SCARLETT
I had never seen Harry cry like that, between my arms, like he's doing now. I keep stroking his head and telling him that everything is going to be alright, but I haven't tried to make him talk to me just yet. I'm not sure he's ready and I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't feel comfortable talking about just yet.
"I'm sorry for what happened on Friday..." I decide to tell him when his sobs slowly calm down. He looks up at me, with his watery eyes, and strokes my thigh with his thumb, before answering me.
"I should've just told you." He shrugs his shoulders and then proceeds to dry up the tears with the back of his hand. "I was still a bit in denial when I came back home... I'm sorry for taking it out on you." I bring both of my hands on his cheeks and I slowly stroke them, while we look at each other.
"I'm sorry too... I don't really think what I said."
"I don't think what I told you either..." he shakes his head and then wraps his arms around my waist to draw me nearer his body and brings his lips on mine in a quick kiss.
"I love you so much... so fucking much." I whisper against his lips and he sadly smiles at me. I can tell that whatever was hunting his mind is still there.
"I should've shot him." He says all of sudden, with his stare low. There's no need to ask him what he's talking about, I can already imagine. I keep quiet and I let him tell me whatever he wants to tell me. "I thought I could talk to him." He bitterly chuckles. "Resonating with a psychopath... I'm an idiot." He shakes his head at himself and takes a deep breath.
"You did your best... you didn't want to kill anyone." I delicately stroke his cheek, while he just keeps shaking his head at me, at my words.
"And a 4-year-old child died because of that." I take a deep breath at his words, not really knowing what to tell him to make him feel better this time, because I know that no words are going to lessen his pain and guilt, especially this early. I just wrap my arms around him and I hold him tight.
"You can't blame yourself for doing your job." I try to tell him.
"I can blame myself for doing my job wrong, though." He chuckles.
"You know that you didn't want that kid to get killed. Everyone can make a mistake, your intentions weren't bad." He slowly nods his head but I can see the sadness and discouragement written all over his sulky face.
"Ella." He tells me. I furrow my eyebrows, looking at him. "Her name was Ella." He specifies when he sees the confusion all over my face.
"Ella..." I repeat and nod my head. "Do you want me to make you a cup of tea? Maybe it'll help you to calm down a bit." He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. His hands reach mine and he intertwines his fingers with mine.
"I have something else in mind that could calm me down way better." He tells me with his husky voice, filled up with need and some sort of primal desperation. His hands travel up my arms, to the neck of my jacket and he tries to push it off of my shoulders. When I see how much he needs and wants it by the look in his eyes, I feel set up completely on fire. I take off my jacket, with his help, and I let it fall to the floor behind me.
His lips are very soon on mine, they move slowly, in contrast with our hands that are greedy to take the clothes off of each other's bodies, to feel each other's naked skin. Once he's managed to take off my top and bra, he makes me completely lay down, on our bed that is still unmade, and his lips soon arrive on my breasts. My hand gets lost between his curls while his mouth works on my left nipple and his hand on the right one. His tongue surrounds my nipple and his teeth softly bite on it. I automatically raise my pelvis against his, while arching my back, and he hisses under his breath at my gesture.
"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He murmurs against my lips. I feel my cheeks lighting up at his words, but they were probably already red because of his pleasurable actions anyway. I don't have any idea of how many beautiful things or women he's seen in his life, but I'll never not be hit by the fact that he thinks that I'm the most beautiful one. His hands leave my breasts just to go on the zip of my jeans to take it off of me. While doing so, his mouth leaves a trace of kisses all over my stomach and hips and then he leaves the last one on my clothed crotch, right at the center of it. When he feels me wincing at his action, he looks up at me with a stare of pure filth in his eyes and he goes slightly lower, kissing me right where I feel the hottest right now.
"It's wet..." he says out loud, obviously talking about the fabric of my pantie in that particular point. I feel my cheeks lighting up even more at his words, but I stay silent. He slowly takes them off while he leaves a traces of kisses all over my hipbones. I get up, sitting down on the bed, just to get to the zip of his pants to undress him. He's kneeling on the mattress, so he lowers down toward me to reach my lips. He kisses me, peppering his way down to my neck with kisses and he sucks and bites on it, while I manage to undo his pants.
