Happy 4th 😘
Day 69
I can't believe it's been almost a month since I had any sort of pills. I dare not say I'm proud of myself. At least not yet. Don't want to jinx it, you know. I will say that don't I feel like I need them anymore. Which is an accomplishment within itself in that short amount of time. Everyday gets a little easier. The weight I once felt, lighter.
Aleen asks me often what I think is the ultimate reason I'm able to better to control my feelings. She says my 'new approach' to situations that were once irritable to me are not all attributed to the techniques she or even Mama A taught me. I told her first, that my feelings are not fully under control. But, I don't let..certain things bother me as much as they use to. I'm more tolerant.
Aleen is optimistic; enthusiastic that things are looking for the better. She's just hoping that whatever I'm doing is not a quick fix like before with my pills. Or, that I'm doing what she says I did with my weight loss and wearing make-up. Using them as distractions or masks. First, those things weren't distractions in my eyes. I lost weight and I became a fan of make up. Big deal!
I think Aleen in her job capacity is just over analytical. Shit is what it is. I'm not perpetrating or being fake in my new outlook on life by supposedly masking some inner feelings that I haven't or don't want to deal with. That's crazy. Besides, what feelings would I hide...
"Come on, Ivi. We're going to be late!"
"Coming, Mama A." Ivi yelled from her bathroom. She hurriedly applied the last touch to her eyelashes and gave herself a once over in the newly installed mirror inside her bathroom. She fluffed her loose, body wave curls, smirking at her reflection, before exiting out.
Ivi teetered down the stairs, not as comfortable as she liked, in the heels Mama A insisted she wear with the floral print dress they selected at JCPenny the day before. The store selection for the outfit was a comprise between Ivi's choice of Target and Adele's of Nordstrom's. The two went back and forth for hours yesterday about where to purchase Ivi's attire for today's special event.
"You will not be rocking your shabby chic, hobo fashion on your boyfriend's big day. I simply won't allow it!" Adele said, thumbing through the racks at the store.
Ivi giggled to herself, thinking back on Adele's rant. She wasn't offended by Adele's critique of her eccentric style. She knew her taste in clothing was different, and not just because she could purchase her desired clothing items under $5 most times. Ivi knew Adele just wanted everything to be special for her grandson's day.
Asher was being rededicated back to God today; whatever that meant, Ivi thought. She'd heard of big occasions for kids in church, but nothing like this. She was familiar with kids being christened and getting God-parents, or being baptized. Ivi sighed, remembering when she was baptized. It was one of the last memory's she had with her father...Ivi shook her head, not wanting to reflect. It was no point to. She was cool with being in the now.
"You look so beautiful..." Adele said turning around at the sound of of Ivi's heels clicking against the hardwood floors at the bottom of the stairs, "...Asher's gonna wanna eat you up!"
Ivi smiled, happy that Mama A had allowed her to even be included in the festivities, like she was apart of the family. It meant a lot to her, especially after the incident. Ivi was more than grateful to be giving another chance. She wouldn't take it for granted. "I'll probably be the one doing the eating with his handsome self."
The two hopped inside Adele's freshly washed and detailed Range Rover, and head to God's House of Prayer. The radio played a nice melody by Travis Greene as they road along the highway. "How's Aleen? She still feeling under the weather?" Adele asked, switching lanes to have easier access to her exit.
"She says she is. When I talked to her on the phone yesterday, she still sounded weak." Ivi answered.
"And you said she's been dizzy and hasn't been able to keep anything down?"
Ivi nodded with a smirk. "Yeah. She blames me, you know. Talking about all the stuff I've put her through in the last couple of months is starting to catch up with her health. She says I'm worrying her like I'm her child."
"More like she's with child." Adele said matter of fact like.
"What?" Ivi said looking at Adele confused.
"Aleen. She's pregnant."
Ivi was shocked. "You think so?"
Adele scoffed. "I know so. Honey, I've carried three babies and been there for all of my sisters gestations. She's pregnant."
Ivi shook her head. "No. Aleen just has a virus."
"A virus lasts a day, two tops. How long has Aleen been feeling like this?" Adele quizzed, turning on the road to the church.
Ivi shrugged. "Bout two weeks."
