Chapter 31
Shane's Point Of View
My head moves faster than I thought possible as I hear something loudly hit the floor. She went to answer her phone that wouldn't stop ringing. My feet before I realize it as I start to see my love begin to wobble, she begins to trip over her feet.
"Alex!" I yell as she starts to fall backward, my hands hold her waist lowering her down slowly. I sit down and lift her body, so her head is resting upward on my shoulder. "Alex, baby wake up," panic begins to set in. What happened? "Mom, can you get a cold face cloth?" She scurries, doing as told. Hold her hand in mine I grab her phone off the floor, the call is still going, and by the caller ID, it says it's her father.
"Anyone there? Alex?" A voice comes from the phone.
"Hi its Shane, what happened?" I ask worry in my voice, Alex has never done this before and worry is really setting in now. Mom comes down and dabs her face lightly.
"Shane, it's Carrie, things are going bad," by the way his voice slightly trembles make realize why Alex is now in my arms unconscious. "She isn't going to last much longer, maybe a week if that, she's not allowed to leave the hospital,"
Looking down at my girlfriend in my arms, my heart aches for her. She begins to grumble incoherently in my arms. "Can we call you back? She fainted," he quickly complies as we both hang up. Mom is still dabbing around her face, tears falling down her face. I'm not sure why though, does she know about her family? A squeeze on my hand shoots me out of my thoughts and makes me face Alex. Her eyes are full of confusion.
"What happened?" I hear a small voice ask, I don't bother to turn to see who it is I already know it's Marcus. Mom puts the cloth on my leg and gets up and explains to him that he should stay upstairs.
"Shane," Alex mumbles below me, kissing her forehead, I hug her tightly.
"It's okay, you're okay," I give her a small smile, her small hand runs down my jaw.
"Where are we?"
"We're at my mom's, we'll be going home soon," I promise her, she looks around, hand still clamped to mine. It's as if she remembers everything that has ever happened in her lifetime, look at her the expressions changed drastically in under a few seconds. Her sobbing is loud and I know she can't hold it back, I don't blame her she has been through too much. Alex's body is trembling against me as if she was cold.
"It's all because of me," she cries over and over again. Her tear stained face is resting on my shoulder, my arms are wrapped tightly all around her. Mom walks back into the room with confusion in her eyes. My eyes are even welling up with tears. I absolutely hate when she cries this much. Fixing her in my arms, I stand and bring her the living room. Putting her down on the couch, I ask mom to sit with her while I get Marcus' and Chelsea's car seats out of the car. She quickly does as I asked and gently runs her hand up and down her back, her head falls and makes soft contact with my mother's shoulder.
Exiting the front door I open the Range Rover, getting the car seats out as fast as possible. Getting back inside I drop both of the seats next to the front closet making my way back to the living room. When I walk in Alex is still crying hysterically, moms eyes wide and worried. I get on my knees in front of her and she looks up, making complete eye contact with her tsunami eyes. "We're going to get going, okay," she nods, agreeing easily. Taking both of her hands in my own, I help her fragile body up, she leans against me her cries slowing down. My arm wraps around her waist tightly, walking slowly with her to the front door. she slips her small shoes and waits for me to tie my own. Mom goes and hugs her tightly telling her that it's going to be alright. Taking my hand in hers, mom follows us to the truck, I open the door for Alex she quickly gets in. Before closing the door I give her a small peck on the lips.
Turning to mom she looks stressed, "what happened Shane?"
"Her mom has stage four cancer, she has had it for a while. That was her dad that was calling her, saying that her mother is in the hospital," I run my hands over my face multiple times sighing. She states that she had no idea, when they were here a few weeks ago she looked fine. After agreeing with her I hug her telling her I'll talk to her soon.
"Let me know what's going to happen," I nod, getting into the driver's seat, as soon as I shut the door I turn to look at my beautiful. Her cheeks are bright red from the salty tears that fell from her precious eyes. Her lips are trembling, her eyes squeeze shut trying to not allow any more tears fall, though it doesn't work. Small droplets fall staining her cheeks more. Both my hands go to her cheeks wiping them softly, although my hands aren't that soft as soon as her eyes flicker open it looks as though she appreciates it. Her blue-green eyes are blurry, she lets out a sad sob before mumbling that it's her own fault.
"Alex, listen to me," her sad eyes meet mine making my heart beat a lot faster than it ever has before I met her. "You can't change what is happening, okay? It's not your fault, please baby," I beg, my voice faltering. She takes my hand in her small own, squeezing it tightly.