He gets up from the bed just to take off his pants and once he lays down with me again, my hands immediately reach the elastic of his boxers, greedy for what is inside of it. I palm his clothed bulge and he hisses under his breath again. He's probably way more sensitive than usual, considering that it has been more than one week since the last time.
He pushes me to lay down on the mattress again, and he brings his hands on my knees to slightly open my legs. He keeps his eyes in mine when he brings his index and medium finger to his mouth to wet them and right after he brings his hand between my legs.
He slips the first finger inside of me and he moves it slowly, to tease me. Small puffs escape from my lips, while I close my eyes to fully enjoy it. When he adds his second finger it slips in very easily, because I'm already unashamedly wet and ready for him. While he pumps his fingers, slowly and with delicacy, not fast or hard enough to make me cum, but just enough to drive me completely insane, he kisses my bended knee. When I open my eyes again, his hardened cock is between his other hand and he's slowly pumping it. When it's hard enough his fingers exit me and he adjusts himself between my legs, laying down on top of me.
I immediately wrap my arms around his neck, drawing him down to me, to kiss his lips. The tips of my nose brush his while he kisses my lips and his fingers softly stroke my arm. I love having him this near me while being in bed together, making love. I always appreciate every single moment of deep intimacy I get to share with him and it seems like he needs it more than anything right now. He kisses me one more time, holding me against him with both arms, before bringing one hand to his length to align it to my entrance. He slowly slips in, with the same delicacy he had in his gestures while kissing me, he knows we have all the time in the world, especially right now, and he doesn't want it to go by way too fast. He lays his forehead against mine and we're looking into each other's eyes while he's inside of me, without moving. He strokes my cheek with his fingers, while his other hand stays on my waist. His lips touch mine one more time, before he starts moving.
I keep my eyes on him, and as soon as he starts moving he closes his eyes. His whole face twists in pleasure and his lips end up shaping an "O". I love watching him more than anything and for a few seconds, that's what I majorly focus on, instead of the pleasure he's provoking me. It almost feels like I'm trapped in my own little bubble, not feeling, hearing or seeing anything else but him.
Soon enough his movements become more ecstatic and needy, the speed and the depth of his thrusts increase and his touch becomes more possessive, greedy. It seems like the fragile, needy and desperate man of a few minutes ago has come back the moment he's entered me and has tasted again what he's been so hungered for.
I feel my skin burning behind his touch, when he holds my arms with a hand and my waist with the other. He moves them up my body, to cup my breast, my asscheeks, my neck, leaving a trace of fire and smoke behind. My whole body lights up in a flame of pleasure and pain, almost like I can feel what he's feeling. Our skin is wet, our sweat mixing together and it makes my body feel even nearer to his. I wrap my legs around his hips and I hold him as tight as I can to me, because I want to burn. I want to burn with him. I want to taste his flames and being overwhelmed by it and I can tell that he feels the same way.
He pushes into me, over and over again. Our skin slapping together and producing this filthy sound I've grown to love, it fills up the whole room, mixed with our puffs and moans. His thrusts are hard and powerful, hitting the right spot every time, because he knows my body like no one else. He knows it almost like a map, every single particular and flaw of it and I'm not scared to share it with him. I'm not scared to completely give it to him, maybe because, after all, he already owns it and I want him to own me over and over again.
"I love you... so much..." I moan against his lips, forcing his face up from my neck to make him look at me while I say that. He rests his forehead against mine all over again, looking at me with intensity. And he doesn't have to say anything at all, I already know everything he wants to tell me by his eyes. He wraps his arms around my waist and then he brings me up with him. He's sat down on the bed, with me on top of him straddling him.
In doing so, his length hasn't left me a single time, so this time I start moving on top of him. His arm surrounds my waist, keeping me tight against him, our chests touching and sweating together, while his other hand cups my ass and keeps my crotch even nearer to his.
I don't waste time teasing him, because I know that we're both so near and we need it very much. We both move our hips against each other, eager to reach our high. He hides his face between my breasts, kissing my cleavage and holding me against him, while I keep moving on top of him.
"I'm so near, fuck... so near." He moans against my skin and I can feel how ready he is to let go. I move my pelvis on him, taking him deep, moving my hips in circular motion and then moving up and down on him again, feeling my orgasm quickly building up too.
