, angrily saying something to himself. Then, very slowly, I saw him raise his dark grey eyes to meet his elder brother's, with a scared frown wedged between his eyebrows.
I did not dare to even look at Tristan.
Because I loved him. I loved him, I thought he felt something for me as well, and I knew I would always be faithful to him. But then, how, how in hell had I ended up this way again?
This time, I knew I was beyond forgiveness. He had a large heart, but I knew I had lost him this time. Forever. Because Llewellyn wasn't Eric. Llewellyn was Llewellyn. His younger brother. His brother who he so deeply cared for. And he had seen him kissing his wife, who had kissed another man in front of him before.
I wished the earth would open and swallow me up when I fearfully dared myself, inch by inch, to look at Tristan.
He was stiffer than a statue. Stiff, and white, and whiter than marble. All the colour had leached out of his already pale skin, in scaring contrast to his black cloak. There was no trace of his eyes having ever been blue, because they were black now, a pure, ominous black, with not even a flicker of the silver flecks that shone there before.
Demanding and harsh, cruel and deadly - predatorily lethal in a way I had never seen him before.
The steely glint was trained right at me, frightful. For the first time since I had seen this man, I actually saw how terrifying he looked. Cold and terrifying. He actually scared me. But what scared me more was that he did not make one effort to come to either of us, or tear us apart, or say a single word. Not a single word. At all. Fear laced my veins like poison already flowing there. I swore I would never drink again.
"Tr-Tristan-" Llewellyn managed to choke out, his voice shaking. "Say something - I - she - I was drunk - she - she had - I had drunk a lot of wine - I - she kissed me first!'
"I did not!" I shouted, sitting up right and feeling my head spin with alcohol. "I was just sitting there, and you came and kissed me, and even when I tried to break free you wouldn't let me go!"
"I did not, Edwina!" he lied, and anger rose up in me high enough to have blasted the entire Endollon to ash in a single instant. I managed to take a few broken breaths to make the heat subside.
"You did!"
"I did not. Give me one reason why I should go and willingly kiss a murderer. You seduced me," he snapped. We both knew it was a lie. We both knew Tristan knew it was a lie.
The air hung in the room, stale and heavy. No one said anything.
Tristan had not even blinked once.
"I'm sorry for barging in on you like this," he finally said, and his voice was frigid and hard as metal, broken and hurt and pained, dripping with poisonous venom.
"Tristan, I-" Llewellyn raised his voice but was immediately cut off by his brother's soft whisper that swam it over.
"-I did not know the door was unlocked. Please, do continue. Don't stop on my account," he said softly, voice detached.
Then he turned on his heel and walked out of the room.
• • • • •
TRISTAN
"Tristan! Wait, wait, I can explain!" Llewellyn ran at my heels, so did Edwina, and I marched past them both, deaf to their shouts.
I couldn't believe it.
I couldn't get the image of Edwina, my Edwina, my lovely, sweet, strong woman kissing this other man behind my back. And not just any man. My little brother. My little brother who was married to one woman and loved another, and now he had an affair with the third - my wife. Because it hurt, it hurt so fucking bad, that my heart broke right into pieces and fell to my feet. How could I believe her after all she did?
"Tristan, listen to me, please..." her voice trailed after me. I could not stop, not for everything in the world, and walked into my study and slammed the door shut.
"Tristan, please!" their voices shouted, and I merely sent out a bolt of power, strong blue light holding the iron shut in accordance to my wishes. I was shaken so badly that I needed a drink.
"Listen to me, please, just one minute, give me one minute, Tristan, please!" Edwina pleaded from outside, her voice cracked like plaster. I leaned into the corner, my hands shaking as I heard the sound of her sobs from the other side of the door.
I picked up the chair and smashed the window, punching the glass till my knuckles were raw and bleeding. But the pain didn't stop.
"Tristan, please... let me in," Edwina's fists pounded on the door as I heaved, my chest wracked with dry sobs. I would have preferred to die rather than to face a life without her in it.
I opened the door.
She was crying, tears running down her cheeks and collecting into her collarbones, eyes pained and broken and she shuddered in the doorway, the look begging me to listen to her. And yet, my arms did not move to hold her warm body to my chest, or to trace a line down her throat and hear her moan lightly in response. No, these were desires and wishes, things she reserved for other men. Not once in my life had I even looked at another woman, let alone be with her. All I had, I gave to Edwina. Every inch of myself and my heart and my love, I gave to her. And she took it for granted and crushed it under her feet.
"Please, take a minute to listen," she begged. "I... I'm so sorry, Tristan, I'm so sorry, I had too much of wine-"
"You always have too much of wine."
"-I... I know. I'm sorry. I swear it, I'll never ever, please, Tristan, try to understand. Please..." her bottom lip quivered as my hands clenched tight at my sides.
How could I ever, ever, trust her again? She had crushed all the respect and faith I had in her and left me nothing.
"I - I went to get goldfish-"
"Save your lies for someone who cares."
Her eyes filled with a fresh wave of tears.
"Please... Tristan, please..."
"You went to see someone else, isn't it?" my lips seemed to move of their own accord. "That's where you've been all morning. You refused to be with me because you wanted someone else. Don't," I said, as she tried to speak, "tell me who it was. You've hurt me bad enough. I don't want to know."
Edwina moved closer to me, her hands on my shoulders.