The drive home was probably more difficult than it should have been, Alex trying to hold back cries. Once I put the truck in park, she takes very deep breaths with her head resting back on the seat, her beautiful eyes closed. Kissing the top of her hand, quickly unlace our fingers, getting out and running around the vehicle. Opening the door for her, she gets out almost forgetting her purse. She chuckles softly as I pull it over my shoulder. Walking over to the lift, I shake my head at myself. Months ago I never thought I would be doing this, swinging my girlfriend's purse over my shoulder, craving her kiss all the time. Wanting to spend every moment with her to make her feel special.
I push the button to our floor, leaning against the wall, her head rests on my chest. Inhaling short, trembling breaths. Getting into the apartment, I go over to the couch and lay with her. Her bloodshot eyes are dully staring at the ceiling, "Tea? Coffee? Soup?" I sit up on to my elbow, her eyes flash to mine in the one second from the moment she switched her gaze from the roof to me, something changed in her eyes.
"Can I have tea with honey? Honey," a small smile creeps on to her face at the name she called me. I love it when she does that. Agreeing I shift over her, but as I'm passing over top of her I softly kiss her lips.
"I love you," she mumbles it back before I go into the kitchen getting water into the kettle. Placing it on the stove, I try and think of something else I can get her to make her smile more. Remembering that I saw her putting away pineapple, that she got from the grocers yesterday. Getting it out the container, luckily it's already cut up because I would butcher it if I had to peel it and cut it myself. Getting out a bowl, I cut the fruit into smaller pieces, jut as I finish the kettle begins to whistle. Taking it off the stove I pour the boiling water into the cup, adding a fairly large squirt of honey by my loves request. Taking the bowl and steaming cup, I carefully walk back to her. Her eyes meet mine as soon as she notices me, her eyes are filled with tears, her facial expression expresses pain. I hate seeing her like this. Putting the cup and bowl down on the small table, I sit next to her and pull her on to my lap. Sitting sideways, her head rests comfortably against my collarbones and neck.
Loud cries fall from her precious soft lips, making an odd feeling of pain shoot through my body. My hand tries to comfort her by running my fingers slowly up and down her back. "Why does it have to be her!" She whispers varies throughout because of her uneven. My eyebrows furrow, but before I can ask what she means, she cuts in. "He was the one that always hurt me," the words tremble from her lips and I understand. She would rather her father die than her mother. Alex wants to believe that the not so great people should die first, following the little bit better people. The worst part I always wished for my father to die before my mother. When I was younger I believed my mother's death was unthinkable, it was impossible. But when I was younger my father wasn't a nice man, her hurt me once but he hurt my mom all the time.
"The world isn't fair, but you can't be angry with your father Alex. He doesn't want this for your mother, he doesn't want this pain for you," I try and softly explain and cries some more. My hand has a mind of its own as it tangles its self into her soft blonde hair.
"Shane he hurt me all the time," her tear stained face turns for me in front of mine, my heart pains and hurts at her words. "He hurt me until I couldn't scream anymore," anger begins to rise within me.
"Think about it this way, that's in the past. I know it's hard to forgive, but you don't have to forget, we all know we want to forget something in our past, but we have to move on," I sigh at the end, trying to figure something else to say, at least she's almost stopped crying now. "Don't be angry with your father now, he is probably just as devastated as you are."
My stomach feels sick thinking about Alex as a young child, crying as loud as she can because of pain her own dad caused to her by his own hands. My mother's pained face falls into my mind, her arms resting on the countertop of the island in the middle of the kitchen, dry tears rest on her cheekbones. Her hands in her hair, as I walk into the kitchen, dad walked out, telling me when we put you to bed, stay in bed. I couldn't have been older than seven, explaining that I was thirsty, my father chose to ignore me and walk past me. My eyes met my mothers and she gave me a small smile, getting out a cup and getting me some water.
My thoughts fall back into the back of my mind, as Alex reaches for her cup of tea. Holding her side of she doesn't fall off of me as she's grabbing it, she moans great fully at the warm liquid. "Thank you, Shane," her wavering voice tells me. Kissing her cheek, I mumble anytime my love.
In all honesty, I never saw myself staying with one girl, I wanted it all in life, I still do. But all I know right now is that I'm crazy in love with this girl and I want to spend life with her. I'm not going to tell her that quite yet, that is a little too early. Kane even said it was a little early to know that we were in love, but I tried to explain to him that I knew, but words aren't good enough to explain what I feel for her. It's almost as though my heart wants to explode every time I see her smile when I hear her laugh, it is all so painful, but it's all so satisfying. I wanted it all before I met Alex, I still want it all, but my all is now very different. I know Alex wants children, we've never discussed this but I just know, the way she treats Marcus and Chelsea makes me crazy. She's so careful and helpful with them, kids were never apart of my life plan, but now I would do anything to make her smile. At the thought of a small child, that both of us put our efforts into makes me feel so excited it's something I never felt before. Alex is everything I could have dreamed of if I had the perfect girlfriend, she is just perfect to me. She tells me she doesn't understand why I believe that I tried to explain but it was difficult. I said, your mind is only focused on the negative things about yourself, I only see the positive and from there you just have to believe. To be completely honest it was probably one of the sappiest things I've ever said, but I can't help but feel that I would say that a million times over and not care one bit about what others thought about it.