"My point. She's pregnant. Give her about two more weeks and she'll start showing. With her frame and height, she'll show earlier than someone who has child bearing hips." Like you, Adele said to herself, not wanting to freak Ivi out. Adele was glad the conversation had switched to this subject. She wanted to do some digging.
Ivi was still trying to see Aleen pregnant. "Wow. I wonder if she knows and just didn't tell me? Or maybe she doesn't. What if Aleen turns out to be like one of those women on that show that don't know they're pregnant until their water breaks? Omg, that would be crazy! What if..."
"Do you want children, Ivi?" Adele interrupted.
Ivi's mouth shut quickly. She sat back in the plush, leather seat and gawked at Adele like she had turned into a two headed monster. "Why would you ask me that?"
Adele could sense Ivi on high alert. She eased out her response casually. To not draw any suspicion that she was probing or make Ivi upset. "Just asking. We're talking about babies and I just wanted to know if you've ever thought about having one."
Ivi sat quietly, her gaze shifting out the window. "...no."
Adele studied Ivi as she twiddle her fingers, her tell-tale sign of being anxious about something. She could feel the uneasiness pouring out of her. A few moments passed before Adele spoke again. "...well you're still young. You have plenty of time to..."
"Oh look, there's Tucker and Asher. Who's the white people standing next to them?" Ivi asked.
Adele didn't make a comment on Ivi changing the subject. She let it be. "That's Asher's mother and her family."
"Asher's half white?"
"Part white. His grandmother is. Mya, Asher's mom, is mixed. Her dad's Mexican and Black. That's her, her mom, and a few more of her relatives."
Ivi heard the disgruntled tone in Adele's voice. She wondered what that was about. "I never would have guessed that. I just thought he got his color from Detective Chalmers. That can happen you know. A kid can take on the color of his relatives and not their parents..." Ivi laughed nervously. "Listen at me..like I know something about kids."
"Right." Adele said looking at Ivi as inconspicuous as she could. She desperately wanted Ivi to tell her about the past, but Adele would give her as much time as she needed. They parked close to where everyone stood. Kia and Gregory were walking up with Travis Jr in tote. Adele checked her flawless makeup and bouncy bobbed hair before stepping out of her luxury vehicle. "Good morning, everybody."
Greetings were passed all around. Ivi was formally introduced by Asher to Mya. "Ivi! Ivi!" he yelled, wiggling from his mom's grasp. He ran and wrapped his tiny arms around Ivi's bare legs, in her mid-thigh dress, and kissed each one. "Mommy, her my girlfriend!"
Ivi was horrified to what Asher's other side of the family would say. A two year old professing to have a girlfriend?! Thankfully, they were all smiles. "So you're Ivi! I've heard so much about you. Asher talks about you all the time!"
Mya said extending her hand to shake Ivi's.
She blew out a sigh of relief shaking her hand and smiling small. "He's such a cutie." Ivi said rubbing Asher's curly head of hair while he tucked his blushing cheeks in her legs. Everyone walked into God's House of Prayer after exchanging some small pleasantries. "Where's Tripp? I thought he was gonna be here?"
Ivi forced the lump in the back of her throat down at mention of his name. The last few weeks had been...interesting, to say the least, where it concerned him. Ivi wondered if anybody saw how antsy she'd become at the instant he was brought up. She looked around to see. What she saw wasn't what she expected.
It was hard not to miss the eye roll from both Adele and Tucker at Mya's question. Some tension was obviously there. You could feel it fuming off Adele being around her. This Mya girl was trying her patience. "His flight had a delay. He'll be here before the dedication." Adele said with finality, so that no more conversation about Tripp could be had.
Ivi looked around slyly between the party of people to catch reactions. Mya was put off, but didn't say anything back. Her family, which consisted of her mother, aunt, two girl cousins and her grandmother, didn't say anything either. Kia and Greg looked to be holding back remarks themselves. Detective Chalmers gave a chasten look to Adele and Tucker...well he just looked pissed. Again Ivi wondered what the tense dynamic was about, but didn't ask.
Church starting and the thick air amongst everyone was enough to distract Ivi's mind for a little bit. Just a little bit...until he arrived. The congregation was standing, singing a hymn Ivi had never heard. Her head was in the red vinyl book, when she felt somebody bump her. "Scoot over, Freckles."
