25 | julian
❝ snowflakes are falling
and you are getting farther away
I miss you ❞
Julian had left the hospital with a thousand thoughts and a heavy heart. But despite it all, he vowed to keep his promise. Never to come near Kaylie again.
But boy was it a massive challenge. Once home he tossed his phone onto the couch without bothering to check his messages. Julian walked over to his bedroom, exhausted both mentally and physically.
When he finally collapsed onto his bed all he felt was numbness. And he knew he had nobody to blame but himself. Because he had been the one to so foolishly dive head first into an endeavor that was destined for disaster right from the beginning.
Though could he really have stopped himself from falling for Kaylie Stark?
He didn't think so.
The phone was ringing. Julian's eyes fluttered open, prompting him to instinctively rub them. The sunlight streaming through his windows told him it was morning. He didn't recall falling asleep. The fatigue must have taken over subconsciously.
He glanced at the clock; it was already 10:45.
His eyes shifted to the telephone, still ringing urgently. But he was unwilling to move. His body still felt excruciatingly tired, and if ever he desperately wanted to escape the burdens of reality, it was right then.
The clicking sound from the telephone indicated the switch to voicemail. And then that voice, her voice filled the room. "Um, hey Julian," she began, "I'm back. Ha ha." Her voice was calm, and undeniably comforting to him.
Somehow, Julian found himself slowly sitting up as she continued talking.
"I don't know where to start, um, there are a million things I want to say to you Julian. Like how sorry I am─ for so many things. But you and I have heard those words too much already so... I'll spare us the agony," she paused.
He stared at the telephone sitting on his bedside table, his mind racing. Relief was the first thing that washed over him. She's alright.
"So I'll just tell you how grateful I am for you. For everything that you've done for me. For the joy that you brought into my life when I thought it was over. You─ nothing can replace what you've done for me, Julian," she couldn't even hide the tears that were staining her cheeks.
Though she wasn't the only one crying.
"You know, um," she paused again, her voice cracking this time, "I always wondered if our love had any justification; any validation. But then I realized that we never needed any of that. You taught me that you don't need a reason to love. You love because you just do."
His lips quivered as a small smile appeared on his face.
"And you... you were the epitome of it Julian. You loved me despite the circumstances, a-and there truly are no words that can describe h-how thankful I am. Because your love was unconditional, wasn't it? Perfect in every way."
"I'm sorry I can't return that love to you. But you deserve every bit of happiness in the universe. I wish nothing but the best for you," another pause and some sniffling, "I really hope someone can love you like you loved me."
Julian had his head down, letting the tears flow freely down onto his hands. He didn't know what he was feeling. It was like pain, joy and love had somehow merged together inside his heart and reduced him to a crying mess right then.
But there wasn't a single hint of anger in him. How could he be mad at Kaylie? He wasn't even mad at himself anymore. It was as if Kaylie's words had extinguished the fire burning in his chest. Because every word that came from her mouth was nothing but the truth.
He had fallen in love with her gratuitously, with no rhyme or reason. He had loved her just because he did. But now it was time to move on, and he had accepted that. But some words made it a little more difficult.
"And, um... I did love you, Julian. I really did," her words were almost inaudible, a mere whisper, "if you wanted to know."
With that she hung up.
The phone almost immediately rang again, and like a man in a trance, he picked it up. "Julian?" Giovani's voice greeted him, "Kaylie ─ she's getting discharged today. Do you ─ wanna see her?"
When Julian didn't answer, Giovani asked gently, "Jule, you okay?"
The only reason Julian wasn't responding was he was replaying her words in his head. He knew exactly what that was. It was goodbye. The end of their story. It was a hard pill for him to swallow, but he did it anyway.
Because no, the universe hadn't answered his prayers. No, the universe wasn't going to allow it. But the universe did give him something. And though that something wasn't his to keep, he knew he would never forget the joy that came along with it.
"No, Gio, I'm not okay," he said eventually, "but I will be."
"I will be."
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this chapter was so difficult for me ): also the book is ending soon! so prepare your hearts and souls <3