The loud laughter of the television gains my attention, before changing to Alex. Both my arms are wrapped around her torso tightly, while one of her hands rest on my forearm and the other is in the mug. She stretches over and grabs the bowl of pineapple, setting it between her stretched out legs across the couch. She takes a piece and places it in her mouth, grabbing another piece after she's done that one, turning to face me more. She has now placed her empty mug on the table. She puts the fruit between her teeth so most of it is still exposed. As she straddles my lap, she leans in for me to take a bite of the pineapple. As I do we both break into giggles, pecking her lips as she chews the fruit.
She lays back down after that, the clock shows that it is nearly six o'clock. Her sigh is loud and attention-grabbing, my eyes meet her own and it looks as though she seems to be in distress. "What am I suppose to do?"
The question catches me off guard. What is she suppose to do? She'll probably want to go to Italy to see her mother, for most likely the last time. I don't think I can get off work either, the shop has been busy lately and I have lots to catch up on. "What do you mean?"
"I mean like I have to call my father back, I think I have to go there. I need to see her," her voice is rushed and panicked. My fingers lace into hers and our eyes meet again.
"Breath baby, I know you're scared but we can call your father right now if you want?" My voice comes off as a whisper and her body relaxes into mine. Her simple nod makes me reach for her phone that is resting on the coffee table. Opening it I go to her recent calls and call her father back.
He picks up after two rings. "Hello?" He answers.
"Hi dad," her voice wavers in her tone but she squeezes my hand tightly waiting for her father to continue.
"Oh Alexandra, I'm glad you're alright now," I can tell by the way he says it he has his mind on other things.
"Yeah, I'm okay now." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "What's happening with her?" She wastes no time getting to the point. He body is sitting between my legs as her right-hand holds the phone her left on is conjoined with my own. While my other slowly moves up and down her side.
"Well her liver is failing, they don't think she has much time before everything else gets worse," his voice is fast and loud through the speaker of the phone. Alex turns to me more before sobs escape. "I know Alex, that both of us never exactly treated you the way we should have and I would do anything to take all the back, but Alexandra she's been asking for you," John's voice cracks and I know he's in tears. Alex is gripping my shirt tightly trying to stop crying out. "I'll pay for your tickets, both you and Shane can come, please Alexandra," my heart is hurting for my love that is begging me for the pain to stop.
"Book my ticket," Alex says trying to collect herself. "Shane doesn't have to come, he has to work and stuff," her eyes meet mine as my eyebrows furrow.
"Are you sure?" Her father seems unsure, "how about I let you both talk about that, call me back as soon as you know," with those last words the line goes dead.
"I know you're super busy and stuff, you don't have to come," her eyes are red from all the crying she's been doing.
"Baby I'll do anything to be there with you every step of the way," in the moments since the call has end shes managed to turn herself around and be facing me while still sitting on my lap.
"But I know you're so busy Shane, you can't just drop everything just because there's something wrong with my family who is across the world,"
"But I love you and I'll do anything to make you happy," I run the fingers through her hair.
"I love you too," she makes our lips connect but she pulls away all too fast. "I wish I had a normal family,"
"But then you wouldn't be the person you are today,"
"Exactly I would be happier about myself, Shane the only happiness lately in my life is you and Shanelle," her eyes shut tightly before she lets out a long breath. I have no idea how I'm supposed to respond to that so I just pull her in for a tight hug. "I think I need to do this alone, I need to face this problem alone," the tone of her voice surprised me, yet makes me proud at the same time.
"Are you sure babe?" Fear comes over me, she is going to be across the world in no time, and she is going to be able to do whatever she wants without me stopping her. My worst fear is coming true, what if she tries to end her life? As she reaches for her phone to call her father back, my heart sinks into my stomach at the thoughts that are flying through my head.
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A/N
First of all, I am truly deeply sorry that it has taken me this long to update. I've been extremely busy. I was trying to update before I left for vacation and then I didn't have time, then I went out to my friend's cabin until yesterday. Then today I got extremely sick and decided that I should try and update anyway even though I'm puking my guts out. Also, this chapter was very hard to write, so I'm sorry, because for one- it is in Shanes POV. Secondly because of personal problems. BUT ITS DONE And OVER WITH. Although we all know that the next couple chapters are not going to be easy.
So kik me if you want, I'm quite a boring person but if you want to hear whats going on in my life right now, message me. Also if you need any help with ANYTHING. Message me cause I'd love to help out. message me at@ xxforeverandalways