"Please... please, Tristan. I swear I don't know how it happened-"
"I lied for you," I said bitterly. "I spoke for you. I fought for you. I cared for you. I lo-" my voice cut brusquely as I bit back the last word on my lip. "Through everything that happened, I stayed with you without batting an eye. When no one trusted you, I did so blindly. And you took me for granted. You played me like a fool-"
"Please, Tristan, try to understand, please," she said. "I don't know how it keeps on happening, it's like I wake up from a haze and suddenly find myself with another man, I don't know, please, I swear it. It happens out of nowhere..."
"Feelings make you so vulnerable," I whispered. "They expose your heart and open up your soul and get stuck in your chest. Those feelings... for those people - they get the power to fuck you up so bad. No matter how many defenses you build. No matter how many boundaries you draw. And even after all that, one stupid person enters your stupid life. You don't get to choose. They don't get to choose. You're stranded with each other. And then they do something dumb, like saying something insane, like smiling so hard that you see the stars in their eyes. And then it begins to hurt when it's over, it hurts - fucking hurts like a rotting tooth. I wish I had never met you, Edwina Tremayne. I wish I had never known you, married you, lived with you. I wouldn't have tried to impress you. Or want you. Or care for you. I wouldn't have been hurt so fucking badly, for thinking that you actually cared for me even when you never did."
Her mouth dropped open, and she looked at me with teary, painful eyes.
"I let you in," I growled. "I let you in. I fucking let you in. And you broke me."
"I'm sorry," Edwina sighed.
I could hear strange sounds. Broken, howling sounds. I realized they were coming from my chest.
"You have until tomorrow night to pack your belongings. The moment the clock strikes midnight tomorrow, you will leave Stormholt - with me. I'm not going to let you stay in this wretched place and die," I snapped roughly.
"You... after all I've done?" she whispered, her voice faint. Droplets of salty moisture clung to her lashes, those long lashes I knew and loved so well.
"I made a promise to protect you till my last breath. I'm not an oathbreaker like you," I bit sharply, trying to hide the remorse dwelling in my heart. My chest heaved again and a sharp pain suddenly shot through it.
It was the sound of my heart breaking.
Because I loved her, and I would love her until the day I died.
All these centuries later, I finally understood what true love was.
Love meant caring for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painfully it would end up for you. Love meant tears and pain. Love meant handing your lover a dagger and letting yourself be stabbed with it.
And I would let my heart be ripped to shreds, over and over again - just for her.
"There's no need," she spoke quietly, her voice quieter than before, firm but still shaken. "I can't be with you. We can't exist together, we never have. I can't keep on causing you so much pain. I'm leaving you, Tristan," Edwina whispered slowly, as moisture once more glimmered in the corners of her eyes.
• • • • •
EDWINA
"You can't be serious," he whispered, pain rippling through that voice I knew and loved so well.
"I am," a slight sob worked its way up my throat. "Maybe we'll know each other in another life. In a life when we were older and wiser and right for each other. But that life isn't this one, Tristan. And I'm so sorry for making you think that it was."
How lucky was I to still have someone that made saying goodbye so hard?
It could be years, centuries - millennia, even - before I could maybe see him again. Years, before I could ever settle my hands on the warm planes of his chest. Years, before I could ever look into his star flecked eyes, the blue rippling with joy.
This place I was leaving - it was my home. This man was my home.
"You're leaving me," Tristan's face was a white mask of shock, still disbelieving.
"I promised myself I would never - never feel for you-" I bit out strained words. "But it was two in the morning, and we were drunk on laughter in the moonlight on the grass - and when I felt happy after such a long time... I knew I was screwed. I should never have met you - never have known you, never have-" never have loved you.
My words hung in the air.
"Edwina," he said softly, speaking my name like a plea. "Don't."
I was born with tragedy spinning in my blood.
And that tragedy taught me that no matter how much we wanted it, no matter how much we try... some stories just didn't have a happy ending.
Every breath of my life, every beat of my heart, it belonged to Tristan - always would.
And I'd choose him. I'd choose him every time.
Without a pause.
Without a doubt.
And that was why I needed to leave. Why I had to leave - to avoid causing him further misery, further pain.
"Let me go. Please," I whispered, even as pain ripped my voice to shreds.
Maybe I had loved him in a previous life. Maybe I promised him then, promised him that I would find him somewhere on the other side. Maybe he had always been somewhere in the darkness, waiting for me to finally come home.
But what I did know was that I'd loved and felt Tristan Valmont more than one lifetime should allow.
"Go then," he said quietly, suffering in misery. "Be happy, Edwina."
"Thank you," I murmured, soft. Sorrow gnawed at the edges of my heart.
My lip trembled again, and I instinctively bit it in an attempt to control my tears.
"I'm sorry."
Truly, so, so sorry.
For the last time, he drew me close, exceedingly gentle in touch. His lips brushed against mine, pulling away too quickly even as he placed a hand on my head and caught a stray tear clinging to my lashes.
"Goodbye, Tristan," my words were heavier than lead, catching in my throat.
"Goodbye, Edwina."
And when I took a step back, I swore I could have heard my heart crack.
Angry and half in love and tremendously sorry, I walked away from him.
• • • • •
Next chapter is going to be a sort of... turning point. Love y'all ❤ credits go to Pinterest for helping me out with some quotes inspiration when I was finding it hard to put my fragile feelings into words!