Ivi didn't have to lift her head to know who made the comment. She smelled him first. And she could make out his raspy baritone voice even over the boisterous music. Ivi flooded her eyes and slid as far to her left, away from him, as she could. It wasn't much, being that Ivi had already been sandwiched in between Greg and Detective Chalmers.
There were a lot of rows at GHOP, but they weren't long. Ivi didn't understand why Tripp had to come and sit next to her of all people. For one. And why hadn't he had the common sense to go sit on a row that had ample seating, like the one right in front of them where Tucker, Asher, Mya and some of her family sat? 'I'm not in the mood for Tripp's mess today' she thought, even though 'mess' wasn't the word she really wanted to say. Ivi wouldn't cuss in God's house, even if it was in her head.
When they tried to sit, Ivi and Tripp were almost in each other's laps. Over the last few weeks, they became...adjusted, to the radiation they felt from each other's touch. The high voltages had thankfully simmered down to just very warm pulses. Still, they unnerved Ivi to no end. How could Tripp stand it, she wondered often.
He never seemed to mind. Like now. He shoved Ivi trying to get her to make more room. She shoved him back. They started hitting each other like children, until Adele looked down at them, giving them stern eyes and talking through her teeth. "Stop it right this instant!"
Ivi looked repentant. "That's him Mama A. He's starting with me already." she said in hushed tones.
"If Thunder Thighs would cross her legs or something, I'd have room." Tripp smarted.
Ivi smacked her pursed lips before groaning. Gregory found the whole thing funny and was failing at holding in his giggles. Ivi turned to him with a glare. Her scowl became more profound when an arm and hand draped around her shoulder. She looked at the veiny hand before rolling her eyes again, mumbling. "Can't wait till this over."
"What's that's suppose to mean? You act like I'm not gonna be here the rest of the day, up under you! I told you two weeks ago what was up. Better start getting use to it." Tripp retorted.
Ivi only huffed more, remembering the conversation, or more like demand, Tripp was talking about. That 'conversation' had been the bane of her existence for the last two weeks...and probably more to come. Ivi chose not to verbally acknowledge that fateful day in the restaurant and ignored him. He noticed. "Don't nobody care about your funky attitude. You'll be alright."
Ivi crossed her legs in frustration, trying not worry about the person next to her. She pulled at the hem of her dress, so Tripp wouldn't make any further comments. It seemed to only stir him up. He leaned toward her hair, whispering through her tresses. "Ain't no point in you trying to cover up that thick meat. Everybody already saw when you walked in here with that short ass dress on."
Ivi gasped. "Don't curse in here." she said hitting him again, purposely not commenting on his second jab to her thighs. This brought on another banter between the two.
Adele's piercing eyes stopped them again. "I'm gonna separate you two!" she said shaking her finger at them.
"We gon' be good mamma." Tripp said in a sweet placating tone, gripping Ivi's shoulder for added affect. Ivi was over it. She stayed as still and quiet as possible to keep Tripp from saying anything else to her. After ten minutes of sitting like a statute, her back started to hurt. Inadvertently, she relaxed into the curve of Tripp's armpit. He chuckled, pulling her closer. "That's better. Bout time you stopped acting like you don't want to sit next to me."
"I don't." Ivi quipped.
Tripp looked dead in her face, well the side of it, until she grew a set and met his stare. His black irises gleamed with determination. "Keeping telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. We both know the truth." Ivi lost her nerve and the fight to lie in church, again not giving Tripp a response.
Besides, he was right. They both knew the truth.
The service went by pretty fast. The pastor was about 15 minutes into her sermon before Tripp leaned his head on Ivi's shoulder. "Mayne wake me up five minutes before she done."
Ivi giggled, despite her disdain for the person next to her. "Don't go to sleep in church. That's disrespectful."
"Shh I'm tired, baby." Tripp said getting my comfortable against her.
Ivi squirmed uneasy in her seat. She hated that he used the word 'baby' so freely with her as of late. "You're being blasphemous. Maybe if you would have went to sleep last night instead of partying, you wouldn't be tired."
"Gotta make that bread." he yawned with a shrug. Ivi shook her head. After minutes of silence, Ivi looked over to see Tripp asleep with his mouth open, about to drool on her. She nudged him and he woke up with abruptness. "Amen." he yelled.