Both of his hands reach my hips and he helps me in guiding my movements on him, knowing that we're both so near. I keep my hand on his shoulders and when I feel them tensing up and his face twisting in an expression of pleasure, I feel him spilling his warm liquid inside of me. I follow him right after, moving on top of him while he's riding his high and I let myself go too.
He makes me lay down again, moving me with delicacy, while I still tremble too taken by my own orgasm. When he exits me, he rests his head on top of my chest and I automatically bring my hand between his hair, to stroke his head and absently play with his curls.
"I'll be home for the whole week." He tells me, keeping his voice down, almost as if he's too ashamed to say it out loud. I don't move a muscle at his announcement, showing him that it's not something I'm surprised or disappointed by.
"Yeah, I know... dad told me." I feel him relaxing again under my touch and then he leaves a kiss on my cleavage.
"Maybe we could check up that thing, no?" I ask him, trying to keep his mind off of what I know it'll automatically go to. He looks up at me with his eyebrows furrowed, probably not understanding what it is that I'm talking about. "The medical examination." I specify, when I notice his confusion. He lowers his stare and slowly nods his head.
"I can try and set it up for this week." He murmurs and then immediately stands up. He stops right in front of the bed, looking at me. "Want to shower with me?" He stretches his arm toward me and I quickly nod my head, grabbing his hand and standing up.
*
In the last day I had realized that Harry is pretending hard to act like he's fine. Last night, after the intense sex session I had cooked dinner for both and put on a movie. He had been extremely silent and he kept zooming out, even when I was talking to him. He just couldn't stay focused on the movie and he looked tense all the time. The night had ended with more sex, which seems like it's the only moment when he manages to take his mind off of whatever is hunting him.
Last night, he had woken up in the middle of the night, screaming and completely wet by his own sweat. He had insisted saying that he was fine and that he just needed a cold shower to cool off, but when I woke up this morning he seemed like he hadn't slept at all after that. The rest of the morning had been quite predictable; sex and more sex. I've already been through this, I know how it works and how it looks like. After that, I had forced him to shower separately and to get dressed.
"Are you ready to go?" I ask him, coming out of the bathroom once I'm done with my makeup for the day. He's dressed and sat on the bed with his phone between his hand. He nods his head and turns his head toward me to look at me.
"Where are we even going?" He playfully rolls his eyes at me. I walk toward him and I grab his hand, making him stand up by pulling at it.
"Out, to do something fun!" He wraps his arms around my waist and I wrap mine around his and I leave a peck on his full lips.
"I bet we could have more fun here, actually..." he smirks at me and he brings his lips to my neck, kissing it. I'm quick enough to push his head away from my neck.
"My vagina needs a break, Harry." I chuckle, grabbing his hand and dragging him with me out of the room. I hear him chuckling too but he doesn't say anything at all. "It's going to be fun..."
"So where are we going?" He asks again once we reach the car. Good question, I have no idea.
"Uhm... what do you feel like eating? Sushi?" I ask him, knowing well that it's what he prefers. He nods his head and at this point I start the car.
"Is the place we usually go to open for lunch?" I ask him and I see him taking out his phone to check.
"Yeah, it is!" He says after a few minutes.
"Great!" He softly smiles at me and he keeps his eyes on me while I drive. I rarely drive when I'm with him, so I'm sure that he's trying to keep count of all the things he wants me to correct. I'm not the best of the drivers, that's for sure, and I'm also sure he can't wait to point it out.
We had spent the rest of the ride in the car with Harry mocking the way I drive and I had to endure it all. At least, he has seemed way calmer compared to this morning, so I haven't minded as much as I normally would.
Once we sit down and order everything we want, he rests his hand on mine and strokes the back of it with his thumb.
"Have you called your dad to see if he can get an appointment with his doctor for this week?" While I was in the bathroom to get ready before going out, I had suggested him to call his father while waiting for me to ask him. At my question, his face immediately darkens and he lowers his stare.
"Are you sure you still want to do that?" I furrow my eyebrows at his words, not really understanding what he means with it.
"You don't?" I ask right away, trying to keep my disappointment away from him at his words.
"I just think that maybe I shouldn't have had insisted that much..." he shrugs his shoulders and finally looks up at me. His eyes are filled up with a mix of sadness and some sort of worry.