Ivi burst into a fit of laughter, thankfully at a moment when the congregation was yelling back at the minister. Tripp mugged her and sucked his teeth. "I told you to wake me up five minutes before."
"How am I suppose to know when she's five minutes away from being finished?" Ivi quizzed.
"When she take Jesus to the cross and start talking about how he rose on the third day with all power in his hands, that's your cue." Tripp replied.
No sooner than he said the words, the pastor started preaching with vigor. "🎶He died...oh yes he died...and early...Sunday morning...that third day...he got up...with all power...in his hands!🎶"
"Ah hell." Tripp said removing his arm from around Ivi's back. He started straightening his clothing, and it was the first time Ivi took in his attire.
Tripp was well groomed in his black on black suit. His hair was neatly all over his head, if that made sense, with a nice line up to accentuate it. He looked...good. Ivi didn't know why he was getting himself together like he was going somewhere though.
"My breath stank?" Tripp asked her suddenly, taking her out the trance she was in, looking at him. She jerked her neck back, startled, when he blew his breath in her face.
"What the...what is wrong with you?" Ivi squawked.
"I know Pastor Marshall is gonna ask me to sing and play something during Asher's dedication. Can't be offering up praises to God with funky breath. Check me, girl!" he said blowing his breath in Ivi's face again.
Ivi couldn't stop her laughter if she tried. "You are so inappropriate. And yes, your breath does stink." Ivi lied just to get under his skin.
His breath smelled like peppermint, mouth wash...and him.
Tripp knew she was lying by the playful look on her face. He waved her off. "You ain't sh..."
"We have a dedication this morning. Would the Chalmers family please come up? And I see that the very talented Travis Chalmers III is here! Tripp, we would be honored if you would sing us a song!" Pastor Marshall said enthusiastically.
Ivi had never seen Tripp blush, even though she didn't know why he was blushing since he called that he would in fact be asked to render a selection. It was cute to see his dimpled cheeks hue. Ivi was a little on edge about Tripp's performance however. Could he sing? She'd heard the rave reviews from Pastor Marshall that first time she met her, and of course Mama A had bragged about his skills. But Ivi wondered if they were just gassing Tripp up because he was Mama A's son and Pastor Marshall might be on the bandwagon of all the others of how good looking Tripp was.
Ivi couldn't stand Tripp, but she wasn't blind.
The musician that played during the service scooted out of the way to let Tripp sit at the organ. He adjusted the mic as Pastor Marshall spoke over Asher and everyone who went up with him. She, Greg and everyone from Mya's family, expect for her and her mother, stayed seated in the congregation. Music began playing softly as Pastor Marshall began to pray. She placed her hand over Asher's forehead, fervently crying out to God about whatever she was saying.
Ivi wasn't really paying attention to her words. She was too hooked on the melodic tones coming from Tripp. He sang a song that Ivi remembered hearing when she was a young girl in church... 🎶I love you...I love you...I love you Lord today...because you cared for me...in such a special way...That's why I Praise you...I lift you up...and I magnify your name..That's why my heart is filled with praise!🎶"
By the second stanza, just about everyone in the church was screaming, hollering and crying at the top of their lungs. Even Ivi, when she wiped at her cheek, had to check herself. She was crying too. Tripp's voice was...moving. Angelic like. He sang each word like he meant it. And with Asher's ceremony going on at the same time, the moment was beyond touching. Ivi was mind blown.
"...you have a very nice voice."
Ivi had been standing to the side after church while everyone talked and hugged the whole family. Mainly Tripp. To say he had groupies was an understatement. He took countless pictures with everyone at the church. It got so bad, Mama A had to step in and tell them that this was a family event and that Tripp wasn't gonna take anymore pictures like he was at a show or something. A lot of little girls, and grown women, had their feelings hurt, but Adele didn't give one care.
Once Tripp was able to break away, he beelined right to Ivi. She shyly gave him the compliment, having not given him one before. It felt weird to say, but it was beyond truthful. The boy could blow. Tripp smiled from ear to ear and cupped the back of her neck, pulling her towards him and gently kissed her forehead. "Thank you, baby." he cooed. "Next time I sing, you going up there with me."
Ivi instantly became mortified. "Like he..I mean, no I'm not. I can't sing!"
"Look at you, lying in church. You have a beautiful voice!" Adele said, walking up to them. "You know I recorded you one time while you were singing in the bathroom and sent it to Tripp. He says you have real talent."