"Yeah, if you didn't want to until the start maybe you shouldn't have had insisted..." I push my chair to stand up from the table as quickly as I can, trying to fight the urge to cry right here and now. He's quick enough to grab my wrist to stop me from walking away.
"I'm going to the bathroom!" I tell him, pushing his hand away and he doesn't insist this time, he just lets me walk to the bathroom as fast as I can.
I'm quick enough to lock myself inside, before any tears can fall from my eyes. I'm not sure if it's just a phase, because of what happened, I just feel incredibly hurt. I was ready to do this step with him, I had to fight off so many fears and ghosts from the past to get to this decision and now the idea of giving up just feels like digging a hole into my chest that is going to be hard to fill up.
I quickly dry up my tears, not letting them go down enough of my face to ruin my makeup. I don't want to make it even harder on him, considering what he's already dealing with.
I go back to the table with the intention of forcing myself to act like nothing has ever happened. He immediately grabs my hand on the table, probably imagining my bad humor.
"I'm gonna call him when we go back home." He says right away. I look up at him, to check whenever he's being serious and really means it. He doesn't seem insecure, he seems actually very sure of what is coming out of his mouth and it makes me wonder if he's only doing it for me.
"I'd like to know if there's a possibility, despite the fact that we want or don't want to have a child." He nods his head at my words and he stretches his hand to reach my cheek to caress it.
"I want you and everything you want." He tells me, looking at me right in the eyes.
"We're not talking about a new car or a house, it's a child, Harry. And I need you to be 100% sure of it." He takes a deep breath and nods his head, but before he can say anything at all, we're interrupted by the waiter bringing our plates to the table.
"The hot rolls are on their way." The waiter tells us, after resting even the last plate on our table.
"Thank you so much!" I smile at him and he walks away right after. I'm not sure I want to bring back the conversation, so I just stay silent, to see if he decides to do so.
"I'm sure..." he tells me, reaching for my hand across the table. My lips immediately curve into a smile at his words and just like that he completely changes my mood all over again. If my stomach had completely closed off a few minutes ago, now I feel my hunger suddenly back again.
The rest of the afternoon had gone by walking around the city and various shops, and he had insisted to buy me a pair of sandals from Alexander Wang I had been wanting to buy for myself for a while.
When we arrive back home it's already dinner time. We always take a while, with all the traffic, to go from Washington back home.
"What do you want to eat?" I ask him, walking straight toward the fridge. "Is chicken with vegetables ok?" I ask him, checking what it's left. We really need to go grocery shopping tomorrow.
"Yeah, it's fine!" He tells me and then he takes his phone from his pocket.
"I'll go make the call..." I nod my head at him and he walks to the other room, probably to talk on the phone without noises coming from the kitchen and me cooking.
He comes back once I've chopped all the vegetables and sits down on the stool of the counter, right in front of me.
"We have an appointment on Friday... we can stay in New York until Sunday, so that Andres doesn't have to come all the way here." I can't help but curve my lips into a wide smile. I temporarily leave my vegetables just to run toward him to hug him and thank him. He holds me tight and then he kisses my lips, matching my smile with his.
"I was thinking about something..." he starts saying, bringing one of his hand to my face, to push away a lock of my hair from it and adjusting it behind my ear, while his other arm surrounds my waist. "What if we leave for New York earlier? I could spend some more time with Andres like that..." I immediately nod his head at him, unable to think of something better. He really needs it for sure and maybe spending time with Andres will help him even more to take his mind off of what happened.
"Yeah, of course, we can leave whenever you want." I take his face between my hands and then I bring my lips to his, while his arms surround my waist.
"What about tomorrow in the afternoon? Would you be able to pack in time?" I nod my head right away, to his question.
"Yeah, of course!" He smiles at my excitement and I can tell that, somehow, I'm infecting him too with it.
"Ok, great! I have to call Cielo to tell her." I nod my head at him and he stands up from the stool to go to the other room to make the other call without any kind of bother, so I go back to the dinner I have to make.
Once he comes back, after the call, he seems in a very better mood. He helps me finishing cooking and with setting up the table for two. He even lights up two candles to set up a nice vibe for our dinner, so the rest of the evening just goes by very peacefully and I only hope that the night will be just as good.