Ivi could have went through the floor. "Mama A! You didn't! Why would you do something like that?! I..."
"Calm down Simba. You act like you bout to pounce on my mamma in this church." Tripp joked.
"Would you address me by my name instead these stupid nicknames you keep giving me?" Ivi retorted to his crack on her red hair in correlation with the Lion King character.
"Why SC? You don't like them?" Tripp asked and turn his shoulder to avoid Ivi's punch.
"SC?" Adele asked confused.
"...soup coolers." Ivi mumbled, mugging Tripp, who was cheesing.
"Hmm. You would know about her lips, huh Tripp?" Adele said slickly, turning her attention back everyone, who were making their way towards them. Ivi thought Tripp would burn with embarrassment, like she was. Instead, his smile almost simmered as he bit the side of his lip, staring at hers. Ivi tucked her hair behind her ear nervously, looking in any direction but Tripp's.
"Tripp, there you are! I've been looking all over for you." May said, holding Asher on her hip. He was already trying to get down to get to Ivi.
She heard a low groan escape his plump morsels before he spoke. "Mya."
"I first wanted to thank you sooo much for coming today..."
"He's my nephew. Of course I was gone be here." Tripp said with irritation. Almost like he was putting Mya in her place to think that he would only come for her.
"Right.." Mya said with a shaky smile. "So everyone has taken pictures with Asher but you." she said, lowering her eyes to take in Tripp from head to toe.
Ivi almost said something inappropriate in her head to Mya's comment, but refrained because she was still in church. She wasn't imagining this. The looks on Mama A and Tucker's face of disgust, the uneasiness with the other family members and the obvious annoyance oozing from Tripp because of Mya's presence, was unmistakable. Ivi didn't want to be nosy, but she was very inquisitive to what the situation meant.
Tripp paused before responding. "Sure. Uh uh. Where you think you going? You not slick. Co'mere!" Ivi had been trying to sidestep everyone so that the pictures could be taken. She made it a few steps before Tripp wrapped a strangely, long arm around her waist and pulled her to his side. He grabbed up Asher in his other hand and ordered Kia to take the pic.
"We look like a cute little family, don't we?" Tripp cooed as they posed for the camera. Some of the people watching the exchange agreed, gassing the situation up. Ivi stood awkwardly for the first pic, especially after Tripp's words and with everyone looking at them with mixed faces. Then Tripp had her hold Asher for the next pic, while he leaned in and kissed her cheek. Ivi blushed ferociously.
Asher shoved his face away. "No, Uncle Twippp!" he said and then kissed Ivi's other cheek. The whole thing was comical.
"There. Y'all ready? I'm hungry as he..heck." Tripp said.
Mya mugged the hell out of Ivi, who hung her head from the stares she was getting from the families and the other congregants that still remained, trying to steal glances of Tripp. "Thanks. I'm going to put these in the album on my FB Page. Send them to me, Ki."
Tucker reached for Asher but he held firm to Ivi. He chuckled. "Looks like you got a tag along. I'll go get his car seat out my car."
"No. We're about to head back home to Pensacola. He can just come with us." Mya interjected.
"Weekend means 12:01am Saturday to 11:59pm Sunday. Move around, man. He'll come home when I get ready to bring him." Tucker smarted to Mya.
Mya stood stunned as the rest of Chalmers family walked away, light snickers in the air. Ivi didn't protest Tripp gripping her lower back, guiding her along as she still held on to Asher. They got to Mama A's SUV and Tuck placed his seat inside. Ivi was taken aback when Mama A said she was gonna ride with Detective Chalmers to the restaurant as she strapped Asher in.
"Wait.." Ivi said grabbing ahold to Mama A's forearm. "Who's gonna drive your car? You know I can't..."
"You don't know how to drive? I didn't know that!" Mama A said sarcastically. Ivi sucked her teeth. "Your best friend is gonna drive my truck to the restaurant."
Ivi flooded her eyes at Mama A. "Don't start, Mama A."
"What?" Adele said playful mocking.
Ivi looked to Tripp, who was walking toward the truck after getting Asher's bag from Tucker. He placed the bag in the back next to Asher and then opened the passenger door for her. "Come on, bestie."
Ivi sighed with aggravation before conceding and hopping in the car.